Any Reason to Have Sex If You’d Rather Not?
Saying “yes” to sex when you’d rather not can be a real problem, yet unexpected benefits may emerge. Typically, problems arise when women agree to unwanted sex that repels them and that runs counter to their values and damages their self-respect. But University of Texas, Austin researchers, who wrote Why Women Have Sex, found that sometimes women who lack initial interest can find sex rewarding in the end.
As one woman put it,
When my fiancée needs to feel closer to me or release tension, I feel I owe it to him to have sex with him. Even if I’m not particularly “in the mood” at the time. He has done the same for me on numerous occasions. I feel that it’s a part of a healthy, loving, monogamous relationship to be able to see your partner’s needs and help them in any way you can. I never feel anything but the satisfaction of knowing that I have given to him all that I can, as he does for me.
And what starts out as “not really interested” can end in pleasure. As another related,
There have been instances where I have told my partner that I did not feel like having sex. On the occasions when I have had sex due to my partner’s insistence it has been because his insistence came in the form of foreplay (romantic kissing, petting, etc.), and I found that I had changed my mind about wanting to have sex.
Some women said they felt “extremely glad” afterward, or that it “boosted their confidence.” Many saw it as a healthy way by which partners can nurture each other.
Women who enjoy themselves, despite little initial interest, are typically not entirely against the idea beforehand. But whether mood turns to desire depends on her partner’s skill at foreplay, her bodily responses, and the extent to which she comes to experience pleasure, physically and emotionally.
Whether a woman feels happy after reluctantly agreeing to sex depends on her motivation, too.
Detrimental consequences often arise when the motive is avoiding negative or painful outcomes. Desperation, shame and remorse can arise when we go against our values, leading to feelings of self-betrayal and damaged self-respect.
But different circumstances can lead to positive outcomes. Was she seeking a positive experience? Did making her partner happy make her feel good? Does her partner do the same for her? Did she stay true to her values? If so, she likely felt good about the decision, creating a positive experience all around.