Reading Amber’s story made me reflect back at when my mother was in a similar situation, except this was her first husband and my father. I think many women believe that when their husband or partner shows these type of abusive signs, she tends to think that she is at wrong because he makes her feel guilty. It is sad when you grow with someone, and start to love and care for them so much that you ignore the signs. I feel like women ignore the abusive signs because they are afraid of what will happen next. However, ignoring these signs may lead to something like Amber’s situation where she felt scared that he was going to kill her if she moved an inch, or when her children would be around him it was like “walking on eggshells” because they reminded him of her ex husband. I am glad that Amber got out of this relationship as soon as he showed physical violence, and really took the time to think things through instead of getting back together with him. This is where many women make the mistake to go back into an abusive relationship because they feel they cannot live without them, or just get’s sucked back into his guilt. Amber is a very strong woman to be able to walk away because she thought about her happiness and her kids as well. Abusive relationships eventually leads to many trust issues and I do not blame Amber for feeling the way she feels. I am glad she realizes it and she has a positive mind set as things will get better.

Man, that was a scary story and I applaud her for getting out of that relationship. I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to break that cycle of thinking that everything was her fault. It is so easy to read about stories like these and notice the red flags as an outsider, but I am sure when you are in the moment, no matter how level headed you are, you will not be able to see anything. If anything, you would be trying to calm down whatever storm your abusive partner is caught up in. I feel really sad that she had to go through that and really wish her the best in whatever she does in the future. I really hope that she can overcome her abuse and come back to being the woman who she loved being before this all happened. Let her know that I’m rooting for her!

After reading this. The first thing that I want to say is pleased with that woman that can release from the man like that and i feel sorry to those events made loses her trust. The charm and the brutality of evil. Often the habit of man that we saw in fiction. The men are often expressed in jealousy and vandalism with the reason that is their love , and because it is a novel, the lives of women in fiction always happy, but in real life, the jealousy and wild. Unable to make a woman really happy. The need to occupy those who love is the basis of love in general. But these will become worse when it is above reason and appropriate. As the case of this woman, her husband don’t want her to talk with any guy. And made cause severe, quarrel. I think if he clam down and has reason. Married life would be smooth and happy more. From his actions. It made the wounded buried deep in heart of this woman. It made her become afraid to open up your heart, cheerfulness in her life had disappeared. For me,this is that very regrettable, and I hope she will be strong in some day.

I can’t even imagine having to go through something like that. The fact that anyone can be so controlling over another person is astounding. As a young woman trying to find a partner in life, I sometimes worry about being put in the same position. I like to think that if someone were to treat me like that, that I’d be able to walk away but I also know that that is easier said than done. There are so many emotions involved in a situation like this and even though someone is hurting you it’s hard to put aside those emotions. I commend Amber W. for sharing her story and reliving the horrors she has had to face to help women see what an abusive relationship looks like. It could not have been easy for her to share her story but if it helps at least one woman stand up for herself and get out of an abusive relationship, then it is completely worth it.

Interesting you brought up Chris Brown, because there was something I wanted to bring up about him for another topic. I remember you had something about our culture is set for men to suppress their emotions or only you masculine emotions such as anger and aggression. And how society sets it up like men can’t be victims especially to sex crimes and men are to be tough and stoic, etc. So letting things be bottled up which is the worse things as it can build and then at some point unleash which can cause violence from some men.

Anyway, I wonder if it’s not just seeing his step dad beat his mother that caused this pattern, but that combined with something else. I think he’s a dirtbag regardless for hitting women and not an excuse to use women as a punching bag to his anger, instead of getting help for his problems. Anyway. I head it on the radio and then read it too, it’s something Chris Brown candidly admitted on an interview before. The difference is he most likely governed by his culture like I and men are, didn’t see himself as a victim or didn’t want to, so suppressed it and while it’s seemingly gone, it must’ve lingered sub consciously and what could have brewed this deep anger he has, which I feel he does seeing the tantrums he’s had. I think the step dad beating his mother plus Chris Brown having been raped as a child.

Yep, he admitted losing his virginity at age 8. Age 8?! I’m sorry but that is rape, molestation and it was from a girl, a 14 or 15 year old girl. So now my mind thinks about that and puts it together, and well, it makes sense for Chris Brown probably not realizing his early history has anything to do with it, But where this brewing anger or hate of women might’ve originated to where he could eventually be a woman beater. I wonder if this partucular case has more to do with him being violent to women than seeing his step dad hitting his mom. It might’ve pushed him to feel it’s fine to hit women, since just seeing his step dad hit his moment might’ve made him compassionate to women until having been raped, countered that compassion and created anger so a double whammy of his step dad beating his mom but more importantly chris Brown, though not seeing it that way or covering it, was raped. The fact of his behavior and aggression to me, shows that he was raped and he wasn’t okay with it for the fact of his anger and behavior to come. Speaking of it, this is from huffingtonpost which does have good articles sometimes. I like how they explained things that I would say and don’t have to myself and kind of go with what you’ve said about patriarchy too. I’ll quote some things and then show the link.

“Chris Brown was raped, but to hear him tell it, that experience was positive, healthy. Something to brag about. “At eight, being able to do it, it kind of preps you for the long run, so you can be a beast at it.”

“And the worst part? This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this from a man.”
“Can you imagine being sexually abused and then growing up being told that this is a good thing?” And we wonder why our boys grow up sex-obsessed, equating violence with pleasure (“be a beast at it”), and imagining that rape is only something that happens to women. We wonder why they grow up hating women; women who might look like their abuser,”Boys will be boys. And boys can be hurt. We must stop viewing patriarchy as a weapon that wounds only women. To do so silences generations of victims…and often creates more.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/olivia-cole/chris-brown-virginity_b_4078223.html

Glad she left him now! It can take awhile for women to realize they are in a bad relationship and actually leave their abusive partner. My mom was abused for 4 years and although they are not together now, she is a drug addict and her life is all messed up now.

This post really hit home for me. I was in an abusive relationship for a long time. He was my high school sweetheart and we had reconnected about 2 years after high school. He was in the military and he was always very cautious of his surroundings after coming home from Afghanistan. He became physical about 6 moths after he came home. He would hit me out of nowhere and I never really understood why he would try and attack me over and over again. I lived in that condition for about a year before my family finally noticed the bruising and got me away from him. It was scary and really stupid of me to deal for so long but I had no job and couldn’t move away. I was also afraid of telling my family wondering what they would do about it. It has been over 4 years since I was with him and my life has definitely changed because of it. I am a little more weary of people but I have learned to open up and be cautious without hurting myself in the process.

After reading Amber’s sad but inspiring story, I feel that this actually exhibits some really typical elements and warning signs in terms of an abusive relationship, especially how the man, Dan, tried to manipulate and trick Amber into that trapped situation. For most of the time, an abusive relationship starts with a “beautiful” illusion. Like many abusers, Dan attempted to act really nice and sweet towards Amber, in order to push her for a quick commitment. He was extremely controlling afterwards, and also isolated her from the rest by accusing her as cheating when she went out just with her friends. In addition, the abusers took all the power from their partner, through telling them stupid and useless and making them feel powerless. Under this situation, the women who are being abused are trapped, and some are even tricked into believing that the men will change, or they themselves are nothing when they leave the men. Therefore, I am really glad that Amber eventually realized the problem and was able to escape from that abusive relationship. Although the experience changed her forever, she could start her life after leaving Dan. I hope her story helps encourage the other women, who are still being trapped by an abuser, to stand up for themselves and get away from the unhealthy relationship. Even though most of the time it is up to the women to make the decision, it would also be a great help if we provide help when they need any kind of assistance (ex. Financial or mental support).

Scary thing is how it’s all manipulation. Guys like him are able to trick women, because not only do they but on a disguise in the beginning of being nice and charming. They do a reverse psychology and mind games on the woman they are with, to make the women think it’s their fault these guys are acting this way. Victim blaming, so it starts a cycle and gets women stuck because they end up making adjustments such as moving in or getting married or having kids, that works in favor of what such man wanted in the first place and did for that very reason, So he could have control of his gf or wife or more control and make them more vulnerable. It’s so weird, because a lot of this is rooted from deep insecurity from men who internalize our culture and apparently feel weak emotions such as crying or talking about it or getting help is not the way to go, but “masculine” emotions, anger, violence, aggression is the way to go because it’s ‘masculine’. It’s also weird, because this guy is a highly successful silicon valley engineer.

What is he insecure about? Most men dream or would love to have the success he has. Men with far less success can be confident and secure, even though society bases men’s worth often times on their $ making ability, skills, etc. So it would make sense for men on the bottom of the totem pole to be more insecure and apt for domestic violence. I haven’t looked at statistics, on whether men from rough neighborhoods, poor towns/cities, are more likely or the numbers are more frequent with number of men who committ domestic abuse or not. But from what I’ve seen it seems like the difference isn’t much and men of all walks of life seem to committ domestic violence. White, black, asian, hispanic, Italian, German, old, young, poor, rich, and across the whole spectrum. Btw, that guy is a piece of shit. I wish guys would stop this shit and get help instead of let this crap linger and it manifests deeper and where women get the brunt of this frustration rooted from insecurity. Or boyfriends involed with these women get caught in the violence for being with the girl or part of it. Like with that story I posted about the colllege girl who was killed by her ex and the guy she was seeing who was with her was killed too.