We Like People Who Like Us
Just knowing that someone likes us spurs attraction to them.
In one experiment a young woman acted interested in men via eye contact, leaning toward them, and listening attentively. Afterward, the men said they liked her very much.
In fact, “liking” — or not — can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you expect someone won’t like you, you probably won’t act like you like them. And then they won’t like you. This has been borne out in experiments, too.
One of the best ways to draw people to you is to act interested in them.
And not be preoccupied with how you are coming across.
I recently had a dialogue with a young man who worried about how he came across. He was wondering if practicing among psychologists — who could give honest feedback — would help.
I’m not so sure.
That would heighten self-consciousness, which is unattractive.
Plus, we tend to perform worse at pretty much any task when we are distracted by “how we look” — because our attention is divided.
It’s much better to think about others instead of ourselves. The most charming among us try to make other people feel comfortable and good about themselves.
If you act interested in me, then you seem really charming.
Caring and empathy are the key.
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