Guys Just Want One Thing
The belief is so widespread that we needn’t say what the one thing is.
Yet the truism isn’t true.
You may have heard that since there are more women than men on college campuses these days, women are pressured to do sex the way men like it: No strings attached.
Yet the effect is small. And hookup culture turns out to be a myth, with the average student having only seven new partners over four years.
“Okay With” ≠ “Preference”
Research has shown that, on average, men are indeed more okay with casual sex, and they’re less likely to experience distress after indulging. (Some think it’s biological. Others — like me — suspect it’s sociological, due to things like slut-shaming that punishes and represses women’s sexuality.)
But “being more okay with” is not the same as “preference.”
Actually, 3/4 of guys prefer relationship sex. And 90% of them will get married, instead of spending their lives playing the field. Even after a partner’s death or divorce, men remarry more quickly than women.
Why date instead of just hook up?
Psychologist, Andrew Smiler asked young men why they date. He says the same three things come up repeatedly, whether they’re talking about ideal relationships, actual relationships, or their motives for dating. Sexual orientation and age don’t matter, either.
Here are their three reasons:
Companionship and connection
Typically, guys date because they like their partners and enjoy spending time with them. And they value the intense feeling of passion and connection.
Emotional support and intimacy
Guys also value emotional support. They may talk about how their partners boost them up, and make them feel good about themselves. And how they are more supportive than friends or parents.
Or, they like having someone with whom they can share their deepest secrets, dreams and worries.
And of course physical intimacy is important, but it’s not the only thing.
Surprisingly, Dr. Smiler adds:
When asked why they’re dating, only a minority of boys tell us that physical intimacy is a factor in their decision, making this a secondary reason to date.
Sure, guys want sex. But most of them want a whole lot more, too.
Related Posts on BroadBlogs
Posted on August 25, 2014, in men, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality and tagged casual sex, hooking up, men, men just want one thing, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality. Bookmark the permalink. 35 Comments.