Asexual But (Sometimes) Romantic
All my life sexuality has been like a joke I don’t understand.
I am asexual but demi-romantic.
That means I have no desire for sex but I do feel romantic attraction to people I form a bond with.
As a male I do randomly have erections. But they don’t feel much different from how I normally feel. For me, a “wet dream” can be as simple as dreaming about eating cereal in the morning.
But men always want sex — Don’t they?
But men always want sex, right?
If I ever utter distaste at a sex scene, or at the whole concept of porn, I must explain myself.
Disclaimer: I am an asexual, feeling no sexual desire.
(Redundant, I know. But this sort of thing takes saying twice.)
Interestingly, most of the women I’ve dated are completely fine with my asexuality — at first. Then they gradually lose interest and leave.
The two men I dated were different. One was put off by my lack of desire but decided to try a relationship, anyway. It didn’t work. The other thought I was joking and constantly tried to coax me to bed.
So now I’m looking for an asexual partner who can understand my needs because, otherwise, it’s too confusing and too hard to hold onto each other.
What causes asexuality?
I “get” the biological benefits of sex. But at the same time I’m deeply annoyed. Especially with how society sexualizes everything. Really, must sex be placed in EVERYTHING?
And why is asexuality seen as something to be fixed? That’s annoying, too.
Does sexuality stem from biology or social construct?
I think society plays a heavy role and that instinct only makes up a portion of it.
For me, sexuality is, itself, a societal imposition.
BroadBlogs thoughts on Trent’s question
Is sexuality biology or a social construct?
Hormones and genes affect desire and anatomy affects what we can do. But questions of who you have sex with, how you can, where you can, and what’s sexy — etc. — vary from place to place.
We are a mix of three things:
Our natural personalities + our social interactions + our culture
This mix varies among people. Some asexuals seem to have always been that way, so the cause is more biological for them. Others develop a loss of interest because of cultural repression or bad experiences, or both. I can’t tell from Trent’s description where his comes from.
This was written by a friend of one of my students. “Trent Law” is a pen name.