Sex often improves with age, say a number of recent studies. But why?


Maturing sex-lovers were typically raised in a pretty sex-negative world — especially if they’re female. But most spent years doing the marital sex thing. And since everyone thinks that’s okay, negative messages fade.

But an increasingly sex-positive society must help. Many chalked up their newfound pleasure to sexual liberation and The Pill.

And while you might think women would grow bored with the same guy all the time, women in long-term relationships are the most sexually satisfied of all. Why? 

Safety and relaxation aid orgasm, and long-term relationships can boost both.

And as blogger, Diahann Reyes points out, “I also think that the older we get the more we understand how our bodies work and what gives us pleasure. And we aren’t as afraid to ask for it, or give it.

Researchers at the University of Texas, Austin also say that women’s sexuality is more often linked to love, emotional bonding and connection, which are potentially strongest in long-term relationships.

In fact, older women whose sex drive has waned often have sex to emotionally connect with loved partners — and it ends in bliss.

Even mere touching and caressing can bring great satisfaction says Dr. Susan Trompeter, who adds, “Emotional and physical closeness to the partner may be more important than experiencing orgasm.”

But it’s not just the ladies. Surprisingly, the emotional bonding that comes from hugging and kissing can be more important to men’s happiness than sex. And, one of my students said he was sexually unsatisfied because his wife couldn’t emotionally connect with him. So emotional bonding can help men, too.

Why is touch so important? Psychologist, Aline Zoldbrod, explains,

Touch from a person you love and trust is a major emotional resource and a way that people can regulate their emotions when they are upset. Couples who use touch to comfort, to compliment, and yes, to seduce and arouse, are bound to be happier.

In turn, men who yearned for touch had more sexually satisfied partners, too. Blogger, TK echoes the thought:

I’ve seen men lose interest in foreplay the longer they are in a committed relationship. Maybe there’s something to be said for how exciting the experience is. I mean, if all a guy wants to do after 10+ years is do the deed and watch Netflix I’d become uninterested in the act. It’s not that I wouldn’t still love the person, I would just need more.

Caring men put more into a relationship both emotionally and physically. And that includes concern for his partner’s sexual satisfaction — which  comes back to reward him. Kinsey researchers say, “a man’s happiness rose 17% with each additional point he rated the importance of his partner’s orgasm.”

And of course unhappy couples, or couples unhappy in their sex lives, are more likely to separate. Surely that’s a big reason why staying together longer correlates with better sex.

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