Beauty Tricks To Remove Your Self-Esteem

cameron-russell-tedxtalk1“Can I be a model when I grow up?” 

That’s a question girls often ask model, Cameron Russell.

The lure of big money is likely a draw. But there’s probably also a yearning to feel beautiful, and therefore, worthy — and at the top of the pecking order.

As she was prepping for a TED Talk on the subject, Cameron learned that:

Of the 13-year-old girls in the United States, 53 percent don’t like their bodies, and that number goes to 78 percent by the time that they’re 17.

But if you are looking for self-esteem, modeling is not the way to go, she adds,  Read the rest of this entry

Are Women Sexually Ravenous?   

hello boysWire women up to measure vaginal blood flow and, it turns out, they get aroused at the sight of pretty much anything having sex, according to widely cited research by Queen’s University psychology professor, Meredith Chivers.

As Daniel Bergner described it at the New York Times:

No matter what their self-proclaimed sexual orientation, (women) showed, on the whole, strong and swift genital arousal when the screen offered men with men, women with women and women with men.

Even bonobos — an ape species — got women going.  Read the rest of this entry

Only Virgins Can Be Sexually Assaulted

Indians protesting the way rape survivors are treated.

Indians protesting the way rape survivors are treated.

Once upon a time in America only virgins or married women could be raped, people thought. In some places people still think so.

The problem comes from failing to see the world through the eyes of victims.

And so an article from the 1952-53 Yale Law Journal explained that sexual assault is illegal because,

Women’s power to withhold or grant sexual access is an important bargaining weapon… it fosters, and is in turn bolstered by, a masculine pride in the exclusive possession of the sexual object… whose value is enhanced by sole ownership.

Even though this is the crime women most fear, outside of murder.  Read the rest of this entry

Pose Once to Look Female, Again to Look Male

Erika Linder plays both male and female in JC Jeans commercial.

Erika Linder plays both male and female in JC Jeans commercial.

Sex is biological: testosterone, estrogen and xx or xy chromosomes…

But gender is performance.

The act is easy to see when boys put on a tough guise and girls act sexy, because sexy on little girls and tough on little boys just looks a little weird. (Think “Little Miss” beauty pageants, for instance.)

But then we grow up and what had once been play and mimicry begins to feel natural and normal.

Then along comes model, Erika Linder, posing one way to look female and another to appear male.  Read the rest of this entry

Can Friends Survive Friends w/Benefits?

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in "Friends with Benefits"

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in “Friends with Benefits”

Sometimes friendships between women and men turn into “friends with benefits.”

Not surprising, really.

Friendships between men and women often start when one of the two – usually the guy – is hoping for sex.

Or sex is wanted without the baggage that relationships can bring, and FWB seems more inviting than hookups with strangers — especially for girls who want to avoid being called sluts.

Still, many fret that if things don’t work out, FWB could bring the loss of their friend. To keep things platonic, many avoid discussing the relationship, and make sure to bring up romances with others. And no flirting.

Still, the line is crossed at some point in the lives of about 60% of college students. What happens next?  Read the rest of this entry

Game of Thrones ‘S Us

Daenerys Targaryen

Daenerys Targaryen

Set in some mythical time and place reminiscent of Paganism meets Christianity here on Earth, the mirror that is Game of Thrones reflects both our gender bias and our rising equality.

In this patriarchal world the virtuous Daenerys Targaryen and her evil brother, Viserys, march to take back the Iron Throne they were born to, but are now exiled from. While Daenerys is clearly the wiser of the two, she has no right to rule — at least not while her brother lives. Instead, she is used as a pawn —  sold off as a slave, really, to buy her brother an army.  Read the rest of this entry

Real vs Cartoonish Sexuality

Real sexuality? Or just cartoonish?

Real sexuality? Or just cartoonish?

I believe we should afford our daughters and ourselves a right to our own authentic sexuality. Not the cartoonish MTV kind, but the kind where we respect ourselves enough to listen to what our bodies and hearts feel is right for us.

Paraphrasing psychoanalyst and author Joyce McFadden, there.

What is authentic sexuality? In my last post, I suggested it is neither shameful nor a crutch for powerlessness or low self-esteem. But what else?  Read the rest of this entry

Authentic Sexuality v Dressing Like Prostitutes

Hello Kitty thong

Hello Kitty thong

Why do moms let their daughters “dress like prostitutes?” asked Jennifer Moses in a Wall Street Journal piece that got people talking a while back.

Moses thinks it’s because the moms had a sexually free past, which they now regret. “Not one woman I’ve ever asked about the subject,” she declared, “has said that she wishes she’d ‘experimented’ more.”

Well, wouldn’t you want your daughters to NOT look like prostitutes, then?  Read the rest of this entry

Your Pain: A Small Price for My Pleasure

scarsPolice in Salinas, California conducted a home welfare check after three children, ages 8, 5, and 3, didn’t arrive for an unspecified appointment. What they found was gruesome. The isolated children, who were ostensibly being homeschooled, were malnourished and bruised.

But the eight-year-old girl seems to have gotten it worse than her brothers. She was periodically locked in a closet or chained to a wall, 4 feet off the ground. She was sometimes shackled by the ankle, and other times by a collar around her small neck. And starving, she resembled a concentration camp victim.   Read the rest of this entry

Girls Chasing Boys Chasing Girls

Ingrid Michaelson’s “Girls Chase Boys” is a tribute to Roger Palmer’s “Simply Irresistible.”

A tribute. And a commentary on changing times.

When I first saw “Simply Irresistible” years ago, it seemed pretty natural and normal. But after seeing Michaelson’s gender bending switch — and thu more feminist eyes — I see so much more.

In “Simply Irresistible” the girls are dolled up to passively attract.

simply irr-dance

In “Girls Chase Boys” it’s the guys:

simply irr-dance guys

Read the rest of this entry

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