Guys Care About Their Looks, But It’s Complicated

Men care about their looks, tooGuys care about their looks.

Less so than girls — who are more strongly judged by their appearance. But they do care.

And no wonder, since looks are one way to gain sex, status and self-esteem. (So no surprise that Casanovas — who want A LOT of sex partners — are especially body-conscious.)

But it’s complicated. 

Guys can’t ask other guys to comment on their appearance. As Andrew Smiler explains,

Looking good presents something of a conundrum for guys who date girls. American culture positions fashion as a feminine concern and it assumes that men who are fashion conscious are probably gay because gay men are incorrectly thought to be, “gender inverted.” If you’re a so-called straight guy, this means you can’t routinely ask your male friends to comment on your clothing, and you definitely can’t ask them to go shopping with you. It also means that if you want to show off your ripped abs or comment on your buddy’s chest, you need to say “no homo” before you do so.

And body concerns are rising as ideals grow narrower.

Padded Ninja Turtle

Padded Ninja Turtle

Nowadays, boys not only see plenty of well-cut men on billboards, they can also buy Halloween costumes that give the appearance of big biceps and chests, through the wonders of padding. Or they play with GI Joe or Star Wars characters whose arms and chests have expanded over the years. Male movie stars are becoming more fit and less fat, too.

It’s all making guys feel worse about themselves.

Men who date women want to look bigger, and more muscular. Guys who date other guys are split between wanting that look and wanting a thinner, more toned body.

So some guys are turning to steroids, human growth hormone, supplements like creatine, plastic surgery, and eating disorders to gain the desired look. On that last point, guys are less likely to become anorexic or bulimic than to suffer from “bigorexia.”

And like women, guys tend to overestimate what their partners want.

Too bad that guys are mimicking girls’ body consciousness instead of girls mimicking guy’s generally more healthy body satisfaction.

Source: Challenging Casanova by Andrew Smiler

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on November 5, 2014, in body image, men, psychology and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 70 Comments.

  1. This post especially caught my attention because I have been reading a few articles about the increasing number of men obsessing over their physical appearance in East Asian countries, such as South Korea. I found the last bit of this post the most sad, knowing that men are becoming more body conscious like women instead of women becoming more satisfied with their bodies like men. I feel like our society is becoming increasingly superficial (which I believe is due to technology becoming more advanced), and it is becoming a big pressure for both men and women to worry about their physical appearances. Many will feel like they are not going to be successful if they do not look the best that they can look (which most of the time are unrealistic expectations and can lead to people taking extreme measures to achieve what they want). In South Korea, where I travel to frequently, physical appearance is of utmost importance. Over there, men obsess over their physical appearances almost as much as women do, and the obsession is growing gradually. In fact, many resort to plastic surgery before attending their job interviews to maximise their chances of getting the job.

  2. This article was interesting. Generally, girls care about their looking and it is known as manners. Guys also should be caring about their looks because if they don’t, girls don’t see them as their type. One of my friends goes to the gym and he loves to build up his muscle to attract girls.
    He really focuses on the appearance so, the muscle didn’t work for the actual use. For example, once I asked him to carry a heavy box but he couldn’t do that. However one of my female friends who were working and carrying heavy things during her work could carry it.

  3. Cristina Cibrian

    I particularly enjoyed this blog post because I often hear about how young girls and women are obsessed with their appearance. However, I rarely hear about how men are also concerned with their appearance. Some guys do in fact pay attention to the manner in which they look or dress yet it does not make them “feminine” or “girly.” I too have noticed that many “well-dressed” guys are automatically dubbed gay. I also agree with Andrew Smile when he stated that guys unlike girls are not generally able to ask their guy friends for clothing or fashion advice. I have personally heard some of my friends say “no homo” when complimenting another guy. Society has focused on clean-shaved, muscular “hot” guys in advertisements, movies and other outlets. As a result, guys are feeling an even greater pressure to achieve these similar looks. They want to be considered “hot” or “sexy” in order to “get more girls.” I also liked how the blog pointed out that women are not the only ones that may turn to drastic measures such as plastic surgeries or eating disorders to reach these appearance goals. Both males and females may feel similar pressures however, often times they are not discussed equally.

  4. It’s not just complicated, it really hurts too.

    I was bullied extensively throughout my high school years because of my weight, It nearly drove me to suicide. Bullying not just from boys but the girls too, the pretty ones. The pain was unbearable, I still carry the insecurity even today. I am in the U.S. Army, almost 5 years of service. Still bearing the emotional scars…

    Seeing most of my unit, most had the “body builder” type, (I know the physical requirement of military service but the Army is a bit flexible with fitness, as long as you meet the standards, you’re good to go.) seeing that I am a bit average, it made me jealous. I started dieting in the most illogical way possible: starving myself, I heard that by not eating you lose weight faster. (Odd thing to do since I am below the maximum limit of 173 lbs. I currently weigh 162 lbs.) I was so worried about what others thought of me, I felt that if I am not big and muscular, I am not a real man, to compound the problem, I was told that women don’t want the average type, they wanted the male model bodybuilder type, this severely inhibited me to socialize with women, in fact I have never had a girlfriend because of this, I always felt I was not good looking enough (I still feel this way.). after 5 days of starving myself, I collapsed… in the middle of morning formation. I was rushed to the hospital, I felt terrible, worrying now “What will the unit think of me now?”.

    Unfortunately I still feel inadequate about my body, I am even afraid to take my shirt off…
    afraid I will be ridiculed by every if they see my body.

    I feel pathetic…

    • I’m so sorry you had such a difficult experience.

      Unfortunately, how others see us seems to have a big effect on how we see ourselves. And some of us were unfortunate enough to not get much support. But that doesn’t mean that the bullies are right. And it certainly has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. I mean, look are so superficial.

      I hope you can find a good therapist to can help you.

      Maybe you will find these posts helpful:

      From Being Bullied to Being a Star
      https://broadblogs.com/2013/10/09/from-being-bullied-to-being-a-star/

      Believe You’re Beautiful – Others Will, Too
      
https://broadblogs.com/2012/06/04/believe-youre-beautiful-others-will-too/

    • Her husband doesn’t have curves. But he probably doesn’t experience body shame, Unlike the vast majority of women.

      • No, but I’m sure he probably aknowledges her body is much sexier than his and superior to his ha. I think that’s the point, women’s bodies are seen as so sexy, that there is a higher standard about their beauty. It’s not good because there’s a greater scrutiny, but it also means men’s bodies are regarded so lowly which is why there isn’t such attention and expectation, because it’s just a man’s body not the divine beauty of a woman’s body that is healthy. It’s not thought about too much from men, because other things men are shamed about or preoccupied with such as wealth, power, performance. If a man is not doing well, he can feel shamed and inferior like women can in regards to their body. This pressure isn’t any better on men than it is for women either. It’s most likely the reason more men commit suicide than women. While men don’t show it and talk about it or don’t seem to think about it. I think more than you know, at some point, or time to time probably think or wonder what the woman they are with if she’s fairly attractive at all, sees in his body. Well other than his dick, if the man is well endowed.

        An average man with an average body like those guys, probably doesn’t feel shamed, but probably isn’t thinking his body is a work of art when looking in the mirror either ha. He’s probably ,more aware than you think of how lackluster his body is and what women see in guy’s bodies sometimes. Just go on yahoo answers or any forum and you’ll see guys who don’t know why women aren’t lesbians, because of how sexy they see women’s bodies and how they don’t feel men or their bodies compare to an average or especially an attractive woman’s body. Straight guy’s can see women’s bodies, not all, but a good number of women’s bodies as works of art, while their bodies as simply utilitarian and performance based bodies, that are for lifting and performing, but not all that pretty or great looking especially compared to women’s bodies. That’s the same reason you’ll see men, “mock” their sexiness when put in a situation where they are asked to posed or to dance or do something sexy or provacative.

  5. I saw this picture from yahoo. An actress, I’ve never heard of her before but she’s in a popular show called “Mad Men”. There’s a picture of her in a dress and the article talking about her great curves in the dress she’s wearing. She looks great, and she’s not thin like those models you see in ads and simply a healthy looking, average woman. And yet look how sexy and desirable her body is. Her husband is in the picture and he’s an average guy and while not scrawny or anything, look at the difference. I’m glad women get the emotional attraction they do to men and allows women to get such sexual enjoyment to the men they love. But as far as visual and tactile sense goes, it seems like her husband has it good as far as sex and her body compared to her with his body. I mean va va voom. Meanwhile, he doesn’t seem to have any build really. A man has all the contours and curves and smoothe skin to lavish,even for an average female body, while a woman has what? A flat, hairy wall, that has a dick? A man that’s fit will have tone and muscle so some contours for her to enjoy, but without working out, a man’s body won’t have contours, while obviously since women are born with natural curves (boobs, hips, butt, even legs have shape too).

  6. “If you don’t like the social pattern, you should hope that it changes so that the culture stops obsessing over women’s bodies and ignoring men’s bodies.”

    Well my point wasn’t simply culture, but showing how men might not be as conscious about their body flaws like women are toward themselves. Even though men’s self worth isn’t tied solely to their bodies or like it is for women, which is why men don’t have low body esteem; there is an aknowledgment from many men that women’s bodies are simply sexier and better looking overall. This doesn’t hurt men much because men’s minds and esteem are tied about wealth, being the bread winners in society and leaders, etc than simply looking good. But its shows like the average male body thing I showed that men are aware of how untempting their bodies are to women generally, as far as the average non fit man and how the average female body just seems to win out with just more to look at and show even if the female feels she has body flaws.

    It’s probably because I’m a guy and I realize it’s not good to think this since I’m a guy, so it seems like I’m dissing myself and my own gender. But like those pictures and what I already felt, it sure seems that the average female body beats out the average male body. Those guys bodies that I showed, shows how (unfortunately) how boring it seems the must body must be to look at opposed to the average woman’s body. Sure average women may feel, they have a big butt, cellulite here and there, but many men love big butts, and the curves that come with the heavy bodies women think are unattractive but men love. Plus men like small breasts too. To put it bluntly, the female body is nicely “equipped” biologically speaking and aesthetically speaking, with curves to look at even if women don’t work out. Men aren’t naturally equipped and have to have muscle and tone, which takes working out to have something to look at. A man’s body seems pretty boring to look at like those guy’s pics I showed on the left if they don’t workout or have a build. As long as a woman isn’t really fat or skinny like olive oil, she will have a shape that many men will like and see as curves are great to men. The average male body is bland it seems, not to mention hairy,so it seems like women get ripped off in regards to sex with men considering the “goods” women have compared to an unexcercised man’s body.

    • Well since about 80% of young women have poor body image, about 80% of women don’t think their bodies are too tempting, either. Plus, they have the added burden of shame.

      • Women need to stop trying to be the best looking woman or else they’ll never be happy as there is always someone better than you. There’s always someone stronger, smarter, more talented, and better looking, etc than you. That’s just the fact of life. So you don’t have the body of the models in the magazine or tv ad. so what? Many other beautiful women aren’t. But then again these models might not have your intelligence, humor, talent, etc. The problem is women are so concerned with comparing themselves to other women, that is causes this issue. It’s hard, as I like and want to be the best as well, but I’ve realized in my life how stressful it is and not worth trying to be as good as everyone.

        You have to own and be happy with your own qualities. And if women would pay attention to how men see them and find them sexy, which is a lot, then there should be no need to feel shame in their bodies. Luckily for men, there aren’t ads geared toward men or such attention like it is to women or else men would really be shit out of luck. Men already have enough burdens and pressures, let alone feeling bad about their bodies would not be good at all. Especially, since men are ignored already as it is and don’t get reassurance of their attractivness, desirability and sexiness from women. So men would really have no reason to feel they have attractive bodies at all.

  7. Guys really do care about their looks but it is truly complicated. In the sense that if a straight man cares too much about his looks he might be labeled by his friends or society as gay. Now if they don’t care well that “normal” for them not to because society says thats a “normal” trait for men to have. Or if they do care and show interest in investing time to make themselves look better they are also labeled as “metro-sexual”. In society we are quick to label gender. Making sure that each gender is doing what they are “suppose”to do by what society has constructed that gender to do. This is oppressing not only for women because this means that women should be the only ones caring about how they look to please men or other women. But it also oppresses men in the sense that they can not do something that they perhaps want to do. Like invite a friend to shop with them or go get a manicure or pedicure because they risk them being labeled as something they are not. They are simply just taking care of themselves. Since it such a taboo in our society it is not normal to see that men care about their looks, we could and can change that if we catch ourselves when laughing or giving crazy stares when men are at a nail salon or at hair salon alone.

  8. I believe that men get fit and strive for a better body because they throughly enjoy it. It is a positive thing in our society that men want to be less fat and more fit. I believe that some men do take it too far by taking steroids , surgery, and eating disorders. Women and men are striving to fit into societies view of “perfect” but complete opposite ways. I agree that guys are mimicking girls’ body consciousness and girls should be mimicking guys more healthy body satisfaction.

  9. I feel like guys only care about their looks in response to their thoughts that they need to look good for someone, which is how a lot of girls feel when “getting ready.” I think men and women both have that in common, we pay a lot of attention to how we look to please the anonymous being that is society. We both feel that we have to look good for someone or something.

  10. The notion or theory, that straight men do not care about their appearance is outdated and does not accurately depict the society with live in; dressing nice, fashion, historically have been associated with women and only women, but that is not one hundred percent accurate with reality. We tend to believe, only gay men take pride in their appearance and spend ample amounts of time on selecting articles of clothing, when it has become universally acceptable for straight men to follow suit. Why does taking pride in your appearance a feminine thing? Society has programmed us into believing “real men” care not about their appearance, but instead place an emphasis on the level of attractiveness of their significant other; studies show women care more about the character of a man rather than the appearance, but I would be interested in researching the accuracy of those results.

  11. Its interesting to see how society emphasize on what women and men should look. A lot of times media plays an important role on both gender’s lives especially women. Women are constantly judge for how she looks and if she has met the beauty standard that society has set. I agree that men cares about their appearance as the media tries to influence both genders on achieving an unrealistic image of what they should look. Men also wants to looks presentable and accepted to society so some men have turned to steroids, plastic surgery or anything they can afford to achieve the desirable look. Its true that men can’t ask other guys regarding their appearance unlike girls who can ask their friends about their apperance. Girls are more concerned about their appearance than guys but both genders are judged and critique in the society as there exposed by the constant stream of media and social construction.

  12. I think man do care about their look and it is human nature. Everybody wants to look good and strong. In Greek culture, people admire man with beauty and muscular. All the male god and demi god in Greek culture is described as strong and muscular. There are always some people become obsessed about their look. If some women have too much plastic surgery, some man willing to use steroids, creatine and other thing that may cause them some serious problem. Also having a big and muscular body can boost their self-esteem up. When guys need advice about fashion, they mostly come to girl or older people. But nowadays, we easy have access to fashion source such as magazine, movie, and news on internet so it will be easier for man to pick the good outfit. Some man now dress good not just because they want to impress another women, they want to look good and successful in front of everyone.

  13. Why make it complicated? The blog is so very true, for example, my boyfriend is so much of those guys that want to be big and muscular. He even turned to steroids to accomplish what he wanted. After a while I asked him why he did so and he said because he wanted to “look good” for me; afraid that I’ll leave him for another man more muscular. He also looks down upon those men who don’t work out. Therefore, I explained to him that no matter his body size I will always love him and I feel like a lot of men don’t understand that; which is why they tend to compete a lot when they’re in the gym. Lucky, he stopped using steroids. Also, every time my boyfriend and I do go out shopping he asks me to help him chose his clothes. Something I notice he doesn’t do when we go shopping with a group of friends. He also doesn’t like shopping unless it’s with me. Something I notice when we do go shopping is that when he sees other men shopping by themselves he’ll comment and say “gay” or “fag”. All this things I’ve had to learn from him and also make him understand that just because others do things differently than him doesn’t make them gay. But yes, men make things complicated because they are afraid to seem gay.

    • Any man who is afraid of being perceived as gay is very very insecure with his sexuality. Period.

      I am a hetero male who has been around many gay men. I have even been to a gay bar for a birthday party. I am also a very conservative man. But, I am very self confident in my sexuality. Your boyfriend is not.

      Also, confident men do not allow their women to choose their clothing. That to me is just plain weird and always has been. A confident man knows style and class. He has his own sense of each. While I am no longer married, my then wife never selected my wardrobe. Never.

      I am a very sharp dresser. Everything custom tailored including shirts. I don’t do stripe ties. Too boring! I get lots of compliments from women on my dress, especially shirts and ties. There is nothing more boring than a white shirt (button down especially) and a stripe tie.

      Your boyfriend is a very insecure man. I find it laughable that a man who cannot shop for himself or pick out his own clothing has the gall to call another man gay.

      Lastly,

      “I feel like a lot of men don’t understand that; ………”

      The reason is because most women will leave….Just a fact of life. Men leave women too. He needs to grow up and understand this aspect of life.

      I have worked out for over 25 years. I have seen many young guys like your boyfriends in the gym. A lot of them are indeed gay. Big deal? Maybe this is what has him so insecure?

  14. When I was around 24-26 years old, I went to the gym twice a day 4 times a week, ate healthy, had fresh haircut, and bought expensive clothes. At first I went to the gym a lot because I was bored and while going out at night I always had compliments of how fit I was so, I started to workout more religiously. I did for myself because I looked good to me so it made me feel good and as a added bonus I got more attention from females. I didn’t have some set goal from the media how I should look but I wanted to make myself feel better by being fit physical which made me mentally fit. So with media having a set look that people should achieve it isn’t a bad thing because it causes people to be more healthy it is a bad thing when people abuses it just like with anything. Too much of anything is bad for you!

  15. It’s interesting to think about, with men being the ones who are body-conscious and aware of the way they look. I feel like many of us don’t really consider this because women are the ones who are subjected sexually by both men and women and expected to look a certain way. I doubt men are often judged by other men on the way they look or compare their bodies physically whereas women are often judged by other women on their body or clothes and most of the time compare themselves to others. I think its really important for everyone to have a healthy body image and to be accepting of what their and their partner’s body looks like. It’s what’s inside that counts, right?

    • Yes it is. And I think you’re right that guys don’t have to worry about being judged by other guys in terms of looking good. They have a different problem of not been able to get much feedback.

  16. “I don’t mean to say that women don’t like fit bodies. But they prefer a fairly average build that is toned over big muscles. Brad Pitt doesn’t have big muscles but he is toned. Women prefer the men you see in Cosmo over the men you see in Men’s Health.”

    But there are a lot of guys, who are neither, so the average body in that sense not really noticed shirtless at the pool or beach. Then again can’t blame them, as unfortunately a regular man’s body who doesn’t really work out, is kind of bland to see it seems. So no wonder it doesn’t really grab women’s attention as there isn’t anything to look at. I’m talking about the “office cubical, doesn’t workout male body” or skinny but chubby at the same time. The average, have a little pot belly from some beers but doesn’t workout much so slime other wise. I can’t believe I looked this up, but here’s an example.

    The picture of the guy’s on the left, are bodies many men have and what I was talking about as far as the beach and pool goes. Gotta give them props for getting in shape as can see from the after picture. But many men I’m talking about, they’re bodies are like the left picture. I don’t see tone from the left side pictures, whereas, tone is seen on the right. The guy’s whose bodies are like on the left, I don’t really see getting glances at the beach whereas, guy’s bodies more like the right will or maybe with a little more muscle. Then again, it seems like a woman doesn’t have to work out to have a body worth checking out though. As even if she’s not slim, women usually aren’t flat chested right? So boobs, butt, legs. What can women check out if men don’t have really any muscle or tone? Guy’s have to workout or lift or both to get such a body. Women just cardio and not cardio if they are already slim. A guy can be slim, but still not have anything to look at, because guys don’t built in features.

    • Yes, but that’s true for women too. Not all women get eyes on them. And a lot of them don’t want eyes on them.

      • Not exactly. Women don’t seem to have eyes on them when they are at the beach or pool and hot women with great bodies are there too. Then, yes guy’s will break their necks looking at those women. But men will still notice the average female bodies there too though just not like or attention to them as the hotter ones. That’s natural, people will pay more attention to the better looking person. But the difference is like I said is while maybe not all women get eyes on them like really heavy girls or fat ones, there seems to be more women and more body types that men will visually appreciate at the beach than women and men’s bodies.

        You sure a lot of women don’t want eyes on them? They don’t want guys staring and gawking, but many women are aware that guys will check out their bodies. It’s more of a matter of men glancing or being more discreet than staring. Looks can play a role too. An ugly man glancing at a woman’s body, she might not like it. A good looking, fit guy glancing at her body and she sees it, she might smile and take it as a compliment. I try to be discreet but I know some have caught me glancing and none have ever been bothered and some smile. But like I said, I don’t stare and try to be respectful too. I do look, but it’s quick, and sometimes corner of the eye. Girls might not like eyes on them, but I’m sure many guys would like eyes on them, especially guys with the average bodies I’ve talked about which seem ignored by many women at the beach.

      • I’m sure that most girls and women like to be noticed and appreciated, as opposed to being stared at and made uncomfortable.

        If you don’t like the social pattern, you should hope that it changes so that the culture stops obsessing over women’s bodies and ignoring men’s bodies.

        But you should be careful what you wish for. Added cultural attention leads to more depression, Eating disorders and a host of other problems because you start getting overly body conscious.

      • “If you don’t like the social pattern, you should hope that it changes so that the culture stops obsessing over women’s bodies and ignoring men’s bodies.”

        Don’t you think it is much deeper than this?

        Most women find MOST men unattractive. very few women I have discussed this issue with disagree. So, this is why most men get ignored.

        To paraphrase Yankee Yogi Berra on Yankee fans not coming to the ballpark, “I don’t know how you’re going to stop ’em.”

        If men want female attention, then they must re-make themselves as superior looking men. Hit the gym, lose weight, dress better, possess some charm and confidence. Only conventionally attractive men are exempt. They already get a lot of live action, period.

        There is nothing men can do to change the social pattern. This is squarely in the hands of women. Until women change THEIR view(s) of male attraction, all we men can do is make ourselves more attractive to women by making individual changes.

      • That’s not true.

        Our society is shaped to make women the attractive ones, the sex objects, The sexy ones… However you want to put it. Including giving women much more to work with in terms of fashion, makeup and hair styles.

        Our society also represses women’s sexuality, Leaving the much pickier.

        And all of this stems from patriarchy.

        It all has an effect.

        But if you just blame women you don’t have to deal with the patriarchal system. You can work to keep male privilege and blame women for the problems it causes.

      • I terms of the big picture, you are right. I just question just how much is really due to patriarchy . Is racism the primary cause of the ills of Black America? Possibly. But, there is a large aspect that is poor individual choices and behavior. What does racism have to do with large numbers of Black men abandoning their women to raise kids alone. To me nothing. So, when I look at much of the behavior of a lot of women, I do not see this behavior as driven by patriarchy. Rather, this is bad individual behavior. Yes, you are 100% correct about the beauty pressures placed on women. It’s sad that a woman just cannot look and be as God made her.

      • Black men abandoning their children is very much about racism.

        The US has historically discriminated against blacks so much that they are much more likely than other groups to end up in poverty. That is depressing in itself. Now add sexism that privileges men. Men feel like they are supposed to be able to support their families and be #1. but too many black men can’t be that. Many respond by turning to crime, Which ends them up in jail. Many respond by trying to feel powerful in other ways — like joining gangs. That leads to jail or to death. And then there are drugs to ease the pain. All of these things leave a lot of black men abandoning their children. And both racism and sexism lie behind the pattern.

        So yes, there are both individual choices and cultural patterns. Who we are is a mix of our personality, Our culture, And our social interactions — some of us were lucky to be blessed with supportive people in our lives, And others of us not so much.

  17. I do agree that women care about their appearance more then men because we are judged by looks, but I believe men are also judged just as much as we are. It’s sad how one can’t even compliment another without seeming “gay”. Or can’t simply go shopping with a friend. Our society has gotten into our heads too much and I believe both men and women should be able to do and say what they want when they want no matter how gay they seem. They simply care about their physical appearance and there is nothing wrong with that what so ever. Tv shows, movies, billboards and so on are just creating unrealistic images for many men and even women. Don’t get me wrong, seeing a good looking guy is always good to see but there is nothing wrong with seeing a chubbier male playing a role in a certain movie. We shouldn’t let society decide what classifies someone as gay or not. Be yourself and ask questions. If your friends call you gay and make fun of you, maybe they’re not your real friends after all.

  18. It’s true that guys also care about their appearance and like Andrew Smiler said many guys can’t ask other guys the question “How do I look?” Many guys want to look like the models in movies, tv, ads and magazines. They want to be accepted into society and they will do anything thats in their hand. They can’t rely on their friends to tell them how they look unlike girls have friends who tell them how they look good. Guys want to be reassured that they look good, presentable to society even if it means that they have to take steroids in order to achieve that. Its sad what they have to go through they shouldn’t be criticized about their weight, height or looks. I’ve heard guys say that girls can hide their imperfections with makeup and they can’t so their screwed. We can say that society has almost everything to help women change their appearance and not as much for men.

  19. Check out the video.

    A Korean made a list of her favorite Korean actors and put it on Youtube. Looking at the comment and the likes it gets, you can tell most Korean agree with her. The actors in the video are fit and definitely not fat, but are they muscular? Not really. As a matter of fact, they even look so feminine with their skin color, flashy clothes and long hair etc. I believe people from outside of Korea might not like this video that much. In the article, it mentions that men want to look bigger and more muscular to attract women (or women love it?) but it could be a different story in another culture.

  20. I definitely think that girls care more about their apperance than the typical guy but I have never had to say “no homo” before complementing a guy ahha. It’s not like I would go up to a random guy and complement his arms. However, if its a friend who i have seen making positive changes in his apperance i will have no problem complementing hom on it

  21. I agree that men are also concerned about their looks but they are not so much concerned as women do since men’s wealth, intelligence, skills also are widely acknowledged and are admired. In my home country, a man who has more skills and wealth may be more popular than the man who only has good looking. Therefore, a man’s good looking is a plus but not a must. Especially for the men who have been graduated from the school, their looks are less important than their skills, their knowledge and assets. However, there are different rules for women. That’s why there are so many cosmetics and exercises for woman to make their appearance and body beautiful.

  22. Sure women like men or prefer men of different body types or don’t care as far as who they are attracted to or want to date. Some women prefer chubbier guys and others like the very skinny guys. But this is different. Like I’d have to ask, as it seems did these women visually enjoy or turned their head looking at the chubby guys or skinny guys bodies before they knew them, when they saw them shirtless at the pool or beach? While girls don’t stare usually or it’s obviously different compared to how men are when they see a hot girl in a bikini. But I’ve experienced it and seen it. Women do check out well built men shirtless and do check out and appreciate it and it gets their attention. I’ve seen women check out well built men shirtless at the beach, but very rarely see girls checking out that no build, average joe, the skinny guy and the fat guy. That might date him and what not, but there isn’t anything from their body that seems to catch the women’s attention and the guys bodies just blend in to the other nothing to look at men there shirtless with no build.

    • Sure, Women will notice an attractive male. They just don’t fetishize him because they haven’t been taught to by the society.

      • They do? Men with average bodies seem to be invisible at the beach shirtless compared to the more fit, buff guys. Sure women aren’t staring because like you said men’s bodies aren’t fetishsized, but women do check out the fit men who are shirtless, whereas, guys with not much muscle or tone, kind of don’t get checked out.

      • I don’t mean to say that women don’t like fit bodies. But they prefer a fairly average build that is toned over big muscles. Brad Pitt doesn’t have big muscles but he is toned. Women prefer the men you see in Cosmo over the men you see in Men’s Health.

  23. Well, society influences a desire of an unreal body perfection from both genders. Mostly from women we have anorexia , bulimia and oder crazy eating disorders and from men obsession with fitness, lack of confidence etc. I just wonder when this madness will ever stop. People are so focused on their look they forget the most important :humanity ! Men should know there is no specific bosy type for women , each woman is different , we all need to stay healthy and ourselves to find somehow our significant others.

  24. For example, have women in bikinis and told to pose for a photo shoot. Sure many women will be self conscious of their bodies, in skimpy wear, but I don’t know if its the same as for men. Think of the average man and these men told to wear something skimpy, like a speedo or say briefs. Many guys are going to feel they look stupid in such clothes showing their bodies and this does not look good. Yes, you can say it’s because its seen as gay. But I don’t think speedos look gay or more guys don’t think its gay as many male swimmers wear them as it creates less drag when swimming. I think many just see their bodies not looking so great and stupid in such clothes. It can make a man feel stupid in clothes or to dress sexy, when his body is not attractive enough or sexy enough to get attention from women anyway. The way guys handle such stuff is mocking themselves or their buddies for the uncomfortable situation. Many guys in that situation or I would be thinking “why am I wearing this?” “Who’d enjoy seeing this other than gay men?” “I look stupid in this”. Seeing the other dudes wearing the same brief or short swimming shorts think “yeah the male body is kind of goofy”. It does feel that way since women can look good if fit with wearing all types of skimpy clothes. The male body unless built like a greek god, can’t really pull of speedos. The male body has to be in peak condition to pull of such stuff.

    Then you can’t forget, the things guys don’t talk about but embarassed and insecure about like “feminine” body parts that are unattractive on a man. Not many women have what’s masculine as far as body part goes. The only thing is if a woman is flat chested. But most women aren’t. Small breasts is not the same as flat chested. Whereas, men having wider hips, or worse “man boobs” feel ashamed and embarassed of such unflattering body parts. It’s not even fat men, as it can come from it starts with a g..gynamastia or something like that. Guys can be such jerks to each other which doesn’t help. I remember seeing something on yahoo answers about guy’s being insecure because their nipples are puffy, probably because of early part of puberty and teased about it and what some guy guy’s with man boobs or particularly guys who have bigger than normal areolas or puffy ones I guess “bitch tits”.

    • Everyone’s got their issues to deal with and I’m hoping that both women and men can have more positive body consciousness in the future.

      And with women, they are often much harder on themselves than men are — meaning that men typically find women’s bodies much more attractive than women think they do. But the women don’t realize it.

      On the upside for men, Women are less picky about body type (although women are pretty picky about who they have sex with — likely because of repression). And is not that women think men’s bodies are goofy. They just aren’t fetishized. So men’s bodies are experienced more like how a man experiences a woman’s body when he’s been with her for a long time. She can appreciate him and find him attractive but she probably won’t masturbate to a picture of a naked man. Although she could get sexually aroused by a man she is attracted to, it will be less visual.

      • Well men realize women aren’t so visual and men realize their own body flaws too. So, men don’t expect women to be turned on by their bodies visually straight on or that men feeling their bodies aren’t physically attractive enough or sexy enough to get attention like that from women. This is the reason if men were asked to posed nude or sexy, they feel stupid. Not necessarily because it’s gay, but because they might be wondering what women are visually enjoying their bodies shown like that. And probably doubt they’re eye candy to women or causing desire or visual enjoyment. They might assume gay men might like it, but that’s not very helpful for straight men who would like or prefer women to get visual enjoyment looking at their bodies.

        This is why men would feel stupid, putting themselves out there, yet embarassingly women aren’t watching. Thats why you find it very hard pressed to find straight men, since men aren’t naive nowadays and realize magazines or such that show male nudity are not viewed by women but gay men. So you’d find few men posing for playgirl or even not nude but in skimpy clothes, because of the realization that they are posing like fools because women aren’t watching and presenting their bodies to be visually enjoyed but to no avail. That’s kind of humiliating. That’s like a comedian coming on to stage, putting himself out there, hoping to have the audience laugh at his joke. But he tells his joke and instead nobody laughs or booed and his jokes aren’t working and now it’s akward and he put himself in an embarassing situation.

      • Well, plenty of guys don’t know that women don’t have the same response to men’s bodies that men have to women’s. And plenty of guys do pose naked or scantily clad. And women can appreciate an attractive male body, But we usually won’t fetishize it because we haven’t been taught to. How are society doesn’t selectively hide and reveal any part of the male body and focus and obsess its attention over it.

  25. I don;t want to say complicated, but I think it’s a couple of things. What I mean is that men’s esteem is not centered on their body and looks like women generally are, so women’s worth is more geared to their body and looks. This is why, women are so focused on their body and body conscious. But I think men generally don’t see their bodies as anything great or that attractive or sexy. They can or do to a degree, but more in certain ways or body parts. What I mean is while men might not think about their bodies like or as much as women or be consciously down about their bodies like women.

    I don’t know if men in the same token see their bodies or males bodies as highly as women see other women’s or women when they are feeling sexy, due to make up, clothes, etc do about their body. Women are self conscious, but say a woman is feeling good. Maybe she;s lost weight, maybe a new haircute and she’s having a good day. she’s doing a photo shoot and the angles are good and camera shots good and she’s in this sexy mood and vibe and sees it in her body. Women when feeling confident can understand and see their sensual, feminine sexiness. So while women are often self conscious and don;t like things about their body, they can also understand the allure or beauty of their body when they are looking good and wearing something sexy or skimpy and delve into the sexy vibe.

    While men aren’t thinking or worry about how they look naked in bed like women do, and just go with the flow. Men I don’t think or generally see that their bodies are all that attractive as far as “sexy” goes or sexually attractive. As you see men many times lift and workout to be strong and look strong, not to look sexy. And I don’t think it’s because it’s simply a female thing, but it;s because sexy is foreign to guys in a sense in regard to their bodies. I think guy’s may see they are attractive when fit or that they are looking good without seeing their body as something that is aesthetically attractive enough to be lusted after, provoke desire or to marvel at simply. It’s not thought about, because men aren’t asked to be sexy or put into a vulnerable situation like that. But if it comes, I think men see their bodies as unattractive or more than women.

  26. Needless to say, we get influenced by the mass media these days. I think that is one main reason why guys are becoming more look-obsessed like women have been. Unfortunately, beauty standards in television usually looks too narrow and unhealthy. It looks too muscular or too skinny. If we cannot avoid ourselves from getting affected by the media, then we need to ask the media to encourage some healthy standards for beauty, which are worth being pursued and make people respect their own bodies more than before, instead of unhealthy standards.

  27. Great post Georgia… I am now thinking in the kind of “Jersey Shore” guy… Like Pauly D or Mike The Situation… The british version called “Geordie Shore” is even more eloquent in this sense… Male narcissism is not too manly, I think ⭐
    All the best to you, Aquileana 😀

  28. I like a guy who is conscious about eating right and staying fit. but it’s so sad that guys can’t go shopping with their buddies, if they need an opinion. I know that whenever I have helped a guy with shopping they are always really thankful to have another opinion.

  29. Boys are as much concerned about their look as the girls. The thing is, they are never ready to confess that…as if it will demean their masculinity 😀 Everybody has the right to look beautiful in her/his own way and for that a minimal care is needed. Why feel ashamed of that ?

  30. Definitely important to acknowledge that men too have their own body image issues to deal with- and also that they don’t have as much permission as women do to talk about it. I bet there is a lot to unpacking more to do with this from the inner male perspective. That is an account I would want to read about for sure, too!

  31. So sad to see guys are becoming as worried as the girls about the way they look.

    • Yeah, too bad it’s not women becoming less looks-obsessed like guys have been.

    • Oh. I thought this was the stated aim of today’s feminist. There should be NO difference between the genders.

      Men are becoming more like women. Women are becoming more like men. We have convergence!

      Should not we all be happy?

      • Not when the convergence moves in a more dangerous direction and both begin to lose self-esteem and engage in unhealthy eating practices.

        I do want the genders to converge when it’s in the direction of higher self-esteem and healthy behaviors.

      • The goal is equality not ‘no difference’ but we aim to achieve it by raising women up not dragging men down!

  32. Sometimes I want to look pretty too xD “no homo!”

  33. You think its complicated – I realized now the elements of causing it – glad about it!

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