Why Don’t Women Like Sex As Much As Men?

What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? If you are an American university student you probably know the punch line:

“A bitch has sex with everyone but me.”

So how do men view women’s sexuality? And what is the reality?

Sociologist, Michael Kimmel says that many men get their sex education from two primary sources: friends and porn. And their friends learn a lot from porn, too.

So how are women portrayed on the pornography front?

Women meet strangers and become immediately aroused, sexual activity quickly ensues, and they come swiftly to orgasm. And by the way, women love threesomes and orgies. Really, the more the merrier!

In porn women’s sexuality looks more like men’s than women’s.

Pornography leads single men to believe that other men are getting an awful lot of sex. And they wonder why they aren’t. “Why do babes (aka sluts) have sex with everyone but me? Those bitches!”

In the U.S. women’s sexuality is far different from how it is portrayed in porn. Typically, women are much more interested in romance and relationship than in casual intercourse. And while some women love sex (sometimes more than their partners) surveys show that they typically enjoy sex less than men do, and want far fewer partners.

Biology does not seem to be the main reason for the difference. While twice as much space is devoted to sexuality in the male brain, women and men have matched up far more evenly in other times and places in terms of sexual pleasure and interest.

I will be posting an ongoing series (interspersed with other topics) to discuss these questions, among others:

  • How do men and women experience sex differently?
  • What affects sexual experience and why do American women typically enjoy sex less than men?
  • How do differences and misunderstandings affect relationships between women and men?
  • What are the benefits and costs of the so-called male and female ways of sexuality?
  • What can women learn from men and what can men learn from women?

To understand all this, we will need to explore sources of repression. Women get far more messages than men that sex is bad, which can repress their sexuality. Too often women are still punished for not controlling men’s sexuality. Calling women sluts rarely heightens their sexual interest. Quite the opposite. Yet men seem to be unaware of this — given how often they call women sluts and whores. Or they don’t care. Odd, since they say they want sex so much! But there is more on the repression front.

We will also discuss things you might not expect, like how objectification can dampen a woman’s sexual experience, even as it heightens a man’s. So focused on how she looks (whether pleased with her look or worried about it), she can’t get into sex. Meanwhile, men aren’t sexualized, so she has less to get so excited about.

Or, we still rank men above women in our society, and this ends up diminishing women’s sexual interest in ways that are not immediately obvious – though they should be. For example, when men see women as objects and not human beings, they may force sex. A past history of sexual violence often diminishes a woman’s interest.

Meanwhile, men, if you’re not getting a lot of sex, don’t take it personally. And don’t take it out on women. Calling them sluts and bitches will probably backfire!

Related posts on BroadBlogs:  
“Cock” vs “Down There”
Sex Lessons from Mom and Dad
Sex: Who Gets Screwed?

About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on September 20, 2010, in feminism, gender, men, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 57 Comments.

  1. I have heard countless reasons why women may not enjoy sex as much as men, some of these reasons suggest declining hormones might be the cause or an individual’s low self-esteem and maybe even psychological reasons due to something that could have taken place during their childhood. Not all women are the same, I should know, after all, I am one. I without question know first hand what it is like to lose interest in sex. I will speak from my own personal experience and tell you that life simply got in the way. Motherhood, my career, my financial responsibilities and my studies all became priorities while intimacy simply got placed on the back burner. Frustration from social pressures of the world forced me to focus more on what I should accomplish as a woman with my education and career as well as what others see on the exterior like my health and physical well being. Rather than allow myself to enjoy the natural benefits intercourse has to offer, I got caught up in the image I wanted the world to see, instead, I chose to follow the herd and be a sheep among sheep.

  2. Every person is a world. That being said, statistics tell us some leading tendencies in both males and females. For my personal experience, during a sexual intercourse, women and men can experience sexual desire in the same way (or at least in a very close way in terms of erotic dreams and sexual pleasure they want to get).

    In my opinion, the bottom line here is what we understand for sex and what role we want for sex into our lives. In most of the cases, men we tend to understand sex as a physical pleasure and even if the male’s erotism can be very rich, nevertheless it will be usually strictly limited to dreaming and creating erotic fantasies around the physical pleasures involved in sex.

    On the other hand, for genetical as well as cultural reasons, women tend to understand sex as part of a much wider psychic experience which can be called romance and in the last term, life. In other words, women tend to confine sex inside a much wider sphere of psychic experiences, and a woman’s brain is much less friend to separate her life experience into independent parts.

    In my opinion, the main reason for that difference between men and women may lay on the different evolution of the brain during milleniums and the specialized role the individuals from each sex had during that long time. For millenniums, men’s role had to deal often very well at certain dangerous and highly specialized areas at the same time that had to change often from one space to another, sometimes having to be prepared for a fast change of perspective, while females were having the “home role”, a role that actually was a coordinator’s role.

    Even though both men and women can enjoy physical sex in the same or very close way, the way to get there is usually very different. For the most of men, sex is a perfect practice for forgetting about a stressful day. For a man, sex can fix almost everything, particularly a bad mood! For a man, every worry goes away by doing something that is unexpectedly fun! But, fortunately or not, this is not the case for the most of women: their brain is trained to coordinate life around, and the key skills women have in order to succeed in such a difficult task are intuition, feelings, and sense of coherence in every decision they must take.

    Therefore, a woman will not agree easily with her partner’s idea of having a sudden ‘quickie’ in order to forget about a previous argument. Most women will need to feel first that the situation is under their control and that her connection with the other person has a high quality before of relaxing and accepting the idea of having sex, even if this could be a ‘quickie’! For the same reason, the idea of having a ‘quickie’ every day and in the least expected occasion, which probably is the most dreamed scenario for a lot of men, is not going to be attractive to most of the women, because, as it has been said, for a woman sex is one more part of a wider relationship.

    My point is that the question ‘why women don’t like sex as much as men?’ is a wrong question. The correct question should be stated something like ‘why women don’t accept the idea of having sex so easily as men do?’. Once they’re in, women may enjoy sex so much as men do and can be as wild as a porn star while experiencing the same level of sexual pleasure that their male partners. Women love sex, but use to have more psychical difficulties for joining it than men.

    Having said so, I must admit that, as a man, I don’t like particularly the way women tend to understand sex and the need a lot of women have to make each of their feelings match to all the rest before having an intercourse. Why? In the first place, because I think life is short enough to pretend everything must be ‘perfect’ to have sex. And, in the second one, that may sound more vanal to a woman but actually for a men it is not, because that makes me more difficult enjoying sex the way I would like to and so often as I would like to. But of course, I would never call a woman ‘bitch’ for being a woman and for behaving as such. God, how awful! I understand that women are in their right to claim their way to understand life. And so do I. 🙂

    • When women orgasm it appears to feel very similarly to when men orgasm — maybe the same. So if that’s what you mean by saying that women enjoy sex as much as men, that’s true. And in some cultures women may enjoy sexuality more than men, being more multi-orgasmic.

      But on average, in Western societies women actually don’t enjoy sex as much as men. And the reason they don’t is because of how our society represses women’s sexuality. So it’s a really important question.

      43% of women in America say they have experienced sexual dysfunction — inability to orgasm, difficulty climaxing, pain, no interest, Or very little interest, for instance.

      One third of women feel anxious, sad or depressed after sex

      Men nearly always orgasm. It’s the rare woman who can say the same thing.

      And it’s not biology. In sex-positive cultures women are easily, And easily multiply, orgasmic.

      I, personally, was more interested in sexuality at age 10 than at age 20. And that is not because of biology. It’s because of sexual repression.

      As a society, we must stop repressing women’s sexuality. It causes all sorts of problems in marriage. And generally speaking, most Western women simply aren’t able to experience the sexual pleasure that men do

      Because everyone is a mix of biology plus social interaction plus culture, you find that some women are able to enjoy sexuality more similarly to how men do. But the social pattern shows that there’s a problem. Something in our culture is sick and needs healing.

      Also, there are competing theories in evolutionary psychology. The data show that children are much more likely to survive and pass their genes on if their fathers stick around to take care of them. And most of the human experience has been marked by monogamy, even though polygamy has been legal in most cultures historically. 75% of men in America say they prefer sex in a relationship over random sex. So yeah, there is a competing theory, suggesting that most men are on the monogamous side, Just like women.

  3. that image of the father intending to ‘advise’ the son to have lots of sexual partners doesn’t reflect the truth.
    I have never heard of a sane father that really suggested to his son to sleep around

    • Maybe no sane fathers do, but some men in my classes have talked about how their fathers do that. And I read a book called “Guyland” by Michael Kimmel, who studies men and masculinity, and he talks about the same thing.

  4. sugarpiehoneybee

    I go back to what I wrote earlier and then I add more ot it. I write this comment in simple terms.
    Number 1 Problem is that females do not support each other. Example, quite a few female marriage counselors here on the internet write numerous articles that scold, blame, and demean wives for not exalting, praising, worshipping their husbands. Marriage counselors are trying to brainwash females and some females are buying the propoganda.
    Number 2 Women and men are not the same, sexually, physically, emotionally, and a few other ways. We need to stop scolding women for not being like men.
    Number 3 We teach our girls and boys to behave differently. The female teaching expects females to shut up and sit still.
    Number 4 We blame females for the sins of the males. We scold and demean females when males do wrong. We( mostly female marriage counselors) expect the female to repair and work at her relationship, while we tell the male to sit back and allow her to exalt and please them.
    Number 4 Even though out culture/society knows that men lose interest and fantasize about many women, about variety, we still tell the woman that she is expected to bend over backwards to try to keep her man’s interest.
    Number 5 Female gender is the one that has to be concerned about pregnancy, not the male gender.
    Number 6 We pat our boys and men on the back and say ” Show that you are a virile man, go and sow some more wild oats, all while we tell the girl and woman, “Don’t enjoy sex, stay a virgin, you are a slut and a whore if you have numerous partners.
    Number 7 Males really do want sex more than females. We keep denying this fact, but it is true. Yes there are exceptions to this statement. Females try many sexual favors for their males, so that he will not stray and in order to be accepted and loved by him. Males really don’t worry a whole lot about the emotional aspect. They just want great sex and a lot of it.
    Most women will not stop loving her man if he denies sex, but most men will stop caring for his woman and/or stray without sex. That’s how different we are!!

  5. Christina Trembois

    As stated in the blog, in order for women to enjoy sexuality more, we need to get rid of sexism. For a man to enjoy sex is totally normal. If they don’t want sex, society would find that weird. On the other hand, if a women is really likes sex she is seen as a whore. It is sad to know that some women just really like sex and only have it with one partner, but other people might view her having sex all the time as a whore. It is frightening to see how sexism plays such a major role on how you must behave as a man or woman in our society, In order for women and men to feel more comfortable in their sexuality, we must get rid of sexism so that both men and women are treated the same and viewed the same.

  6. Why does it have to be gender linked and not individually? Why do we always try to compare, make some kind of sense and put everything in percentage? In media nowadays, you actually can read that both women and men wants too often or too little. Yes, women do have hormones that affect their sex drive go up and down a little. But I do not think that they overall have less desire than men. It may seem that men do think about sex more often than women. Just look at the accessibility men have to porn magazines, internet, strip clubs etc. However, it may be the case that men are more open about sex and their desires than women. Women may feel embarrassed about seeking for sex openly.

    • Why does it have to be gender linked and not individually? Why do we always try to compare, make some kind of sense and put everything in percentage?

      Because sexism lies behind women getting less enjoyment out of sex.

      If we want women to enjoy sexuality more (which would benefit both women and men) we need to get rid of sexism.

  7. I believe that women need to be able to make a connection with someone before they have sex with them. Men don’t need to have that connection all the time with every one of their sexual partners. Men are more physical than woman are. When a woman has a bad experience with a man sexually, they are going to be disinterested in sex with other people. Even more so if the woman was raped. If they were, it decreases their sexual interests. When a man has a bad experience with a woman, they can just easily move on and find another sexual partner.

  8. I was drawn to this blog post because I have heard before that women don’t like sex as much as men, but in my experiences and stories from my friends (who are mostly female, and I am male), I have learned that this is just a stereotype about men and women as wholes, but this certainly does not apple to everyone. Sure, according to the surveys there are more men who voluntarily say that they love sex than there are women, but that’s not everyone’s real opinion and you can’t go around saying that this applies to all females or all males. Having all that said, I do believe it is wrong to ever call a female a slut or a bitch, no matter what the reason may be. Men need to stop assuming the worst of women and stop bringing down their self-esteem because all it is doing is hurting the girls and making guys look like ass holes to all of society. Unfortunately, these stereotypes will carry down for a long time, if not forever.

  9. I believe it’s different for everyone. Some woman may enjoy sex more than men but because of social pressures may not let it be known. I’ve often wondered why men get patted on the back for their sexual conquests but woman are reprehended for even having an interest in sex. I really think it goes back to childhood. We are taught from an early age that good girls don’t want boyfriends and to save themselves for marriage, yet men brag about their studly son and all his girlfriends. I really think that porn does play some part in how sex is perceived, especially in this day in age. I think a teenage boy is much more likely to look up online porn than a teenage girl.

    However, that is not the case for everyone. I know plenty of woman who sexual encounters without a relationship for various reasons. They are busy with their career, they aren’t interested in a relationship at this time, etc. There have even been a few motion pictures made around this topic lately and the woman are not perceived as prudes or sluts but just as consenting adults who are having fun. I think those who assume women who don’t like sex as much as men, maybe just haven’t met the right woman.

    • Or the right man?

      Yes, women vary. I’m talking about averages.

      That said, when you aren’t awre of how much women enjoy sex in other nonsexist cultures that don’t repress women — no need for vibrators and easily and multiply orgasmic, it’s hard to realize how much more women in the western world could enjoy sex. and how the sexism Damon’s their enjoyment compared with men.

  10. The fact that women are sexually repressed in our culture is something that directly affects me and my experiences, or lack thereof. I am definitely a shy person and even more than that, I am extremely self-conscious of myself and how I look. I feel very pressured to look a certain way, and while I’ve never been told this, it has hindered me from pursuing intimacy with someone. I am envious of women who are confident with themselves and who are able to enjoy sex freely, but is that something celebrated in our culture? No, a man can brag about having multiple partners, but a woman who sleeps with multiple men is branded a slut. On top of that, there’s a lot of pressure on women to play a role in bed and if someone is getting caught up in that, they can’t enjoy the experience as much as their partner. I’m not surprised that it is harder for women to get sexually aroused and achieve orgasms. How can you expect them to when we’re taught from day one to keep our legs closed and be pure and virginal? Everyone can crack a joke about teenage boys and masturbation, but girls just don’t do that, apparently!

  11. melissaprice2010

    In my personal experience, I can say that the relationship between the woman and man in question has a lot to do with how she perceives the experience. Whether or not she is being objectified, or whether she has been told that sex is bad, whether or not the woman feels powerful or dominant or not, if she is with the right man, if she has the right feelings, the right emotional attachment, the right physical and emotional attraction, she will be happy to have sex with the man. I have been in a very negative relationship, where the man was impulsive, angry, controlling, possessive, insecure, unfaithful, and lacked motivation. At the time I was finishing high school and starting college, working 2 jobs, one alongside my boyfriend, and even though I saw these issue, I thought that was in love. We rarely had sexual relations, mostly because I just did not want to, which may have affected his faithfulness to me, however I know that is no excuse. Now, three years later, I am in one of the healthiest, most affectionate and loving relationships I have ever been in. My current boyfriend is motivated, supportive, and compassionate. No relationship is ever perfect, and everyone has their insecurities and their pet-peeves and their up-and-downs. But my current relationship is a healthy one, and we regularly make time for intimate time. I think the main determining factor of a woman’s sexual involvement, is the relationship between her and the partner in question, not necessarily a matter of just ‘woman don’t like sex as much as men’. However I do understand that I am speaking from my own personal experience and encounters with friends who have had similar experiences.

    • I agree. I’d just say that due to repression and violence against women, its more dificult for women to get sexually aroused and climax than in in sex positive cultures.

  12. What I’m trying to say is all women have less enjoyment having sex and focus more on family values. Married men have pleasure that is beyond anything a man or woman can imagine.

    • So that’s what you were trying to say in the long, anti-feminist inspired rant you first tried to post.

      Actually, women are as capable of enjoying sex as men when they live in egalitarian (cultures with gender equality) places that are sex-positve toward women. There, women are encouraged to enjoy sex and to be orgasmic, instead of being slut-shamed for enjoying sex.

      In the shaming culture we live in women CAN have amazing orgasms, but fewer women DO and they are less likely multiply orgasmic.

      If women enjoyed sex as much as men, men would get a lot more of it. If men want women to enjoy sex, they should encourage equality between women and men.

  13. I simply think that men just appear to like having sex more than women like having sex because men are more about pleasure and having a more “no strings attatched attitude”. While women are emotianally needy and appriciate the more romantic side of things.

    • So you think women experience no repression in this culture?

      In pro-sex (for women) cultures women are highly orgasmic and easily multiply orgasmic and they don’t need 3000 rpm vibrations to have an orgasm. If only that were true here.

  14. sugarpiehoneybee

    This is just my opinion, but women do want sex and all the foreplay that goes along with it, not just the male form of sex that mostly involves the man thrusting his genital into one of our body cavities. If we could get it our way as men do, we would not turn our partners down and would seek and initiate sex.
    In addition,women are told, beginning from girlhood, that they should act lady like and that if they indulge in sex, that they are a sluts and that no decent man will want us. You see people, women are fed all this bullcrap, and we buy it and it confuses us, thus allowing brainwashing. Men label us, when we have as many partners as they do. We allow this and we join in on the put downs of our own gender. Really, we as women should have taken control of our own sexuality years ago, but with all the other rights that men were taking away from us, we were too busy and stressed, that we put our sexuality on the back burner. Another point is that, women enjoy porn just like men, but the male dominated media makes porn just for men. Also in porn, they always either show the woman giving the man oral sex, or she is bent over on the liktchen cabinet. And to think, men wonder why…… women do not want to have sex as often as them. Sex is not all about giving a man oral sex and being bent over with him thrusting like a horse. There is more to real lovemaking.

  15. I agree. Research shows that women are more affected by cultural forces of repression than men. They are also subjected more to it. Here’s a paragraph from one of my other posts:

    Research on men and women who have lived in repressive cultures, like Victorian England, find men less affected (perhaps because they are also less repressed). But even gay men are less affected than lesbians by homophobia-induced repression (even though homophobia is more strongly directed at gay men). Maybe because the male sex drive is stronger, due in part to higher levels of testosterone, while twice as much of their brain is taken up with sex.

    I wonder if men are more likely to repress women, despite the decrease in women’s sex drive that results, because they don’t realize it will have that affect since it doesn’t affect them much.

  16. I’m a 55 year old man who has been in two, long-term, very successful &
    happy relationships.

    Back in my 20’s & 30’s (height of the VCR & tape-rental era), my GF and I
    watched a LOT of porn films together. We enjoyed them for what they were,
    and often laughed out loud at some of the outrageous ‘positions’ that were
    obviously nothing more than ‘posing for the camera’.

    Despite all the ridiculous male-oriented fantasy, we managed to enjoy
    watching another ‘couple’, and it turned us on.

    AFTER turning the TV off, we headed for the bedroom & some ‘us-time’ that
    was entirely different from the play-acting on screen. We never had any
    intention of trying to re-create anything we had seen…we just weren’t
    remotely interested. We knew that being good to each other was FAR more
    important than trying to live-out some movie producer’s fantasy version
    of real life.

    When a devoted couple has spent many years cultivating & refining their
    relationship (in & out of bed), each of them comes to one, ultimate
    realization. You one day understand, very clearly, that pleasing your
    partner & ensuring THEIR happiness has become more important to you than
    satisfying your personal needs. You also come to understand that if you
    put your partner’s needs FIRST, then your own satisfaction just keeps on
    expanding…and sometimes WAY beyond your wildest expectations!

    I suppose there are a few dullards out there who take most of their cues
    from low-life rags like Hustler and believe that women really enjoy the
    treatment portrayed in skin flicks. That’s sad, but I really believe
    these guys are a tiny minority that self-identifies thru their poor
    judgement & the stupidity they display in other areas of life. If he is
    perpetually broke, dressed in rags, and working at some minimum-wage
    weenie job…how much more do you need to know?

    Forrest Gump was right…”Stupid Is as Stupid Does”.

  17. sugarpiehoneybee

    I have been trying for a long time to help men and women to see, that men really only have one thing on their minds, and if you are not in a committed relationship with that man you’re having sex with, he basically is just using you, for the sex.. Men in general can be so rude and disrespectful to women who sleep around as they do, even though they do it too. Women get tired of the nasty gossip and nasty jokes from men .That is some of the reason women are not interested in the sex game. It is safer for us to stay away from sex as much as possible.
    Indeed, there are other reasons, such as eventhough we CAN enjoy it, we know that many men are selfish and lazy in bed and will not do what it takes to satisfy us. They expect for us to touch ourselves, but women don’t expect them to touch themselves during thrusting.
    In addition, men have been known to say that it is too much work to provide arousal or foreplay for the woman. Well men, …it’s a lot of work for a woman to provide you with one of her body cavities to thrust your genital in, but we go ahead and do it to please you all. Why can’t you leave off the selfishness during sex. We do.
    In summation, these points are important. Men need to realize that women are made different from them. Women need to stop apologizing for not wanting sex all the time. Women can and do enjoy sex. Sex does not occupy our every thought. We are not selfish in bed. Men need to stop talking about women who want to have a lot of sex like men do. Women have a lot more a stake, or a lot to lose when they engage in sex. Women often times want foreplay. Last, I am going to organize a sex shut down for a month, for all females, until men hear and respect us. : )

    • Actually, a lot of young men are more interested in relationship than sex. See:
      Guys Are Getting More Romantic

      (I have surveyed guys in my classes and they say the same sorts of things.)

      And the notion that if a woman has casual sex she is being used is just a way of seeing. A very strong cultural way of seeing, admittedly. Yet many women see the situation completely differently: they enjoy sex and wants to feel empowered to have sex if they want to.

  18. sugarpiehoneybee

    Why do you all think that because a woman wants less sex, she is supposed to be repressed.
    She might just not care for sex just as somone might not like apples or sightsseing. We have got to stop trying ways to get women to like sex. that is about as wrong as it would be if we were trying to get men to stop liking it. Let us be fair and balanced when it comes to trying to change people’s interest

  19. I have found that within my own experience, a big factor to not having as strong of a drive for sex as a man- or even as I used to when I was younger – comes from seeing the extent to which men are willing to manipulate a woman into having sex with them. I’ve had male friends that felt comfortable sharing their plans on how they’d get into so-and-so’s pants by doing this or telling her that. Or by being excited to know that she’s vulnerable so she will be “easy”. Experiencing this behavior and having the whole “plan” from start to finish laid out in front of me to see has completely turned me off to men that even mention sex too soon.i feel almost paranoid to allow myself to be more sexually free because of my suspicion of the guy’s intentions or what he’s Really thinking. Then I try to focus on my own needs being met, but am offset by thoughts about how men speak about their hookups/potentials and it just turns me off. I feel sexually oppressed because of the way men objectify and disrespect women’s sexuality. And that’s not even mentioning the type of guys that come up to you saying something like “hey I need to get my dick sucked” and expect you to feel honored to have that “privilege”. I feel that our generation of women are doomed if we do hook up with some of these disrespectful pigs. They will never respect us if we succumb to their manipulative ways. At the same time, it’s no fun to be paranoid. So how is a woman supposed to feel both respected and sexually free?

  20. Women clearly are not as obsessed with sex in the same way as men are. If they were, there would be the same demand for sexually explicit male art and porn. This just isn’t the case. You only have to look at pop culture to see that the nude woman is much more acceptable and “desirable” than the male nude. In fact in some cases the nude male is considered more obscene than a nude woman.

  21. Sexless Ballbreaker

    A woman has the same number of nerve endings in her clitoris as a man has in his penis, therefore she has a similar capacity for orgasm. The main factor hindering a woman’s unbridled sexuality, and therefore a cause of neurosis and suppression, is childbirth.

    Throughout history, there have been significant dangers involved in giving birth, such as death and loss of income during pregnancy and child rearing. Having less sex for women has an evolutionary and self-preserving advantage.

    Romance and courtship is a means of maximising the value of sex and allows a woman to evaluate the likelihood of being supported by a man whilst being economically disadvantaged during the childbirth/child rearing process.

    In addition to romance and limiting the supply of sex, women, subconsciously or otherwise, maximise the value of their sexuality further by enhancing their appearances through means such as wearing make-up and high heels etc.

    • The main reason women in our culture typically enjoy sex less is due to sexism. The more sexism, the less they enjoy it. Do you really think that these things have no negative effect: Shame, rape, distraction due to worrying about whether they are attractive enough (grounded in objectification + narrow notions of what is attractive)? Truly these have huge effects.

      I know from personal experience, as well as from data, that they do. I was much more sexually interested when I was younger than after the repressive effects of my teen years. Over time I’ve had to work to overcome repression, and it’s still there but less so.

      In the 70s a Playboy commissioned study found that only 20% of women found their first experience highly pleasurable. Not only is there no biological reason for that, but enjoyment increases as sexism decreases. For instance, women seem to enjoy sex more in the less repressive world of today. See these two related posts:


      Women in egalitarian, sex positive cultures (for women) — like the Americas before European contact and the South Pacific — tend to love sex, and to be easily orgasmic and very multiply orgasmic. Just ask why Gauguin stayed in Tahiti so long.

      Also, notions of beauty vary from pace to place. Some like unnaturally long necks or skeletal Victoria Secret models or obesity in West Africa, for instance.

      So much that we think is biological isn’t. Just take a look around the world.

  22. Despite the prevalence of porn, I think we’re moving in the right direction. When I was younger, I remember that it was common for a boy to discount a girl who slept with him too quickly. I haven’t heard that kind of language or sentiment in a long time from guys (and I have jocky teenage brothers who love to brag to me about girls).

    Also, when I was in college, we didn’t disparage our female friends who slept around. Slurs like “slut” and “whore” were used in ways that described women’s transient behaviors rather than their character. We’d say something like “Jill’s being a huge slut. She’s been hopping around the beds in this apartment.” Then we’d run into Jill and ask her to go out to dinner with our parents. There is some residual ugliness in those words, but they weren’t effective scarlet letters. Furthermore, our ‘alpha female’ (now a successful blogger herself) absolutely tore through guys, and retained the highest level of respect. Our improved attitude toward women and sex happened totally organically and seemed to outpace other positive cultural changes (we were still homophobic, violent, and intoxicated). We were not making any attempt to be more enlightened, it just happened – and that is encouraging!

    In short, I think that the general youth culture is moving away from the focus on female purity that defined generations past. I think that this is going to take some of the “3rd person-ness” out of the sexual equation for young women and allow many of them to live in the moment.

  23. All humans are biologically programmed to polyamory and women are programmed to enjoy sex more than men (we are multiorgasmic while men aren’t, and can recover quickly while men can’t. It was recently discovered that if the woman doesn’t orgasm, the clitoris, which is very large and buried, will not push the sperm into the ovulating ovary so there is less chance of pregnancy.) The Kinsey studies found very little difference between the genders, but unfortunately sociologists and sexologists focussed on the very small differences and tried to explain them instead of looking at the overwheliming similarities. All differences can be explained by sexual repression of women, which I blog about too. (Though the primary aim of my blog is to document my experience selling virginity).

    • Your “experience selling virginity.” Interesting. I’ll have to check it out.

      I suspect that men having twice as much brain power devoted to sex balances out women’s capacity for multiple orgasm, explaining why their sexual interest is similar in cultures that don’t repress women’s sexuality.

      Kinsey did find a gender difference: women were less sexually active than men in all aspects of sexual life, but he also found that they were still more sexual than traditional views allowed. Today, in surveys of the general population, women report less interest in sex and less enjoyment from it, on average, in Western cultures.

      Sociologists seek to find out what’s repressing women so that we can put an end to those negative influences. You have to see and recognize them to get rid of them. (They certainly affected me. I had more interest in sex at age 10 than at age 20. You see a social problem in that fact.)

      The fact that women are typically less interested in sex in our culture doesn’t mean that men are superior in that way. It means that our society should stop repressing women, and we would all be better off.

  24. Too much references to Disney Princesses…have you girls noticed one thing? We didn´t have this “princess culture” in decades ago,just check out movies like “The fox and the hound”,”the rescuers”,”aristocats”,etc.female caracthers were more developed,yet they were mainly animals.Nowadys we can find nice exemples,but they are intentionaly ignored by the great media: Pocahontas,Emerald( the hunckback from Notredame),Mulan,that girl from “The princess and the frog”.Curiously they are non-white women,what reforces the “white women fragile myth” x “the hot amazons from exotic lands”.
    At least,we have Pixar to make things a little better….even though women in such movies are cars dolls,ants…

  25. i believe that it’s really up to the women, and what kind of girl she is. some women love to have sex, and very much enjoy it. on the other hand, there are women that are more into the romance, and feelings that come with intercourse. i feel men really shouldn’t take it personally if a women is not in the mood. as individuals everybody thinks different on certain subject, not everyone is going too want to have sex all the time, and not everyone is going to not want too have sex all the time. it’s who we are as individuals. something that i feel should be private, personal, and a sensitive topic should be respected and cherished.

    • Yes. Individual women differ from one another. I’m talking about social patterns here, and why women typically report being less interested in sex than men. Women face many more repressive forces. My hope is to decrease, or rid, those forces

  26. I think it depends on the woman because you never know what a woman as been through in her live. On the flip side I do think women like sex as much as men, that’s why there are so many gold diggers. As long as men are willing to learn the woman their dealing with it shouldn’t be a problem in the bed room. Some men think they know it all, they treat all women the same in bed, and that shouldn’t be the case. Not all women like the same type of love making. With that being said, that could be the reason why some women turn to sex toys, masturbation, same sex partner, or just not be in the mood. I think once a person become one with-in themselves then sex is not the issue, it could be differ in personalities or being turned off easily.

    • Interesting. But liking sex has nothing to do with gold digging. Gold diggers will give sex to get $, status. Not related to sexual enjoyment at all.

      Women clearly have the capacity to enjoy sex as much as men, maybe even more w/their capacity for multiple orgasms. But in this repressive culture they do not enjoy sex as much as women in nonrepressive cultures do. They on average report enjoying sex less, they have fewer orgasms on average than men, they have higher levels of sexual dysfunction.

      If we as a society could treat women’s sexuality with greater equality those problems would go away, and women truly would enjoy sex as much as men.

  27. Personally, I think that the main problem (which has been touche on above) is that women don’t know how to own their own sexuality. It took me a very long time to even try masturbation just because I didn’t think that normal girls actually did that — whereas I knew that guys did it “all the time”. In my own life, I haven’t come across many situations where a girl (I am talking about my friends and myself) has engaged in some sort of sexual exchange with a guy, and been deemed a “slut” on account of her (their) actions. Therefore, I think that this idea that the second one (a girl) does anything sexual she is going to labeled and bastardized is very farfetched.
    Now, there may be something to be said about women preferring romantic encounters opposed to erotic escapades, however I think that that may too be an implanted idea. I think that girls are trained to think like Disney princesses… and then like characters from, romance novel writer, Nora Roberts’s stories. I don’t think we, as women, are given the seed to our sexuality/ erotic behavior, but rather that we have to either remain primarily romance/docile (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or learn to grow into our sexuality and find our own definition for what feminine sexuality is.

    • It’s not so much that a girl will immediately be labeled a slut for being sexual. First, it depends on your group of friends and your subculture. More likely to happen among some groups than others. But just the fact that those words exist communicate messages. Girls are also more likely to get more negative messages from family and friends than guys are.

      The effects of all this can be seen in cross-cultural evidence. In cultures where women’s sexuality is celebrated and seen as a good thing, women easily orgasm – and are prone to multiple orgasms. In the U.S. today, 30-40% of women have difficulty with orgasm. Of those who can orgasm, many need a vibrator. That is not a natural sexuality. That is a sexuality that is negatively affected by things like repression, sexual violence against women, and even the objectification of women. On this last point, see for example “Sex Objects Who Don’t Enjoy Sex” https://broadblogs.com/2011/03/02/sex-objects-who-don%e2%80%99t-enjoy-sex/

  28. In my opinion, every person differs in their own unique way. Sometimes men are more interested in their sex life than women are, or vice versa. An important point may also be that women are more sensitive and seek beyond having sex over and over. Women desire to feel loved; a strong connection (Other than physically), and want to communicate with their significant other without having to engage in sex. I do agree that men are pressured to have to reach a specific level to feel accepted into our society. Its pretty sad that the majority of my guy friends conversation always include sex and females, makes it seem like thats all they have in mind sometimes. ( I blame the media!)

  29. I believe that it depends on the women, so in some cases women do enjoy sex as much as men do. I feel that for women sex is a lot more intimate and meaningful. I agree with Ernie about how men do learn form pornography and their friends I feel that most men get their sex education from first hand experiences. I do feel that women sometimes act as if sex is not important and don’t partake in it, as much as men because they are afraid to be called a “slut”.

    • I agree that many women probably like sex better than many men – especially with the quality over quanity issue. At the same time, the culture represses women’s sexuality, dampening it so that on average, women report liking it less.

      On men getting their sex ed from porn: men don’t say, “I want to understand women, I think I’ll watch porn.” Instead, they simply watch porn because they enjoy it, and then assume that it’s an accurate reflection of women’s sexuality. Most researchers report that it is very common among men to watch porn and think it’s real.

  30. My experience is women LOVE sex just as much as men. I think it is simplistic and frankly ridiculous to say men get their attitudes about sex primarily through porn or peers who watch porn. The overwhelming majority of men and women get their attitudes and desires for sex primarily through the natural, healthy desire to have sex.
    I think it is unhealthy and dangerous to imply these constant negative stereotypes about men. It is another form of sexism, and it also inadvertantly continues the notion of females as some sort of permanent victim class.
    Women are equal to men and thus capable of every form of behavior – good and bad – that men engage in. To suggest otherwise is inaccurate and does not improve conditions for women in society.

    • I got my information on typical ways by which men get sex ed from Michael Kimmel (Guyland), whose specialty is studying men. He’s in Men’s Studies, and he doesn’t hate men.

      But he found that men are often harmed by common misunderstandings that women’s sexuality is accurately portrayed in porn.

      As a result, men feel bad that they aren’t getting as much sex as they are led to believe they should, based how women act in porn. “What’s wrong with me?” they wonder, since women are giving all these other men sex, but not me? Well, they aren’t giving all those other men sex. Why do women howl in bed, but not with me? Well, most women don’t howl and moan quite so much in real life.

      Men’s hurt feelings, and unmet expectations, can then cause them to become angry at women. They start classifying them as sluts and bitches, for example. So it hurts women, too.

      But I’m curious as to why you think that women in our culture aren’t subjected to sexually repressive forces, and that sexual repression has no negative effects on women’s sexuality?

      As I continue my series on women’s sexuality, I’ll discuss these forces and their effects. You can let me know why you think that none of what I talk about it true, if you feel so moved.

      But if we just sweep the negative forces under the rug, nothing will change.

      So thank you for your perspective. It’s a very common one, and needs to be aired.

    • You are so blind and ignorant of how society really is . I take pity on you. This is by no means sexist toward men because it is factual. Boys start looking at their parents porn because Daddy never locks it up around age 10 and 11. The majority of today’s male youth have their 1st sexual experience with porn, as do their friends. When I was 13 a 14 year old grabbed my hand and shoved it down his pants….he got that from watching porn, no doubt. You are obviously delusional and blind to every woman’s experiences while growing up and interacting with boys and men. Have you ever had your head pushed down repeatedly in an attempt to force you into giving a 14 year old male oral sex?? That is not natural behavior. Look into the animal kingdom, rape doesn’t happen and the males don’t watch porn either do they????? In fact, every male has to impress the female to gain her interest so she will allow him to mount her. The misogyny that has existed since Ancient Greece and Judea is alive and well. You just can’t see it being entitled and privileged as all men are. How about you come back when men are raped every 2 minutes and try again to paint this as sexist!

  31. I have spent 30 plus years stressing how dangerous the objectification and sexualization of females would be. My series is called Sexualizing America 1-12. Our Bodacious Blogger,  Georgia Platts PhD, is also doing a series and  I am proud she happens to be  running it at about the same time.

    I believe part of the results you may glean may very well be the disappointment between what both sexes were expecting and what reality actually yields.
    Look at what media has said to both males and females in the last 30 plus years- See: Sexualizing America 1 of 12 http://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/sexualizing-america-1-of-12/
    and Sexualizing America 2 of 12 http://freemenow.wordpress.com/2010/09/20/sexualizing-america-2-of-12-2/. Clearly typical females do not enjoy being objectified, bruised, hog tied, caged or beaten.

    On the other hand as you point out the males who believe the lies they hear and the fallacies they see must be angry not to receive the so-called benefits they think are free for the taking.

  1. Pingback: Repressive Female Sex Culture | BroadBlogs

  2. Pingback: DO Women Like Sex Less Than Men? | BroadBlogs

  3. Pingback: Why Are Men Surprised by Breakups? | BroadBlogs

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