Hook-up sex should be careless. You’re not supposed to:
- carefully think about whether to have sex
- choose your partner carefully
- care for your partner
Ideally, you could care less in hook-up culture, says sociologist, Lisa Wade, who has studied sex on college campuses.
- Even if both partners feel attracted to each other, not physically but emotionally, they do not tell each other that.
- The rules of the sex game is that you can never show your true feelings and insecurities to the partner.
- None of the guys here want to be my friend… just a girl that they can have a one-night stand with… After they do that, they don’t care… [They] could care less about what I do with my life or if I ever see them again. Many times afterward the guy will not say hello or even acknowledge my presence.
In this dependent-on-no-one, lonely-while-together, “you’re nothing,” mode, sex is trivialized and emotional satisfaction is disregarded, says Dr. Wade, who concludes:
The problem with hook-up culture is not casual sex, nor is it the fact that some women are choosing it; it’s the sexism that encourages men to treat women like pawns and requires women to be just as cunning and manipulative if they want to be in the game…
Fundamentally, what’s wrong with hook-up culture is the antagonistic, competitive and malevolent attitude towards one’s sexual partners.
What’s so great about care-less sex?