Guys: Romantic? Or Just Want One Thing?
Which is it?
On the one hand guys are getting sexually addicted to their computer screens. Davy Rothbart explains that the “fireworks and whiz-bangs” of extreme porn is to real women what an Imax 3-D movie is to a flipbook. (Though he thinks it’s a problem.)
And after a tour of college campuses, Naomi Wolf concluded that far from turbocharging women’s objectification and turning men into wild, raping beasts, Internet porn is turning men off real women.
But others have found young men becoming more romantic than their older brothers and fathers. Ninety-five percent of whom would prefer to have sex with someone they love over sex with a “hot” woman. Over half only want sex with someone they love.
What’s with the conflicting data?
Actually, the stats are picking up patterns that are working at cross currents. All men aren’t the same, so while some guys get most turned on by their computer screens, others are getting more romantic, and most want relationships with real women over sex as sport – or spectator sport.
Even among the porn addicts who can’t “get it up” for real girls, plenty choose to sacrifice porn for relationships.
Yet, we are more inclined to believe that men are sex-craved because it fits our stereotypes — which are supported by evolutionary psychology.
But stereotypes are often wrong.
So is evolutionary psychology.
Meanwhile, so-called hookup culture and the fraternity code — bros before ho’s — can make it seem like men “just want one thing” when they actually want more.
An actual study of hookup culture found it to be mythical. After four years of college the average student had just over one hookup per year. Only 11% enjoyed hooking up and nearly 3/4 of campus men wanted girlfriends, not hookups — but believed that everyone else felt differently.
In the cross-current of guys wanting just one thing and guys caring for and loving girls, romance seems to be winning.
Posted on September 16, 2013, in men, objectification, pornography, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, women and tagged men, objectification, pornography, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, women. Bookmark the permalink. 28 Comments.