Who Wants To “Do It” More?
It depends, some will say.
It always depends. But there are also strong patterns.
When German college students were asked who wants sex more often, gender and length of relationship both made a difference.
In newer relationships — less than six months — 59% of men felt that they and their partners were both equally enthusiastic. But after six years only a quarter of the men still felt that way, with the men more eager. And their perceptions mirrored women’s.
Women’s declining sexual interest was matched by a greater desire for tenderness.
Curiously, interest on all sides decreased faster when couples started having sex early on, say sociologists Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker in their book, Premarital Sex in America.
Couples who began having sex closer to marriage, or after marrying, stayed interested longer. Unclear why. Here are a couple possible reasons:
Couples who are married, or about to be, are likely emotionally closer than average. Since most men and women prefer emotional connection — with women typically more adamant about this — maybe it’s not so surprising that interest stays higher in these relationships.
And for those who wait, sexuality might hold more mystery. Naomi Wolf points out that,
I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it, when it is not on tap all the time.
Perhaps she came to this conclusion after speaking to students at Northwestern University, where she asked, “Why have sex right away?” One guy explained, “Just to get it over with. You know it’s going to happen anyway, and it gets rid of the tension.”
But “isn’t the tension kind of fun” she asked? “Doesn’t [getting it over with] also get rid of the mystery?”
“Mystery?” He looked blankly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sex has no mystery.”
Who knows? Food for thought.
Posted on October 24, 2016, in relationships, sex and sexuality and tagged gender, Jeremy Uecker, length of relationship, Mark Regnerus, Premarital Sex in America, relationships, sex, sexuality, who wants sex more often. Bookmark the permalink. 32 Comments.