Who Falls In Love Faster? Men or Women?
- Who falls in love faster? Men or women?
- Who is more likely to fall in love at first sight?
- Who is more likely to believe that love lasts forever?
- Who is more likely to feel there is one perfect love?
When I ask my students these questions, most guess that women are more likely to do all of the above. Yet it turns out that the right answer is “men.”
I should note that the gap has been closing over time. And these days, the gap is quite small.
But everyone’s surprised, probably because women have grown up on Disney princesses and are stereotyped to want romance and relationship while men supposedly just want sex.
So why doesn’t reality match expectation?
The reasons men appear to be the more romantic sex are largely tied to three factors: looks, jobs, and physical strength.
How could any of that be linked to believing in love at first sight?
Men are more likely to place greater emphasis on looks — and only looks — as the signal for “she’s the one,” leaving them falling more quickly in love, or even falling in love at first sight.
Women can be very focused on looks, too. But they put greater emphasis on a wider number of factors.
Because they’re more likely to expect they’ll stay home with kids at some point, they’re more concerned with whether a man’s job can support a family. Even among career women, wives are more likely to follow husbands around in their jobs than vice-versa. So what sort of a job does he have?
Also, “his” job has more impact on “her” status than the reverse. So a waitress who marries a dentist is likely to see her prestige rise to his level. Not so much for the waiter who marries an attorney.
And because men are usually bigger and stronger, women will suffer greater injuries if there is abuse, so they’re more likely to be concerned with a man’s mental health and stability.
Men are also more rumored to stray (may be less true today) so women may want to take more time to discern character.
All this discovery takes time.
But actually, women are more likely to be concerned with a plethora of factors even when they are engaged in simple sex fantasy. For fantasy men usually turn to two-minute porn clips that focus on body parts. But women favor long romance novels. As I’ve written before, referring to cognitive neuroscientist, Ogi Ogas:
Men’s interest is simple, uncomplicated. But women more likely want character-driven stories that reveal the lover’s nature…
The female cortex is highly developed and skillfully scrutinizes all available evidence – social, emotional and physical, somewhat consciously but largely not. All this leads to a general feeling of favorability or suspicion: Is he committed and kind? Is he a rouge? A player? Only if the detective work leads to a stamp of approval will physical and psychological arousal unite.
Women are also more likely to marry for reasons other than love, like, “He’s a good stable man with a good stable income.” That leaves women less romantic, on average, and less supposing that there is one perfect love that lasts forever.
The good news, as I said, is that the gap is closing and women are more likely to marry for love now that they have greater opportunity and are less dependent on men. And that’s a lot better for marriage.
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Posted on October 17, 2011, in gender, men, psychology, relationships, women and tagged gender, men, psychology, relationships, women. Bookmark the permalink. 484 Comments.
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I found this article very interesting. I also used to believe that women would fall in love faster than men but now a days a lot has changed. Women nowadays look for better qualities in men such as personality, and stability. I do believe that women don’t just focus on looks rather they focus on more important things such as income. Times have changed and women came to realize that looks ain’t everything. That is because women think about their future, they think about what will be beneficial for her and her children. Men tend to only think about the moment and go off based on looks without thinking about other important things to find in a woman. Not all men just think about looks but I do believe it plays a big part for men. I think this is very normal for both men and women to go for looks because everyone wants to be with someone they are attracted to but there should also be other things that they should look for as well.
I found this article interesting because I also thought women being more vulnerable to love than men. I thought because our emotions are higher than men, that we would be more committed emotionally than man would be. But it does make more sense that women are more independent now a days then ever before. I can relate with being with my bf because I am with him because I love him not because I need him, because just like him, I also work so I think we value each other more. Since we both know that we don’t need each other because we both can survive without each other. I do believe that before women were only with their partner because they ‘needed’ the other person. I think that’s way maybe some men cheat because they think that their partner ‘needs’ them and before they were right, they did need them since some women were stay at home wives.
Before reading this article, I also believed men fell in love faster because of my personal experiences. As a man, I don’t believe that men just care about the outlook of a woman and just focuses on having sex. Of course, we care about the outlook of our possible partner but as much as women care. We too care about characteristics and intelligence of a woman. The most important reason that makes people think that women fall in love faster than men is gender stereotypes. As she mentioned, it is shown in the media that woman is the side that usually falls in love with the man, and the man is the side that just wants a sexual relationship. It is shown in the media that while men usually focus on the outlook of women, women usually focus on the characteristics. Those are just the stereotypes that we have created through time. Another reason that makes people think that women fall in love faster is those gender roles of woman and man in relationships. It always has been like a woman stays at home, takes care of the children and house chores; while a man goes to work, be the bread-winner of the house. Even though it has started to change, most people still think that “Women doesn’t have a choice, they just need to get married to someone so that they could be able to effort their living. Men can choose whoever they want because they are bread-winners.” Besides all those stereotypes and roles, it is great to know that women are getting more and more independent and both genders are getting married for love.
Love can be very hard to define for certain people. I do believe that the article is telling the truth that men do fall in love faster than women, a lot of men are very singular mined in that they see a woman that meets their standard of attractiveness and everything else goes out the window. For example personality, morals, and financial standing. The only problem that I had with the article was that I too believe men do fall in love faster than women but I do feel that some women do fall into that category that all they look for is attractiveness and nothing else seems to have a factor in the decision of falling in love. I know that the article did not give a percentage it was just stating that the fact.
Well, on average man fall in love faster, but a lot of women fall in love faster too. Talking about averages, not everyone.
Wow! this article did surprised me. I grew up thinking that as a woman I was in disadvantage of falling in love easier than a man, and the reason for me thinking that way was because I used to heard people saying that in some part of the world, men were allowed to marry up to seven women.Somehow I related this issue with men’s feelings. I created this weird image in my head that men did have true feelings because there was no way they would love these women truly. I was so silly for thinking like that, wasn’t I? to add to this matter, I remembered how popular a cute boy in my neighborhood was. All the girls in the area were always talking good about his look and that they were hoping to get marry with him later in their lives .Them I thought that was true, that women were the ones who fell faster in love with the men. This happened long time ago so no i don’t believe this anymore.However, this article got my attention about the men falling in love faster than women, and I find interesting the overall information and how careful the women are when searching for the right husband.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Women start off with a check list of maybe one or two things the guy must have to be a potential love interest. Does he have a good job? Does he have a reliable car? I used to have one of these lists actually when I was in high school. It started off really simple, and maybe I thought too highly of myself because it made me picky and mean. It’s a dangerous game to make a list like that because the more guys you meet, the more you’d put down on the list. It got to the point, for me, that I was rejecting guys just because I didn’t like the sound of their voice. I’m glad to know that the gap is getting smaller. I don’t want other girls to be like how I was, too self involved to notice when a guy was actually being sweet and caring. All it gets you is a lonely Friday night and a glass of wine. My question for myself, though, is can I change? Can I become less picky and give guys less of a hard time? I definitely want to try. I want to be one of these girls who marry for love and not just for the stability. I want to contribute to the lessening of the gap. Maybe one day I will.
At first I based my experience to answer this question which I at first thought men and it turns out I was right. But hearing the examples of why this is, it makes more sense. Women are definitely more romantic and have higher expectations which leads to women falling slower than men. I do feel like women take in everything into consideration like family, job, personality, looks, and other things like that. Men may just go for looks and fall based off that and if that’s the case then they are definitely going to fall faster than men. The last sentence of the blog post really showed how times are different and women are more likely to marry for love because we have opportunities now to be just as successful if not more successful than men. It makes figuring out if the “one” is the one. It says the gap is getting closer of who falls faster and it is interesting knowing how close it is within recent years.
As i read the article i thought of course women, we fall in love faster and put more effort in the relationship than men do. I was surprised to find out i was wrong. But as i read the blog it makes sense. Men are “Visual’. They fall in love with the physical appearance and are not focused on all the other things we look for in men. I can say that i think that men fall “out” of love faster than women because women sometimes tend to nurture situations that may not work out. I use to just like a person based on personality and physical appearance but after so many bad experiences i now look at job status and other things.
I also do think that not all men are just basing things on physical attraction. If men find someone they are physically attracted to but is financially better of then them i do feel like that might be something they consider for backing out or not being interested at all.
As a woman myself, when I read the initial question of who falls in love faster, I automatically though of women. Though as I continued to think about the answer, I changed my mind. Now after reading the article it definitely solidifies my opinion on why I believe men tend to fall in love faster. In my experience, I tend to think very logically when it comes to relationships. Yes I do like to fantasize and have expectations in a partner, but I do know when it is merely love or lust. I also wanted to point out what was noted about how ‘status’ is important when in a relationship. Though this may not entirely apply to everyone, it definitely is something that I think about and can be a reason to lose attraction. As a young adult I also believe that the mindset to have to find a rich and attractive man is not as required as it used to be since women now are much more independent and also able to thrive in their own careers and passions.
Well even before reading this article I believed men fell in love easier because men only look for certain things to fall in love, such as looks and status for some. Women are more reserved because they love harder than men and will be hurt more if the relationship doesn’t work. This is the mistake that people who believe women fall in love fastest make, they think who loves harder and not first. I believe women have many more qualities they look for and it they see something they don’t like they instantly start to be turned off. Now don’t get me wrong women can be in a relationship with a man for stability or for other personal reasons and learn to love a man but that’s a total different ball game. When people fall in love after knowing a person for a fairly long time I feel like that type of love will last, if you love someone for reasons like physical attraction or job status you’ll have a problem if those things change. I personally feel like you should love from the heart rather men or women because physical, financial, and mental can change on a person over night then you’ll be in a bad place.
This article surprised me because I, too, assumed that women are likelier to fall in love faster because they are conditioned to believe in things like love at first sight by Disney princess movies. The big surprise here is that men are the most likely to marry someone just because they love them, while women are more practical in their choices on who to marry. Still, it makes sense to me that women want kind, stable men with steady incomes as their spouses, and are therefore choosier when it comes to the marriage question.
It is nice to know that the gap is closing between practical women and romantic men and that more people are marrying for love. Still, I would be wary about this. People may fall in love and get married, only to have a miserable married life further down the road. I mean, a lot of times, my own mother wonders if she married into the wrong family, given all the drama that goes on in my house. Regardless, I think marriage should be based primarily on love, rather than simply on need.
Well, women almost always love them and they marry. They are just a little more likely to think things through before they allow themselves to love.
I have always had this belief that men fall in love quicker than women despite people around me stating otherwise. I can definitely see why this is true due to my own experiences. However, I do have to ask is it really “love” that men feel if they are solely focused on looks? I perceive the instant attraction as infatuation, or obsession more than love. I say this because being “in love” requires more than just one’s looks. I wish that this article would provide statistics or some research to support the statements in this article and help me better understand why those statements were made. I also wonder if a reason as to why men, allegedly, fall in love faster is because of potential partners. I think women have more potential partners and have an easier time dating than men. Most males that I know have also agreed with me that they have a harder time finding partners. Because they have less options for a partner, they take up on the rare opportunities they get.
I do agree with certain aspects of this, however, I do not believe this to be true of my generation. Yes, by nature men focus on looks more than they do inner aspects like woman do. I also completely understand that the idea behind this post is being based on social patterns but again, it seems dated and/or catered to a specific age group. As a young adult, and as a woman who grew up learning that higher education, being self-sufficient and not depending on a man for financial stability, really raises the bar and causes women to indeed look more closely when picking a partner. Yes, women might be more more in tune with their emotions and feelings but there’s a huge difference between loving someone and being in love. Men probably do “love” women and their beauty but that by no means they fall in love more quickly that women.
Well, the gap has been lessening along with the factors you point out so there may not be much difference today. Except that men are still, because of testosterone, bigger on average than most women, And most women do you still marry men who are bigger than them, so they could still be more concerned about their mental and emotional state and health.
Even before reading the article, I too believed men fell in love faster because they cared about good looks more than anything. On the other hand, women (like myself) have a long list of qualities we see in a man. If a guy does not check all the qualities then we consider them unattractive. I believe love comes unexpectedly and we shouldn’t be with someone based on how stable they are or how their status would benefit us. From my personal experiences, falling in love did not come quickly. I really had to get to know my partner before I took thing next level. I see much more than just good looks: humor, knowledge, respect, loyal, etc.
Well, mental and emotional stability might be a plus. 🙂
If this question was spontaneously asked, I would also probably guess women. But when I think about the question for a little longer and think of myself in relation to the question, I would not be surprised with the answer. During my early teens I would find a girl attractive and begin to build a mental image of this girl with a personality that was a product of my own desires. I would “fall in love” with this made up image of the girl quite quickly because her real to life physical attractiveness would be coupled with my desires that I didn’t even know if she actually had. Thankfully, this changed relatively quickly for me due to the constant failed “love”. Seeing how common divorces are in today’s world, I think that the closing of the gap is wonderful. The world could definitely do well with more relationships created from mutual love, and less focused on other factors, in it.
I too have come to realize that this is true in my experiences. I used to be almost annoyed when my husband and I were dating and he would ask me, many times to marry him. I thought, we barely know each other! While he said he knew I was the one, I thought of all the other things you brought up in the piece. I wondered if he would be a good dad to my son. I wondered if he would be accepted in my family. I wondered if he had aspirations beyond what he currently did for a living. I had many such questions about him. It could also be that having been divorced, I wanted to be as sure as possible. Maybe we see women falling in love faster than men is because women like to share their experiences of being in love? Talking amongst my group of female friends, I know we discuss it quite openly about our affection for our partners and spouses and how we met them and fell in love. Is it because we express this more openly that it is perceived that women fall in love faster?
This is a very interesting question. It sounds to me like a lot of the reasons that women are more hesitant with a partner are for her own protection. Men do not fear for their safety or their comfort because of a woman that they are sleeping with or flirting with, while women have many reasons to be more cautious. Women often think about the worst thing that can happen to them on a date with someone they don’t know- rape or murder, and men often think that the worst thing that can happen on a first date is that their date will not like them or not find them attractive. I also find it interesting that the gap is closing with the age of technology and feminism. With some quick internet searches, women can find out a lot about a man’s character and can know what beliefs and practices to expect from him. Feminism has also taught society how to treat women and how to behave with a partner. Domestic violence is more widely discussed and women have more resources to seek help or support.
The question of who falls in faster is what confuses me, men and women are different yes, but so are men within men and women within women. I see it now as this, there are more differences within one gender than there are between each gender. Having comparisons between the two heterosexual genders is what I believe places people in gender roles. For example, you say women put a “greater emphasis” on other factors because they are more likely to be stay at home mothers, so they’ll look for a man that can take care of the children. I think now more than ever women are still looking for a man in perspective of the idea that they will be a good person that can be their partner rather than the one who is “in charge”. I do agree in the sense that women look for many factors but I believe and hope that that has not changed in society today.
There are always individual differences but sociologists look at social patterns.
I tried to make it clear that the average behavior of men and women is getting closer together as gender equality has increased. And we’re at the gap still exists, discuss why that is.
For the longest time I always believed that women fell in love faster. I think being a women and growing up hearing my girlfriends talk about every single detail about a relationship, and overthinking/analyzing everything has skewed my way of thinking. I never heard how men handled a relationship. All I noticed was that most were kind of blocked off about it. Where as women were completely willing to talk about everything. However, its hard for me to think that either gender is “faster” at falling in love then another. I believe its just expressed differently. Its especially hard to believe it when looking at how common it is for men to fall in love with a women’s physical appearance. Would that even be considered “falling in love”? I think falling in love is much deeper then that. I guess it just becomes “how” women and men fall in love, as to how quick.
I found this blog post in particular very interesting. Falling in love comes with so many questions that many cannot answer. This post pointed out how the gap between men and women does seem to be getting smaller due to the fact that women are more educated and moving from their typical housewife/supporter roles to having full time, paying jobs. We have all heard the term “gold digger” speaking about a woman who is using a guy for his money. I feel like this may begin to happen the other way around as women begin to make more money. As this occurs the way we fall in love may change. A lot of men I know now look for women with college degrees and even a stable job. Men are starting to care more about an equal partnership then looks. This can be also because physical appearance can fade, while knowledge and money can grow with time.
Before reading this article I assumed that women generally were more focused on romance while men were focused on lust. Girls grow up watching princess movies that can give unreasonable expectations that can cloud the love in a relationship: will his job provide, is he faithful, is this love actually real, is he as good as a “prince”? The focus on women’s bodies in society probably does impact men’s ideas of what love is; if they are thriving physically in a relationship, to them that could indicate love because they haven’t been conditioned to look for more. This definitely made me think about how women and men are “taught” to view ideal relationships. Romanticized movies may cause women to look for more, while men may fall in “love” more quickly because of a focus on the physical. But I do think, as this article mentions, the playing field has been evened in today’s world. Questions about money, status, and honestly of a partner can come up for both men and women; in my opinion, more people of both sexes answering those questions before entering a serious relationship is a positive thing because it eliminates lust in place of love, as well as limits women (or men) marrying only for a financial boost because people can question if their partner is with them for actual feelings of love or not. As more women and men move away from traditional gender roles, I can only hope there are more relationships with a basis in genuine love.
As I read this post, I first found myself very surprised at hearing that men where the ones falling in love faster, but after reading and thinking about my own experiences, I wasn’t surprised and couldn’t agree more. When I think about my childhood of being the only girl in a house full of boys, two brothers and a dozen of boy cousins, I constantly would hear them talk about girls, first about how “good” she looked and then I would eventually hear that they were in love. The part that threw me off would be the amount of women, over a period of time, that they would be in love with. I grew up on Disney princess movies myself and the idea of belonging to only one person was very romantic to me. I found myself doubting my brothers and cousins with my eye roll every time I would hear that they loved someone. I thought to myself, how can they love so many women? Can’t they just love one for a very long time and keep pursuing until they end in happily ever after? Then it came the day I fell in love with my boyfriend, now husband. I remember the time I knew I was in love with him and why I was in love with him. I knew it wasn’t because of his jobs, working two full time jobs at Blockbuster and Starbucks, but it was his work hustle I loved. And I also know it wasn’t his personality, he was very sarcastic, but it was his loyalty and commitment that I fell in love with. On our third month of dating, seeing him working day in and day out to keep up with his bills and hearing that his last relationship was four years before me, I knew his character and I saw his commitment. The day that I finally asked him what it was that first made him fall in love with me, he said it was my smile and how easily I made his day by making him laugh. So while thought I fell in love first, since I said it first, my husband was the first to actually fall in love with me.
Oh my! This blog speaks volumes in a few short paragraphs. I’ve always thought that women fall harder than men. This could be because of what I’ve at times have seen around me, women falling hard for love that is futile. But, I suppose it could be true that men fall just as hard. I think the blog is correct when it says that men mostly fall for looks. Usually, if a woman has the desired look and the man is sparked by her beauty he may likely fall in love and all the other attributes will come second in the relationship. However, there are some men who listen to the voices of their mother’s about finding a suitable mate and looking for what’s within first. Sure, it’s wonderful to have attraction and excitement but when it really comes down to it I believe it’s the compatibility that will last.
Who falls in love faster, men or women? Okay, while this post gave great insight on men and women and who falls in love faster, I would like to say that it’s men so I agree with this post. Women are well known for being emotional human beings, we get hurt more because we wear our feelings on our sleeves, which makes our walls harder to break down, making us less likely to fall in love fast. Men on the other hand, they usually get the attention they are looking for from women, being hurt less, making them more likely to fall in love because they don’t get hurt often. It’s a crazy situation, because you would think that women fall in love faster just because we have many more emotions and hormones than men and we tend to care more, in my opinion. I may be wrong but I also think parents play a role in why men fall in love faster. Most men have their mothers in their lives to teach them the warmth, love and compassion from a woman, allowing them to know what to look for when dating or getting to know a woman, a lot of women don’t have that. Women usually don’t have their fathers around, leaving them to think for themselves and wonder how a man should be, how he should act, and how he should treat a lady, therefore, making her think twice before giving herself to a man.
This topic really caught my eye. while initially reading the caption “who falls in love faster? men or women I thought it would definitely be women. Growing up little girls always dreamt of finding the perfect man and falling in love. As a young women that was kind of what you were told that you are supposed to do. But wile diving deeper and really thinking more into this topic my thoughts have changed. Also as stated, Men are actually the ones who fall in love faster then women. While reading this blog post it was pointed out that “The reasons men appear to be the more romantic sex are largely tied to three factors: looks, jobs, and physical strength.” and I definitely agree. I feel that men are often times drawn to a women looks rather then the personality. When a men meets a female for the first time, the first thing they do is judge if the women is cute or not. If so, then essentially they will initiate the conversation and later see if they actually have anything in common. Women on the other hand have in mind their future. Personally speaking I would rather have a sweet kind gentle man that has a career and can provide rather then some hunk who needs to be supported financially by myself.
I think to properly answer this question, we need to first define what love is. It is almost impossible to do since it is very relative and I do not think there is one universal definition that we can all agree upon. In my personal experience, I think men say “I love you” faster than women do, however I think what they mean to say is “I lust for you”. Initially it is usually only about physical attraction for men. Also, I agree that women take their time to determine a total overall suitable fit are generally more cautious when it comes to love. However, I think some of the reasons listed in this post have become outdated in today’s society. I know many women who will watch two minute porn-clips and don’t need to read a long romance novel to fulfill a fantasy. There are also plenty of women who are the higher earners in their household and their career dictates where the family lives. This is a very interesting topic however one that I think will become irrelevant in the near future.
Just by reading the question, I right away thought that Men are who fall in love faster. This I know through my own experience and male friends that I have. It’s not really love, it’s more like infatuation, or “romantic sex”, as said here. Men fall in love with a woman’s physical appearance and not necessarily for who they are. However, it’s not necessarily true that the love they are expressing will last for long, they’re only infatuated or they say “I Love You” only when the feelings are strong and believe they are.
Women are more cautious. They can be less likely to express deeply felt emotions until they feel confident in the relationship. Women tend to look out in a man his personal strength, emotional stability, intelligence, commitment, and confidence, just to name a few. All of these, take time to evaluate. A woman needs to determine her man’s reliability and this is not readily assessed, it takes more time.
This is a very interesting topic because just like most people think, I thought that women fall in love first. I’ve always been told that women will fall harder than men because men are obsessed with sex not love. This has left me suspicious of the intentions of the men in my life. But after reading this post, I really want to know if this can even be called love because it’s about looks. Since men are so focused on the physical characteristics of a partner, and physical appearance can only be maintained for so long (eg, we all age and get old), are we mistaking love for infatuation? Just the other day I asked my boyfriend the first thing he thinks of when he hears my name and he said “beautiful” I thought that was sweet, but the first thing that I think of when I hear his name is “kind” not “handsome.” I understand that women take in to account more factors in evaluating their partner choice than men do, but can we really call a mans choice love if it’s only skin deep? To me it sounds like long term infatuation that eventually passes with time. My understanding of love, is that it’s ever lasting (timeless), and is about falling in love with a persons character, the way they behave, talk, interact and understand their partner and the world around them. Falling for looks is puppy love.
Reblogged this on alessandro tinchini and commented:
I feel compelled to share one more blog post I find of great benefit from the eye-opening Broadblogs.
Of great benefit for both women and men.
The concept of falling in love-as well as the concept of love itself-may seem to get influenced by the current life-standards. But this is largely appearance.
In the end, love is a composite concept and we do not fully grasp the whole essence of it.
But at the question: Who falls in love faster, men or women, what would you answer?
I’ll leave this to the main article.
Please join the conversation:
Thank you!
You’re welcome. It is a pleasure for me.
That men are more concentrated on outer aspect is a commonplace and it exists on many levels. When I was younger, I would go on the physical aspect and not much more, because my focus was not getting married, but having a good time. For as long as it could last. After my five-year marriage, I changed my mind.
I married my now former wife not because of her physical beauty. She had nothing I looked for in women on a physical level, but I had fallen in love with her. Why? Because she was a sensitive, simple and caring person. She is to this day (well, less sensitive) and we kept a good friendship.
When I fall in love, these days, it is not only based on physical aspect. For example, I am in love with a woman I’ve been seeing daily for seven months, but I started to feel something more for her after four months. This happened because I started to know her better and one day, I found out I could not stay far from her for more than five minutes.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Sounds like you’ve learned and grown.
Thank God I did. But deep down I’ve always been like this, it was just a self-awareness that arrived with maturity.
🙂
Everyone would assume that women fall in love faster than men for many reasons. Women like romance novels and movies, disney princesses and them falling in love, and because women are “mushy”. I think it’s equal or close to equal about who falls in love faster. Men like to hold on to their manhood and not act like they’re in love. They don’t want to be told they are “whipped” to a women because apparently that’s bad. What’s wrong with being in love and treating someone right? Men tend to not show their emotions because they don’t want to be called gay either, so that makes them hide what they feel. They want to be a man and not show emotion. Deep inside I’m sure they fall in love quick with their significant other, they just don’t show it. It could be that men fall in love faster but I think it could be equal. Women, at least from my experience, know what they want and when they find it, they fall in love fast and hard. Anonymously, men will most likely tell the truth than if they are asked face to face. What’s so wrong with falling in love? Does it really matter who falls faster than the other? I don’t think there is a difference, we all just have our ways of showing it and saying we love our significant other at different times.
I found this post very interesting, along with others, I as well thought that answer to the question was women. But it is fascinating to learn that men are the ones who love faster because of three factors that they follow. From what I’ve seen in these past few years is that men only wants girls for one thing, i think it has to do with their age but I also know very men who have fallen in love quickly and become hurt at the end. Women in my opinion do try to find a stable hardworking man because in a way we were raised to have expectations. The other day, my friend and I were talking and she said she wants a man whose a lawyer or doctor. She told me how she wouldn’t want to be married to a construction worker because she wanted someone with a career. she basically told me that all her family has high expectations of men in their family because most of her uncles have a degree in a high paid job. but I believe that love is love, if someone makes you happy then that’s what matters most
I found this post to be very interesting because I would of thought that women fell in love faster then men. After reading this post, I can definitely see how men can fall in love quicker or have an infatuation with a woman over her looks. I do agree that men are quick to say that they love you without even really knowing if you possess the right character traits and qualities. For me, Love is more than skin deep and I know that everyone has a different interpretation of it. In my personal experience, it wasn’t that I didn’t fall in love quickly with a man but rather the fear of expressing my feelings. I like to really get to know someone and know his intentions before I will openly express how I feel. I hate to feel vulnerable especially if the person doesn’t reciprocate my feelings. It’s definitely a subject that I find very intriguing and would love to get more information about.
When I first saw this title, my response is women.
But after I read all this article, I become agree with this result that men are more easily fall in love at the first time. And I totally agree with this sentence: “For fantasy men usually turn to two-minute porn clips that focus on body parts. But women favor long romance novels.”
I am thinking about why people always say that men are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners. Maybe it because of women more likely to marry for reasons other than love, and men are more focus on good-looking. In the marriage, Love which is based on feelings and visual sense is instability and changeful, but if love based on the reasons which can make ourselves to believe that will hard to change and chose to divorce.
Also, I believe that the gaps between women and men will reduce more in the future, someday women also can fall in love unconstrained.
I suppose that men fall in love faster because its stated in this article that men fall in love by looks when suppose to women they fall in love by personality and other factors.But in reality men are stereotype as players and want a one time thing. In my opinion men now a days will focus more in finding someone better with personality and some of the same factors as women. In this generation it is getting harder to find a stable relationship because of social media. Social media takes a big tool in this because they are more focused on liking pictures and answering friends text rather than interacting with there partner. So men now a days want some of the same factors women want.
Something that caught my attention was the fact that this article had stated that men are more likely to fall in love faster opposed to women. I had always thought that women would be more likely to fall in love quicker due to the strong emotions women are perceived to have.As I read further into this article I came across the fact that men seem to have less of a complex way of interpreting whether or not they are in love. Therefore revealing why men seem to have the tendency of falling in love faster. In the other hand women seem to have a more complex was of analyzing there love due to the plethora of attributes that they look for. Given this information we can infer that men make less of a thought out decision in comparison to female. In the end the reason for falling in love at first sight seem to only come about due to the lack of thought given in the situation.
I was surprised that the facts written in this article were different from my assumption. Most women read love stories more often comparing to men do. Therefore, I thought women more likely to fall in love at first sight and women are more likely to believe that love lasts forever. However my answer was wrong according to this article. This was new discovery for me. What is the most interesting thing for me was women are more likely to marry for reasons other than love. in my opinion, that is because it is difficult for women to live by themselves. If women want to have children, they have to leave their work at least three months and women are forced to depend on someone during the maternity leave. The fact makes women’s attitude toward romance more practical. I’m digressing but the reason why old Disney Princess fall in love at the first sight was partner are prince.
If women’s reactions to good looking men isn’t triggered by a socially constructed fetish then that would mean that women are naturally getting affected by the sight of a visual attractive man.
Sure.
So that proves that evolutionary theory is correct
Not when you live in a culture that creates inequalities and that places more focused on looks for men than women.
You don’t find this pattern everywhere so it doesn’t prove evolutionary psychology.
In matter of fact it does. As you said our society focuses on how attractive women are and ignore men’s looks. In spite of media’s focus on portraying women as beautiful and mostly ignoring beautiful men, the aforementioned study proved that women are still affected by good looking men.
And since that isn’t socially learned then that has to be Natural which proves evolutionary theory.
But what is considered good-looking varies from culture to culture. And it isn’t the deciding factor, there is so much more.
There was this study that found out that women react differently to men’s behavior based on how good looking they were. So at least some women do get affected by men’s looks
https://www.bustle.com/articles/86632-women-are-more-likely-to-tolerate-bad-behavior-in-attractive-men-new-study-finds-and-its
Sure. Just they just aren’t triggered by a fetish.
This blog has some good points. Men are attracted to looks first where women look for emotional and financial support first. I believe that this comes from the nurturing side of women. Men are concerned with being the protector so when a woman makes him feel needed then he wants to do all that he can for her. With the financial gap lessening this gives women the freedom to be an equal instead of a dependent. Some men are threatened by this but I think that a lot of men feel relieved that women have reached this stage. This gives men a chance to enjoy being a protector and lover instead of just providing financial aid. With women feeling better sexually about themselves this can enhance her relationship with her man and make him feel like a “stud” which can speak to the primitive part of a man. Men want to feel wanted and needed just like a woman does.
I feel like it all depends on the persons culture I do agree that I know more men that would fall in “love” at first sight than I know women who would but there are a lot of women out there who do the same thing as some men and just look for a guy who is just physically more attractive and wealthy over anything else. And I am not saying that every women is like that but there are a lot out there who do just what men do when looking for a girlfriend or anything else they are looking for.
Culture has huge effects. You even see it in the lessening of the gender gap overtime as Culture changes and women and men grow more equal.
This was a very interesting reading. At first, I taught the outcome was going to say how women are usually the ones to fall in love faster because that’s usually what people would say. But to my surprise it wasn’t that and I actually couldn’t agree more. I can see why men are the ones to fall in love faster, especially when it comes to love at first sight. I think when men see an attractive women, they will not hesitate to go up to them and ask for their number. And when it comes to a women doing that, we are a little bit more shy and I think we just expect the men to do the first move, that we don’t it. I can also see why it was said that women tend to marry for other reasons not just because of love and, I think back then this was really the case when it came to getting marry, because more women looked for more stability rather than love, of course later now i’m sure, they ended up falling in love. I think many of us don’t of it that way now because things are different and we have more opportunities in where we don’t need to depend so much on the guys. Overall it was really interesting to see a different outcome of what I thought this post would be about.
Often times men do find looks to be the first sign of falling in love and I too can say that I often do that. It’s a great feeling to find someone who is physically beautiful, but also someone who has just as beautiful of a mind. Regarding women loving men based on him providing for her is in a sense unnecessary situation to some women because now women are becoming stronger and more independent that they don’t feel the need to have someone that can provide for them. In our time right now, women can focus on the purest form of love for their partner without the thought of having a man that can provide for them rather find a man that they truly love. My overall thought is the ideology how men are the ones who fall in love first, but sometimes fall in love for the wrong reasons.
Wow! I have to say this was very surprising for me. I actually thought that women are more likely to fall in love first. In my experience, I’ve felt like I was the one falling for the guy first but I wasn’t surprise about guys falling in love at first sight because also in my experience or from my guy friends experiences that they’ve shared with me is that looks are important and that’s exactly how they choose their partner. Because if they don’t think they are pretty than they are not attracted to them which leaves the relationship doomed. So they have to be attracted to them first because that’s how they can approach her and ask her out or carry a relationship on. This was very surprising for me because I truly felt and thought that women were the one’s to fall in love first but after reading this I can definitely see why women take some time to fall in love. I hate to admit it but based on society and my culture I was encouraged to look at men with better jobs etc rather than a man with not a good paying job and I felt like it was more for status than for love and I hated it. But I see it a lot happening in our society.
According to me, contrary to what you said in your article women tend to fall in love quicker than boys in certain culture. To me, all depend on how you have been raised all your life. For example in some countries men tend to have mistresses. For them it is not about love but it is something that they have to follow. In many cases, men and women were forced to marry someone but we notice in a lot of the cases that the women didn’t want because they were in love with someone else. For me love exist, but women are more vulnerable. People would think that i’m bias but it’s not the case it just depends of the culture.
You make a good point about cultural differences. The culture in the United States has even changed so that these patterns have been changing over time, with women and men becoming more similar on this matter, with more gender equality.
We are a mix of culture + personal experiences + and social interactions so we get social patterns and individual variations.
Personally, I desire one perfect love that lasts forever yet I don’t truly believe there is one. Even if I have a crush on someone, I would control my feelings and remind myself that “Men are born hardwired to betray, just a question of when”, a quote from a TV series Revenge. I though this was being rational but I had no idea it is related to patriarchy and social patterns again. The reason why we care so much about loyalty in marriage is that women usually depend on men, not only economically but also mentally. Women are usually anxious without a partner, as we can tell from a lot of wives refusing to divorce even when their husbands are unfaithful, because the society has a huge bias towards single women and they can’t take it. After reading this, I may consider about changing my mindset, focus on improving myself and become stronger instead of hoping someone to rely on.
This title of “Who Falls In love Faster? Men or Women?” caught my attention because me and my boyfriend always talk about the first time we both found out that we were in love, not being surprise I knew it was me but reading this article surprises me as to why men would be the first ones to fall in love. The post says something about men looking for women’s appearance first which makes them have that love at first sight connection. And women do really look deep into the men’s character to see if that man is really worth putting in time and effort so the women can fall in love. It does not surprise me that before women married men because of the lifestyle they live and if that man can support her and their future family. I can see why this is not really the case right now because many young independent females are getting ahead of the game and supporting themselves. After finishing the article, I still have yet to believe if they are really the ones who fall in love first. As in genuine love. I am thinking maybe it is more of a lust than in love. But I can also see that women take more time to invest so much time into a man and then fall in love, at this point I am sure that the man as fallen in love.
Another factor pushing from the male side of this might be that men are more likely to believe that they will need to make the first move when pursuing a romantic relationship with a woman. Where the stereotypical boy will see a girl and think “She’s hot, I want to date her.” He would ask her out but if a stereotypical girl sees a man and thinks “He’s hot I want to date him.” Her approach would be more to get close to him and look pretty while waiting for him to make the first move. That would lead to the image that men are more quick to fall in love when really men are just more quick to act on their crushes because it’s more acceptable.
Reading this blog entry intrigued me mainly because it hits the points that I personally see women and men looking at the most. As a young girl, I grew up to believe that love should be a fairytale and all I really ever wanted to do was be a stay at home princess at the time. But, as I read through and came to the conclusion as to women being more focused on love rather than a man’s social status is very accurate. Many of my female peers have jumped from “he’s handsome, I wonder what he does for a living” to “he’s handsome I wonder what his beliefs are on our country, feminism, etc.”
Throughout this blog, in my mind, I thought that the answer would be women just because of how women are brought up and how they view love, a fairytale. But, as for men, I can see how they are able to fall in love faster, especially when it starts from a woman’s looks. I agree with the points that were brought up about why men fall in love faster but, I’d have to agree with how men straying away, even though “they fall in love faster” they fall in love with characteristics they tend to make up in their mind and it’s as if they base those characteristics off of the female’s looks.
Yeah, I was surprised for many of the reasons you give. And then an explanation of the data also made sense.
I do find it believable that women are the most common answer. Yes many grew up on princesses and happily ever after’s but I doubt many still believe in that as they get older. I can see why that may be the reason men are more likely to fall in love at first sight. I personally don’t believe in love at first sight, I believe in lust or infatuation at first sight because the first thing you notice about someone is their appearance when you are attracted to them initially. So if men are more likely to emphasize looks then it seems right that being the first thing you see is another’s physical appearance that they would fall in love at first sight more often.
“The good news, as I said, is that the gap is closing and women are more likely to marry for love now that they have greater opportunity and are less dependent on men. And that’s a lot better for marriage.” This is a very good point because I think that since both genders have similar earning power in today’s society, it takes money out of the equation and couples can focus more on each other. It is better for marriage in particular because women can stop feeling like they’re controlled by the male and have their own say in things. Since money is such an important part of life, setting the “money dominance” notion of a relationship aside is probably better for the long run.
Yeah, a lot of men worry that they are no longer needed now that women can make their own money. But now men are needed for the right reasons. Because she loves him. Not because she needs his money. One more way that gender equality is good for men too.
What a great article! I don’t know why more people don’t know about this. I had guessed in my head who fell in love quicker before seeing the answer and my thought was that it was about the same for men and women. But this is great information and will definitely be looking more into this. I assumed it had always been the same that men and women can fall in love quick, but most guys just decide to put up a front and not show their true feelings or wouldn’t want anyone to know they fell in love so fast. It seems like most guys seem kind of ashamed showing their love early on in a relationship not sure if its because they are scared or just that status that they don’t want people to know they fell in love. It’s always been a thing I guess in my generation that guys wouldn’t show any affection, not even showing they like you and wouldn’t be caught saying I love you first. But hopefully that has changed, so all men can express how they feel without feeling embarrassed.
Who falls in love faster? Men or women?
It was surprising to discover that men tend to fall in love faster, you include that men are more likely to focus more on looks to determine whether or not they’re in love. It does make sense, although I wouldn’t say that being extremely attracted to a persons appearance is considered “love”, but it could be a head start to infatuation. A lot of times in movies, art, music, and literature, men “fall in love” at first sight. As the arts takes a considerable amount influence on how we think and what we think is appropriate, it is fair to say that men identify being attracted to someone they can mistaken it for falling in love. Disney Princesses really have an influence on why women wouldn’t fall in love as easily as men, because women are suppose to have high expectations, a prince charming willing to risk their life for you, and is usually successful, which is what young women are taught to look for in a man which you mentioned. I do believe that this mentality and definition of what falling in love is, are influenced not second nature.
Who Falls In Love Faster? Men or Women?
It is interesting how social research reveals unexpected theories about human behavior. I too,
believed that women are definitely the ones to fall in love faster than men, however, as the
related studies indicate, it is actually men that fall head over heels flying. It is a common
stereotype to assume that women are the ones to get attached easier for they are often
considered as the more emotional sex. Men, on the other hand, are often said to be more
sexually inclined and to build feelings of love slower compared to women. I can easily
presuppose that men place greater emphasis on looks, when looking for a partner, than women.
This is said to be one of the reasons why men fall in love faster than women. But I cannot help
but wonder, is it really love or infatuation, then?
Women are said to be more likely to marry for reasons other than love. One of the reasons for
that may well be due to the lack of the same financial, power-related and leadership
opportunities for women than men generally hold, which can have an affect on a woman’s
independence.
In my opinion, I do not agree with your class poll because based on my past experiences in falling in love, women in general happen to fall in love faster because I feel like women have more “feelings” and thoughts about love. In my past experiences with men, they seem to have a mindset of “hit it and quit it” and that just irks me, at first, I was in denial of it happening to me but my friends snapped me out of it and I realized I was being used. Moral of the story, I think women tend to fall in love faster and have more feelings because of certain things in their head plus, I feel like it’s easy to fall in love in general.
Well, this this research has nothing to do with a class poll — I’ve never surveyed my students on this question.
This is based on the research of a number of different surveys. Check out the links — I’ve linked to them all.
One difference might be that you are looking at one particular demographic within your group. Social research moves outside of individual experiences. So they are looking out a variety of age groups, and other social demographics.
Also, overtime the gap between women and men has grown narrower so that there isn’t a whole lot of difference nowadays. But where there is, it could be because Women tend to be more cautious because they have more to lose.
In my experience I neither agree nor disagree that any specific gender falls in love more rapidly. Many have argued that men would fall in love faster due to some sort of physical attraction, however, physical attraction doesn’t always account for love. Women on the other hand while being more emotional in most cases, also tend to be more cautious about who they let in their lives. I agree that men do become more attracted to women who are very good looking but do they fall in love? I would say that men with low self esteem may possibly fall in love faster with a pretty women. However, I don’t believe men in general would fall in love faster just based off of looks alone. Women maybe very romantic and believe in a ”one true love” or a knight in shining armor but I believe that’s why they don’t fall in love so easily. They are constantly waiting to find their knight and won’t settle down unless they find him. So as I stated before I neither agree nor disagree that any specific gender falls in love more faster.
That’s why we have social research. Because it’s pretty much impossible for people to know what is most common just based on their personal experience. 😉
In the beginning of the blog I thought that women were the ones that would fall in love faster. I think that it’s true that men fall in love faster because of looks. When I ask my friend about the girl that he would date he says someone that is skinny and really pretty. My cousin is the same. He say a girl that was really beautiful and said he had found the one that he would marry.I think that men like to marry beautiful women so he could parade her in office parties and around his friends.This would feed their alpha male character.
This was a very interesting read for me. I have actually had some personal experience with, what I believe to have more interest in a woman than she did. I realized that men could fall in love easier after my cousin said something that rung true to me. He said “you’re never too young too fall in love’. I realized that I had had feelings that seemed stronger towards the other person than they had towards me. But I also believe that it really depends on the person, and if that person is more easily attracted to others or not. But I’ve also noticed that guys tend to be more jealous when it comes to girls, so yes, I do believe guys fall in love easier given what is said.
And yes it always depends on the person. There are social patterns and individual differences.
I was attracted by the title at first, and my first thought for “Who Falls in love faster?” was women because of my subconscious and it was before I read this article, but surprisingly the answer base on scientific research is men are the ones who fall faster. And after read the whole article, I think it’s kind make sense even though some males may feel be offended by this result. I think of the reason people thought it should be women who falls in lover faster because we like romantic stories, and base on tradition thoughts and current patriarchy society that girls are suppose to be raised to be kind and gentle, and women are also the ones who suppose to be emotional. However, I think that’s why women consider more factors in a relationship and marriage because previous time, women are gentle and soft, which makes females easier to be victim of family abuse, and that led to they think a more stable physical and mental environment is more important than romantic. But society is also changing, and it’s good to know there are more independent women, who tend to choose love as the reason for a marriage with equality.
There are probably a number of reasons why Women are more careful, Including the socialization that leaves many of us being more kind and gentle.
Interesting observations and seem well thought out–of course I liked it immediately at first glance 🙂
Thank you. I do try to be interesting. 😉
Us men usually but many of us Good men Never saw the warning signs when we did at that time which many of us unfortunately have really paid for that and Lost Thousands Of Dollars as well.
Sorry to hear that. Hopefully you’ll do better next time.
Maybe you’ve already learned what didn’t work. But you might be interested in this: Why Are Men Surprised by Breakups?
Really teach me a lot, and making me think about why it would happen like this, why men are (not women) likely falls in love faster. It’s real that “Men’s interest is simple, uncomplicated. But women more likely want character-driven stories that reveal the lover’s nature…” But what direct this consequence, It’s about the gender equality, because not like men, women are more independence, they are prejudiced and also limited by the society which means men will play a big role in their future, the women have to concern over the future. Girls are more likely fall in love, they are more sensibility, but with the time goes by, they find not love the condition a man had are more important for their life. The reality pushes women doing the decision.
I agree that men fall in love with love more than vise versa because it happens to me all the time. Yes, appearance plays a huge part for when I fall for a woman. I have a checklist when it comes to falling for a women and it goes: appearance, personality, and education but I am really picky since I am older and would like to settle down. Yes, women go for looks, however, I also agree that women look for resources more in a man. Time is an important factor during a relationship and should never be rushed or mistakes will happen.
I feel that there is some truth to this post, as from personal experience, I have seen or heard stories about men falling in love with the woman much faster than the woman does the man. In my own relationship, my boyfriend was the first one to say “I love you,” and it took me another 2-3 weeks to say it back, as my reputation with relationships was never all that great. Men are seen as much more powerful beings as women are more “fragile”, so when a woman sees a man, she’s probably thinking about the stereotypes that she’s been taught and looks for a tall, strong man who could support her financially and emotionally. I have fallen victim to the hopeless romantic personality and was raised on Disney princess movies. I had always searched for love at first sight and sought for the “perfect guy”, when in reality, there is no perfect guy. The man that I am currently dating is the complete opposite of everything that I looked for in a guy, and yet, I have never been happier.
Well, a number of studies have found this.
My feeling after reading this article is that there is a sense of women-serving bias. I feel that men are written off for being less concerned with the items of interest that concern women: including salary of the spouse. There seems to be a defense of women who judge a man by his income, since it is a way to start a family as a unit. It is this family-oriented foresight that gives a much more nurturing image of the female sex. Not all women’s intentions are to create a family. Plenty are looking to remain a twosome between them and their partner. Other scenarios should be mentioned, as well as family-oriented women. I feel if women are looking for a bank account that can certainly serve themselves, the self-oriented nature of that perspective on love or match-making should then also be fairly spotlighted. The lack of depth in men’s romance is spotlighted as a possible view, but what of women? How women choose to value their mate’s material possession, with immaterial affection taking a backseat. There isn’t the same candid look on the good and bad of both schools of thought.
There is certainly a difference in the way men seek mates versus how women do. However a theme is sensed here where the different way women operate is seen as more nurturing and selfless, virtuous even, and the different way men operate is less selfless and, at best, simplistic. Different but equal doesn’t seem to be the name of the game.
Interesting article, just felt something I should share as well.
The point isn’t that women are better than men. The point is twofold:
1) these are the facts — interesting to someone who Studies and teaches women’s psychology
2) men have more power in our society, Which is why women have more concerns in whom they choose for a mate.
I think mens romantic side is pretty positive for men!
Also, with growing equality the gap is narrowing fast. I mentioned that in the post.
I couldn’t agree more with this article. Men do fall in love faster than women do, their love originates mostly on looks. For women, looks is a factor but I think that we also need the mental connection. Even after being raised on fairy tales and love stories, we love to have that person we can express ourselves to instead of just look at.
From my personal experience, my husband fell for me first (he also said it first). I was busy focusing on building myself and never had an interest of dating anyone (i was a single mom.) The only difference is that he didn’t fall for me because of my looks, it was because of my drive to succeed in life and for my personal stability. In the olden days men would just find beautiful women and marry them but things are so much different now that independence is now a turn on. To me that is so amazing.
Interesting. Thanks for sharing.
I find this eye opening, because it shows what people have to take into account when considering a mate. I can see the research, but whats interesting to me is that we pay attention to different aspects of our partners and may take different paths to falling in love, but they eventually come together. I never knew if I had a belief of how quickly women or men fell in love I always thought it just depended on the people. Interesting to see how society and gender can play a role in who we find valuable of our love, when I think about it.
And these are averages as opposed to all men do one thing and all women do another.
Interesting article to begin with. I agree that men tend to fall for look at first sight, however, I would say it is like at first sight not love. This lead them to approach the women to learn more about them like say hello or smile at them trying to break the ice. In my society (Cambodia), men are tend to focus on look than anything else when it comes to choosing a partner. They would do anything to start a conversation with the girl and get her to like them. On the other hand, women also fall at sight but they are reluctant to express or confess unlike men. In addition to that, social norms, parents control, arrange marriage and so on. These factors contribute to the reason why women are less likely to express themselves when it comes love. For example, I myself find it hard to confess the fact that I am interested in a man because I don’t want to lose to them or be the one to take initiative. My mother would told me over and over again to be independent from the early young age because she was seen as a women who could not do anything but to depend on her husband. In the past, girls would be 90% of the time agree to arrange marriage without putting themselves first. However, those things start to change bit by bit in my society as young generations are more open and prefer love marriage over arrange marriage.
Well, the men understood it as love at first sight.
Before this post I always thought that women fall in love faster than men, and to an extent I still do. Young girls grow up thought to want to fall in love, to find there prince charming, there frog to kiss to find their happily ever after, so i think that women fall in love faster because of their desire to fill that image that was instilled in them at a young age. I do agree however that men tend to fall for looks and ignore everything else but I wouldn’t call that love, it’s not love at first sight; it’s more or less lust at first sight. I don’t think you can fall in love with someone with one look at them. Ya you can think they are hot but love takes more than just a simple recanalization of features.
I was surprised too.
First and foremost, this was a very interesting article to read that left me with a very different perspective! I would most certainly agree that despite society’s expectations of women being more likely to fall in love faster, men are actually more likely to that category. As Platts states, “Men are more likely to place greater emphasis on looks — and only looks — as the signal for “she’s the one,” leaving them falling more quickly in love, or even falling in love at first sight.” all these factors correlate to the reason behind why men are highly likely to fall in love faster compared to women. On the other side, women aren’t necessarily willing to give up their hearts to a potential mate easily based off a myriad of complex details and factors. While appearance is definitely one factor in a potential mate, women also observe a man’s mentality, stability, and even personality as the main components to determine the appropriate male partner. Platts also addresses the roles women have in being the ones to usually stay at home for a period of time to take care of their offspring, leaving concerns on whether their male partner would be able to support them emotionally and even financially. Nonetheless, both men and women’s perceptions of each other greatly influences the idea of which sex falls in love “Faster”. In reading Platt’s work however, I was given all the right reasons to understand why men fall in love faster in our society – despite the misleading perceptions that Disney princess movies consistently portray…
I found this post very interesting because I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years now and he was the first one to mention marriage. At first it was very uncomfortable to talk about marriage with him because a lot of things were going through my head that until this day they are still there. For example, what is he doing with his career life? What are his long term goals? What is he planning to do in order to be financially stable and provide for a family? Not that I am materialistic or dependent on others, but if I am going to build a future with a guy I need to know what each of us will bring to the table.
Also he has told me several times, “Babe I know you are the one for me”. I love the guy to pieces, I am not doubting my feelings towards him but I am still not 100% sure about saying he is the one for me just yet. Women tend to overthink more than guys ever do. Guys hardly even go into detail about things, or even take in consideration important details about situations which is why I think they fall in love faster because they don’t pay much attention to things women do.
Thanks for sharing the voice of experience!
Wow, I found this post very interesting. In all honesty, if you were to have randomly asked me those questions before the article, I would have probably answered women for all of them except the first question. I exclude the first one because I already kind of knew men fall in love fast. Maybe not “love at first sight” but more of a “love after first date” type of thing. I personally do not place my emphasis completely on looks but I have noticed MANY of my guy friends do. They will prefer to go for looks and then focus on her other positve or negative factors later on. I guess the reason I had thought that “women” was the answer to most of the questions asked is because of the way media portrays them. Like you said,” women have grown up on Disney princesses and are stereotyped to want romance and sex.” I have grown up thinking women are certain ways because of what I have seen in the past but thankfully I, and many other men, are getting a better understanding of women thanks to articles like these.
Thanks for sharing.
I found this very interesting, by reading the questions I assumed that men would have been more likely to fall in love at first sight, and men would be less likely to marry without love. I think the reason why I felt women would be more likely to feel like there is a perfect love and believe that love lasts forever is because of my generation all my girlfriends including me felt like this is a perfect love and it will last forever, we grew up with movies that made us believe such a thing. But now that I am older and more experienced I know that a relationship takes a lot of work to make it work and a lot of factors play into having a good relationship that last. It also took me a while to figure out no one is perfect and since no is perfect how can there be such a thing as a perfect love.
This article was really surprising in which men falls in love faster than women. Growing up watching Disney movies and watching romantic comedies, I would have guessed that women fall in love faster. Even in Disney movies, a knight in shinning armor would save a damsel in distress and immediately the girl falls in love or many young girls are fighting for the love of a prince. However, after reading the article, it makes sense that men do because a man can say “she is the one” pretty easily, while a women has to look at all the things that her potential husband brings to the table because “they are more concerned with whether a man’s job can support a family” along with his character and traits. They are more concerned because the men are characterized as the bread winner of the family and having a job to support the family while the women stays home and acts as a caregiver.
I’ve always thought women fell in love faster than men because we are attracted to almost every handsome man with a great sense of humor. After reading this blog, I can see somewhat why men fall in love faster. Some men see women with their eyes before seeing a women personality so for that reason they are mesmerized by appearance. For example, having a crush on a celebrity, we don’t actually know their personality off stage, but we are drawn to how sexy they are. Some people can be extremely attractive, but have an ugly personality which leaves us to not be interested in that person anymore. I recalled an article I read online that men do take longer to get over a breakup than women because men don’t express their emotions and it gets bottled up. Women tend to vent until they express it out and move on faster.
Reading this I was surprised that men are the ones who fall in love faster. But i realize that it’s true, women growing up were mainly taught to choose a man who is stable and kind. While men were taught to show how manly they are and how beautiful a woman they should marry be. I see this generation being different. We grew up watching the disney princess movies, and we have always seen love stories like the notebook or the last song. Woman want men like that but settle for boys who just want sex. The men keep showing their masculinity by disrespecting woman and having sex with as many as they can. We expect what we see, yet we settle for boys. I do see a change, I do see the gap closing and everyone realizing that being kind to women and respecting them, is not weakness. Women aren’t just looking for someone to keep them stable, they want to be loved and to love and be happy.
Yes things are changing. Now that there is more equality and women are much more likely to marry for love, men and women are nearly even — with men still slightly more romantic.
This is very interesting because it really matches up how male and female view love in the real life. Females have large imagination, we often read romance stories or watch romance movies to fill in our curiosity in relationships. It is funny how males would watch “two-minutes porn clip that focus on body part” whereas females would watch prolong romance movies. I am a second year college student, and I am a female, so I can only describe girls’ environment when we live in the apartment with other girls. We often watch romance together, while there definitely some sexual part to the movie to make it romantic, but we like love stories more than sex movies. Also, women had long been asked to stay home rather than participating in labor forces for many centuries. Before men and women were treated equally, women did not have sufficient income to live on their own, and if they do, they will be called “bad women”, who do not stay home to do wives jobs. Therefore, women must marry men that have attractive or stable income that can support her and her family. However, now, women are more financially independent, and they can choose to marry based on real love.
This blog was really interesting to me and it left me with, “Could it really be possible that men fall in love faster?” From my young experience, now that I think about it I feel like it can be true for some and not true for others. I have met both kind of males, the ones who are romantic and fall in love super fast and the ones who are really tough and show no type of emotion, trying to stay away from love for as long as they can. Whether they are my age or older and I have just heard about from family females, I think that it is very rare to hear that the male fell in love first. Although I agree that females are becoming more independent, I feel like being independent or dependent has nothing to do with a woman falling in love first. One thing I do agree with is that men usually get attracted by how a women looks, while women look at different factors like mentioned in this article. I think that is a really interesting way of thinking that is different from a male and a female.
I actually knew the answer to the title’s question instantly; men seem to fall in love faster. I am basing this on personal experience, as I’ve had a man admit to me that he fell in love with me at first site. He claims that he could tell I had a warm personality by just observing me. Reading this post, I think he was just experiencing a serious case of lust.
What I thought was interesting about this blog post was how men and women approach love differently. I’m curious, if you were to ask men and women to define love, what would the be the different qualities that they list? I feel like if you were to ask men what their perfect woman would be, they would list things based on appearance and their ability to do tasks (ex, she cooks a great meal, she’s a great housekeeper, etc) whereas I’m guessing women may list more personality characteristics (he’s honest, he’s kind, etc.) This is purely speculation, but I am hypothesizing this because it is true in our society that men value looks so much! And as women, we are hardwired to look for a mate, or rather, a partner. I think the way the genders fall in love are at different paces and based on different values because of the way our society shapes us.
You make an interesting point. I believe the studies were done based on asking when these people fell in love with the personally married. And men were more likely to say it was love at first sight.
I agree that men are more likely to fall in love at first sight or be more romantically inclined. I’ve always enjoyed making floral arrangements like corsages or bouquets thinking that these and all flowers are pretty. However the girls I’ve given flowers to, didn’t seem that interested in them. That makes me think boys like flowers more than girls. Right now I’m thinking we (boys) like flowers so much, because we put so much emphasis on beauty. The pretty flowers are used in the bouquet, While the flowers with a bent pedal or two are discarded. Since we think women and flowers are pretty we associate the two. That’s why we employ flowers in our romantic pursuits.
I agree! I always asked myself and had discussion about this topic with my friends as well. Women usually shows emotions more in a relationship which automatically makes society believe women “Fall in love first”. Like you mentioned “Because they’re more likely to expect they’ll stay home with kids at some point, they’re more concerned with whether a man’s job can support a family. Even among career women, wives are more likely to follow husbands around in their jobs than vice-versa. So what sort of a job does he have?” I can’t speak for every women but most women thinks about future when they are in relationship. They want to know where this going to lead them, they want to make sure he is not just the right guy for the moment but also for the long run. Man can easily gets attracted to women by the way she looks. Women wear makeup, wear nice outfits that makes them look “sexy”, that usually gets man quickly.
Yep.
I always thought that since women were categorized as being more sensitive and dependent that they would be the one’s to fall in love faster, and although I do think it varies from person to person, after reading this article it does make sense for men to be the one;s to fall in love first. I guess since they view themselves as the bread winners and the dominate person in the relationship they don’t need to take into consideration what their partner does if they are the one’s expecting to be bringing in most if not all of the money. It also makes sense for women to be the one’s who typically “settle” instead of marrying for love. Although in this case it seems as though the love men feel is based on superficial traits rather than an actual connection or bond.
In my experience with myself and with friends, women seem to have fallen in love faster than men. They seem to be the ones who say “I love you” first, and have stronger feelings for their male partner sooner than the male does for them. However, all of the reasons stated in the article make sense. The point about women being more concerned with a man’s job might not be so applicable for women my age (19) because a lot of us don’t plan on getting married anytime soon, amongst most of my friends at least. I can absolutely see the effect of women needing to be more concerned with a man’s mental stability than vice versa, because I think most women are afraid of abuse and rape. One of my close friends was in an abusive relationship, and after that she was far more cautious to choose a partner, and was very emotionally guarded, which probably meant she took longer to fall in love. In regard to my female friends falling in love with their partners faster, it may also just be that they were the first to express their feelings, when the men were in love faster all along, and all the reasons stated in the article apply to them as well, just maybe with the exception of a job.
And it doesn’t mean that men are always the ones to fall in love first. That’s just on average. And the gap has been narrowing over time so that men and women are nearly equally likely to fall in love quickly these days.
I agree with the reasons stated for men falling in love faster. Men do look at a woman’s appearance and determine their feelings for her off that as well as her body figure. I still believe that there are both men and females that fall in love quickly, but some not as fast. Females do look at the broader side of these things while men tend too skip over them. Men are less likely to look for things other than breasts, a butt, and a nice face, but that is what’s socially focused on in porn and a lot of adult content in films. At first I did believe that women fell in love faster because society labelled women as more emotional, but reading this has changed that thought. Thinking about the reasons men and women may fall in love has given me a different perspective on this topic, not just a one sided one.
And it isn’t necessarily body parts, But an overall sense of the woman — yet focused on appearance. Like all of Jerry Seinfeld’s girlfriends looked pretty much exactly the same. So apparently the way the woman he married looked gave him a sense of someone he had loved once.
I was actually surprised that this blog leaned more towards men. Some little girls dream of their wedding day and finding their prince charming. As you stated, this is partially because of the stereotypes from Disney movies and fairy-tales. This was how I grew up and learned about love. But times are different and woman are looking for husbands not just on looks but many other factors.
For women, love might not be the first factor, but before they actually get married love does become one of the main factors. Men are more focused on looks and this is how men are first attracted to women.
I asked my husband (of 12 years married and 17 together) about this and showed him this blog, and he agreed that men do fall in love first. He admitted to choosing me because of my looks, then after getting to know me he fell in love with my personality too.
Some women might date a man because he is handsome or has a very nice body, but they do not normally choose a husband and fall in love solely based on looks.
Thanks for sharing about your experience on this.
Interesting post! personally, I think we can not say for sure who is falls in love faster, because there are always different circumstances. People think women are easily fall in love, because normally men are dominant, women are easily get attached to men, we can not say for sure if this kind of attaching is love. When women looking for someone to marry, they are more likely to find someone they feel comfortable to be with, someone can protect them, and make them feel safe, sometimes these factors can over love; but man are different, they like to take everything under control, when it comes to marriage, men are more likely to marry someone they love, and care less factors than women does.
There is always a bell curve. This is averages. So it won’t always be women or always men.
Who falls in love faster men or women? I would had guessed women would fall in love faster than men. Seeing that most women have grown up on fairy tales and Disney princesses. The whole idea of finding romance and love at first sight can be misleading. I was surprised to learn that is in fact men who fall in love faster than a woman. I agree with the blog article that its men who tend to emphasis on looks on whether determining whether “she the one “. There was a comment made by another blogger that women. Often use the reply of “We should get to know each other better before we move on. “ With that statement in mind I believe that women tend to overthink and analyze everything in relationships because we want to make sure that we will be taken care of and not hurt emotionally or physically, therefore are likely to be concerned with a man’s mental health and stability to discover their true character before letting out guard down. It’s somewhat refreshing to know that the gap is getting smaller and women are more likely to marry for love and now have a greater opportunity and are less dependent on men. Which is great for a long lasting and better for marriage.
Like most people, I was also shocked when I learned the fact that men fall in love faster than women. The stereotype of women being more emotional than men is deeply located in my mind. I cannot agree more that women consider more factors regarding choosing a partner. For me, the look is important, but it is also not the most crucial factor of a person, being in a relationship with someone is not only about the “outside package”. The look may attract two to be together, but the inner personality and financial situations play a much bigger role in the length of the relationship. However, women only expect those in the virtual world, in real life, women often choose one who is capable of raising a family. I believe every woman has had her fantasy of being in a fairytale-like relationship, and the desire also thrives the massive sales of Korean romantic dramas and other nation’s romantic movies. A fun fact appears if we change the perspective on this issue: Men are more likely to fall in love, even possible to fall in love at the first sight. It shows that what men look for in women is the appearance; women are still seen as sex objects.
Based on what this post had to say, I’m really not surprised with its approach. It is a lot more common for men to fall in love with physical appearance rather than the qualities of a women. Usually when I ask my group of friends, who are guys, what they like in a woman they usually say something along the lines with physical attractions opposed to them pointing out a woman’s qualities. On the other hand, woman tend to find deeper qualities such as a stable job with a stable income. Woman usually tend to think about the future, and not just the present. Most women test to plan out what they want in their lives and who they want to spend their life with. They look forward to having a partner with certain qualities and aspects to fulfill their expectations in life. Which is why i agree with this post, and believe that men do fall in love faster than women.
From personal experience the male has always been the first to say “i love you”. So i would agree that men are likely to fall in love first in a relationship rather than woman. Even though woman are more emotional and affectionate than some males. Woman also i feel enters a relationship with her guards up because she doesn’t want to get to attached and end up heart broken. As far as sex in the relationship i think that in most cases woman won’t allow it unless she has strong feelings or truly loves her partner. Males can be a bit more flexible when it comes to sex because males don’t give themselves an equal amount of value as woman. At least in my perspective they don’t. I agree that falling in love and loving are two completely different things but actions will always speak louder than words and will demonstrate the partners true feelings towards the other.
I find it very interesting that men (on average) were found to fall in love more quickly than women. Although studies prove this to be true, I’m can’t say I agree with it entirely. Based on past experiences, I can say that majority of my exes told me that I was too clingy and that I was always trying to move too fast. I then began to realize that I was the one falling in love first ALL the time. I do, however, have friends who are men that claim to have fallen in love with their girlfriends first. Granted, it’s different for everyone and the main factor here could be that I just have a really clingy personality, but overall I feel like women can fall in love just as fast/easily as men do. Aside from that, falling in love can be interpreted in many different ways. It’s very possible for one to fall in love with someone else’s physical features or personality and ONLY that. I believe that truly falling in love means falling in love with the other person as a whole and that it has an equal chance of happening for both men and women.
Well, averages mean that there’s a lot of overlap, So I’m not surprised by your experience. But you might be surprised at how many married men say that they fell in love with their wife at first sight.
I understand what you are saying but, I care to differ. I believe that men may fall in love with what they see, not exactly the person as a whole. I have four sons and they love women, especially the look and think that they are Gods gift to them. I am in contact with a lot of women in my profession as a hairstylist. Many of my clients seem to fall in love with men very quickly, especially if the guy looks good and is giving them some attention. Especially if your average looking, like not exactly what society says is the total package. Women with a lower self esteem is what I think I trying to say. With a little extra attention from the opposite sex and some fall very hard. When some men just want to “hit it and quit it.” But on the other hand they take advantage of these women and she gives gives gives. For an example I have a nephew who dosen’t work. But he has about three women that he makes his rounds they are totally committed, but he is not in love with neither, just what he can get. So with that being said I feel that women fall in love more often than men.
Well, based on research there is not much gap between women and men anymore, But men seem to fall in love a bit more quickly. (“When did you first fall in love with your spouse?” Men are more likely to say that it was love at first sight.) Still, you’re going to see plenty of men who don’t, And plenty of women who do, since the numbers are so close. But also, when you don’t have a huge sample to be able to see the trend of the general population, it’s hard to say just based on one’s personal experience.
But thanks for your thoughts.
I would agree with this post to some extent. When it comes to finding a partner, may it be short term or long term, both parties are looking for specific attributes from their partner. The reason why I can only agree to some extent is because it also depends on the maturity scale of each person. Let’s say they you’re a male in college, just from a quick survey with my guy friends – not every single one of them want to be in a long-term relationship because they feel like there’s too much to experience and they don’t need some woman tying them down. When it comes to males falling “faster” in love, I would agree. My ex-boyfriend told me that he loved me far earlier in the relationship versus I to him, but the lurking variable in this is that I was the first relationship he’d ever had so he had made a preexpectation of how everything should turn out.
Well, it always depends, when it comes to individuals. I’m talking about averages here. But Thanks for your thoughts.
I am more so neutral about this. What is the meaning of “love”? Because in my opinion men only say I love you to their significant other for only one reason and its sex. I feel that men don’t fall in love; it’s more of a physical attraction. In my experiences, when I’m with my friends they usually only talk about how they use the word “love” loosely just to get what they want. But as I read some of the comments and looked up the links, I see how men in relationships fall in love faster. For women I feel like they do take longer to actually fall in love, because they have a longer check list to tell themselves that he is the one. In my opinion I believe that men will trust women faster so that is probably why they would fall in love faster.
Thanks for your thoughts.
I think women also have a large cautionary when falling in love, all my friends and myself have grown up listening to my mother’s cautionary tale of her first boyfriend who cheated, abused drugs, and was just a terrible person. As women we constantly are on the look out for the bad guys and there is a level of lack of trust which guys don’t always have. It’s more common for the women to hold back in fear of trusting than guys. I think though romance is difficult for everyone, and it’s less common now for men to be as romantic, but when they want to they’re usually more extravagant e.i. prom proposals, twitter goals pages.
I can relate! I wonder if it’s largely due to stereotypes and gender roles. We have stereotypes that men are more likely to cheat (and there is a kernel of truth to that in terms of social patterns). And the male role is to woo, making man more likely to make the effort to be romantic in these ways.
I will agree that men are more likely to fall in love at first sight than women because men are pre-occupied with looks and that is the measuring stick that all women are measured by when they first meet them 90% of the time. I find that when a couple has several conversations before they actually meet in person for the first time the looks factor will not carry as much weight. If they were to meet in a night club and the guy is with his friends he would probably only look for 9s or 10s and a lady who is a 7 or 8 on the beauty scale might not have a chance. There may not be any other reason for this behavior except for pier pressure but it happens all to often. But, on the other hand a beautiful woman who has confidence and swagger can be very intimidating to the average guy and in a lot of cases they will not even attempt to have a conversation( go figure ). Confidence is the key jumps starts love at first site and will open the door to the real person inside and make it possible to have a chance at true love.
True.
Fall in love is a very sweet emotion that everybody wants to have. However, everybody has different of speed to fall in love. Someone falls in love in a day, but on the other hand someone cannot fall in love even as he/she spent long days. As you mentioned in the post, male seems to fall in love faster than female and I agree with this. But Since I am a biology major, I have different of view than your post, so the reason might little different than post. Male has a higher sex drive than female because of biological reason. I think male has more sex drive because of genetic imprint (this can be anatomically different). Since male, not only in humans, but also in general living things wants to spread their seed more (or sperm) to various mates. To spread their seed more than others, they need to fall in love faster than others. I think this is the reason why male looks like falling in love faster than female.
Biology majors who aren’t familiar with the effects of culture will tend to think that biology explains everything. That’s why it’s good to get perspectives from other disciplines.
Biologists who are aware of cultural effects will see the nature-nurture dance. Why don’t you talk to one of your biology professors about this. If you are very early in exploring the discipline, you’re less likely to be exposed to this greater complexity yet.
If you look cross-culturally, you will see that women and men behave similarly, sexually, in cultures that are sex-positive for women.
And the difference in falling in love varies with culture too. As our society evolves toward gender equality the gap has grown narrower. Nowadays there’s practically no gap between women and men on this issue.
Like many others, I was the one who thought women fall in love faster than men. I guess it is because of the stereotypes I grew up knowing about women. The Disney movies are a great example, most children grow up watching these fantasies and believe it will happen to them one day. The movies are always based off of the princess’s point of view and her emotions towards the prince. That always made me believe that women were falling in love with these men faster than the men were because that’s how it was in the movies. It is interesting to me that women are more about the survival type of aspects of the relationship rather than the most important, the love. I think it’s disturbing that there are women out there that supposedly love these men but are really just using them. I always thought women weren’t like this because we are always thought to be very emotional and love is about emotions. However, I would understand why women would be looking into the future and the financial statuses, but I believe that shouldn’t be a way to determine if you love the man or not. It’s kind of refreshing to read that men fall in love faster than women because nowadays it doesn’t seem to feel that way.
I’m going to say men fall in love harder but women faster. I haven’t had the fortunate of falling love or coming close but I do talk about these things a lot since I have many cousins and sisters, friends that always seem to confide in the “single person” which is ironic.
I have spoken to many guys who have felt love at first sight, many more than women. If anything women or girls are more committed. They fall in love faster because they always seem to give more attention starting from the first date, they commit and put so much effort into the date and anything and everything that follows after. They are more open with their feelings and they seem more clingy and attached immediately. While this can possibly be just lust, most of them are convinced it is love hence the saying “love is blind.”
There’s a reason why we do social science research. People often use confirmation bias and see what they expect to see. Or just logically come to conclusions that aren’t actually there — that can’t be supported by data. Maybe you should take a look at all of the links that say things are different from what you think they are.
I agree with the answer of the question that men fall in love faster than women. It is true that men usually select their partner based on her looks. The more attractive her physical appearance is, the more the man easily falls for her. However, for women, they tend to look for her partner’s personality. In other words, they want to have a loyal, faithful boyfriend/husband. While appearance is men’s priority in looking for a partner, personality and reliability is referred by women. This is the reason why a man falls in love faster because it takes only a date for him to see his woman and if she looked good, he would choose her. In contrast, it might take a while for a woman to get to know her man in order to decide whether she should be with him or not. I think when it regards to love, women tend to make it more complicated than men due to many factors. She might think if he is trustworthy, reliable and truly likes her. However, nowadays, some women might think less about this as they easily fall in love, too. I do not think this is a good idea because it is important to get to know each other before thinking about being in a relationship. I do not support the idea that falling in love as quick as possible is a good choice. For me, I think that the easier a relationship is formed, the sooner they will be ruined because two partners did not really know each other enough from the beginning.
I don’t know if i disagree or agree with this article its pretty interesting i must say. I honestly would of thought that the answer to all of those questions would be women instead of men. I just feel like a women tends to express her feelings toward a person a lot better than men just because i feel that men tend to be either shy or afraid of getting rejected.The women is obviously the first one to say “i love you”, i feel like men aren’t the first ones to say it because they want to make sure that the women feels the same way about them before even saying those three compromising words. I feel like if a men says it first and the women doesn’t correspond the same way they are going to feel stupid and probably regret saying it.But in the other hand if a women says it first and the men doesn’t feel the same way they are going to feel upset and dissapointed.
Well, if you follow the links, You will see a lot of studies that reach these conclusions.
I feel that all though it seems that women are the ones more likely to be able to fall in love with their partner i do believe that men are more likely to fall in love first simply because they tend to attach them selves to women or young ladies once they have had sex or into mete moments with that girl or women. All though it would seem that women fall in love faster or more soon i do believe that some men do try and put their feelings out there a lot more faster then a women would just because women tend to be more reserved with their feelings or what they want with that certian individual.
After reading the short blog, all I can say to this is that it now all makes since to me personally now. At the same time I am amazed by the answer to the question which is, “who falls in love faster ? Men O Women?” Answer:Men. Well when I first read the few questions listed in the beginning of the blog for some reason I had a hard trouble choosing who it would be. For some I would think it would be just women, but then I would think about it twice and say, but it could be a man. However, by continuing to read along I think men would be the answer. Because as said in the blog many men go for the features and much more from a woman and from there fall in love . Based in my real life experience, I to had a friend who fell in love with me and honestly it was pretty quick and unexpected from him. As well with other friends of mine (girls) have told me there stories with guys who were falling in love with them quickly, such as love at first sight, or looks etc. Nevertheless, I’m for sure there are people who would disagree with the blog and continue to think that women are those who fall in love quicker. But all I can say to that is that in todays world, the media takes a big role to emphasis that women fall in love quicker when they see a man etc. Thats not all true. I think thats a thing to keep in mind.
I do believe that men do fall in love faster. I have had my own story of relationship and the person I was dating would tell me he loved me in like the first couple of months we started and I would never say it back because I did not love him I liked him but was not in love with them. I have noticed that guys do want to feel like comfort with someone and once you give them that they are in love with you. It has taken me a while to fall in love with someone it takes me more around a year to develop love to the person I am dating. Men do fall quicker than women.
This is interesting because like you said most people think that it is women that fall in love faster but it really isn’t. I suppose that makes sense because women are not just looking for one thing, they are looking at everything in a man. As you said, women are looking at what their potential lover is doing with his life as supposed to just how he looks. Don’t get me wrong, I think looks are important, but they are not everything because looks fade. And looks don’t also pay the bills. I guess men do not really think about what financial status their potential wife has since men typically make more money than women anyway. I will keep this blog post in mind, the next time it is brought up in a conversation among my friends.
Hope it helps.
I definitely agree with the notion that men fall in love faster than women because men falling in love is much less commitment. Speaking from my experience, guys will confess deep feelings or being in love extremely early on during the stages of just getting to know someone. Girls on the other hand, hesitate and typically confess when they feel as if they’ve gotten to know the person and usually reciprocate some amount of time after (if they do at all), like the blog post suggests. This evolutionarily makes sense in cases where the girl could end up pregnant and the male could leave or get bored quickly. I heard that girls also have a much easier time to fall out of love than guys, which I experienced truth in. My mom fell out of love much quicker than my biological father during their marriage and initiated the divorce, whereas he was convinced they should ‘talk’ and continue an unhealthy ‘commitment’. I remember one study that proved men are more likely to get jealous than girls and internalize it in a more unhealthy way. It talked about straight men being more open to emotional infidelity than sexual infidelity, as opposed to straight women, queer women, and queer men who were more open to their partners having sexual encounters with others than emotional infidelity. This makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint that males developed this jealously to prevent females from distributing resources to competitors and not prioritize their genes. (http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10508-014-0409-9)
Another study showed that women experience more pain from a breakup but are more likely to recover fully than men who experience less pain but may never fully recover. Most of my female friends who are attracted to males have more casual hookups and get bored with guys quicker than my guy friends, though gender role stereotypes would suggest the opposite happens. Most queer girls I know also seem to have a higher tendency to be more flexible with understanding different forms of attraction and are more open to experience polyamory, though I do not believe men are incapable. This could stem from less societal and internalized pressure to obey relationship norms and significantly less pressure to refrain from exploring emotions. Most of the guys I know experience more single focused emotional attraction and commitment when in love.
Interesting stuff. I don’t always agree with evolutionary psychology but thanks for all of your thoughts.
Reading this really surprised me. Growing up I’ve always been sensitive and assumed most other girls would be like that too. I feel that women, usually being more sensitive, would fall in love quicker. But reading this makes sense why guys would fall in love quicker. Now thinking about it, most of the women i know that have fallen in love look for multiple qualities in a guy besides looks like the personality, and stability. Guys are more simple and willing to be in a relationship because I feel like most of them have their guard down more than girls, so it does make sense now why a guy would fall in love faster than a women would. Having guy friends, most always fall for the looks first and then they’re infatuated by everything that girl does.
Women are interesting. When they talk about all the guys from drams and fairly tales, they tend to expect huge romance in their life. They can talk about romantic guys from dramas and movies more than two hours with laughing and crying. However, when it comes to a real relationship, they are far from being romantic. They might be more rational than guys are, as they don’t fall in love with a guy easily. Even when it comes to a marriage, they care about the future; they prefer a rich guy.
Well, they can be romantic too, and romance is probably what they would prefer. But they want to make sure that they’re safe. And now that women can make your own money they’re more likely to marry for love. The gap between men and women is almost nonexistent these days.
That’s true. I’m sorry if I made any suggestive sentence. What I wanted to say was that girls are more rational than people think they are. We have social stereotypes that girls dream about unrealistic romance, as they tend to be emotional and sensitive about dramatic stories. However, the truth is they are rational and wise to consider various aspects from their partner, such as personality, hobbies and occupation. Of course, in the past, they might have cared how rich their partner is, as they couldn’t have enough opportunity to get jobs. Nowadays, they have their own job and money, so they can use their rationality to choose a right partner who’ll encourage and respect them.
Ok Thanks.
While the obvious choice might be that women fall in love more easily, and most women would even agree to this, I personally would have chosen men as the ones who fall first. From my own experience and the experience of my friends, I have for the most part found that the man in the relationship usually falls harder first and holds on longer after the breakup. After reading this blog the reasoning behind this makes sense. Men fall faster due to appearances and the idea of a beautiful girl being interested in them. My opinion on why men hold on longer after the relationship is over is due to their dependance and comfort they hold towards their women. As much as men might want to deny it, they get lonely without the comfort and support of a women by their side. I have learned in psychology classes that women focus on income and support whereas men focus on looks and fertility. While I see why this could be true, I also agree with this blog that this is changing, as women are more independent finically. I also agree that women take more time and consideration when finding a partner as when plan things farther out than men.
I couldn’t agree with this article any more. When I first read the question, my first response was that women fall in love much faster then men do. In my opinion, movies tend to lean towards the idea that a girl is obsessed with a guy who will never notice her due to her appearance. In a sense, this article shows that this is somewhat true. Men do have a huge emphasis on what a girl looks like rather then what she is really about. But since this is the only thing that men look for in a woman, they can basically fall in love with anyone since there are such few criteria’s to fit. I can also say that being a women, I don’t only think about looks, but I think about what a guy is doing with his life and what his goals are. This is true for most women, we don’t exactly completely care about looks, we care about how a man can provide and protect you. Along with that, most women want a man they can trust and feel safe with. Most of the time, men don’t look for that in women (at least the feeling safe part). Over all, there is much more on the checklist for women to check off for a potential lover than there are for men.
I was not surprised at all to learn that men typically fall in love faster than women. All of my girlfriends that are in serious relationships say that their boyfriends said “I love you” before they did and, in many cases, before they felt the same way. For me and my boyfriend, it took me a couple weeks before I was able to say “I love you” back.
I completely agree with your assessment that this is because women focus on a wide array of factors when choosing a partner. I think many men mistake infatuation for love because they are only focused on a women’s looks. Women are susceptible to this as well, but I know far more men that are more concerned with their partner’s looks alone than women. Because, as you said, of the stereotype that men are more likely to stray, women must take more into consideration. I also think the stakes are higher because women have an expiration date; the older we get, the harder it is for us to find a partner. The same is not true for men. Most men get married at an older age and can remarry over and over again until late in their lives. This same idea makes women more likely to choose to marry someone because of reasons other than romantic love instead of waiting for the perfect man. But as you said, the times are changing and most women I know would rather wait to marry someone they love.
I also agree with your analysis of how this correlates to sexual fantasies. Men are satisfied with even just a picture of a women without any context. Women’s sexual fantasies are embodied by books, movies, and television: they have detailed back stories and complicated emotions. A picture or video clip simply will not suffice.
My perspective has definitely changed after reading this article. As the article says, it is very stereotypical to think that women fall in love more quickly than men because of how society has depicted “love”. These days, men are thought of as being “pigs”, or just people who are interested in sex, not in a relationship itself. On the other hand, women seem to be more interested in finding their “prince charming”, then engaging in a sexual relationship with them. However, in reality, this isn’t always true because both men and women behave in both ways. It makes sense that men would fall in love faster because their “checklist” of what they are searching for in women is much shorter than that of women for men. Women first catch the attention of men based on their looks, while women first see personality, character, etc. I never thought about “falling in love” in this way, so it is interesting to know that the stereotypical idea of women falling in love faster than men has been wrong this whole time. Therefore, society should stop blaming women for being too emotional or attached because men are just the same.
I gravitated towards this topic immediately. I was very interested to know what it meant and who falls in love first.
To my surprise it was the men, and I continued to read on to appease my interest. After reading a few more sentences, what I realized is that it’s really not “love”, it’s more for “lust at first sight”. I feel that men don’t have any regard for what personality, how good of a person that woman is, or how she is really like, because they are too heavily focused on the exterior part of the attraction. One can’t really blame the men, since that is what they see initially. They won’t be able to see personality immediately,even if you give them time, they’d be too involved checking out the exterior than the interior.
When women fall in love, it is with time, patience, and getting to know the man and then eventually falling in love. Lust may still come into play, but I do feel that once women fall in love, this means that’s a certain significant amount of investment has taken place.
During my freshman year at Chico State, my sociology professor had us read an article called “Invitation to Sociology” by Peter L. Berger. One of the topics that were addressed in that article was a sociological perspective on the foundation that romance and marriage is built on nowadays. (Interest)
I was reminded of that article while reading this post. I have to say that I agree with the statement that men fall in love more quickly than women do. I could also be biased because I am a woman, but I do not believe that is the case.
Drawing from my own personal experiences, I know that I have a list of things that I look for when seeking a date. If someone is trying to take me on a date, then there are a number of things that I look for before accepting. Is he funny? Is he kind? Is he educated? Does he have good morals, values, and goals? Does he come from a good family? Can he buy me dinner?
In other words, we don’t allow ourselves to fall in love until these standards or “requirements” are met. So what exactly is love built on? All of this definitely makes it hard to fall in love at first sight, don’t you think?
Yeah, I do.
I agree partially with post. The most appealing factor for men is physical appearance. On the first sight, male would quickly response to their date. As a result, men are more likely to fall in love compared with females. Indeed, women are far more considerate than men; they would place their trust on someone after a series of judgment on certain factors. Yet, to my experience, I think girls react differently due to their age. As a teen or a young adult, girls tend to be shallow on decision. There are many friends of mine; they merely evaluate worthiness of boy by look. For example, Caucasian males are appealing to Asian girls. Therefore, quite a lot of Asian girls would offer themselves and dive into a relationship. Then females become more selective as they aged.
You mentioned that young girls can fall in love pretty quickly. But the data in involves women who were thinking about marriage, So it’s a different group. (I think the question was asked of people who were already married: “When did you know you’re in love?” but I’m not positive I would have to check the research some more.)
I totally agree with this post. According to my personal experience, my two relationships happened like that. I took about five months (I don’t know if it is the average or not) to be sure that I was in love, while he felt in love at first sight (he says, and I feel it). I think women feel that they need to investigate men first, for them to feel open for a relationship after that. Falling in love for women it is not as easy as it is for men because for women it involves a lot of aspects that should be “studied” before going ahead with a relationship. Women don’t want to waste time with someone who is not worth it.
How are the attractive men presented in the media?
With a two thousand suit, golden watch, leather shoes, an expensive car. That’s the idea of the attractive man. The actual facial features aren’t that important
The findings are not surprising. I’m not sure why you sent it in. I will say this: in the past the pattern was much stronger that man just went by looks and women just went by status (to exaggerate), but nowadays the gap is closing. Women are nearly as interested in men in looks. And men are beginning to care more about money and status – so long as the money and status isn’t higher than their own.
In the past women weren’t able to be educated and get good jobs. The only thing they had to offer was their looks. Unless they were upper class. In that case, men cared more about the woman’s money and status than looks. A lot of Jane Austen novels are written with this scenario in mind. On the other hand, because women weren’t able to get educations and jobs, if they wanted a nice material life they needed to marry a man who had money and status. It’s something that has become a part of our culture and continues to affect how women see men.
Its not that the women prefered the high status men or the good looking men. Its that the knowledge of whether a man has a high status job or not affected her perception of his appearance.
An otherwise good looking man, when he was presented to women as having a low status job then he became an average looking man! They actually saw him as visually unattractive v
An otherwise unattractive men when he was presented as having a high status job then he became a visually attractive man!
I understand what the study was looking at. And in fact I have experienced myself. I pretty much had the same sorts of reactions as I was watching the video. What I’m saying is that when you live in a culture that makes a big deal about, “oh he’s a doctor, Aren’t you lucky?” You internalize it and experience it yourself. People tend to be drawn to what will give them higher status. Marrying a man of high status gives a woman higher status, And it makes it seem more appealing. Men are more focused on women’s looks when it comes to high status. But if you are in West Africa Obesity is going to make a woman appear more attractive, Because that is what is considered attractive and high status. In the west it is more anorexia plus big boobs, À la Victoria secret, Which also isn’t healthy. It is high status. The guy has his arm candy and it rubs off on him, Giving him a boost. It’s not uncommon for people to get turned on when sexuality and status become intersected.
Beside what research may have found, I really think that women fall in love quickly than men because women feel the need to be protected, the need to be loved, the need to feel to be comforted and the need to feel reassured, that they count for someone so those reasons may push them into the arms of men quickly and easily. Indeed, women, in my opinion tend to listen to their feelings than reasons. On the other hand, men don’t easily show their feelings so we don’t really know.
Well, the reasons you gave for why they would fall in love quickly are actually reasons why they would be more careful. If you want to be protected and comforted you want to make sure that you don’t fall in love with an abusive man.
When I first saw this question, I was like other student you ask that think that the answer is women. However, the answer is men. The reason I think is women is because we all know that women being mature earlier than men. I guess women may know love better than men. But the answer shows men, this really surprised me. But somehow I don’t really agree that looks, jobs and strength. Maybe looks can be the one, but others I can’t really agree. Fall in love means that you always think of someone. As women always be matured earlier than men. I think that the women should be the faster one. Also, I think job is more like building a family. I think it doesn’t count that fall in love first. Strength, I don’t think it is any relativity with fall in love faster. Therefore, after I read this article, I still think women is the one fall in love faster.
Well, women maturing faster than men could make them Think about something other than, “Oh I’m in love!” Wouldn’t a mature person be more likely to Think about things like whether the person might be abusive? Or how marrying a person might affect many things in their lives?
But I don’t know if the maturity thing even counts here because they’re talking about people who aren’t teenagers period
I just saw an interview with George Clooney. He said he fell in love with his wife right away. And when he proposed it was a surprise to her and she didn’t give him an immediate answer. She had to think about it.
When I first think of this question, I honestly thought that women were the first to fall in love, based on all of the stereotypes about women and how they are focused around love and romanticism. When I was growing up, I loved disney movies and in almost every single one, you see the princess falling in love. But, after reading this post, I found myself agreeing with the points that were made and I’ve changed my mind. I think it is true that women tend to seek out more in men than just their looks. I’m not saying men are only interested in looks when it comes to love, but women tend to worry about other things such as stability. For me, things such as what kind of job they have doesn’t matter much, as I don’t want to set myself up for expecting to rely on the man. But, I would like to see him have goals and qualities such as hard-working. I find qualities such as being driven and motivated very attractive because it inspires me to be as well. While looks may be what catches my eye, it takes me a while to decide if I want to actually pursue them because I want to know more about their character and what kind of values they have, if they are trustworthy, honest, etc. I do agree and think that women are more cautious and specific on what they are looking for in a partner.
These studies show that women still care about men’s financial status and ut is not affected by women’s independence
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19302732
http://www.akademiai.com/doi/abs/10.1556/JEP.12.2014.1.1
This isn’t really good evidence.
. This isn’t really about choosing a marriage partner
. Men are used to seeing sexy women with cars – or pretty much any other product – to sell it.
. Sexy male stripper costumes don’t come from the upper-class: instead they’re construction workers, firefighters, police officers. Not so much executives taking off their suits and ties
(Yes, women can find sexy men sexy (Even if just looking at them doesn’t bring them to orgasm) but finding someone sexy is not the same as choosing a marriage partner)
When a report was out that women were increasingly making more money than their husbands, FOXNews had a tizzy fit.
We are becoming more feminist, and more accepting of this sort of thing, but a lot of women and men are both still uncomfortable, in actual marriage match ups, with women having higher status, despite the fact that a female executive can find a construction worker sexy, or a grocery bagger can find a woman standing next to a Bentley sexy.
Did you already read this? https://broadblogs.com/2013/08/30/man-chops-off-wifes-fingers-because-shes-more-educated-than-him/
50 shades of grey is about a multi-billionaire.
Same with Pretty Woman. The guy was rich with high status.
Fairytales are about a Prince, not an average Joe
That’s true. But strippers aren’t Prince Charming. So one of the main problems with the study is that it wasn’t talking about who you wanted to marry. it was only talking about Who you find “attractive.” That’s why the study you pointed to isn’t a good argument regarding marriage
i think that this article was very interesting and, reading this i think it all depends but i feel like mostly girls would fall in-love faster then men do. i think the reason why is because girls are so much more emotional than men in my own opinion. but then there i do agree with the article when it says “Women are also more likely to marry for reasons other than love, like, “He’s a good stable man with a good stable income.” That leaves women less romantic, on average, and less supposing that there is one perfect love that lasts forever.” some women tend to talk about guys who are rich and wealthy so they marry someone who is rich not because she really loves him but i do feel like eventually she does fall in-love with him.
Well, statistics suggest otherwise. And there do seem to be good reasons behind the statistics– Although the gap is narrowing. But a person could be emotional and still cautious.
Yes, I agree that the foundations that women look for in men become a type of distraction in their ability to love. For men it is very simple but rather complicated for women, whereas they over analyze and are more cautious when it comes to falling in love. However, like stated in this post that “Men are more likely to place greater emphasis on looks — and only looks — as the signal for “she’s the one,” leaving them falling more quickly in love, or even falling in love at first sight”, I believe that men not only fall in love quicker but fall in love more often than women since looks play a role. Of course this is not the case with all men and women, but I’m glad that the gap is closing, now that more women are becoming independent. A relationship that is equal can prevent problems that involve financial issues and create a balance between the two.
When I read the tittle of the post, my natural answer was women, I have to say I was surprise to see that the answer to the question is men. Just because like the post states that we ought to believe that women fall in love faster because of all the Disney movies and fairy tales stories we are told. So this goes to my other point, it all depends in how we are raised and at the point in life we find our selves when we find that person that makes us believe we have fallen in love. I am not at all disagreeing with the post because after reading the stats and the information given I can see how it is that men do tend to fall in love first than women. As a women myself who has been single for a while now and on the dating game, I can relate to the post, I agree that women are looking for way more than just love. As for my self I know that i want a men who knows what he wants and is mentally stable, who does have a stable job to be able to help me with the home/family expenses, I am not just looking for love. I don’t know if any other women can relate, but I know that if i date a men who has this qualities that i am looking for I can, then, fall in love with him. That’s my honest opinion, I mean it would be wonderful to find the fairy tell love but reality is that we do not live in a fairy tell life, reality is that we live in a world where we need more than love. As a women we want to make sure that the future father of our children can be a good father so we look for those qualities and more before falling in love. But I also agree that the gap could be getting smaller because, yes, women are getting more educated and independent so, many out their are just looking for love, that’s all they need to fulfill their needs, their lives.
i believe that women fall in love faster because, i believe that they are very vulnerable. They are looking for “the one”, while most men are just looking for someone to hang out with and have a good time with. The only reason why i am saying this, is because women are more emotional than men. if both a man and a woman were to hang out for a while, obviously the person who is more emotionally vulnerable, would ” fall” first. That is why i think that women tend to fall in love with men first. Also i think that a man is concentrating so hard( job, stability ) that they are not exactly looking to fall in love first.
Well, then how do you explain studies that ask men and women how long it took them to fall in love with her partner and men are more likely to say, “The moment I saw her I was in love.” Whereas women are more likely to say that she knew after a few weeks. Do you just think that everyone is lying? And what would be the point in lying? It doesn’t make sense to you that because men are bigger and stronger that women would be a little more cautious? That because men tend to have more control over women’s lives — Women are more likely to follow their husbands jobs, than men follow their wives jobs, For instance? You think women don’t take a little more time to think about things because of that?
Or do you just go with stereotypes?
When I first read the title of this post I assumed that the answer would be women, just because I am one and I feel as if we as women just feel so strongly and are more open to being emotional and falling in love. But, as I read the post, I realized that what it said is so true, and I’ve personally done the things outlined in it (considered the man’s job, stability, etc instead of solely looks) while picking a partner, while I’m sure (because I’ve asked them and been told) that I have been judged and pursued just because of looks. Interesting perspective that I really want to delve a little deeper into.
This article simply grabbed my attention based on the title, and it was extremely interesting to read because I have always thought that women tend to fall in love faster than man and the reason for that being is what little girls are taught and shown while growing up. Like you said, young girls have grown up watching Disney princess movies and that automatically influences them in thinking they need a prince charming and how romantic and wonderful finding love is, but this article completely opened up my eyes to see that man do fall in love faster than women. I think men are most focus on the sexual part of what it means to be in love rather than the emotional part. I have definitely witness this with several people when they see a beautiful girl and how they automatically say things like “I’m in love,” or “She’s so hot. I want to marry her.” This is only based on her looks and nothing more, and this isn’t necessarily love but more of an infatuation on that person. I feel there are many women who are hopeless romantics and believe in love at first sight, but many who feel that being stable is more important simply base their decisions on love on other factors. I believe that everyone-men or women-should feel that they are stable in their relationship or marriage, but basing love off only that causes a downward spiral in a marriages and in a person’s thoughts about love in general.
I think it’s based on personality and background up bringing to say who will fall in love faster
Sure, of course. At the same time, there is a social pattern of men falling in love faster — but it is a pattern that has been greatly narrowing over the years.
When it comes to certain questions, such as: “Who falls in love faster? Who is more likely to fall in love at first sight?” I would gravitate towards believing that men would be the ones who fall in love faster, and at first sight.
For the questions of: “Who is more likely to believe that love lasts forever? Who is more likely to feel there is one perfect love?” I would believe that women would fall into this category. However, I can think of lovelorn poets, artists and men throughout history who have killed themselves after having what they believe as a perfect love ending. There is a tendency for males to complete the act of suicide, and I believe that men when distressed over heartbreak would commit the act.
It is also very understandable that men would fall in love faster and not have it based solely on looks, or for economic or social reasons like a woman might (men aren’t raised to look for princesses or queens). It is sad to see that in our society women are “valued” by the man in their life; however, the opposite is not true… in fact, a man can be viewed as lazy or “worthless” if he is in a “lower standing” than his wife or girlfriend which is pretty upsetting.
I’m not clear on why you think that the woman is valued by her partner, but the man isn’t valued by his partner.
Because our society values men over women, both women and men tend to feel uncomfortable if the woman has higher status and power — like financial power — than the man.
Feminism is working to change this, Because it harms both women and men.
You might want to take a look at this article:
Man Chops Off Wife’s Fingers Because She’s More Educated Than Him
I think my initial comment was confusing in that regard.
I didn’t know the proper terms to use in my initial comment until reading the article you have linked, but the terms hyper- and hypo-gamy are what I was getting at…
I meant that it is sad that males cannot “marry up” (hypergamy) without being ridiculed by society — as you stated in your article about how Fox News goes ballistic when reporting that women make more money… Or, that a man has to keep a woman beneath him so he cuts off her fingers or gouges out her eyes.
Gender inequality, as well as racial inequality are two topics that make me scratch my head and wonder why still people have “archaic” beliefs in how certain genders, relationships, or races should be.
Thanks for clearing that up. I don’t get it either.
For me I really would never suspect that. I would also think women because when I was growing up I watch princess movies that are mostly base on love at first site and that there is such thing as one true love. As I read on it make sense. Men do base on looks for women there by suggesting she is the one for him or love at first sight. They don’t see the woman characteristics until the second or third date to me. All he sees on the first date is wow a girl like this say yes to go on a date with me.
The idea that men fall in love before women interests me. Young women are raised believing that women are the ones who fall in love first; i.e. Disney princess movies. For a girl who was raised on Disney books, it is hard for me to grasp this idea; although I believe it to be true. I have always believed that men fell in love easier than women because they are not as picky as women can be when trying to find a mate. Times are definitely changing as women are relying less on a mans money and more on making their own money, explaining why women are less likely to fall in love as quickly as men are. Women are now focused on their career and building their lives independently of men.
I definitely agree with your post, but I think that women fall in love quicker, but men fall in love harder. I have many friends who have left their lives, and ambitions just to support a woman, and they start to feel depressed, etc. Also when the relationship ends it seems as if Men become more emotionally unstable and tend to go into a dark, rough patch after a break up while woman seem to handle it a bit better. I’ve noticed that women can fall in love with a man quicker, and they want to be settle down, etc. faster than a man because of things like money and stability.
I’m constantly amazed at how often people think otherwise, despite the research. But more than one study has found that when men and women are asked how long it took them to fall in love with their most recent partner, men cite a shorter period of time. Otherwise you’re right that they also fall harder and have a harder time with breakups.
Do you have any research on men falling harder? I’ve seen the research indicating men fall faster, but not harder. And do you think it’s cultural?
I haven’t seen data on that specific question but here’s what I have seen: men seem to be more dependent on women emotionally than women are on men so that it’s harder for a man to leave a woman.
More specifically, women tend to have a lot of women friends who they can tell all of their thoughts and feelings to. But men tend to feel unsafe doing that unless it’s with a woman – and it must be a woman (unless they are gay — and gay men are in less of an emotional straight jacket because they are already going against the traditional male role by sleeping with men so they are more free to release themselves from the male emotional straight jacket too.) So straight men often only feel safe being emotionally open with women they are very close to, which makes them very dependent emotionally on their mate. Men generally won’t leave a woman unless he’s got someone else lined up whereas women will leave even if there’s no one else she can go to. It’s partly why something like 80% of divorces are filed by women.
This is very interesting because before I read this article, I thought that women were likely to fall in love, but that’s also true the answer was men. I think women like love stories, but they distinguish the fantasy and the real world, so they tend to concerned about not only looks but also money and their future families and choose their partners. Actually, some women decide not to get married with their boyfriends because their incomes are not enough to support their lives. Moreover, after marriage, if wives get more money than their husbands’, some of them decide to divorce. In this way, I think women tend to see the real world, and choose their partners.
It all depends on the operational definition of love. So you said men fall in love based on looks? I’m dismissing your entire argument then because then it’s not love, we just want to fuck. Men fall in love with looks but it has to be combined with character. If a girl makes him wait and shows that she is cool, fun, and any other trait that the man wants his partner to have then you get love.
It’s based on men’s and women’s answer to this question:
When did you know you were in love with your significant other?
Not my fault men were more likely to say, “The moment I saw her.”
First, I am very impressed by the research result that men falls in love first and men are more romantic. Because in my mind, I would say that women are the answers for the questions which were asked at the beginning of the article. Because men are very realistic. Once they married they would stop giving surprises and attentions as much as before marriage. And I remember that I have read a article which analyses that men would like to spend a lot of time and efford to pursue women. But when they get the women they will put their attention and efford to work. That is because they think they have already gotten their wife, that is something that they finished. This explaination has been proved by many men. But I also agree with the argument that says men fall in love first. Like the article mentioned that “men are more likely to place greater emphasis on looks”, they are easily fall in love with any girls that looks good. And I am totally agree with the argument that women are more realistic. There are many women say that a good marriage is to marry a man that loves them more than they love him and have a stable or even better job. In nowadays, a lot of girls marry a man by their finacial condition not by love.
This is quite a controversial topic, because love is a very personal experience and different people have their own ideas. But by and large, as it mentioned in this article, I believe there are some women who married without love, especially in my home country, China. In China, boys and girls don’t allow to be in love in school. Many of them don’t know how to love after leaving school. When they grow up and are ready to be married, they just compare the material conditions others have. When it comes to women, this phenomenon is more serious. Because of the one-child policy, there are much more men than women in this country. Women are more likely to choose the men who have house, car and money. I remember once I talked to a dentist who was an almost 25-year-old young woman. She said to me that she wanted to marry a man who has an apartment without loan and that guy must has a nice car. But she even didn’t talk about love. Yes, it is ture, nowadays, in China, when most of women talk about marriage, they will first mention apartment and car, but love — only few women care about it.
So to me this article gives me a good point of view on who can fall in love more men or women. I take this article in to my own experiences because I’m they type of girl that always fallen in love first then my boyfriend. I’m currently in engage to some that i had love since 10th grade. I falling love with him when we first met and still loving him i always said its like love at first sight. Other women in my age group don’t think the same. I have younger friends who think that women are more liking to fall in love faster then men.
After I read this article, it surprised me because I always thought that girls are the one who would believe that love lasts forever. We discussed who are more likely to fall in love at first sight; the answered was men, but I think depends on the ages we are talking about. On the early ages of girls are more likely to fall in love at first sight because they are more concern about appearances other than those guys’ careers. Girls are also not sure he would be her future husbands because she still young and she still have time to choose. Men are more likely to fall in love with first sight because they got attracted by that girl’s appearances and regardless of what her job is.
Well, love could be for many reasons but it doesn’t always end up in marriage. Indeed, I have always believed that women fall in love faster because they more emotional and they do value some things that could be “silly” to men like dates which ” the first day we had our kiss” and ” the first day we met.” In addition, the idea of women getting flowers as a romantic sign from the guy. Maybe this idea goes back in the days where men had to step up defend their families so they became less emotional and the body wise where men are able to take more than women. Indeed, the man’s statues will effect the woman’s prestige as in some cultures she is tied up to her husband’s family name and for that she has to choose the perfect one. I think that men will fall for beauty and once they get to intimate relationship, that all it takes to get them. But for women, they can somehow control themselves, and that explains why the rape is usually done by men. That being said, neither side will say no to a beautiful face, however, a wise person will value the kind heart more, and the person who really appreciate him or her. And women could be better in that point, because actions matter more to them as I have mentioned earlier that dates and small things could make a difference to them. Men might not even notice these things as they are concerned about the outside image.
You do have a point! Thanks.
Oh the question in itself is thought provoking. I feel there could be several factors which may contribute. Parents, upbringingood, values and so on. Yet ultimately love is blind and unpredictable 😀
Wish you a happy 2015 👍
Sure, we are all products of our biology, our social interactions, and our culture. What I’m talking about here are the cultural effects which create the social patterns I’m talking about.
I guess women are confusing.
No, they aren’t visually attracted to men / Yes, they are visually attracted to men.
“Yes, Women Are Attracted to Hotties”
http://jezebel.com/for-the-love-of-shallow-yes-women-are-attracted-to-ho-1498868352
Women are visually attracted to men. It’s the thing that most draws women to men. But nothing about the male body is fetishized, so it doesn’t create the same hit of sexual arousal.
I am very surprised with this answer of men falling in love faster and specially believing in that love lasts forever. I’d never imagined this. It is true that reality doesn’t match expectations for sure. The reason why I thought It was the other way around was because of the way I see girls (sweet, nice, caring, loving, etc.) and the way I see boys (though, players, rational, etc.).
By reading some of the comments here I also realized that each individual see things their own way (from their position). For example, I read a comment that said it wasn’t surprising to know the answer for all those questions mentioned above were men because it is pretty well known that women are looking for someone to take care of them. This might be true, but I just didn’t realize women sometimes marry to bring up their status and not for love.
I am glad to know that the gap is closing. I never realized just how much I have internalized the notion that women should marry for stability rather than love. All too often I will hear a girl say “I want to grow up and marry a rich man”. There is no one saying “I want to grow up and support myself” or “My duty is to financially support my husband and kids”. These thoughts enforce the idea that women are lesser than men. Men are the go getters. Men are the ones who can choose their partner for love. In a way it seems like marrying someone for love is more like a privilege than a choice.
Men who fall in love at first sight are most likely filled with a rush of lust that will most likely run out sooner than later. Relationships based on this type of meeting are most likely to burn out in the long run but some might turn from lust to love. I believe that both men and women are looking for love but it all depends in the place someone is in life and what beliefs have been instilled into them by their parents. Women weeding out the unwanted men as partners might seem harsh and shallow but it is progress for women in a way. While men might eliminate certain women due to their physical appearance, women can now do the same but with other categories in the mix. In the past women might have been stuck with an unwanted partner because of financial need or a certain dependency. Now a day’s women have the ability to take care of themselves and live without the rescue of prince charming.
When I read the opening questions, I thought some of them applied to women falling in love faster than men. The phrase “falling in love” was probably why I went in the opposite direction from the answers, because it is a frequent connotation of women who stereotypically become infatuated with a partner too fast for their wits. Since I’m against that stereotype, I agree that men fall in love faster then women. Men are generally more visual than women, therefore the “love at first sight” is more applicable to them, as well as their hope that it will last. If female cortexes are highly developed and male cortexes are not, then the parts of the male brain that control emotion must be more powerful. Therefore, an attractive woman a man sees and hears will trigger a faster, more direct emotional response from his brain that involves his sexuality.
As a side note, I would like to add that maybe the better term for a man’s “love” should sometimes be replaced with “lust.” A man can interpret “love” as real connections or sex fantasies. I wonder if all men and women in the study have similar definitions of “love,” because if they don’t then the study would not be entirely accurate, wouldn’t it?
Maybe.
I don’t know for sure if men falls in love faster than women. I believe it can go both ways depending on that person. I can say this as a woman. There’s no way in the world I can fall in love at first sight. Maybe lust. Can one really say its love at first sight? I remember meeting this very attractive man and not a doubt cross my mind that he wasn’t the man of my dreams. After dating him a few months all the time we spent together was perfect until the first time he told me he loved me. I was shocked and scared. I ask him how could you say you love me and we have been only dating a short time. He than became angry and said “I know what my heart feels” since that discussion things had changed between us. He became mentally abusive, really mean to me, and not wanting me to go anywhere without him. I realized he was the worst person I have ever been met. I believe love grows overtime and not in one day.
So sorry! I hope you’re out of that relationship now.
What he did his classic for an abuser. See this post:
Grooming Women for Battering
And sure, it always depends. But guys are still a bit more likely to fall in love faster — although it’s nearly even these days.
The idea that men fall in love faster than women really fascinated me. The reasoning behind it made absolute sense. Men are more and normally only concerned on the woman’s looks, hence the statement love at first sight. It’s interesting to think that while a male has a already fallen for you and has become more committed to a relationship, that the woman is merely testing things out to determine if there is more than just a physical attraction to the male. Men I have dated normally become more emotionally connected to the relationship a lot sooner than I do. When he is showing interest in me meeting his friends and family and spending a decent amount of time together, I feel like I fall under that category of woman considering other outside factors to his personality. I tend to take everything into consideration. I don’t have a unique “type”, I can honestly say while having good looks would be nice, they are the least of my concern as long is the individual has a great personality.
I read a comment by a female user on the internet which made a lot of sense.
It was something like this
“if women weren’t visually attracted to men, then there wouldn’t be so many good looking male movie stars”
Of course women are visually attracted to men. Another example is the descriptions given of men in romance novels. They’re always very attractive.
There just isn’t anything fetishy about them. So women rarely masturbate to images of nude men — which is why there’s so much visual pornography out there for men, while Playgirl went bankrupt.
Fetishes, porn and fantasies are one thing but real life attraction is another thing.
Women “supposedly” don’t approach men or they don’t initiate contact with an attractive man. That’s probably not because there isn’t anything fetishy about men but because of “gender roles”. Women learned not to talk to men otherwise they might look desperate or sluttish.
But should we assume that in real life a good looking man catches women’s eyes just like a good looking woman catches men’s eyes?
1) Women definitely don’t approach men very often because of gender roles
2) A good-looking man will catch a woman’s eye
3) the male body has not been fetishized, and women rarely if ever have a fetishized response to the male body. That’s why Playgirl went bankrupt while porn directed at men proliferates — and why Women don’t tend to favor two-minute porn clips.
I mainly answered men for all the questions. Why? I’ve noticed that many girls I talk to look for something special in a guy. While most of the guys go for looks and someone to have fun with. Most men don’t think of the future they only thing of the present while most women think of their future and who they want by their side. Women tend to look for guys who seemed to have a secure and stable life, especially if they want children in the future. Some women aren’t looking for someone to have fun with they want someone they can rely on when they need it the most.
I can see how women are perceived as picky and men just have a few “do’s and don’ts” when it comes to falling in love. I actually see it all the time with my friends. I don’t know, maybe I have really wimpy guy friends or they’re just hopeless romantics. But this is post relationship, so it’s after the break-up, thats when I notice the change in the attitude of men. I figure their change in attitude(being an asshole) is caused by the pain of the break-up because they were very much in love. I also see it as a defense mechanism to defend themselves from that pain again. While women just moves on to more stable men. So as time passes by more heart breaks for the male ruins their view of love and loveless relationships for the female causes her unhappiness. I believe this is where the stereotype of the female being the damage soul shed become has now learned that she needs love and the male who has been disappointed by love has turned his back on it. So my point is, an unexperienced man is likely to fall in love faster and a woman with no experience in a relationship is likely to search for a stable man BUT a man with experience is likely to play around with no strings attach while the woman with experience is likely to look for love. Thinking about my relationship now with my boyfriend I’d say “the gap” is closing. I feel ashamed when he pays for our food or when he buys me clothes because I want to show him that I don’t care for his money I just love spending time with him. I also don’t want to be dependent on man because of my experiences with them, I learned that most of them aren’t dependable and that I should learn to stand on my own for my sake.
I found this post to be extremely surprising considering the disposition I had towards the questions that were asked in the beginning of the post.While I was asking the questions in my head, I immediately thought that the questions were going to be targeted towards women’s feelings and that every woman falls in love first and is also more prone to “falling in love at first sight”. It just goes to show how more and more expressive women act throughout time and I actually liked the details on how this post emphasized how less oppressed women are in our culture in comparison to some countries and how strong the are portrayed. This post made me question some of my beliefs as well and where I would stand if any of my beliefs were antagonizing of the facts in the post or were in line with the questions in the post.It kind of made me go deeper into what I value. The women that would be the epitome of the questions seem like they would be the type of women who are less experienced with relationships so I think the post was aimed towards men who are more sensitive and women who have tasted the poison of love and are looking for a better partner or a compatible partner to live the rest of their lives with even if they’re not in love. I think that younger girls are the type of humans who belief in true love lasting forever and such, most pre-teens and teens fall captive to the illusions of love. I think this is where the stereotypes of the questions stemmed from.Nonetheless, the post was very informative and amusing. This made me appreciate just how much and deep I love because according to the post, not a lot of people can find it. And it really got me thinking about my first love. My first love was really some insignificant boy when it should’ve been myself. All in all, may love abound.
I found this post to be very interesting because when I first started reading, I caught myself answered women for most of the questions above. Simply because like you stated up there, most girls are often in love with the idea of “being in love” due to the affect of those Disney movies or the stereotype portray all over the media. But as I read more, I found that surprisingly studies show that men are more likely to be in love, fall in love at first sight, etc… and it occurred to me that it might be true due to men are more focusing on the appearance, but in my opinion, it might not love. What they feel could just be lust. Of course that doesn’t apply to all the men out there and yes I know this might sound bias but the same can goes for women. In our generation today, it is easy for people to fall in and out of love because we tend to focus more on the appearance, wealthiness, etc…
Overall, I’m glad to know that these studies show a different side to our everyday stereotype about men and women. According to our social expectations today, men are supposed to be more heartless and unemotional while women are the opposite. I believe that social influences are what shaped our gender today.
As far the notion that men are more attracted to women than women are attracted to men and that men have higher sexual drives than women I don’t think that’s entirely true.
I used to believe that but then I read some things that made me wonder.
Let’s assume that men are very sexually attracted to women and enjoy having sex with women whereas women aren’t that much sexually attracted to men and they don’t enjoy having sex with men.
But a man having sex with a woman isn’t that one that has to risk an unwanted pregnancy. So a man can take the good of having sex without risking much. It’s all pleasure with no cost.
But a woman having sex with a man, she is risking 9 months of pregnancy and sticking with a baby. So having sex means that the pleasure must worth taking that risk otherwise women would never have sex with men.
I have no idea how “being sexually attracted to a man” feels to women but I guess it has to be a really strong feeling to make women want to have sex with men.
In Greek mythology, Tiresias was a blind prophet, who was transformed into a woman for seven years.
He was drawn into an argument between Hera and her husband Zeus, on the theme of who has more pleasure in sex: the man, as Hera claimed; or, as Zeus claimed, the woman, as Tiresias had experienced both. Tiresias replied, “Of ten parts a man enjoys one only.”
“As far the notion that men are more attracted to women than women are attracted to men and that men have higher sexual drives than women I don’t think that’s entirely true.”
I don’t think it is either.
First, just because the male body isn’t fetishized doesn’t mean that women aren’t extremely attracted to men. Doesn’t mean that we can’t stop thinking about them, can’t eat, can’t sleep. And in some cultures the female body isn’t fetishized, So that experience would be similar for both men and women. Actually after a guy has seen a women naked a few times, so that the fetish has worn off with regard to her body, he can still be madly in love and can’t stop thinking about her, Can’t eat, can sleep… That’s how women experience attraction to men — or one way.
I don’t know that there is any biological reason why women would have a lower sex drive. On the one hand, men have more testosterone, and twice as much of their brain is taken up with thoughts of sex, And those thoughts are triggered more quickly. On the other hand, Women have a greater capacity for multiple orgasm. And in sex-positive societies, where women’s bodies aren’t fetishized, the sexual interest of women and men, And sex drive, seem to be very similar.
But in the United States and the Western world women’s sexuality is repressed more than men’s, and so it takes more to get women’s sex drive going.
In speed dating events, women remain seated and men stand up and move to the next table.
Some psychologists were studying the human sexuality -including notions such as why men are supposed to be lusting women and willing to say ‘yes’ whereas women are more picky and not that eager to say ‘yes’.
They wondered what if the rules of speed dating were reversed, men remained seated and women rotated. So they set up fifteen speed-dating events with a total of three hundred and fifty women and men. At half of the gatherings, the men carried out the approaches. At the rest, when the bell sounded, the women took this part; in just this one momentary way, repeatedly over the course of an hour, traditional romantic roles were upended.
The researchers asked the participants not only to check yes or no after each four-minute meeting but to rate their sexual feelings for every partner. The results were straightforward. Social structure—and maybe something imbedded physically in the act of initiating—altered perceptions, decisions, eros. Improbably, yet unmistakably, the shift took hold right away. The numbers were plain. When the women were the ones who moved near, they said yes as often, as indiscriminately, as the men. When the women were the ones who crisscrossed the room and closed in, their ratings of desire became just as lustful.
So it’s biological because of testosterone levels but it seems to be social constructed.
Men have to approach and women have to be passive.
In some tribal societies it’s the women who make the approach and choose the man they desire.
Interesting dynamic. Something to think about.
The theory says that men have higher testosterone levels and that’s why they are more assertive and they approach women whereas women have lower testosterone levels so they are passive and they *can’t* approach men.
But researches have found that in rhesus (a species of monkey) the females even though they have lower levels of testosterone, they are the ones who are responsible for every step of mating. The males, even though they have higher level of testosterone, they just sit around, posing and waiting. The females make the approach and they initiate the mating.
So the theory of high and low levels of testosterone doesn’t sound to very accurate. It’s more likely social conditioned.
After all in some tribal societies, women choose and pick the man they desire.
Yes, you’re right.
Men can have high testosterone levels and not be aggressive, too.
Testosterone also damages social skills and verbal skills. And yet we have Bill Clinton and Shakespeare.
People often make too much of biological differences.
Why Do Women Find Handsome Men So Forgettable?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-murder-and-the-meaning-life/201005/mental-disjunctions-why-do-women-find-handsome-men-so-fo
Could it be biological that women are less visual about men?
It would help to do a grand experiment in which the male body is treated the way the female is in our society, and see what happens.
Without evidence like that, who’s to say? But I doubt that women are biologically less visual about men.
In the link you sent, I wonder if the women were more memorable because there is more variation in things like hairstyle and makeup? They didn’t comment on whether they put everyone’s hair in a ponytail and no makeup.
I think there is misunderstanding in being attracted visually vs attracted by personality.
It’s not an “either or” kind of thing. It’s more likely a contimplentary. Imagine a man walking to a class or a bar or at work with women he doesn’t know. There are 20 new women and he wants to meet someone. He can’t possibly go and talk to all 20 women at the same time. He can only talk and ask a woman out at a time. So how does he set his priorities? by their personalities? He won’t know their personalities unless he talk to them and he won’t talk to them unless he knows their personalities? This is a “catch 22”. Should he talk to them in alphabetical order? that makes no sense. So he decides to approach a woman that he finds visually attractive. If they have compatible personalities, that’s great, if not, he moves on. That’s why men are “trained” to value women visually, to save valuable time. Men can’t try to date all the women they meet, so they go after those who find visually attractive.
Now imagine conducting a social experiment. Setting a controlled environment, a bar-like setting with 20 men and 20 women, perfect strangers. Men are told to sit around waiting, and women are told to make the first move and approach the men and talk to them. So a given woman, has 20 men as option to approach. Whom she approaches first? She knows nothing about them, so he can’t approach them because of their personalities or their occupation or social status. The only way that she can evaluate stranger men and approach them is their physical appearance.
If that was the norm then we would have the notion “women are more visual than men are”
But women aren’t supposed to approach men and make the first move so women learned not to value men on their physical appearance.
Well, in some ways women are just as visual as men and in some ways they aren’t.
Women care about looks nearly as much as men do, When it comes to people they don’t know very well (Same for men)
Women are able to learn the breast fetish, so they clearly have the potential to be visual. But most women have probably repressed it, or get distracted by comparing how they look compared to other women, both of which make it go away. Still, A lot of women admit to experiencing it, and entertainment in places like Las Vegas reflect that both women and men learn it.
The main reason women don’t experience the male body in a fetishized way is because the society doesn’t fetishize the male body.
I wasn’t talking about fetishizing bodies but about actually finding people visually attractive in real life.
If women had to make the first move and approach men, how would they decide whether or not to approach a man they don’t know?
What would their criteria be?
But in the western society, women have learned not to approach men, they have learned to wait and be approached by men. Then women can value men on how they approach them and how they behave and how much of “doer” he is.
Women are valued on “being” and men are valued on “doing”
But women care about looks nearly as much as men do, If you subtract the fetishized aspect.
“Our study suggests that increases in gender equality in the society around us can also change the way we think about the opposite sex. Men can relax about having to build up wealth but may benefit from looking after their looks a little more”
http://archive.indianexpress.com/news/modern-men-prefer-brains-over-beauty-in-women-study/1000524/
Thanks. Maybe I’ll write about it sometime.
One of the major differences between men and women is that men usually get attracted by a woman’s looks and then they are attracted to her personality
but women fall first for a man’s personality and then they get physically attracted to him,
of course there are exceptions but that’s how it usually works.
I wonder how much of this is natural and how much it is socially learned.
I bet though that many women would notice a good looking man even though women aren’t supposedly visual when it comes to men.
Actually, women and men are very similar in terms of initial attraction. The main thing that both men and women are initially attracted to is looks. But women are a bit more cautious about falling in love for the reasons described in the post.
Most people who read this seem to overlook the point that the gap is narrowing — actually becoming quite narrow now. And that narrowing follows greater equality between women and men. So these days women are less financially dependent on men, and men are less likely to abuse women, for instance.
Just because women don’t experience a fetish with regard to men doesn’t mean that women aren’t attracted by looks. And actually, plenty of men are attracted to women in ways that may not include a fetish. Look at all the men who are attracted to Mila Kunis, Kiera Knightley, Olivia Wilde, Kate Hudson, Debra Messing, Paris Hilton… despite their having very little in the way of breasts… I bring this up because past comments of yours seem to assume that if women aren’t experiencing a fetish, they can’t be physically attracted to men.
Interesting but at the same time, I think, a lot of what these articles miss out is the fact no one person is the same. Sure you can generalize a little bit and get a very small idea on a small level but to go so far to say, this is something. I don’t agree. Generalisation is very much an overused not so helpful thing. I am male but because of the life I have led could I fall in love from looks alone? Could I really fall in love that quickly? Of course not. It all comes down to the individual. Never base an entire idea off generalizations.
Well I always say that something is more typical of one gender or the other. I never say that all men are one way and all women are another way.
I’m a sociologist, and what sociologists do is study social patterns. Social patterns are always generalizations. And different cultures have different social patterns that vary by gender.
Sociologists also study the source of the social patterns. If you want to change things you need to get at the source of the pattern.
“I’m a sociologist, and what sociologists do is study social patterns. Social patterns are always generalizations”
I would like to ask if the “social pattern” of high school girls and college girls experimenting with each other and pretending to be bisexual is as true as the media are implying to be.
Do straight girls really behave bisexually just because the pop culture has made female bisexuality to be a fad and they are influenced by these ideas?
It’s not much of a social pattern given that only 14% of Women say they have had sex with another woman, and some of those women are lesbian or bisexual.
I wouldn’t be surprised if pop-culture has influenced some of the others.
I’ve finally gotten around to reading Daniel Bergner’s book, “what women want”–well I’m about a third of the way through it. But I noticed one who says she is heterosexual but wants to have sex with a woman with big boobs– Which reminded me of your question about how a woman could see herself as straight and yet want to have sex with A woman. Here’s my thought:
When breasts become a fetish they are simply a sex toy and are detached from the woman. And remember, men in all cultures don’t find breasts sexual. But for hetero men who have learned the fetish, the breasts would actually be connected to a whole person that he was sexually drawn to. So it would seem to him that the breast fetish reflected his heterosexual interest — when in actuality, he would be interested in his mate even without any arousal from her breasts — as tribal men, and many married men, and older men with older mates, are. And, little boys get crushes on little girls who don’t have any breasts at all.
This is just a guess on my part, but it does reflect my own experience with a fetish that has largely faded for me, by the way. But I do have a memory of finding them more arousing than I do now. But even back then it never occurred to me to want to have sex or a relationship with a woman. The thought never occurred to me. I was always just interested sexually/romantically in guys.
i believe man is the first to fall in love as to compare to our first parent in the bible
Adam& Eve ……..Eve didnt love Adam and stop believing the snake because she want more she feels its not enough with what God provide them and she bite it and what happen Adam saw what Eve has done was wrong but because he love Eve so he also took a bite ……and thats inherit man to be inlove first….
Interesting.
What do you think of this post?
Apple® and Eve’s Choice
Before reading this article my guess was that men fall in love faster. This may just because of the person that I am but I feel like it takes me a long time to fall in love. I take saying “I love you” very seriously as well. I also that believe guys are a lot my sentimental and loving than they are seen to be. Men have the stereotype of being strong and showing no emotion. I think this is why it takes guys a while to be able to say “I love you.” Men don’t want to seem like they are softies by saying “I love you” too soon. I think that is is sweet that guys tend to fall in love fast it reassures women about the fact that men are sentimental. Its also reassuring to know that when a girl feels like she is in love and feels like it is too fast and the guy doesn’t feel the same way that in fact the man probably does. In terms of marriage, it actually frustrates me that looks and money play such a huge factor. Compatibility is the most important thing in love not the materialistic factors.
Thank goodness the gap is closing. I can’t imagine getting married based on looks, or on status. Of course, these two are nice to consider, but as a romantic, to think about spending the rest of my life with someone I don’t love is…unthinkable.
In regards to the discrepancy between what is believed and what is reality, I think it’s great men are the ones to exhibit “romantic” traits to a greater extent. I think it’s too often believed that men are emotionless. While love at first sight may be nothing more than lust, there’s still emotion involved. In fact, there’s some commitment that men often are not given credit for. I mean women can be disloyal, but it would be more surprising to society than if a man were to be.
I guess women are seen as being more into schmaltzy romantic things like flowers, sweet talk, ballads including corny boy bands. It seems the man had to make an effort to emotionally woo a woman, while women don’t seem to romance a man as much. It’s a simplification of course, but I actually wish things were a bit more equal sometimes.
This is surprising i am one of those people who think that women are the ones to fall in love faster and that believe at love at first sight. After reading this it really does make sense because women to tend to want to get to know the person first figure out there personality and then fall in love. I like the part were it mentions that the girl well usually check if the guy is socially economically stable etc. cause many people think that because a girl is looking for that , that automatically makes her a gold digger and it shows people that a lot of girls are like that.
interesting to me because these seem like questions all mentioned towards women you just wouldn’t really think of men thinking of these questions but they probably do. i think most women fall in love faster because intimacy gets us emotionally somewhat attached and its just in us ladies and women want to have a connection and not feel as used . men and women can both fall in love at both sight , but its a definitely a yes for men because men are very visual and are very fascinated with look what they look at …( women too! but not as much we can look a lil passed that)! i think women are more likely to think true love last forever, and i think its nice to think that men think love last forever
I don’t really understand the disagreement — the belief that women fall in love faster despite surveys that show that men do.
Men are just more likely to say that they have fallen in love with at first sight. Although that gap is increasingly narrowing. And actually, women do have more reasons to be cautious, since men do tend to have a bigger effect on women’s lives and vice versa. Women tend to be more affected by men’s jobs and by men being bigger and stronger on average — presenting more worries about abuse, for instance.
I believe that women fall in love faster than men. Women, like your article states, are looking for stability, a man with a good job and love. Women tend to be more romantic than men but I have noticed lately that men are changing. I was always attracted to the “bad boys”, the ones that ride Harleys, drink, and have just like to have a good time. That was my husband when I met him. We were together for 13 years before we got married, and after we got married, I wanted more stability. I wanted to make sure we had good jobs so we could move forward and purchase a home for our family. But as far as falling in love, it took my husband some time to come around with the whole “romantic” part. Since he wasn’t raised like that, it was hard for him to change. But he finally is getting the hang of it after 16 years together!
“Men’s interest is simple, uncomplicated. But women more likely want character-driven stories that reveal the lover’s nature…” I can agree to this, it seems that men in general like things to be straight-forward, whereas women because of romantic movies, and novels, expect a lot more effort to see the love in a man. I never thought about this topic, but it seems very true. I also believe that women fall in love at a slower rate than men because they don’t want to be lied to and left out of the blue. It’s like women need to put a shield to protect them from being too vulnerable, because even if they might be hearing all the perfect lines that romantic movies show us to do, women still need men to prove themselves to them. Especially in today’s society…
And the quote does come from a male neuroscientist.
I found this article to be fairly interesting and it also brought up some really good points. However, i think at the end of the day instead of asking questions based on sex everyone should be asking themselves is what is love? And more importantly how can you be sure? How long does it take to love someone? I for example do not believe in love at first sight. I think love at first sight should be referred to as lust or simply checking someone out. In order to truly love someone you have to know pretty much everything there is to know about them and not run away screaming. As Sally and cliche as this might sound, true love takes time and it takes a lot of hard work. There are days when you don’t know what you would do with out each other and there are days when you want to kill each other. I think the world we live in has become to superficial and fast laced that the true definition of love has been completely altered.
You make a good point.
I would of never guessed that men were more susceptible to love. I always believed that men only wanted one thing, and according to this blog I was incorrect. After reading I do understand why it is that way, because men do mostly go off looks when women look into other things. My boyfriend admits to me that we would not have met if he did not find me attractive, that is what caused him to introduce himself. I am not sure if that refers to the love at first sight saying, but I guess it is close enough. As of right now I am not concerned with how wealthy he may end up being, but I have noticed a lot of stay at home moms are married to wealthy men. So in the end it all does match up, and I did not realize that until reading this article; very cool.
Before even reading this article, I had assumed that women fall in love more quickly than men do. Women fantasize perfect relationships by watching romance movies, reading romance novels, and by simply talking about it with friends. I thought it was inaccurate how the article stated that men fall in love faster than women. After finishing it, however, I now see that women may not even realize that they’re waiting to see if the guy they like is good enough for them and is exactly what they want, even though they show how important love is to them. They don’t fall in love quickly at all; they make a list in their head of what’s good and what’s bad in a guy. Men can simply fall in love with a woman just by looking and seeing how beautiful she is. It’s uncommon for men to consider the same characteristics that women do. Overall, very interesting article.
This post was really surprising to me because I genuinely thought it would be women who fall in love faster than men. Women tend to fall in love with the thought of being in love. I am quite young, only 18 but girls my age “fall in love” so fast with just any guy then they find out who they fell in love with isn’t what they expected. In many cases though women have standards to what they want their men to be like and they follow them, it’s not just looks that matter but also education, and the fact that they need to see this person to be able to help support them and if it’s a good idea to have kids with them or not. I do now see why men fall in love faster than women because from what I’ve seen men do go for looks over everything. as long as a women is pretty then she’s the one for him. Im still just a little confused as to if its true men only want sex or majority of the time sex and sex appeal is what attracts them.
When I first read this blog- right after the first question, I had already had an answer in my head. And you’re right, it was definitely women who falls in love faster.
But after reading through your article, I couldn’t help but agree more. Men has a certain “image” of what their future wife will be like and can almost alter every pet peeve to fit with the person they are “in love” with. I suppose women could do the same, but I have so many friends who have these dream girls that they talk about- and acts incredibly ridiculous the minute they score a date.
At some point, they start to think like women. The future comes into play, what the next date will be like and how to keep her interested.
I have had many women in my life tell me that “it’s not about looks” and how I should really look for somebody who is willing to support me and look after my family. I, myself, think about those qualities. Although I am in no position to get married any time soon, I think you just can’t help but wonder sometimes.
Who falls in love faster? Men or Women?
Honestly, I think it all depends on the situation between the man and the woman. But it is mostly the men falling in love first. I do think that some of the comments above are correct, that women tend to look for more than just looks in a man before they actually fall in love. But in some situations a man will look and see how a woman presents herself toward him. For example, does she seem to be innocent, looking for a stead relationship or just someone to full around with, but not serious. And as far as women, they seem to look for a lot more. Like if the guy is a gentlemen, respects the woman, has a decent job, his and his families background. So in my opinion, I do think that it is the man that falls in love first.
Sure, it always depends on the situation. But social patterns come out of individual choices.
When reading the questions I automatically assumed the answer to be women, and while I was a little surprised, after I read the entire article it makes a lot of sense to me. I think women are just more likely to be very cautious and picky with who they want to be with.This is a tricky question to answer though because everyone has their own definition of what love is, but I guess the point isn’t whether they’re really in love or not, but that men think they’ve fallen in love. It’s definitely nice to know that the gap is closing though.
Wow this is a surprise always thought women were the ones that fell in love faster. Especially since I was raised by a mother and grandmother who told me to be careful with guys, because they only talk nice and a girl believes them everything. It gave me the impression that women were very vulnerable and susceptible to falling for the wrong guy. I would always respond to my mother and grandmother to leave me alone because I was not stupid. But this article makes perfect sense, men tend to be attracted to looks and that is what later gives birth to a serious relationship. On the other hand as a women we look for someone who is serious and someone we will depend on. Someone with a good income and family oriented.
This is really an interesting topic. When I first saw the title, I immediately thought that the answer to the question is “women.” Because as you have mentioned, I thought we, women, tends to like romantic things mostly based on movie, novels and TV shows. However, all the factors shown in the article make sense to me. I probably fall in love with a guy’s looks, perhaps I focus more onto a guy’s personality as well as how much we have something in common. So I usually take time and approach to a guy step by step. Only because I believe in long term relationship. Thus as you said that women are more likely to focus on the future marriage life, I probably unconsciously imagine my future with a guy I like.
However these days there are less belief that “things have to be this way,” and the boundaries are going away, so I guess this is one of the factor that the gap is closing over time.
I’ve read some studies that say that men fall in love faster, and it was interesting to read further to find out on what grounds they base this on. It is also very understandable that women focus more on the career, while men focus on the looks. I do believe the findings and position of this stance, but it is hard for me truly accept it as relevant anymore. The tendency for men to fall in love quicker is more widely known that people might think, but in my eyes it is just a phase. The one question I have is how one defines “love”? Falling in love after seeing someone who has “that look” is rare and even when it does happen, you would be hard pressed to find someone to agree that that is true love. Personality was also completely left out of this. I know that wasn’t their subject of focus, but I’m sure that even with a highly attractive women who had an extreme temper, or one who acted incredibly repulsively would not land any lover.
However, I do find it much more common for women to be more selective and attentive when searching for the right partner. Men, from experience, often will only search for those two or three things they want that can exist in any women, and think they can go from there. Though that holds some truth, these ways are changing. More men are becoming aware of what women want, and they act for the better, and teach the younger generations as such. We aren’t changing who we are, but we try to be better overall for both examples to our kin as well as potential partners for anyone. The same goes for women as well. Independence in women is more attractive than ever this day in age, and looks are becoming just the wrapper to what can be a special package.
Love has many definitions, but I wouldn’t use it to explain what happens when people base their relationships off careers or looks.
This makes perfect sense. Women are more cautious when it comes to falling in love which is why we look for good characteristics in men. This may also have to do with the amount of time it takes for each gender to mature. And to women falling in love is more complicated than it seems because we are more emotional; we have to make sure that who we fall in love with is more than just a pretty face. Although who we fall in love with is not under our control, most women use their mind and most men use their heart when they fall in love.
It actually makes sense. The most important characteristic that men are looking for is beauty. So once a girl is beautiful, it’s faster for a man to fall in love with her.
Women on the other hand, want to look at your job, monthly income, house, car, personality, way of life, before falling in love so it’s just normal that it takes more time for them to fall in love.
I do believe men fall in love faster, men simply don’t do it as OFTEN as women. Men are typically more guarded and pragmatic about love, women are far more open and natural about it. Falling in love usually happens in stages for women, as the man of her choice continue to prove himself to her. A man will only fall in love once he is convinced that a woman is unique and irreplaceable. Once that happens the woman doesn’t really need to “prove herself” in any way, he has already made his decision.
“In our sample, men tended to show more activity than women in brain regions associated with visual processing, particularly of the face.
Could this have evolved to enhance men‘s ability to fall in love when they saw a woman who was young, symmetrical, and a good reproductive bet? Maybe. This brain activity could also help explain why men generally fall in love faster than women. When the time is right and a man sees an attractive woman, he is anatomically equipped to rapidly associate attractive visual features with feelings of romantic passion. What an effective courtship device.”
Why We Love (2004) by Helen Fisher PhD
Maybe. But I don’t know why women wouldn’t be just as picky. Could be that men are taught to value looks more than women are, because women are the sex and beauty objects in our world.
Culture overrides evolution much of the time, too. So Victoria’s Secret models, who are unhealthy are thought to be very attractive in our culture. In parts of West Africa obese women are preferred.
And then there is this from new York Times columnist, David Brooks last week. He suggests that we can develop wisdom that overrides evolution:
the strictly evolutionary view of human nature sells humanity short. It leaves the impression that we are just slightly higher animals — thousands of years of evolutionary processes capped by a thin layer of rationality. It lops off entire regions of human possibility.
In fact, while we are animals, we have much higher opportunities. While we start with and are influenced by evolutionary forces, people also have the chance to make themselves deep in a way not explicable in strictly evolutionary terms.
So much of what we call depth is built through freely chosen suffering. People make commitments — to a nation, faith, calling or loved ones — and endure the sacrifices those commitments demand. Often this depth is built by fighting against natural evolutionary predispositions.
I have read that the commitments that some people make to a nation, faith, calling or loved ones are “predefined” by our genes. That’s why there are people who although they grew up in the same environment with the same cultural upbringing still they may have completely different beliefs
Who we are is a mix of the personality we are generically born with, Plus the culture we grow up in, plus the social interactions we go up with.
That’s why you find broad social patterns that vary from culture to culture plus individual outliers whose genetic personality is so strong in a particular area that culture doesn’t affect them much.
I believe men in the present time are looking for the same qualities as women were looking for centuries ago, a stable mate to provide for. Of course, having handsome features can play a significant role in courting, so can enjoying each other’s company, but attraction is key. Indeed, having a stable income is more important now days, considering mortgage rates and health insurance costs, I wouldn’t be surprised if Match.com had this listed on some of the qualities for potential dates. Yet, It’s easy to agree that ‘economic, educational, and job opportunities have relieved many women from the dependent wifely role’ (p.225, WRWC). Meaning, yes these are strong qualities women are attracted to, but it is also a good contribution for women to have them as well. Men might be looking for the perfect mate, but women are putting marriage off to pursue careers more so than ever, finding the perfect husband is a bonus.
I have never looked at falling in love this way and now it makes a lot of sense to why a majority of men fall in love first. I think society has also affected the way men and women fall in love. Unlike traditional relationships, divorces are more likely to happen than before. The was women have become more independent has also impacted the mentality of love. I personally look for many things in a man in order for me to like him. Just like it was described in the blog post, I look for characteristics and the type of things he does that show potential. As women I think we want to fall in love safe and secure while a man desires a woman who can make jaws drop.
“Perhaps we humans inherited this phenomenon—because love at first sight is common to men and women. In a recent survey of one hundred American couples, 11 percent of these men and women had fallen in love the moment they set their eyes on their partner; and in a survey of 679 men and women done in the 1960s, some 30 percent of respondents reported they had fallen in love at an initial glance.”
“Love at first sight is nature‘s work.”
Why We Love (2004) by Helen Fisher PhD
Excellent book describing how all people all through human history regardless gender, race, age, etc., experience the same romantic feelings.
Perhaps we aren’t so different after all.
Makes sense.
And the gap between women and men on this topic has grown quite narrow over time. It’s something I mentioned in the post that people tend to overlook.
I believe that this is true. Guys mostly care about looks and women care more for personality. It takes longer to get to know someone than to look at them. I mean sure some girls seem to fall fast but men fall faster. They care more about having a trophy wife than a happy love life. I personality take a while to even like a guy. I find all the things I do not like about the man before I think about the things I do like. I guess I am cautious when it comes to falling in love. However, men take a first glace at woman and make their move. Its funny to think that we think women are the ones that fall in love faster when in reality it is men.
This blog was really interesting because I definitely thought that all the answers to those questions would be women. As I read the blog more, all the information that was provided definitely changed my thinking on the subject and I started agreeing that the answer to the questions would be men. Is it more likely that women can fall in love more than once in their lifetimes than men? I have to say that I definitely look at more factors than just a man’s looks in order to put them in my line of thinking that they are boyfriend material. I definitely couldn’t just be with a man for his money. I need to feel like they want me around and to be my best friend as well as my lover. I think that I’m like that because I plan to be self-sufficient and not need a man for their financial support. So it makes life pointed towards finding a partner and not a supporter.
I am in shock right now! am sure a lot of people found this very surprising. I don’t know why but I always thought that it was rare to have a man completely fall in love with a woman. I used to believed that since men are less emotional, it takes a lot for them to actually be in love. I must say this gave me a lot of hope haha 🙂 Nice to know that we are in the same boat! I don’t know if its true, but i heard that men fall in love once in their life time?? (i know it sounds stupid) but its the number of people that told me the same thing that made me really wonder…Most likely men will have this experience in high school or college, and if it ends up not working out with the girl they fell in love with its over. they might eventually find another person, even get married and love them too but not quite close to the ‘one that got away”. I would love to hear your take on this.
Interestingly, men are also unlikely to leave women unless they already have another girl lined up.
One of my male students was talking about this and said that the only time men can open up and be emotional is in relationships, and it’s such a relief. This seems to be part of the reason that men may need women even more than women need men.
I saw a study which said that both women and men feel they only fall in love one (on average) time in their lives. Now, memories fade and a grown man or woman might consider an early romance mere puppy love.
Wow. This is quite interesting. In my opinion I believe the media has a lot to do with the way we all respond to the opposite sex. With that point in mind, it comes to no shock how men could “fall in love” sooner solely by looks. I do however feel that we shouldn’t refer to it as love. I think infatuation would be more appropriate.
I mean, we can all find someone physically attractive but that attraction goes away once you get to know each other (at least in my experience). And if that were the case then it wouldn’t be categorized as love.
I admit men are likely to fall in love at first sight, as same amount as women do. My friends often shout like “Oh look at that girl! She’s so hot,… just looks perfect, huh?” and I’m just “yeah, she looks good, so what??” Unlikely to those friends, I don’t have an experience of falling in love at first sight, and one time when I told them about this, they said I was cold as ice and not romantic. To me, it doesn’t matter which of men or women fall in love faster, but what I like about this article is that it addresses the gap is getting narrow and narrow due to more independence of women, which motivates both men and women being respectful and loving each other in marriage.
It is really a fascinating article. Before I read this article, I always used to think that women are the ones who will fall in love and believe in love more easily as women are always consider to be more vulnerable and emotional. It made me feel like women are more romantic so it is more likely for them to think that there is a perfect one for them. However, after reading this article, I realize that my perspective is somehow stereotyped and biased. I never thought that women will be more concern on the outside factors of their partners and that is so true. I totally agree with the example that, “a waitress who marries a dentist is likely to see her prestige rise to his level” and that is why we sometimes can see young unsophisticated women marrying rich old men, do you think their marriage is base on true love? I really doubt that.
I doubt it too.
I believe that women have been programmed to fall in love faster. Boys are raised never to cry and be tough, and they never are supposed to talk about their feelings. While women are thought to be sweet, kind and full of emotions. So of course when a man a women get into a relationship they both want to different things at first. At first attraction might be the only reason they link up but I believe that changes for women much more quickly than for men. Mostly because they were raised differently, men to be tough and women to be emotional. So maybe we are all victim to the way society has depicted man and woman. Ultimately I believe that things dont have to be like this, there can be change
I believe that women fall in love faster. In fact, there is a stereotype about men suggesting that all strong, cute, rich, and romantic guys are perfect. But, that is not true, and most of the time they are the worst men. So, when we meet a guy like that, she will just think that he’s the best, and that he has everything: He is cute, so she will have beautiful children; he is rich, so you and your children will have everything you want etc. This makes us fall in love faster than men because for men more factors matter in this process of love. Indeed, men care a lot about your background as a woman while we, as women, care less about men’s background. For example, a men will try to know if you are virgin or if you like to have sex everywhere with anybody (how many times you had sex? with whom?) which is part of their pride as men. If you had sex with a lot of people, they will less likely fall in love with you because they will be like “I am not going to be with that frivolous girl”. Also, if you had sex with someone that he personally or that someone in his group of friends knows, he will also less likely fall in love with you in order to avoid being compare or judge by his friends or the person who had sex with you. Moreover, men look at your body before falling in love with you implying that if you do not have what they are looking for in the right proportions, they will again less likely look at you or even pay attention to you. Some other factors might be education, whether you had kids or not with a previous man (if so, how many?), and your group of friends.
In conclusion, it might be different in the US, but that is how it is in my country (CI). Women are underestimated in relationships because they are considered to be more fragile, vulnerable, and dependent on their partners which makes it seems like they are the ones falling in love faster and believing in perpetual love, kids, and marriage.
Ok, but men in US report falling faster. (Though the gender gap is quickly narrowing)
The popular notion is that men care about women’s looks and women care about men’s personality. If that’s the case then a woman should most likely accept all offers from guys and go on 5-6 dates per day.
How else she could get to know someone well enough and see if she likes his personality. What if she rejected that most amazing guy before she get to know him well?
So why girls decline date offers from guys BEFORE they get to know them well?
And how she could possibly decides if she likes his personality or not before she goes out on a few dates with him and get to know him?
it doesn’t make sense.
Guys on the other hand, when they see a girl they like, that will motivate them to get to know her. They won’t decide that they want to date her simply because of her good looks (at least most of the times) but her good looks will give them a motive to ask her out on a date and see if they like her personality as well.
So why women reject guys’ offers BEFORE they get to know them well enough?
Could women be visual as well and reject guy’s offers based on their looks on a subconscious level?
Research shows that when choosing who to date Women are nearly as likely as meant to care about looks.
They’re less visual when it comes to the fetish. And that may be because the male body isn’t fetishized and homophobia represses the fetish when it’s a directed at women.
“And that may be because the male body isn’t fetishized and homophobia represses the fetish when it’s a directed at women.”
I don’t understand this.
Homophobia is why women aren’t visual with the male body?
Wouldn’t that be heterophobia?
No. Homophobia is why women repress the fetish when it’s related to breasts.
“The study was done by David Buss of the University of Michigan who asked a large sample
of American students to rank the qualities they most preferred in a mate: He found that men preferred kindness, intelligence, beauty, and youth, while women preferred kindness, intelligence, wealth, and status: He was told that this may be the case in America, but it is not a universal facet of human nature. So he repeated the study in thirty-seven different samples
from thirty-three countries, asking over one thousand people, and found exactly the same result: Men pay more attention to youth and beauty, women to wealth and status: To which came this answer: Of course women pay more attention to wealth because men control it: If women controlled wealth, they would not seek it in their spouses. Buss looked again and found that American women who make more money than the average American woman
pay more attention than average to the wealth of potential spouses, not less:” High-earning women value the earning capacity of their husbands more, not less, than low-earning women: Even a survey of fifteen powerful leaders of the feminist movement revealed that
they wanted still more powerful men. As Buss ‘s colleague Bruce Ellis put it, “Women’s sexual tastes become more, rather than less, discriminatory as their wealth, power, and social status increase.”
1) it makes sense that women who are so concerned with wealth that they go out of their way to become wealthy would also be concerned that men they mate with hold a lot of wealth. What you’re looking at here has to do with values, not gender.
2) it’s hard to find cultural differences these days because Western, patriarchal values have spread so widely. He should look at historical literature of matriarchal or egalitarian peoples, like American Indians.
“I saw one study that found that slightly more men were interested in women’s faces than breasts ”
This is a common subject of discussion among men “what do you notice first and the most, face or body” and it is done in a serious tone, not like immature high school kids.
And I concur, that it’s almost equal, half men prefer face over body.
I think that it would be almost impossible for women to learn to lust over men’s bodies at that same degree that men do over women’s bodies.
Even if (and that’s a big “if”) the media focused on men’s bodies, the chest of a man has been unsensualized (is that correct word?) for almost a century now and it’s not considered any more to be a body part that could induce lust just like women’s breasts. I can’t imagine that men’s chest could possibly be considered to be near as sexy as women’s breasts ever again. What’s more likely is that women’s breasts could also loose the “sexiness” through over exposure, but even that is highly unlikely.
I agree. The male body could become more sexualized via the media-infludenced female gaze, but it is unlikely to ever be fetishized.
the fact the gap is quite narrow is based on statistics or surveys?
is there a source about that?
another thing, the whole discussion is about who “falls in love faster” or “love at first sight”, and as you said and I agree it’s men.
But in the beginning of your post you also asked
Who is more likely to believe that love lasts forever?
Who is more likely to feel there is one perfect love?
you said that it’s men again but I think that in that case it’s women
these questions are about something entirely different than “love at first sight” of “who falls in love faster” and I think that could be why many people, in particular women, still believe that women falls in love faster – it’s because they confuse the question “who falls in love faster” with the two above questions.
So I believe that men could fall in love “faster” but women could love “more” in the long run. Women value intimacy more than men later on.
These of course don’t apply to everyone but it’s more likely to happen.
All this love research is based on survey data, which is to say statistics based on surveys. So both.
The reason men have historically been more likely to believe that there is a perfect love and that love lasts forever is because men have historically been more likely to marry for love than for financial stability. That’s because historically men were able to make a good living, and women were not. So women had to be concerned about that sort of thing. Women didn’t have money to offer, particularly. All they had to offer was their looks, their ability to make a man fall in love. Women are still more likely than men to be concerned with a potential partner’s financial stability/security, likely because women are more likely to expect to give up a career to raise a family. So she needs a man who can support a family. But because women can now make their own money all of these gaps are narrowing, and by quite a bit. Not a lot of difference between women and men these days.
Here are some studies that were done on which this post is based:
Hatfield and Sprecher 1986. Measuring passionate love in intimate relationships. Journal of Adolescence
TL Huston and Ashmore, 1986. Women and men in personal relationships. In “the social psychology of female-male relations”
Rubin, Peplau and Hill 1981. Loving and leaving: sex differences in romantic attachments. Sex roles.
Another thing that perhaps we should in consideration is the difference between lust and love at first sight and it’s interesting that men can experience both more than women, especially lust.
Lust appears when the men focus on body parts, and with exposure of female bodies through magazines, tv and porn, men learned to lust female body parts.
But love at first sight comes when a man pays attention to the face of a woman. No man is going to spend his time watching porn for the faces of the women. When we were kids and we were reading a porn magazine, someone made a comment about the beautiful face of a porn star, everybody laughed at him.
The faces can reveal and tell us subconsciously a lot about that person’s genes -if it’s a suitable match or not- and attraction and sex after all are all hardwired to our brains.
But body parts can not tell us many things about that person’s genes, it just causes lust because it’s social constructed, just like Pavlov’s dog.
Men spend equal(?) time between lusting over body parts and falling in love with faces.
Women are closing the gap but only in gazing male faces, they are still way behind in lusting male bodies.
So that could mean that in the near future women will value the faces of men more than men value the faces of women? I don’t know if it makes sense the way I write this.
Men don’t only learn about women’s genes by looking at their faces, They learn a lot about women’s personality, mood, confidence, all sorts of things… by looking at their expressions. I saw one study that found that slightly more men were interested in women’s faces than breasts (see below). Maybe they don’t always admit that to other guys. Some do! And another study that came out before I was blogging–- But I should probably write on it anyway–– Showed that for a one night stand men cared more about women’s bodies but for long-term relationships men cared more about a woman’s face.
Men Prefer Great Hair Over Big Breasts?
If you want women to lust after men’s bodies as much as men lust after women’s then the culture will have to change to be less patriarchal and more egalitarian in who is portrayed as the sex object. But I can assure you that being portrayed as the sex object has a huge downside. I would prefer that we have a more egalitarian culture with neither men nor women portrayed as sex objects:
Keep Your Boobs, Get Better Guys
It’s funny though that women it is considered to be more romantic than men still they don’t believe in love at first sight. When you think “I don’t know him well enough to like him” isn’t much different than considering a job or a business partnership offer “can I trust him and go in business with him, what are the pros and cons”. I am not saying that everyone should or could fall in love at first sight because the whole point is you can’t force it and also you can’t prevent it from happening. “Love at first sight” or “love” for that matter, is a feeling, you can not rationalize a feeling. You can’t think analytically and consider all the pros and cons and “decide” to love somebody. Sure thinking thoroughly can give you comfort, safety, companionship but love is a feeling, you can not think it through.Someone could argue that “love at first sight” doesn’t exist because it’s irrational – that’s the whole point, “love at first sight” is INDEED irrational so there is no point in trying to rationalize and conclude that it doesn’t exist with logical arguments. In matter of fact all emotions are irrationals. They are located at different parts of the brain than rational thought. That’s why when people are in a highly emotional state (fear, happiness, stress, sorrow, etc) can not think rationally.That also explains why sometimes when (young) people are in love can do irrational things, or they can eat and sleep less – because being in love alters the hormonal balance of the brain and the body.
But someone would expect that women should believe in love at first sight, after all they were the ones that grew up with fairy tales. When the princess saw prince charming did she tell him “we should talk casually for a couple of months first then start dating slowly and see where it goes” – now that wouldn’t be much of a fairy tale, right? How about literature or poetry? Romeo and Juliet could be considered as a case of “love at first sight”. That wasn’t real? well, art imitates life and Shakespeare as all great artists was very receptive and highly aware of what’s going on in real life.
It seems that some can experience love at first sight and some can not. I am not sure who are the lucky ones.
It is funny. And that’s why so many people are surprised.
That said, now that women can make their own money and don’t have to think of marrying men in terms of “How much money does he have” women are more likely to marry for love and are also more likely to fall in love at first sight. In fact the gap between women and men is quite narrow now. I mentioned that my post but people seem to miss it.
I think men also fall in love easier because most men are looking for that love and care giving a mother gives after they get to old to go back to mommy. All the hiding your emotional side gets exausting after a while so the first woman to make a man feel that warmth he will fall in love with.
Interesting.
That was a very interesting blog. When I first started reading the questions in the beginning, in my mind, I answered “women” to every single question. Before reading, I thought that women are most likely to fall in love because they’re very emotional and they just want someone to be there to listen to all their problems. However, after reading the blog, I guess it is true that men look for “the one,” depending on women’s looks and compatibility they have towards each other. I feel that all males out there “know” that they’re the ones who’s suppose to work more and to support the family because that’s how society tells us. There are rarely any families where the mom works while the dad stays home and watches over the kid. As for women, I feel that all women would like to be a stay home mom after she gets married. My mom would always joke around when I was little and say, “Oh, when you’re older, just marry a wealthy guy and then you’ll have a happy life.” So women do focus more on looks and jobs when they’re searching for their man. I feel that women are also very picky, like if a guy has some sort of flaw, they just skip him and look for another guy, without really giving that guy a chance. It’s good that many people aren’t like this a lot anymore. I heard that couples get married later now, as in, instead of getting married in their early 20’s, they wait a couple of years and then get married during their late 20’s. (ages 25 to 30) Which is super good.
The fact that men are more interested in women’s looks could have something to do with women being more “attractive” than men or could it be vice versa,
because women are more valued on looks, they considered to be more attractive than men,
if a woman is beautiful it’s all she needs to be valued, but if a man is beautiful that does not mean much
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-how-and-why-sex-differences/201105/men-are-rated-less-facially-attractive-women
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/201101/women-are-more-beautiful-men
Well, there are a lot of things you could look at here. For one thing, Women care about looks these days almost as much as men do. But women are also more likely to be concerned with other factors as well. But as the one article says, Women also have make up options and more options for hairstyles that are flattering. Plus, the society teaches us to think of women as being more attractive. So it’s hard to know whether women are actually more attractive or whether they just seem so.
This is an unanswerable question. As young girls, women are taught to not trust men because they will break there hearts. And this is why women try not to open up too much, thinking that guys only want to sleep with them.
I think women falls in love first, but men falls in lust first. Men are probably the ones who fall in love at first sight. I think women falls in love first, but men falls in lust first.
However stereotypically speaking, women falls in love quicker. But nowadays who knows who falls in love first. People are more in love with the idea of love then actually being in love with their partner.
Well, the data is based on self-reports.
Hmmmm. I was almost wishing I hadn’t read this blog. I feel as though it feeds into the dogma that women are almost “gold diggers” and that men are “sex addicts”. I say this because of the reasons denoted why a man falls in love in this blog vs why a woman would fall in love. A man to fall in love so quickly based on the exterior of a woman only makes me feel as though his love is almost invalid and temporary- thus signaling as to why men tend to stray in marriage (also mentioned in blog). The reason why women fall in love is beyond looks, more so his stability as an adult. All sound more like arrangements made inside of each individual which is why I believe people want to get married later and later as the stigmas surrounding the foundation of marriage seem so shaky. I read the other day that marriage is a 76 BILLION dollar A YEAR industry. But, I did appreciate the study that the gap between the differences is closing. Reading the first few sentences I went in with my original thought that women do always fall in love faster, but that could just be me speaking from experience. 🙂
I’ve noticed that people often “overread” this post. They take it to mean more than it says.
The post says that women are only slightly less likely to experience love at first sight these days. And that’s because women are more able to make a living these days. In the past women were not allowed to make a living and they had to depend on their husbands. That’s not gold digging, there simply wasn’t much choice. But even today when women are more concerned with her husband income it’s because women are more likely to give up their careers to stay home with children, so that it becomes a concern. Again, that’s still isn’t gold digging.
I also think it’s important to see how culture creates psychology. So when you grow up in a culture with gender roles, of course it’s going to affect women psychology– re-creating the pattern in some way.
I’ve also noticed that a lot of people don’t want to hear actual data if it’s not politically correct. I’m not always thrilled with it either, but I’m more interested in the truth.
Thanks for offering your perspective.
Looking at the title of this topic, I would’ve thought women fall in love faster than men. But it does make sense because many women used to have the kind of mentality that if they are to be in a relationship, the man they are with has to be able to financially support them and their future family. Although women in relationships today may still want that, I feel that nowadays some are more inclined towards getting a degree and higher level of education with greater chances of having a better job than their significant other, which may be a reason as to why the gap is closing. It is very understandable that men believe in love at first sight, because they’d look at the woman’s body, face, and think “that’s the one” rather than standing there thinking, “Woah, she’s hot, but what does she do for a living? I wonder if she makes enough money?” Not all men have the love at first sight mentality, but I believe it’s understandable if they do.
Georgia, what’s your personal experience with “love at first sight”?
Have you ever experienced it?
No, I haven’t.
Well, even though you haven’t experienced it, you wrote a very good post about it.
Thank you.
If I may ask something else.
Whenever you were interested in a man it was someone you already knew?
meaning you knew someone well and THEN consider the possibility that he could be a suitable dating partner?
did you ever see someone you didn’t know (but you could get to meet him – in class, work, having mutual friends – not a stranger in the street) that you liked him enough to try and get to know him?
thinking something like “he looks good, let’s see what he has to say”
All the time. I just wasn’t in love with him at first sight.
Btw, I went back to respond more fully to something you asked about objectifying men — had to run and meant to get back — but now I can’t find it. Hope I didn’t accidentally hit spam. I get so much spam that it’s impossible to find later. Feel free to comment again. If I spammed you, you may need a different name — Jean Luc or something.
in “the Female Brain” at chapter three, there is a description of a kind of “falling in love at first sight” from the perspective of a woman.
Women can do it, even though I haven’t. They’re just less likely to.
Page 65
As a result of this extra cautiousness, the typical female brain isn’t as ready to admit to being overwhelmed by infatuation or the sheer excitement of sexual behavior as is the male. Women do reach the same or a higher romantic end point, but they’re often slower to confess to being in love and more careful than males in the beginning weeks and months of a relationship. Male brains have a different neurological love wiring. Brain-imaging studies of women in love show more activity in many more areas, especially gut feelings, attention, and memory circuits, while men in love show more activity in highlevel visual processing areas. These heightened visual connections
may also explain why men tend to fall in love “at first sight” more easily than women.
i personally think the women does at first and then the male, later on male stops showing it while he does more and women don’t usually get and when relationship is over the female gets over while the male still can’t.
Well, almost every time the male is first interested in a female and he is trying to “convince” her that she should be with him and then the female is judging him and deciding if she should choose him, rarely it’s the other way around.
It’s like men acting on impulse and love at first sight whereas women are “calculating” the man’s “value” to decide if he is good enough.
Men’s interest in women is based more on emotions whereas women’s interest in men is more mental, they take in account all the factors and then they reach to a decision if he is a suitable match.
The More Confident He Is, The Less He Likes You
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2011/12/more-confident-he-is-less-he-likes-you.html
I searched the internet for questions like this one.
It’s interesting that most, if not all the women responded things like “there is no such thing as love at first sight” “you can’t fall in love with someone if you don’t know that person” “it’s just lust”.
I don’t know if it’s sad or is it better that someone can not experience “love at first sight”, and in matter of fact it’s something that women can’t even comprehend.
Well ladies, love at first sight DOES exist and almost every man (probably ALL men) have experienced it at least once in their life time and it’s a wonderful feeling and experience, it’s mind “crippling” and “breath taking”, something you remember for the rest of your life. And it’s not lust. There is a big difference when it’s lust, when that’s the case men get “aggressive” and proactive and the chase the woman, when it’s love at first sight, men get numb and “passive”.
So if a man is looking at you and is very nervous at approaching, then he really really likes you in a good way, and he is not just interested in getting you to bed.
So remember this.
If a man gives you signs that he is interested in you but he is nervous at approaching you,
he most likely have good intentions, he is genuinely interested in you but he is nervous because he has already romantic feelings for you, you may not think that’s possible but yes the nervous man is most likely into you big time.
If a man that shows interest in you and he is approaching you cool and bold, most likely he is after one thing and/or he had so much experience that it’s nothing to him to approach women.
Typically I think it is assumed that women are the more sentimental sex, the believers in true love, and the believers of in love at first sight. After all, we are raised on stories of Disney princess’s, chick flicks, and novels that all depict love as the most prevailing aspect of relationships and an ultimate goal in life. At first my answer to all the questions asked at the beginning would have been: women. However, this posting has a point that as women grow mature and gain experience their fairytale ideas of men fade. Women, perhaps as a side effect of evolution have other things besides love to consider before choosing a man. Many women first consider looks, social status, and wealth before deciding to give their hearts. Although it may seems shallow, this is a method of making sure that IF they decide to fall in love, that man is capable of taking care of them and a future household. The surprising part for me is that men don’t take these precautions to the same extent as women.
It’s because men affect women’s lives more than vice-versa. E.g., womens status has les effect on her spouse’s status, and in abusive situations, men typically do more harm, being bigger, stronger on average.
How the blog says that men fall in love faster than women really caught my attention. It is true that many people believe that women would fall in love faster. But overall, I do not agree with the blog. I still believe that women fall in love faster than men. Men and women see love differently. Women are more of the hopeless romantic type and personality over powers looks. Women, like to see what a man can do for them and how he treats them. In my opinion, women are more into making sure they are being treated the right way. When women talk we talk about what he did, what he said, how he complimented you, etc. For men, its looks and they are more towards “love at first sight”. Men are more physical. They talk about body parts, and their favorite body part of a girl they are into etc. Women and men have their own interests and have different meanings of what love means to them.
Funny, sounds like you just argued for why men fall in love faster. All they have to do is look. Women have to get to know his personality and all sorts of other things before she falls in love.
After reading this article I ran through all the reasons why I’m in love with my boyfriend. I’ve never been one to fall in love or over think relationships but this one, yeah he was different. He definitely fell for me first, in the beginning I resisted I found every reason on why I didn’t like him. He wasn’t tall enough, he wasn’t faithful, and he wouldn’t be good for a family, were all thoughts going through my head when I would hang out with him. He did of a phenomenal job of proving everyone one of those wrong. It took time and effort to get him to be faithful but he’s the perfect guy for me. After looking at my own situation I completely understand how and why guys fall before women do.
I am extremely surprised that men fall in love faster. Reading this blog it actually makes a lot of sense because women have a lot more factors that they look at then men. I agree that most men can take one look and know that he needs to be with that woman. I feel like my relationship actually confirms with this post. I’ve asked my boyfriend before, why he decided to talk to me. His answer was that he thought that I was pretty and that he just knew that he had to talk to me. It did take me a longer time to decide if I even wanted a relationship with him. I fell in love with his personality but knowing he was stable definitely played a factor.
Wow. Interesting, if I were to be asked who falls in love faster women or men i would definetly say women. I can totally see why men can fall faster than a woman. Reason why is because they seem to “fall n love” with a woman by her appearance/ what they see. Her physical. Therefore he becomes attracted and believes he is in love, yet within time and getting to actually know her personality might change his whole idea of “being in love” and cause him to move on… I believe men could also fall faster if they see the girl is into the same type of things he is. For example, sports, certain attractions, video games whatever the case is. I see that it might take a little longer for women to fall in love just because we don’t always have this whole idea of just looks. We tend to look into “the future and ask ourselves is it worth being and falling in love with the man. Is he family oriented, has a good future ahead of him, etc. I guess we are more cautious of falling in love than men are.
I have asked around also and was shocked at the response myself that when I asked who falls in love faster? Men or Women? a lot have answered MEN. At first I have to confess that I thought that it would be women just because I am a female and we are way more caring and fragile than men but that was not the case. I have also asked who is more likely to fall in love at first sight and as stated it would be men because men are mostly attracted to the physical appearance than anything else. That is like their gateway to love. I have been told and believe that women are most likely to believe that love lasts forever because we all want that kind of storybook love that fairytale ending where the couple lives happily ever after and never fails. Not all women believe that but the majority of women do. But that also goes for men, I mean the majority of men does not believe in an everlasting love but some of them do hope for it just as much as the majority of the women that do. I believe that it is equal when it comes to believing in one soul mate. I mean both men and women have a certain belief of some kind of hope that there is one person out there in this world that you belong too and that person belongs to you. Just because in society women do not have as much say as men do, that women are most likely to marry without love just to get by sometimes. And it is not really their fault men give out that sense that they need to take care of they women and some just abuse it. I do not know if this all makes sense but it is what I believe and what I heard.
Reblogged this on X-Treasure-Box.
What confuses me about this is that it seems to be confusing infatuation and/or lust for love. If you consider initial, instant attraction “love,” then sure, men fall in love faster. But that makes no sense. Such feelings will not necessarily lead to feelings of love. A man could beg this beautiful woman he just met to go out with him, but hold off on saying or thinking “I love you” for a long time. They’re not the same thing.
You could be right. The data is based on “when did you fall in love with your spouse?”
I just saw an interview with Billy Crystal. He fell in love with his wife when he first saw her. They’re still married. He seems to love her.
Yes, I believe that men fall in love faster than women because men fall in love with women for their looks. Gorgeous good looks, hot body, beautiful face, luscious hair it’s all about physical appearance. But women care about more than physical attraction. So, if a guy asks a woman out and she’s not at all physically attracted to him, but he’s very nice, or funny or ambitious etc., then she will give him a chance for a first date. If that goes well, she will continue to date him and, overtime, will develop emotions for him. So I think that men are visual. The best advice I got when I was a teenager was to remember that men fall in love with what they see and we fall in love with what we hear. So sometimes we have to remember to plug our ears and look at what a man is doing. That will show us how he feels.
I thought this post about “Who falls in love faster, Men or Women” ultimately very interesting. I honestly felt like woman fell in love way faster than men when I read the title but when I got deeper to the details it started convincing me because I do believe that men show more emotions towards women that are really good looking as in almost falling in love at first sight. But then it makes me think that do men really fall in love just by a woman’s looks. Since I’ve always had more guy friends than girl friends I completely understand how this study shows that men usually are the ones that fall in love faster than women. And also how women tend to think more deeper than just looks, for example if the man is financially stable, they also focus on specific characteristics they’re attracted to. Women always tend to always think in the future, if that person is beneficial for them etc. To also think about how it depends on what a mans job is what women think of and also try to better themselves because they want to be at their level or somewhat close to it. In addition, I like the fact that women are not getting married just based on the mans income now days it has lowered now, and now women are getting married based on being in love with that person. Makes me happy 🙂 lol
🙂
I feel like it’s more of a physical attraction not love at first sight for a man. A man may call it love but I believe it takes a lot more to love than just meeting a person. That could just be because I am a girl though. I agree with the fact that a woman puts more thought into a relationship before she is in love. Not necessarily money wise but just overall who the person is and if you can see yourself marrying that person. If he is a person who will be able to protect you and your family. A man will fall in love if you cook for him and he can see you raising his kids. In both ways it takes more than just meeting someone
I found the topic of ‘who falls in love faster? Men or Women- very interesting with very surprising study results. I honestly never gave much thought to it before, but after spending over an hour reading the different opinions and thoughts, it really opened my mind to the possibilities that my outlook on how men and women perceive relationships in the infancy stage was grossly off-step.
To hear from men that they have experience ‘love at first sight’ was an eye opener for me. My perception of men’s feelings/anxieties were different as night and day, and looking back, I believe that society played a large role in my “previous” opinion. My generation, I always felt that women had to drag out what/how men felt and then the sense of ‘relationship entrapment’ soon followed. I never knew, as a whole, that it was women who were more interested in the ‘benefit packages’ than actual being in love. To me, it is an unfair expectation placed on men to be all of these things on an unrealistic personal ‘must have’ list.
In all honesty, I personally feel that both men and women have very similar anxieties and fear of rejection from a potential mate (for a lack of better words) and previous relationships results and their outcomes play a large factor in those anxieties.
As mentioned in a previous posting, in your twenties, we all experienced falling in and out of love rather quickly. Now into my 5th year of marriage, even now I find that my previous thoughts on love have changed, even towards my partner. Now in my late 30’s, financial stability is not a priority of what I look for in a partner. Mental stability and sociability are important.
For me personally, I never idolized “Disney Princesses/Princes. It was not until Mulan was released that a Princess saved the Prince. Previously, it was always the Princess being saved from an evil something or another. This goes back to Cognitive-Developmental Theory, where at a young age, our first segregation task is separating boys from girls, and the stereotype roles that goes with each.
In my honest opinion, if I was interested in someone romantically, and if he were to confess that it was love at first sight, I know my knee would buckle in an instance. To me, that is the truest form of romance that even Hollywood could not touch.
Actually, men and women are very similar. Men are just a bit more likely to fall in love at first sight these days. The gap used to be bigger.
I can definitely relate. I have recently been talking to an old friend and we have been dating. He has already told me he is in love with me. I could not say it back to him yet because I felt like I didn’t know him well enough to know if I could love him. I didn’t think it was possible for a man to confess his love so soon. I wonder if falling in love so quickly is a bad thing? Not knowing a person well enough to know if you actually love them can be dangerous. What if he realizes that he doesn’t love me? Is it just a short phase for men?
Good point.
While reading this something came to mind. If men fall in love faster does that mean when they fall out of love does it takes longer for them to fall in love again? When my current boyfriend was dumped by his ex I saw in his actions, words and body language that he was crushed. Her on the other hand, had moved on within a couple of days. So I agree with the article that men do, sometimes, fall in love faster than girls. But when I was dumped it tools me months to even attempt to move on. So even though studies show that men fall in love faster is it true that they’re recovery time is longer or shorter?
Is men’s recovery time faster or shorter?
Typically it takes men longer to recover. They are less likely to have friends to talk to and they are less likely to see a psychologist to help them through it. Divorce also tends to be harder on men in part because they are often taken by surprise. That’s because they haven’t been listening to their partner. (That may be true of men who aren’t married, too, I don’t know.)
Men tend not to leave a partner until they have found someone else. Women are more likely to leave a man whether or not they have found another partner.
http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2010/06/its-in-the-genes-why-guys-inst.html
“In a recent Daily Mail story, University of Amsterdam scientists explain that men who go gaga for gorgeous gals within “milliseconds” of spotting them aren’t being shallow—they’re actually following their “ancient genetic preferences.”
The scientists go on to explain that for men, physical attraction, particularly a beautiful face “is a sign of fertility and the survival instinct draws them to women who can carry on their line”
So men falling for a beautiful woman isn’t shallow, it’s instict.
1. What’s considered beautiful varies from culture to culture. For instance in some cultures women plucked their hair back so that they would have very large foreheads. And a preference for blonde would only be healthy if you lived far away from the sun. Otherwise a preference for darker coloring would be healthier. Yet you don’t always find that that’s the preference.
2. No matter how many men find an attractive woman beautiful, only a few will actually be able to reproduce with her. So what good does it do? It’s not like you reproduce only the best genes because people are attracted to the most attractive people: Beautiful people – according to cultural notions – have sex with beautiful people, average people have sex with average people, and so-called unattractive people have sex with so-called unattractive people.
3. the research comes out of evolutionary psychology, which is full of crap:
Are Women Naturally Monogamous?
Women Want Casual Sex? Yes and No
Guys Are Getting More Romantic
Guys Just Wanna Have Relationships?
Women Want Betas
Racism: Genetic or Learned?
Black Isn’t Beautiful Claims Evolutionary Psychologist
Judging from which gender writes the most love songs I’d say men, but judging by my ex-wife I’d say women. She fell in love with at least 5 other guys during the time I was married to her. lol – Oh no, wait… I needs to ponder this longer 😛
Oh dear… so sorry.
Wait, was only makin a joke … that didn’t really happen.
Whew…
Holds true: men, fall faster.
(Though the gap has greatly narrowed.)
Ladies believe and trust faster…
Some may. But generally women are more cautious than men because men have a bigger effect on women’s lives.
Falling in love at “first sight” is about looking at a person and subconsioulsy realizing that that person is the “one” or that person is a very good match. Love at first sight is legit, it’s a natural biological response but it’s rare and that’s why many people don’t believe it exists.
They simply haven’t experienced it yet. And please don’t confuse “lust” with “love at first sight” – a man always can tell when it’s “lust” (that’s more common) and when it’s “love at first sight” (that’s rare).
When it’s lust he gets horny and he is trying to get her but when it’s “love at first sight” the man doesn’t have in mind how to get her in bed, in matter of fact he doesn’t think anything at all, he goes completely numb.
But if women do fall in love faster than men, doesn’t that contradicts with the fact that men and women see women as sexier than men ?
Or the fact that men ogle at women but women rarely ogle at men?
I have known cases where the woman fell in love at first sight with a man or cases where a woman was ogling a man the same way men are ogling women, but still those cases are less than when a man ogles and/or falls in love at first with a woman.
this is the logic
Men see women more sexy than women see men
Men ogle women more than women ogle men
hence men fall in “love at first sight” with women faster than women do with men.
Interestingly there are more women that don’t believe in “love at first sight” than men.
These women have not experienced it so they don’t believe that it exists.
People who disbelieve “love at first sight” don’t doubt the feelings of people who claim to experience it. They just define love differently.
I know some people experience what you call love at first sight. I have even been on the receiving end of it one time. But I reject the idea that it’s love.
“Interestingly there are more women that don’t believe in “love at first sight” than men.
These women have not experienced it so they don’t believe that it exists.”
It has nothing to do with whether or not you’ve experienced it. I experience plenty of feelings that feel larger than life but because I’m a human being with a rational brain and a lot of self awareness, I can step back and objectively analyze my feelings. I may experience the feeling of “love at first sight” one day but consciously I will not put much, if any, stock in it.
I really enjoyed reading these comments and the article itself. It was very interesting, but i do believe that girls are more likely to fall in love, I think they are more emotional then men, but it can also depend. I have seem in some relationship that guys fall inlove and want settle down, but the girl doesn’t want to. but i think that is not all the time it happens but not as much as it happens to girls, where they are more likely to get attach to someone and love them.
I don’t know if I exactly agree where you said, “Men’s interest is simple, uncomplicated.” However, as much as I would like to deny it now because of that, I did fall in love very fast. The moment I laid eyes on the person I am in a relationship with now my life was never the same. It was at a party and we spent the time laughing and having a good time, we left the party holding hands and spent the entire night talking until we fell asleep. We talked every day since then and in two weeks we made it official and have been in a relationship ever since. While I do admit I fell in love very fast, I don’t feel like I was the only one and I don’t think my girlfriend went into a relationship with me because she saw a potential rise of status. I didn’t have a job and didn’t go to school so it seems fair to say that probably wasn’t one of the reasons, but maybe we’re just the oddity of the greater population.
Because women can have their own careers these days they’re less likely to choose a man just because he has status and the potential for a good job. The gap between men and women has been closing and is pretty narrow at this point.
Your girlfriend probably chose you because she was in love with you.
That said, women are *more likely* than men to worry about things like battering because men on average bigger and stronger than they are, or they are more likely to worry whether a husband can support the family because women are more likely to stay home with kids.
i know that the relationships that i have been in the guys falls in love waaaaay before i do. more people think that women fall in love faster but i agree with the article that men fall in love faster. most are just good at hiding it.
I used to always believe that women were the ones that fall in love with men first because all the movies that you see growing up. Like love at first site and things like that. One experience that changed this opinion was when I was in high school and one of my good friend was going out with a girl that he really like he bought her everything and took her to eat at expensive places. I mean he fell hard for this girl he thought she was in love with him like he was with her. But then one day she tells him I lost all feeling for you and broke up with him to get back with her ex boyfriend. My friend was heart broken it took him almost a year to get over this break up. She was only interested in his money not the love he was willing to offer. And this isn’t the first time this kind of thing happens. In modern day music you see the women only with the guys because they buy them expensive things. As far as apperance goes I had a experience with that just last weekend at work. I don’t really remember what I said to my manager and she said your lucky your good looking. I ask her why and she told me because if you weren’t god looking we wouldn’t have hired you, because when young girls come in the store they will more likely buy more things from a good looking guy then she would from a not so good looking guy or girl. So thats when I found out that some women are just attracted to you because if your looks and not your personality.
And beyond rap, too.
I love this post because the more I think about it the more it makes sense. In Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, we see that when Romeo first fell in love with Juliet because of her looks he was engaged to someone else. He jumped really fast into this relationship and I’ve been thinking to myself why. I think the reason why women are assumed to be the answer to the questions asked above is because in movies you always see women as the ones falling in love and everyone internalizes this. Some may not see a man as masculine if they thought that he fell in love first or believed in one love.
I think although at first, this might seem like a somewhat surprising revelation, it makes sense. Empirically, at least to me it does, through my own personal experience. I know that there have been guys that I’ve dated that I really liked at first because they were extremely attractive, but as time went on, it became more and more clear that they were lacking something of critical importance to me, a deal breaker, so to speak, and I simply couldn’t continue the relationship. Any romantic feeling totally dissipated. However, many of my guy friends have been head over heels for a really pretty girl who just ended up walking all over them, or just being really, really uninteresting. But they sort of tended to romanticize these girls based on nothing but looks. When the relationship finally ends, in retrospect, they finally realize that there wasn’t much substance to their affections, but it’s a dragged out process.
In my opinion, I believe either man or woman could fall in love first. It’s true that many women will marry for every other reason except love, but men do quickly fall in love with the appearance of a women. The way I look at it, women fall in love faster because they look at everything that comes with falling in love such as: family, marriage, hot date nights. Men are more likely to take it slow and see the outcome of the relationship. Which is perfectly fine. Anybody is capable of falling in love. I don’t think it should be a race.
I found this article very entertaining and interesting. I definitely thought the answer would be women. After reading however it makes more sense that men is the correct answer. I knew that men were easily turned on with physical attributes, where as women are also about physical attributes, but also much more. Women take the whole character, job, personality, the way he treats other people, into consideration. It also makes sense because men like to watch porn and women would rather read romantic/erotic novels, hence the whole “50 Shades” obsession. Women used to also be more dependent on men for their money so they would worry more about their careers and income. Since that is less important now it makes sense that the gap between women and men falling in love faster would be closing.
I was surprised when i read the statement at the beginning of your article, where it say that men fall in love faster than women and thats because of very diffeferent reasons than the ones had on my mind. I was thinking that women would fall in love faster because they think of family and they grew up watching princess movies and wishing on the typical fairytale wedding with prince chamring. turns out it is the other way around. that men fall in love first because of the looks and then the love starts to grow. I believe that some women marry men but not because they are in love. I think some of them marry them because they have a stable job and they van support a family if they decide to have one in the future. I believe that women who do that are not in love but are looking for what is best for them. and the love starts to grow through out the marriage.
Very interesting indeed; I had always assumed that women fell in love faster than men mainly because women are considered more emotional and sensitive – at least this is what they are portrayed to be. But I tend to agree with the author. The article certainly gives a good basis of why women consider a variety of factors before choosing a man – job stability, potential to be wealthy and to be able to support her, mental stability etc; and thus women tend to think about both the present and the future. However, a man mostly focuses on the present and his choice is simple – he is not worried about if the woman will be able to support him or not etc. Having said that, one should also note that the behavior pattern also depends on the individual and certain factors such as parental/family history, financial stability etc – for example if the individual belongs to divorced parents will it affect how fast he/she will fall in love? But overall the article seems to be on logical grounds; although I would like to see more studies and surveys which will validate this social pattern.
1) A lot of studies have been done on this, finding a narrowing of the gap over time
2) It always depends. This is a social pattern of men “more likely” not saying all men vs all women.
As one of the women who don’t believe in falling in love at first sight, I strongly agree that people who are likely to fall in love at first sight are primarily concerned with others’ looks. I don’t understand it because you don’t know anything else except that he or she is attractive. He or she might be a criminal, abusive or mentally unhealthy. So, for me, it’s too risky to approach the person you just saw only because you like how he looks. That’s why men, who are physically stronger than women, are more likely to fall in love at first sight. It’s like falling for a movie star. You like how attractive he is but when you hear news about his bad behavior, you are disappointed and fall for another handsome movie star. It’s difficult to love and understand a stranger whatever he does.
Seriously there is a woman that can say that has “fallen in love at first sight” ?
Literally “love at first sight”
that means just by looking at guy, without talking to him, knowing his name, where he is from, what does he do for a living, is he single, is he a good guy, is he a serial killer, no questions asked,
loved him just by taking a look at him.
only in the movies.
in real life a woman will never love a complete stranger.
No way nowadays, how could he let herself love and trust a complete stranger?
there are many perverts around
Maybe he’s a friend’s friend so she trusts him?
Otherwise, that’s definitely a big reason why men fall in love faster.
It’s unbelievable that almost no woman get this. No wonder there is so much frustatrion in relationships.
A man may have fallen in love with you at first and you will never know because he will never has the courage to speak to you.
If he happens to find the courage to speak to you, he will be so awkward that the woman will immediately loose her interest.
And if he does find the courage and confess his feelings towards you at the very first time you speak to each, the woman will always reply “we have to get to know each other better”
Have you ever seen a romantic movie where the actress says “we have to get to know each other netter” ?
Never.
Why?
Because women fall in love at first sight only in the movies.
I am sorry about my tone but “falling in love at first sight” is a curse.
there is this line from a song
“he tries to speak and can’t begin to say”
This post is really interesting! It is very true on the status of men in their jobs and life status I’ve always believed that men do fall in love faster due to the fact they are mostly always the money makers so they go out and look for the most attractive women more than going out on a search to find the right one that fits all of his needs other than just looks. The only thing is that they can not come out and tell the world that they do fall in love faster because in our society the women are supposed to be the ones who are that way and the men are superior. They should make more articles, books and post about this subject that way it can make people see things through a different perspective which is not by word of mouth only but by stats and re search.
I love reading on topics like this that help give me, as well as others, insight on topics that I had not stopped to contemplate. The findings of the studies at first did surprise me, but as I read on, it made sense. My husband said he liked me since the first day he saw me, I didn’t like him until months later. He fell in love with me two months after dating and well, it took me a couple of months more to be able to say that I loved him more. Looking at my past relationships, the research actually does hold true.
I don’t know if men necessarily fall in love as much as they are infatuated. However, I can see why men would “fall in love” much quicker than women based on looks and first impressions. I agree that they generally have less to worry about when it comes to a relationship because in a patriarchal society such as ours, men tend to be more independent and women more dependent in a relationship. Therefore, women have to take more precautions when deciding whether to enter a relationship with a man that they are initially attracted to.
I disagree with this article about how men fall in love faster then women, even on average. I think that to fall in love it depends on one-self’s personality, other than gender. Even if most men pay more attention to looks, a women’s outlook does not change the fact that men also do mature later then women, therefore a lot of men might not be able to settle down until they hit that certain age and maturity level. I think that men could maybe get more attached at first with the female because of her looks though because it is sometimes hard to differ attachment from love.
If you ask men and women when they first fell in love with their partner men are more likely to say something like, “The minute I saw her.” And since she is his partner, I assume that he actually does love her.
I’m wondering why you think that all of the considerations women tend to make (that men don’t) wouldn’t make them take longer to allow themselves to fall in love? You think they would have no effect?
Regardless, this is a social pattern that you do find that varies by gender. Do you also think that social patterns are not real? If so, I don’t get that. Please explain.
Wow interesting! When I first read the title I had already started thinking that it might be equal, because of my experience. As I started reading more into it. Your blog started to change my point of view and I have to agree with most of this. I agree how men think it is love at first site just because the women is beautiful. They have no idea how her personality is and that has a lot to do with being in love. Because when they see her beauty their mind is probably going toward sex. I also agree with how women have to know the person before they fall in love and want to connect.
It does suck how some women see men as basically money bags and supporting her. I don’t feel that way. I have actually never went into a relationship thinking one day will my partner support me. I always seen myself as equal or maybe supporting my partner. I just might have a new way of thinking, but it sucks for women that feel that way.
This wasn’t too surprising to me, considering the fact that I am the exact same way. I am a man and I seem to fall for girls pretty quickly. I might just be confusing love with simply being infatuated. Friends of mine, both male and female but mostly male, ask me why I fall so fast? The only answer I can give them is that that’s just the way I am. This could be because I am young, but I think it’s simply because of how I was raised as a child. Also being a child of a failed marriage I think I just want to be apart of a loving relationship and seeing it work. I agree that men really fall in love mainly based on looks. I think this is because of how women are so sexualized in society. Just like the statement I made about myself I think they are confusing being in love with being infatuated. I think this changes though when they really get to know that person.
If I were to have read this blog a few years ago, I too would have been surprised. Growing up watching American sitcoms, films, and princess cartoons, I used to believe that women (for the most part) would fall in love faster than men. In the media, women are usually portrayed as being extra sensitive, worrying about saying “I love you” too soon, and being the romantic one in a relationship.
It wasn’t until I met my fiance that I found out that a man can be the first one to fall in love. I was shocked and confused when he first told me. Going by what I had been told by others, I had not planned on having to deal with that particular situation. Not long after, I realized I wasn’t the only one. A few of my close female friends told me the same thing happened to them. After taking a few Sociology classes, I found out that this was common: men are more likely to “fall in love” quickly while women usually take numerous factors into consideration before uttering the words to their partner. In our society, it makes sense. Men don’t have much to lose by falling in love quickly, whereas women have to think about whether or not they want to have children with this other person, or whether or not they will be able to provide a home and stable income. A woman can definitely make it on her own financially, it is just that women (on average) get paid less than men and take a harder hit if they were to get divorced.
It seems like women potentially have more to lose from falling in love.
I found this article very interesting, I agree with the fact that man tends to love more easily compared to woman, although I’m not saying that it is easy for a man to love a woman. The gap between man and woman in term of which gender falls in love more easily is differentiated by the expectation from woman towards man, and vice versa. As the article says, there are a lot of things that women should consider when they are deciding their future couple : job, look, prospect, it is much more complicated for women when it comes to their expectation. On the other side, I completely agree that the main factor that men really consider when they are looking for women are their looks.
It’s not so much that men love more easily, as that they fall in love quicker. Those could be 2 different things.
It makes me glad that all of the stereotypes about women being more likely to fall in love fast turned out to be not true. It’s always interesting when facts turn our expectations upside-down. What I hope for in the future is that these facts won’t be associated with men, nor with women. Women of today are less dependent on men, but we still have a long way to go before marriage is equal. With more women at work, and more men taking care of children and house keeping, hopefully not only the ”fall in love”-part will be equal (because women and men could have the same expectations on what comes after the “fall in love”), but also how society views the institution of marriage. In the meantime, we can only hope for gay marriage to be legalized in the U.S. soon, so that ALL people who want can marry for love.
Lucky you, turns out that the gap is closing, and there’s virtually no difference between men and women on this today.
I thought this was incredibly interesting. It really made me think about the questions being asked more critically. I think that the word love is thrown around a little bit too much, though. Since “love” is more intangible and defined so broadly, I was thinking more along the lines of who gets committed faster. As for marrying without love, I am disheartened hearing that this does happen and that marriages can be more business relations. I’m sure feelings of love develop over time in some cases, but I hope this should never be my situation. Also, I am a man and apparently we do that less and I’m still young and naive. 🙂
Well, the gap between women and men on this issue is pretty narrow now, you’ll be glad to know.
This is a question that I often ask my self, who loves first? or who loves the most? And as I get older I tend to have a different opinion abut the subject.
When I was on my late 20’s falling in love so quickly but at the same time falling out of love quickly too. What I wanted then from a relationship was attention and time with my partner. Some didn’t give me the time so I got out of the relationship and many did but I got bored. Now on my late 30’s my expectations are more define looks are not as important but stability on a man are. I first look more for emotional and spiritual stability and second financial stability. I do my own thing so now I do required my “me” time. So I think it depends on age on who falls in love first or faster younger people fall in love faster but falls out of love faster too then older people.
Do younger that age can play a role plus gender?
Who Falls In Love Faster? Men or Women?
I personally think this is a good topic and something I would like to elaborate on because I have always asked myself the same question. I have always seen the females get all googally over guys but I have never physically see a guy look the same way at the same time. I do agree that most men look at girls looks and style more so her heart and personality. Being a girl I really look at someone’s personality because I don’t want someone “sexy” and “mean”. I want someone that will respect me for me and will love me for who I am inside first.
This is a really inspiring post because I have never thought men are more likely to fall in love at first sight, more likely to believe love lasts forever. Since all love stories are for girls when we are children, it is normal to think that females have more fantasies on love than males. However, after reading your post, I see that males actually are more “romantic”. They usually look for good-looking women, who they are willing to take care of. They are told to earn money for the family, so that they do not have to worry if they can depend on their partners. However, as you mentioned, “the gap is closing and women are more likely to marry for love now.” Since nowadays, job opportunities are available for women so that they can also earn money themselves, they can be less concerned for the ability of the males; therefore, I think that women are more “romantic” then before.
There are some women who express being in love sooner than some men. When a woman enters a relationship, they automatically ask themselves if they think they can see themselves with the person in the future and see them having children with them also. If they feel they are with the right person, they will do everything they can to make sure they still end up with the person. But then there are some men that fall in love faster than other women. Sometimes right when a man sees a woman he thinks he is in love because of the way they look.
I strongly agree with the statement “Women can be very focused on looks, but they consider more factors. They’re more concerned with whether a man’s job can support a family”. It is absolutely true that money does encourage people to tie the knot. Of course when it comes to marriage, money matters. According to the research, fully 2/3 of women and 1/2 of the men said they are very or extremely willing to marry for money (gold-digging impulse). In my opinion, I believe marrying someone rich can become more comfortable and stay economically stable. It is because money is a necessary and useful thing. Some people say they would rather marry poor men and be happy and loved. But in reality, it is a hard thing to do. Think about the men who are financially stable but divorced and have intention to remarry. It is common to see women, singles or divorcees, find them attractive and some are desperate to marry one of them. In our society, marrying for money isn’t a bad idea.
In my opinion i believe that men can fall in love just as fast as a women can but men just have that tendency to not show it like women do. Women i believe have the tendency to fall in love really quick because we watch too many romantic movies that we want it too be real and wish that love at first sight just like it happens in movies can happen to us in real life. But i also do think that men hide there feelings when they fall in love because there embarrass of being made fun of just because there guys and guys aren’t suppose to show or express there feelings in public but deep down they just want to shout it out loud so the whole world can here them. But i go with both genders can fall in love fast but women will always show it more then men would.
Okay, but the data says otherwise: men and women are nowadays pretty much equally likely to fall in love quickly.
I don’t have much to ask, because it makes sense, but like a lot of other people I would believe women were more likely to be the love at first sight type, and I thought that I was just a weirdo. This is good to know:) Now I just need an awesome good paying job with an amazing personality.
I found this post really interesting and enjoyed it. I would always complain about my opinion on how I think women always tend to fall harder in love. I still think they do. I personally think women will fall more deep in love than men, even if men fall in love first. Since I usually see men fall faster but not as much in love, they move on faster to someone else if they aren’t with that person anymore. Maybe because they move on so fast, it gives the effect as if they didn’t really fall in love in the first place. Women will be heartbroken longer because they believe they fell harder for that person. Sorry if I make how I feel sound confusing, I don’t know how to put it any other way!
I find these facts very interesting and even more surprising. Like most of society, I would imagine women to fall in love faster and easier than men due to stereotypes and how the media portray women. However, that is not the case. In addition, with such reasons I can see why men are in fact the ones to fall in love faster. There are many things to always consider when falling in love with a person and clearly, men have more to consider. It is not surprising though that as times are changing, so are the gaps between the two genders.
I was not surprised by the article to find that in fact men are the answer to all those questions. Growing up, there was always the stereotype that women are looking for someone to take care of them and that there may be love at first site. It’s hard to really say whom can truly be the answer to those questions without a study being done. I can only draw from examples in my life; I have seen a change in women vs. men. A longtime friend of mine was always known as a player; not focused on anything but himself and his “needs”. He’s always been handsome and knew he was able to use it to his advantage. As time went by and his friends have gotten; engaged (I am currently engaged to my high school sweetheart), married and had children. Did I see a change in his style of dating. He became more about holding onto a relationship and wanting it to grow into something more. I do believe that both men and women are closing that gap over time. It just seems to occur at different times in both men and women’s lives.
Reblogged this on Otrazhenie.
This actually really surprised me when we talked about it in class last week..I always had it stuck into my mind that women fall in love faster with a man than the opposite. You always figure it to be the other way around because women are so much more emotional than men and are often seeking to have boyfriends more than you think men are looking to have girlfriends. But when you explained it in class that for women to fall in love with a man they need more time to get to know them and see if they fit the picture of what they are looking for. While men on the other hand are more triggered into looks so if they found a girl that was attractive to them they would already have visions of “oh she could be the one” etc. So after analyzing this in class I have a diffrent response for the the question I always atutomatically would answer with women fall in love faster than men.
Seems like we could all use a lesson in statistics.
Yes, this is about averages, not all men/all women. People often forget that.
I happen to agree with this blog because of personal experience. The whole reason I’m in my going on four year relationship right now is because my boyfriend built up the courage to talk to me. He told me that it was “love at first sight” for him and that he knew I was the one. That was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me and I have never personally experienced “love at first sight” which is commonly portrayed in movies, books, etc. Since I had never had a serious relationship I thought that saying was bogus and didn’t think it could really happen. I do believe that guys are much more focused on girls looks and they can think a girl is sexually attractive but they can also see deeper than that and value her for more. As the blog reads, women tend to value other aspects of men like if they’re stable and can provide a happy and healthy life. Women may fall into deeper love with men who aren’t as interested, but it makes sense that men can have a quick attachment and love for a woman.
I honesty feel that women tend to fall first because we tend to imagine things and jump the gun. I often find this common with girls in my family and the few girl friends that I have. They always tend to come running to me with their men problems and all of them are either overdramatic or just seeking attention. This clearly illustrates their lust for attention rather than just simply getting to know a guy first. It may have to do with the lack of father-daughter relationship they have at home. I know that this is true for me. Ever since I have hit puberty, my father and I seemed to have a disconnect. At first, I thought it was me but then I realized it has somewhat to do with my culture. Being Tongan, we grew up with constraints and rules that kept the interaction between the male and female family members to a scarce minimum. I notice that in my generation a lot of young Polynesian girls feel the need to have to get pregnant and married in order to move out and on with life. With this, I feel like a lot of girls my age, my ethnicity and in my community seek for a male companionship that they did not see much of at home. In other words, being thirsty for love and advancing on any relationship, that they feel is worth while.
Many women do fall in love first. And these days, are about as likely to fall quickly as men are.
But I’m wondering what you think about the reasons why men seem more often to fall first?
Initially, glancing at the title of this blog post, I thought the answer to the question would be obvious. However I found a lot of merit in the content of the article and by the end fully agreed with the argument.
I find difficulty in stating generalizations frankly due to lack of sufficient knowledge. Therefore, I simply wish to speak from personal experience as a female. Love is something that seems to have a completely subjective definition. Furthermore, some people distinguish “loving” and “being in love” as I believe this article does. I would actually say that I love people very easily, and to me that translates into finding attractive qualities in different people and feeling overwhelming desire and passion to be around them, to make them smile and laugh, to reach for a deeper connection. Love doesn’t even always have to be romantic! Sometimes I just love people I meet for who they are and the enigmatic power they have to change my life in some way. However, regarding being “in love”, that is something I have yet to find. And to be clear, if I am ever lucky enough to use that term, I would be willing to spend the rest of my life with the individual it is directed towards. Just as quickly as I find the good qualities in people, I start to analyze flaws. If I am not completely happy or satisfied in any relationship, I don’t want to settle or lead a false illusion and I am quick to move on. Most importantly, I trust my own instinct and finally I have noticed that fate always has a way to suddenly make life interesting. New people and experiences will always come along. Do not be discouraged and stay true to yourself in pursuit of your own happiness – that is key.
Thanks. Yes, it’s not meant so much to be a generalization as unveiling a surprising social pattern. Individual men and women will vary away from the pattern. And with equality, women and men are converging on this point.
Well, there are studies that show that ‘love at first sight’ is nothing more but a hormone response. I can believe that men fall in love (or believe themselves to be in love) easier then women, because women second-guess such emotions more. And also, as the article pointed out, women have more to lose by listening to such instincts. However, hormone-driven feelings fade after a few months (up to a year), and what then? I disagree with the author’s opinion that women acting more on their emotions and less on reason is a good thing. Perhaps, instead, it is the reason for the increased rate in divorces. I think a marriage based on love alone is much more likely to fail than a marriage based on common interests and compatibility.
True, no one checked to see if these folks were in love or lust. The survey is based on common notions of what “love at first sight” means to most people. None-the-less, most people are surprised that men “fall in love” quicker (or at least used to before women could support themselves financially).
Also true that divorce rates are higher when people are more focused on love than practicality.
On the positive side, love marriages have the potential to create amazing experiences of union. I’ll write more on that later, but some who study the matter say that humans had no idea of the amazing bonding potential for marriage until love-based marriages came along.
Also, women are now more often happier married than single, and that came (in part) with a shift toward marrying for love instead of practicality.
[None-the-less, most people are surprised that men “fall in love” quicker ]
that’s not accurate. You should have said that
[…women are surprised that men “fall in love quicker”]
And a man can tell if it’s lust of love at first sight.
If it’s lust then the testosterone will pump him up and make him approach her.
In that case it may or it may not evolve into love later on.
If it’s love at first sight, then he will get so nervous he will have a hard time approaching her.
But women have no idea what “approach anxiety” is, simply because they don’t have to approach.
So when you see guy looking at you and quickly looking away or trying to speak to you and can’t begin to say, there is good chance that he has already fallen in love with you.
Now, try and beat this and fall in love faster than that.
To my surprise, I thought that women had more empathy and always knew that man fall in quicker because they fall in “love at first sight”
NO WOMAN falls in “love at first sight”. EVER.
Because when that guy [she is supposedly in love with] makes a move she will reply “not before we get to know each other”
and she claims that she had “love at first sight”. Yeah right.
The guys who DO have fallen with “love at first sight” are already in love, with no questions asked and waiting to “get to know each other better”
Sadly, I have never get to be with a girl that I jave experienced “love at first sight”.
the “approach anxiety” in that case is always overwhelming and it’s not the fear of rejection.
So I have to approach girls that I like and hoping that it evolves into love later on. In this case there may be the fear of rejection, but that’s not a big of deal.
The fear of rejection is not a major issue.
The feeling of “love at first” is what cripples guys and they can’t find the nerve to speak to a girl.
I do hope one day, I may find the courage to speak to a girl that I have experienced “love at first sight”
Sorry for the length, and please don’t misunderstand my tone, it’s hard enough for guys with the “approach anxiety” at least you should aknowledge that,
some guys are already in love when the try to speak you and most of the times they don’t find the nerve to do it, give us a break.
Ok.
But on this:
NO WOMAN falls in “love at first sight”. EVER.
Because when that guy [she is supposedly in love with] makes a move she will reply “not before we get to know each other”
It could be possible that she does fall in love with him but for societal reasons (worries over slut-shaming) she might tell him she wants to get to know him first before getting too intimate.
I really thought that and from my personal I think I have experienced that.
Her being too nervous to say anything to me and me too nervous to say anything to her.
But still you might know, that men’s and women’s brain are working differentely.
Men’s brain is more compartmentized. His one hemishpere is enough to make him fall in love.
Women’s brain has both hemishperes more linked.
She may really really like if she sees someone, but she needs to hear him speaking before she falls in love with him.
Both hempisheres must “agree” before she falls in love.
A girlfriend told me that if you want to make to a woman to stop talking, a guy must kiss her, the whole brain goes down.
More on phys differences:
Sex Drive: How Men and Women Match Up
Men Have Higher Sex Drive. Why?
So you know better than me that the female and male brain work somehow differentely.
So I guess that a girl can really really like a guy at first sight [but not love HIM at first fight]
but what really happens is that she “falls in love in love at first sight” with THE IDEA that he may be the prince charming from the fairy tales.
Do you disagree on that?
the guy “falls in love at first sight” with the girl herself
the girl “falls in love at sight” with the idea that he may be the prince she’s been waiting all her life.
You may be right. Don’t know on this one.
I answered that women fall in love faster but men are more likely to fall in love at first sight. Does that
Make any sense? The reason why is answered that way is because women’s bodies release chemicals that make their emotions more intense and give them a sense of having a stronger connection with their partners than they may actually have. And men have been proven to be more visual.
This article raises a lot of good thoughts. I sort of already thought that men fall in love faster and at first sight because women now a days are taught to have a guard up. They are taught men will hurt you and to not fall in love quickly or you’re a fool. I also already thought that some women have felt the need to stay with someone or marry someone not for love but for security. Their thought process is he is nice to me, he is stable, and has a well paying job. My life will be ok or average or satisfactory. Well this really should not be the case. I feel that the institution of marriage should be based on true and intense love for each other. Men do fall in love faster and for different reasons than women. I think this is because women have been taught that the fantasies and princess movies dont exist. They arent real and to not expect them. Women have had only the fantasy of a fairy tale love and leave it at that. That idea is an escape of what seems to be reality and what they should be looking for. Men feel in love maybe because they feel they can be open with that person and dont need to have the tough guise, which society expects them to have, all the time with that person. They feel comfortable with that person. On the other hand, women have many questions and factors in their mind about whether or not they are in love. Women may even be over thinking love. If its there, great. If its not, better luck next time. The idea of love can become so complex and confusing. I think men have down a little better than women at this point. Although they are more vulnerable to getting hurt by falling so easily… maybe its worth it.
I think I partially agree with this article. I think it really depends on the man or woman. If the person has a lot going for them (successful, attractive, popular, etc.) then of course they understand they have more options and therefore will not fall in love as quickly. Bottom line, it has to do with confidence. I do not believe an individual needs to possess any of the qualities of attractiveness, etc. in order to be confident, but I do believe that those factors are what make many people feel confident. Confident people will naturally be more discerning when it comes to choosing the right man or woman to fall in love with because they would know that they have options and would want to make the best one. Now, if there is an average looking woman with an ok job who is dating a gorgeous, successful, socialable man, then I can definitely see how he can have the upper hand in the relationship since he might have more women chassing after him. Therefore, I think that the person who is less confident in the relationship, whether it be the male or woman, will fall in love more easily.
Yes, of course it depends on the person. It’s not all women v. all men. I’m looking at a social pattern here. And men are “more likely.”
I find this post interesting because i completely agree with it. I can evaluate both me and my partner and i know that the answers to those questions would all be yes from my part. The last thing on my mind when i met my girlfriend was if she could support me because thats typically what i have to do as a man when i grow up. So i can see where finding a partner for a man would be a lot less complicated because we do not have to think of so many other things like, what is she, does she have a job, does she have the potential to be wealthy, and all these other factors. We could focus mainly on looks and personality. For example when i met my girlfriend most questions revolved around what she liked to do and her favorite foods and what not and some of her questions were what school do you go to before they got to questions regarding my personality. Its interesting to have figured out why i like this post.
Who falls in love faster, men or women? The ideal idea of it would be that women fall in love faster. The stereotype that women are more emotional and that woman are more sensitive and irrational shares parallel to the idea of love. In the fact according to this article it is actually the male gender that has a tendency to fall in love faster, which is quite a surprise. Growing up little girls all over the world fell in the love with one story or another of a princess who lived happily ever after; well we can assume now that fairy-tales are not necessarily true anymore.
Love this. Personally i would usually say that girls love harder or more than guys do. But lately that tables have turned. Ive met a few guys that are more vulnerable, sensative and even possesive over their girls than usual. Women are very passionate and fantasize about what they wish they could have. Guys on the other hand i would say just worry about what they want right now.
Love at first sight can happen to anyone, and women do get their fantasy love life from Disney movies, but hey, were supposed to be princesses. So we kinf od grow up thinking we should have that perfect person and the man thinks he should have that perfect girl that stays home and takes care of the kids.
But overall i would say that both love just as hard and the other. It doesnt depend on the sex of the person it depends on who the person is and how the person is with their emotions.
This is an interesting topic, and i have to say i disagree with the reasoning but the answers were men; in fact my answers were: Men, Men, Men, Women, Men. Now i choose women to be the ones to think there’s some one thats perfect for them, like it’s destiny they have to be together and live life till theres no more. The factor to that could in fact be to the female upbringing of princess love fantasies, but i thought it was because they failed the test on the other questions. It is true men fall in love at first sight because a lot of men are ooglers. Every female to a man is registered in his mind and automatically he knows whether he likes or not, and all he has to do is see the object. Being given the higher ability of love at first sight, makes it faster for guys to fall in love. This is not to say women cant fall in love at first sight or fall in love fast, it would just not register automatically unless its that perfect one and only guy. Of course there are occasions when a person can grow to another persons liking. Men are more likely to think love lasts forever because in most popular sitcoms ‘desperate housewives’ the woman cheats on the man meaning that love is gone or withering. Men wouldn’t marry who they dont love, but that’s not to say people don’t change. A man would have to have seen the girl before marriage, if he doesn’t like she wouldn’t be at the alter.
Ok. And why do you think the researchers’ reasonsing doesn’t make sense?
This was very surprising to me. It open my eyes up to a different view. I never thought about it that way before. I think it depends on the relationship between the to. It seem like sometimes the guy and the girl could even be in love at different times. I think guys may and may not judge it on looks. It on depends on the person. And how they view love and where they even want to be in love. Things are so diverse it’s hard to tell whether you love the person or in love with the person.
I agree with you when she says that the reason we may think women fall in love faster than men do is because of Disney movies, and not only that, but also movies in general, or shows. This message is portrayed in the media everyday, which is why I thought women fell in love with men faster as well. Now looking at everything you have stated, I would have to agree because I’ve experienced it first hand. In the relationship I am in right now, after a month and a half of having been going out with my boyfriend, he was the first one to tell me he loved me. We’ve been together for almost a year now and he has told me a few times now that he knows I am the one for him and the one he wants to be with. I have realized he has already decided that he is ready to settle down with me because he also talks about our futures together, but I find that to be too big of a commitment right now. I do not know if I am ready to settle down, or even if it will be him because we’re both still young and in college. I am waiting to see what happens in our futures to decide on something big and important like that.
I found this article very interesting. I have to kind of agree with it, although there could be other factors which are not exactly what this article states. If you ask a girl what she’s looking for in her significant other, or many of my girlfriends they will say good job, education, nice, funny, good looking. Many of them have a range of things what they are looking for in a guy. What I found interesting was that the article says that a man falls in love more quickly than a woman. I just always thought that a girl would fall in love faster. Maybe because of our society and how we portray women, as in fairy tales and movies.
The blog post was very interesting and pointed out many factors of women and men, and their perspective on love. In some of the cases I agree that women do in fact take more thoughts into consideration when it comes to love and marriage; women seem to want to depend on their husbands, than when living on their own, which they can very well do. The status of how the girl’s boyfriend makes her look is a factor a girl also looks for, the saying “He’s a good stable man with a good stable income”, in most cases especially where I’m from a lot of girls these seem to be more interested in looking for a man instead of hitting the books. They rely on their future to be happily married with kids instead making it on their and then to start a family, with a husband who can live equally financed as you. Women need to give themselves more credit, and stop settling for less.
While plenty of women are independent, some do still want to depend on men, it’s true. And others simply believe that mothers should be home with children. So we still find a lot of so-called traditional arrangements out there, even as women as a whole have come a long way in terms of opportunities and choices.
It actually didn’t surprise me that studies show that men fall in love faster than women, but an interesting thought popped into my head when I was reading this article, “Sure, they can THINK they’re in love, but are they really?” I will admit that this thought was highlu influenced by personal experiences, but I sometimes question the validity of what people claim. I don’t mean to say that the people who participated in these studies didn’t actually know what their true feelings were, but I wonder if the idea of love and falling IN love was defined at all in these studies because I don’t believe we all define “falling in love” in the same way or can agree on a universal definition of what it means and how it should feel. So ultimately what I’m trying to say is that maybe a difference in what men and women consider “falling in love” and “being in love” correlates to more men reporting that they fall in love faster than women. Other than physical attraction, I wonder if their feelings that men attribute to being in love more than women would and vice versa. Personally, I’d be more concerned in the thoughts and feelings involved if someone claimed they were in love with me, not so much in the time that it took to get there.
Good commentary.
A man can tell when it’s love and when it’s lust.
When it’s lust, the testosterone will take charge and the guy will come like a “raging bull”
When it’s “love at first sight” the guy seems like a tamed animal,
he will be so awkward, that the woman will consider him to be a shy guy at best, and a weirdo creep at worst. Anyway she will loose her interest in him.
That’s why ‘players’ who can control their emotions are so succeesful with women, they have been disensetised from “the love at first sight”
As I read the questions being asked at the beginning of this blog, I silently whispered “women” as my response. I couldn’t believe that I was actually wrong. Never had I imagined that men would “fall in love faster”, “fall in love at first sight”, “believe that love lasts forever”, etc. Though, I don’t totally really agree with those sayings because I believe that either gender can fall into those categories. Even as I grew up, I was taught that those sayings were how women were stereotyped and I believed that that’s how a fairy tale goes. However, I was also raised to be an independent person. That the only person I can truly rely on is myself. I also don’t agree that women are more likely to be stay-at-home wives. What if the person with the better career is the woman? Would that make the man more likely for follow the woman around in their jobs? Would men more likely stay-at-home husbands if the situations were turned around?
1) There’s plenty of overlap, with plenty of women falling in love first.
2) re: I also don’t agree that women are more likely to be stay-at-home wives.
Of course not. I meant as compared to men being stay-at-home dads. A very small percentage of men are stay-at-home dads, the percentage is much higher for women. Check census data.
In answer to the question, “Who Falls In Love Faster? Men or Women?”, at first I would say woman. After reading the article in Men’s Health, September 2, 2011, by Kiera Aaron. I have revised my answer. In the article she quotes Helen Fisher, PH. D, “Men are visual.
I agree that men are more visual. The tend to look at the outer appearance of the women first. They tend to fall in love with the image without really knowing what is underneath. On the other hand women also take looks in to consideration. They also need to know the man at a deeper level. They want to know what type of spouse, father, or worker they could be. They tend to place importance on long term security, and would be more apt to marry for without love. So, I say it would be the man that falls in love faster.
So this shines are whole new light of the “Gold Digger” label thrown about in Hip Hop culture. I would have argued that women do all those things first but looking at the argument closely stating that men go for looks while women take time to discerne character. It totally makes sense. A woman that is labelled a Gold Digger is simply looking for a man to give her and her children security. She is actually looking long term and taking care of her future welfare. She probably has been raised to play the ultra feminine role and has now valued it to some sort of price hence the search for a man of means.
Nina says…
This topic is very interesting and at the same time I feel that it is very difficult to judge both genders. I personally think that it depends on one’s personality and how much positive experience they have had in the past with both genders. Each of us has our own perception to look at other people behaviors, characters and willing to except as it is. I was under impression that women fall in love faster than the men but after I had long thought I agree that men do fall in love faster than women because most of the men know what they are looking and make their decision quicker than women. In other hand women kind of take longer time to think whether she made a right choice or not and is that men will provide security, filling the emptiness and going be with her in hard times when she needed a shoulder to cry on. I think Women generally take lot of consideration and pro and cons before the final decision to choose their life partner.
I don’t agree with the question that says love last forever!!! The reason why I disagree that if the both men and women really have true love than there will be no divorces in the world and children don’t have to suffer for many things and losing one of their parents or make such a hard decision in their young lives who they belongs and the why question which will remain silent in their mind.
Yes, there are plenty of indiv differences. And plenty of women fall in love faster than men This is just a general pattern that emerges when asked questions like, “When you met your wife/husband, how soon was it before you knew you were in love?”
I was really suprised as i was reading this. I do know a lot of women that fall in love with the first guy that starts talking nice to them. Many girl friends that I had in the past fell in love really fast that the guys were the ones that werent ready for commitment but like you said this is changing as time passes. Now most of my good girl friends are waiting for the right guy to come along. Their priority is to look for a guy that has a good job, looks good, and personality. I know a lot of men that could fall in love easy if they find the right girl. Most of my guy friends are looking for the perfect girl to settle down with. As for me, it took me a while to find the right guy, My fiance was the first one to tell me how much he cared about me. According to him it was love at first sight. He said he would do anything in his power to make me his wife and so he is. I believe that once a man knows who he wants to be with and is ready to settle down he will. It all depends on how they see things. If they just want to mess around with any girl then they wont catch feelings but if they’re ready to settle down then it be really easy for them to find someone.
When I first read the title of this Blog right off the top of my head I thought duh women do! Why did I think this ? Becuase men just don’t show feelings, most of my guy friends act like they don’t even care about there girlfriends. It almost seems like its just not in there nature to show love, but not in all cases. There are some really sentimental men out there!! But those men who are sentimental are just consider wips, and I know I’m not speaking for myself but women we like a manly man. I definetly think women fall inlove faster.I feel like most women we can just talk to a guy and like our brains tell us something we just let our imagination take control and speak for the person and somehow find a way to relate to that person you just met last week although you know nothing about him. And after a women has an intimate relationship with a man there is always some sort of feeling there, she might try to play it off. But if she happends to see that guy in a bar or something I know she’s goin to be eye balling him. We ladies are just weak like that. We let our hearts take control over our body. But the situation can very form time to time but its very rare for a man to fall inlove with a girl, although it can happen. Men always see what they have and start comparing women in there life, but we don’t have comparisons. Maybe we don’t love you but we love who you have become or what you do. Men are just not that blunt. But of course thats just my opinion.
Since I read the title I knew that men are the first to fall in love, because women are more careful about being in love. Men don’t care where she come from, men are more focused in the way that women look, their physical, usually men first fall in love, and after they start asking about your culture, preferences and goals. However most women try to scrutinize the man’s life to make sure that this may be the one with whom she can spend the rest of her life. But all of this is depending on each of their situations, In fact, sometimes women get marry for reasons other than love, but those woman who decide to do this is because they are not fall in love, they are looking for being covered in all their needs, and after a short period of time they give up. And this is the same technique that men are use to do when a man find an attractive women, and they think that she is the perfect one, but after a short term, this man find another woman more attractive, and beautiful, so he simply change one look for another. But I am not saying that all of men do the same or that all women act in the same way, I can say that there could be diversity of results due to the way that we have been raised, or the situation what we are leaving.
I would have to disagree with this particular blog post. Like we are reading in our women’s studies books, everyone places everything into male or female categories. This is a prime example of one gender being what the other is not. If men are quick to fall in love then women are not, if women are quick to fall in love then men are not. Can it not be both? Can it not be based on a singular person? Why do these things always have to be gender based? I think if you survey 20 men and 20 women on this very topic and then survey a separate set of 20 men and 20 women you would get completely different results each time. I believe sometimes the results would say men fall in love more quickly and sometimes the results would fair towards the women. I hold nothing against a consensus however, how can people claim results to be conclusive when the percentages are not 100 percent? Is that not what conclusive implies, that it is without a doubt? I think us women take a step back and look at all the guys we have ever been involved with we could not put them all into one category of either they fell first or we fell first.
I’m repeating myself a lot in responses, but here goes.
It’s not like all men fall in love quickly and no women do. the gap is narrowing and there’s a lot of overlap. But looking at the social pattern, men are more likely to fall quickly, and because they are less likely to feel they have other (non-beauty) factors to concern themselves with.
I would have to say it goes both ways with woman falling in love right away and men because woman always have had this fantasy since they were small about the perfect guy like the fairy tale stories waiting for prince charming. On the other hand men are always falling in love maybe they fall in love more often than woman do and men are more attracted on physical attributes than woman I feel woman are not falling in love as easy as men do because what I have said before they are just waiting for that perfect guy. So I defiantly agree that men are the the ones that fall in love Faster. I grew up with mostly guys so i have experience there love life and they all fall in love right away.
I would have to say I do agree that men would fall faster and love at first sight than women because men do always look with what they see that would arouse them and women decide if they want to date a guy by what kind of job they have. I would say that some men believe that love lasts forever and some women believe love lasts forever, it really depends on the person. Women are more likely to believe in one perfect love and marry without love because women want the perfect man in their life to take care of them for the rest of there lives. Yes there are many stereotypes about Disney princesses and romance because it’s a fantasy. You can’t always have what you want. Looks and physical strength can be linked to love at first sight because it’s what you see, like how the person dresses and if they have muscles. Also jobs might have to do with love at first sight because they might see how they dress and if they dress really nice then that person might have a really good job or if the other person dresses in rags then that person might not have a job.
re:I would say that some men believe that love lasts forever and some women believe love lasts forever, it really depends on the person.
Exactly. This is just on average, and women are nearly as likely as men to say this today.
It is so easy to assume that women are the ones who obsess over their one true love and shocking that men could possibly fall in love quicker than women. In a patriarchal society, falling in love is not something a man would boast about to his peers to prove what a big mean testosterone driven machine he is. As a man, being in love can be seen as weak and vulnerable because they are expressing emotions (gasp!). Society has embedded into our minds to label women as the inferior element in every aspect of our daily lives. There is a saying: “Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.” The speed of light is faster than the speed of sound. When choosing a mate, men are able to select their partner quickly by SEEING a women who is attractive to them. However, women need to be courted, wined and dined. They want to KNOW their potential mate intellectually, physically, financially, etc. before selecting their partner.
I cannot agree with the conclusion that women’s and men’s views towards love and sex are getting similar over years. It is not surprising to know that sometimes women tend to marry men for reasons other than love. When I lived in Hong Kong, it is very common for famous models, singers, movie stars to marry rich men. In that way, they can ensure that their future will be secured with resources for the growth of children and family. However, I think that it is not unusual that men would marry women with their own reasons too. As in the example I mentioned above, rich men wish to have beautiful offsprings. Also, they want celebrities to be their wives, in order to maintain their prestige and to show off in the higher-reaches of society.
I found this blog very intriguing. As I read the first few questions, I found myself automatically thinking of women until I reached the last question: “Who is less likely to marry without love?” I immediately thought of men in this case. Of course, consideration of culture must be examined. For the purpose of my response I only took into account the westernized culture of the United States and did not incorporate religious beliefs. For the most part, I have had many male friends with a very bleak outlook on marriage and see it more as a sentence than a privilege or right. Marriage requires commitment and time; many men fear this kind of bond and do not tend to rush into the decision lightly. Women, however, tend to be more willing to participate in a marriage with fewer requirements such as love. A struggling mother of four may be willing to agree to a marriage to a man she knows can provide for her family. I am by no means saying that this is the only reason women get married or that they do not want to be in love before marriage; I am just stating the fact that women in the past have tended to lean more toward their well-being than a romantic arrangement. As a woman, I want to be loved and find “the one” but this man has qualifications that I have drawn up to ensure not only my well-being but the well-being of my future children as well. According to Women’s Realities, Women’s Choices: An Introduction to Women’s Studies, “…people marry largely within certain socially acceptable boundaries. That is, they are likely to choose somebody within a similar social class, race, caste, religion, and ethnicity…” (WRWC 203) This may be true but it also goes on to read that in our society marriage is becoming more of a “romantic commitment” rather than a “pragmatic arrangement” (WRWC 205). I absolutely agree with you that the “gap is closing” and woman are bringing about a more romantic appeal to partnership and I also believe it to be attributed to an increase in independence.
This actually doesn’t surprise me either. I guess that the reason being to why men are more prone to falling in love faster is due to the fact that men think that they have less to care about while women have a lot more reasons to make the choice; whether that be his versatility in physical and mental strength, tying into how well he portrays that as his social status and his income.
For my personal experience, whenever I think of the girl I’ve wanted to be w/ for so many years, I constantly imagine being w/ her & I get a constant array of images that ‘we would look so good together.’ Or, ‘I really want to impress her.’ She has days where she looks ugly, but I’m still the one thinking about her every night before I sleep. Why? Cause’ I don’t care. I know that she’ll have days where she’ll look mighty fine.
But I’ve still had girl-friends that have told me countless times of how much they admire their significant other; but they always come up with something negative to say. ‘He’s such a great guy, but I always get the feeling that he doesn’t want to be with me,’ ‘I don’t know if I want to be with him in the long run,’ or ‘I’m just not feeling it anymore.’
Whereas, if a man were ‘in love,’ the only things that are constantly in an array of his mind before he’s with the woman is, ‘This is who I’ll settle for. This is who I’ll make my way up for.’
This can be bias. I know that traditionally women tends to fall in love before the guys does. Routinely, men find that one they are head over hills for instantly. It is usually rare and it comes a dime a dozen. I feel like beauty is the number one aspect men look for in a women . They look for someone to treat them h ow they know a man is to be treated depending on whether or not you were raised with affectionate relationships or more distant relationships. Respect, masculinity, romance, and love all comes wit stability. whether its the men or the women who fall in love the fastest. Now and days women are more independent and less dependent on men to complete love, or a romantic feel of things.
re: I know that traditionally women tends to fall in love before the guys does.
And how do you know this? Social science research often discovers that the things we think are true actually aren’t.
Seriously, think about it the reasons why women might be more cautious. Those don’t make sense to you? Whereas men just see beauty and think they’re in love because they have fewer of the other concerns?
It’s research that’s been repeated repeatedly, w/same results. Are all the studies biased?
It is very interesting to find that men actually fall in love faster and believe that there is only one perfect love. However, I was not surprised to find that men are less likely to marry without love. First of all, I’ve always felt like women were more vulnerable and more likely to settle down, therefore being the ones to fall in love faster. Growing up watching and reading about fairytale endings, it always seemed to me like women are always searching for their prince and trying to fall in love to have their happy ending. But after reading this article, it made sense to me that men tend to fall in love faster. I guess now a days, women have become far more independent which means that most of them feel that they don’t need a man to complete them. As for men; they explore until they find the one and when something sparks about that someone, the men fall in love instantly. Now when it comes to marrying without love- it is true that women tend to marry for reasons other than love. They often marry for looks, status, stability, etc. Men on the other hand are known to be less open to settling down. For this reason, when a man finally decides to settle down it is sure that he is in love.
I found this very interesting, by reading the questions I assumed that men would have been more likely to fall in love at first sight, and men would be less likely to marry without love. I think the reason why I felt women would be more likely to feel like there is a perfect love and believe that love lasts forever is because of my generation all my girlfriends including me felt like this is a perfect love and it will last forever, we grew up with movies that made us believe such a thing. But now that I am older and more experienced I know that a relationship takes a lot of work to make it work and a lot of factors play into having a good relationship that last. It also took me a while to figure out no one is perfect and since no is perfect how can there be such a thing as a perfect love.
I totally agree with taylormarie808. As I was reading the questions to myself, I answered women to all of them. Even though research has found that men fall in love faster, I still believe it is the woman who fall’s in love faster. It would be good to know the percentage of men who were asked. In the past twenty years I have seen dozens of relationships go bad due to infidelity, cheating and lies in the relationship by the man. I can say at least two of the relationship ruined, were by the woman cheating and lying. I believe that a women will forgive and try and move on with the relationship while most men will walk out and move on to another relationship. I’ve seen more women cry over a men than men cry over women. I don’t have any facts but I have witnessed it.
As I said, pretty much everyone thinks women fall in love faster.
But several studies have found the opposite.
And read the piece more carefully. You’re making an argument for different findings. Just because a man falls in love “at first sight” doesn’t mean he won’t cheat later.
The study I refer to is recent, but a review of academic literature by psychologists Letitia Peplau and Steven Gordon uncovered the same findings repeatedly, and for the reasons I cite in my post. See: Women and Men in Love: Gender differences in close heterosexual relationshipo. In Virginia E. O’Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger & Barbara Strudler Wallson (Eds.), Women, gender, and social psychology. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. 1985.
MY personal opinion is that men fall in love first in relationships or at least the two relationships that I’ve been in have been that way. We have the vulnerable/sensitive woman that fall in love with any man that gives them a little attention vs the woman that have been hurt and cant love nor trust a male and I’m sure it goes the same for the male gender. As far as love at fist sight goes, i don’t believe in it but then again it could be because i wasn’t that girl watching the fairy tale movies with the happy endings. Men and women show affection in different ways so how could you fall in love with the way some one looks? that sounds like it could lead into fatal attraction and thats another topic that i feel we should discuss in class if it’s ever brought up.
This does not really surprise me that much. In fact I think in a way it is men who are targeted by the images of how romance should be in Disney films and other media outlets. Men see that women are supposed to be looking for romance and stability and this starts to dictate how men view women and perceive how women might think. This may give men false confidence on how well they know or understand their female counter-parts and could lead to conflicts that directly affects two peoples’ relationship; such as unmatched expectations of where a relationship is going.
Very interesting but I have to say that in my experiences with both my guy and girlfriends it seems that either one would fall in love first. Surprisingly my guy friends were very willing and wanting a long term relations as well as a family just as much as the girls did. I think there are many aspect to look at this, like weather or not they came from a broken home, never had parents, had parents,were wealthy or not ……all those could have a great deal of an effect on why one or both are so willing and wanting to fall in love. Some people I have noticed growing up never had any affection growing up and parents were in and out of their lives and so that person would grow up wanting a long committed relationship with a possible future of marriage and kids. Now, I have also notice that both women and men wanting to fall in love or be in a relationship so bad that it SEEMS they just date whom ever is available. Having a sense of security, a sense of someone being there seems like it plays a bigger role than LOVE itself. I think both men and women want that fairytale love, that unconditional love you see in movies but what happens instead is people dont like being alone, so they let those feeling take over instead of just waiting to find that special someone, their soul-mate, if there is such thing. Interesting topic!!!
Sure, all the factors you mention could play a role, and likely affect both genders. But in surveying men, women, men were more likely to fall in love quicker. And since there is no longer such a big gap, you’ll find plenty of women falling in love quicker than her man.
Very true..me and my GF were in same position..since both of us lost someone from our past (my mother and her dad) thus idk we had that sense of responsibility and early maturity towards things and she was the first to approach (although we both love each other i was more of a shy/afraid of losing people and so never made the first move)..nevermind my love remains to her like it was the first time.
Wow. This is really interesting. I must say, that as I was reading the questions I was assuming it was all women. I suppose I think that because many people have told me that it’s true. Perhaps men want to cover up the fact that they fall in love so easily, maybe they think it makes them look bad. I feel like (maybe this is just my experience) both men and women are working very hard to hide the fact that they love at all. It makes us too vulnerable, and we open up to the possibility that the people we love don’t love us back, and therefore with the potential to be hurt looming over us- we don’t talk about love as much anymore. But then again, it could just be me and my experience.
This subject is definitely something I’d like to look into more.
It is really biass to me that this blog states men fall in love faster then women. when it really comes down to it, i would like to think that how you think of a relationship is how you were raised when you were a child. if you got the affection as a child you will be affectionate towards others. i even believe that the way men treat their mother is the way they treat their partner. it is the type of person you are and your nature that shows weather you fall in love fast, or not. if i had to pick between who loves the easiest, men or women. i would definetly have to pick women. i say this because women are more vulnerable. they dream of the perfect relationship, they dream of the perfect husband, future while men are more simple. they are not so much about the future but the present. women also are very emotional then men, which makes women fall faster. words can touch her heart way faster then it could touch a man. although women love faster. i believe that love and being in love are different. when it comes to being in love i strongly feel that men know if they are in love or not. i feel that men know when their in love or not because they perceive things different from women. they dont only think about the heart of the relationship but the connection between each other. such as if they connect in a relationship/friend level or even how she reacts to his family. loving and being in love are two different stories.
Ok, but read the post more closely. This is research based on social patterns of men saying they fall in love faster. Because they judge almost entirely on looks, and lack the concern that women have with other factors, they’re simply free to fall more quickly.
And this is on average, so many women fall more quickly in love than many men.
For more, see
http://news.menshealth.com/do-men-fall-in-love-faster/2011/09/02/
http://www.longislandpress.com/2011/08/16/study-reveals-men-fall-in-love-faster-than-women/
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11102123/ns/health-sexual_health/t/science-love/
[And this is on average, so many women fall more quickly in love than many men]
wow! I had to reply to this.
Most of the men can fall in love most of the times, simply by looking at a woman.
That’s right, before even getting to speak her and find out what is her name.
Literally “Love at first sight”
I know have, more than enough times.
And it is love as it is defined by biology, fast heart beating, difficulty in breathing, sweating, nautious, butterflies in the stomach, trouble thinking and concetrating etc.
Men can experience all these simply by looking at a woman.
So how can a woman fall in love faster than that?
after all the most used reply a man gets from a woman is “we should get to know each other better before we move on”
I agree with that. I don’t believe, however, that “falling in love” over looks, where the true nature of the woman is ignored, is not really love. As I grew older and more attuned to other people (I am still an introvert trying hard to be an extrovert), my attraction to women morphed to looks and intelligence (actually intelligence outweighed looks). Still does. 😀
“I don’t believe, however, that “falling in love” over looks, where the true nature of the woman is ignored, is not really love.”
I agree. Yet men are more likely than women to say they fell in love with their spouse the minute they saw them. Women tend to be a little more cautious, Apparently for the reasons I talk about in the post.
And don’t underestimate introversion — we’ve got a lot of amazing qualities! But for sure it helps for us to get out and be social! To act like extroverts.
I agree with this post because I do find that men usually fall in love faster or at least infatuation because of physical attraction. I personally am not about looks, when I look for a man I look for him to have the qualities I admire. My best friends (males) have probably dated a girl for 2 months and fallen in love but for me its not that soon and many other women I know. I am not going to lie, making sure you have a “good stable guy” is very important for a lot of women, which I find bizzare because I would like to think women should want to be self sufficient and help provide instead of be stuck in old principles and rely on a man.
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