Equal Marriage = Less Sex?
Maybe you’ve seen studies suggesting this unhappy possibility.
When men do feminine chores like laundry, cooking and vacuuming, couples have sex 1.5 fewer times per month on average, compared with more traditional couples. But when men stick to masculine duties like fixing the car and taking out the trash, women report greater sexual satisfaction, on average, according to University of Washington sociologists.
These findings disappoint progressives and cheer conservatives. And go against feminist expectations that men will get more sex when wives are less worn out.
Marriages do improve when men do housework. Except in bed. One wife was much happier after her husband took on more household work. But his vacuuming also killed the sexy weightlifting vibe from earlier that day.
Maybe too much similarity kills sexuality, suggests Dr. Julie Brines, one of the study researchers.
But what about gay couples? They’re similar yet the sex is hot. But Kinsey researcher, Justin Garcia, says gay men seek out sexual dissimilarity — like the magnetic attraction of dominant and submissive.
Or sociologist, Pepper Schwartz, says gay men prioritize hotness over similarity when choosing partners, and may well pair up with guys from different social classes.
But what about two hot “Grey’s Anatomy” doctors? Or two hot LA lawyers, or Good Wife lawyers, Will and Alicia? What about Mr. and Mrs. Smith, aka, Brangelina? Same jobs. Same class. Hot sex.
And my own experience argues against these speculations. I need a really intense emotional connection, and that works best when I’m with someone who feels like my other half, a soulmate. With equality.
So if the problem isn’t sameness or equality, maybe the problem is men doing housework. If Will or Brad had just finished vacuuming before making sweet love to Alicia or Angelina…?
I admit, I’d be less turned on.
Since women have traditionally done housework, we associate it with femininity. I googled, “stripper costume maid” and got:
French maid, bedroom maid, naughty maid, erotic maid, hot maid, sexy maid and dirty maid.
But no male maids in the pics.
Male strippers are more likely to be outfitted as construction workers, firefighters, police officers, cowboys. No guys vacuuming.
We haven’t gotten to the point where we associate hot men with hot housework. The symbolic bond hasn’t been created in our minds yet.
Are women sentenced to an unequal second shift of housework just to get great sex? As men increasingly take on that task, our collective brains will rewire to stop associating housework with women.
In the meantime, maybe men could vacuum in the morning and show off their sexy bods just before bed. Or hire a housekeeper.
That could lead to happier marriages and more sex.
Posted on April 21, 2014, in feminism, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged equality, feminism, marriage, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women. Bookmark the permalink. 72 Comments.