Guys, Girls Swap Roles at a Bar

Men ordering Raspberry Kamikazes at a bar as women make passes — and get shut down? This bit of videoed role swapping went viral.

The reel holds stereotypes but even they can contain kernels of truth. And anything that moves us out of our taken-for-granted ways sheds light.

Outside the video real women can order any sort of drink they want, but guys had better keep to manly brews or risk scorn. So in that way women have a bit more freedom.

But a freedom that is gained by ranking men over women. If women order manly drinks they aren’t lowering themselves, but when men order girly drinks they are. (Even the terms “manly” and “girly” are charged.)

Meanwhile, both sexes seem to think the other has more power. Probably because we get frustrated when we don’t have it.

Men have the power to assert themselves. They needn’t wait around to be asked. And if they want sex, well, that’s expected. But women must wait to be asked. And they may worry about reputations, leaving them more shamed and less sexually expressed. Repression lowers sex drive, too, lending women the passive power to care less. And whoever cares less has more power. But here, only with a sacrifice of sexual pleasure.

In the video all is topsy-turvy. Girls try to cut in and dance with guys who are dancing with each other — and get shafted. They intrude into private conversations and get spurned. Polite men utter, “Not now please.” Others are less civil.

The message can come across: “You’re not good enough.” It can be tough on a gal.

But it’s tough for guys too. An annoying girl moans, “Those are amazing jeans. They’d look so much better on my bedroom floor.”

A girl spies a guy in an unbuttoned button-down and beckons, “Hey, I like your necklace. Is that the key to your heart? … Don’t button it up! Oh, come on!”

Male objectification may be paired with assault as women grab men’s butts or pressure them to drink shots to lower their resistance.

Guys who want sex must face the repercussions of, “good guys don’t.” The next morning a young man fumbles for his clothes as the woman he has slept with cool-confidently asks if she should call him a cab. Embarrassed, he sneaks away in shame.

As Joanna Schroeder over at The Good Men Project observes,

(When the tables are turned it all) seems so much more rude, more intrusive, more exclusive, more violent, sillier or more intimidating.

But with this new slant, maybe we can all gain a bit more understanding and empathy.

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Sex and the Walk of Shame
Lose Virginity, Lose Self-Esteem?
Sexual Desire & Sexism

About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on November 27, 2017, in gender and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 38 Comments.

  1. The video made me smile. But, then I mulled over the point, isn’t I’m thinking that annoying a person is cool? Perhaps, men think in the same way and while “sissy” is an insult, “manly” is quite a compliment. Sigh…

    How are you doing, Georgia? Visiting your blog after a long time… 🙂

  2. This video is very interesting. The bar is a place in life to show the power of men and women’s charm. In this short video, they replaced the roles of men and women. Boys become passive and women become proactive. Have to say that such a reversal will find that many places reflect the different requirements of women and men. A lot of points are quite ironic and funny.

  3. Seeing life from another’s perspective is always enlightening.

  4. MirandaCaitlin23

    I genuinely believe that because of the way our society is built, by saying men with many partners is acceptable and women with multiple sexual encounters is looked down upon, we are making it nearly impossible for women to put themselves out there in the same manner as men. Women are also, more often then not, more sensitive then men, which makes the idea of possible rejection harder to ignore. I’ve seen quite a few video’s, like this one, that show women and men switching roles, and I honestly believe that women will never have the confidence in themselves and the support of our society to make this truly happen.

  5. It is nice to see the roles being swapped. I believe it gives men an understanding of how women feel when they get hit on or be seen as an object. I think that there is a lot of double-standards in the society that we live in today.

  6. If a man hits on women he likes, he is a creep. If he does not, he is a spineless “nice guy”. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

  7. Gabriela Sanchez

    I think it is great that this video is was made because I feel that it shows a good example of how men would react if women try to hit on them in the bar. The video does seem a little bit funny because it shows how man act when trying to get the ladies. Personally it’s annoying when men try to get your attention especially when you make it clear you’re not interested. The actions that this video shows are very true. For example, when the woman grabs the man butt he gave her a look and slapped her. In many occasions when I have gone to the bar, and Have seen similar situations like this happen. The article does hit good points about the roles being swapped and it shows the amount sexual harassment that women go through each night at the bar or at a social place. Also, it shows how uncomfortable it can be when the opposite gender hits on you constantly making it be less attractive.

  8. I very much enjoyed this video. I didn’t think it was funny. My thoughts on it were “Ohh yea that’s exactly how women are sexualized” If this video was real and men went through it all then things would be different. They would probably understand what a woman goes through when her actions and her looks are being judged in public and with no sense of sensitivity.There was also the walk of shame at the end of the video when the guy gets offered a taxi instead of breakfast. This kind of thing happens to both genders but usually, women are the ones receiving the shame. This is because in society its ok for a man to have multiple sexual partners but a woman loses her value when she is involved with multiple men. I think that this video was not meant to humor people but to show how women feel when they’re being sexualized by providing the men with their own point of view in the matter.

  9. Definitely, this video points out traditional gender expectation through a topsy-turvy situation in which women put the “manly” manners into action that makes men objectified, and mortified. Even though, this video can hint the women’s discomfort from sexist comments and attitudes, it reveals the limits in which women grow up and deal with everyday. Joanna Schroeder’s quote is quite indicative of those limits. Why the video looks funny? Why women look rude, intrusive, and intimidating?
    Personally, I don’t think the video is that funny; there are parts that are over exaggerated, including stereotypes, for the sake of entertainment, but the point is that nobody expect a woman to behave in a way to intrude in conversations unwelcomed, to slap a men’s butt, or to lounge in bed offering to call a cub to the one night stand, so the whole thing becomes almost a caricature. Why is not expected? Because through centuries society constructed the “natural” path in which women were seen as fragile, inferior, an object of pleasure, and dependent; consequentially, it is hard to change mind and expect no expectations. Especially in the sexual area, women are still seen as prey and men still operate as predator and the vice-versa situation, when women approach men, is still loaded with prejudice. Even though, men can be predators, they should not harass a woman because of her clothes or because of her gender. Of course, the same rules apply vice-versa and other genders as well.

  10. The objective of trying to do a role reversal in a bar setting was spot on in this skit. It showed the intrusive and objectifying treatment that men would usually show to women at the bar. For the longest time, men that display these traits at the bar or even in public is nearly the norm, and many people would look past it. However, the skit reveals how it actually is when the gender roles are reversed. We’ve seen how it is in reality, where men would create small-talk and objectify women at the bar. But when the roles are reversed, it seems to be alien to us. People may think that those women are very insensitive to what the men want, they should probably leave them alone. Aside from being a parody of what happens in a typical bar, the video truly reveals the unfair treatment women receive from men.

  11. I found this post to be very interesting and entertaining. It was very awkward to see women acting as men. A lot of the behaviors displayed by the women were more bothersome then if it was a guy. I don’t find a lot of the behaviors to be attractive even in a man never mind a woman. There is a double standard when it comes to what a man should drink. They aren’t considered manly if they like sweet or girly drinks as society likes to categorize it. The behaviors on the other hand don’t have a double standard for me because in both men and women look attractive doing so. The girl comment on the guys unbuttoned shirt just sexualizing and objectifying the guy. That’s a behavior that I frown upon no matter who does it. I do think this is a great video to show men who it would feel to be treated that way.

  12. It was very interesting to see that if a man and women switch places. I always did not understand why we have women’s drinks and men’s. How type of alcohol that people drink characterizes them as a person. For example, I like to drink wine, but most of my friends consider it a feminine drink. It was also funny and at the same time sad to watch the woman stick to the guys. I found it funny to watch it as I had never seen a woman pick up man like this but at the same time sad because I understand that man often do that. It looks very vulgar and I think this is not respect for the woman. I believe that this video shows to us that what we need to change in ourselves so that we all live in equality. We must understand that in this world not to be divided into male and female.

  13. I like how this video portrayed how a man acts when they spot very attractive girls in a bar and twisted it around to a woman doing the actions most men do. For instance, when the girl slapped the guys’ butt he slapped her for her careless actions. It shows that whether it would be a man or a woman it is unacceptable to do things like disrupting a conversation, slapping butts, and trying to get them into bed isn’t the right way to approach someone. Especially when you know he/she doesn’t want to don’t force them. It’s better to just get to know each other rather than having the mindset of getting he/she into bed.

  14. I actually think this video is kind of funny. No offense to the men who do this at bars, but it shows how ridiculous they look, trying to get a girl’s attention. From a girl’s point of view, it’s really annoying and traumatic to be cat-called and groped when we don’t want to be. In addition, the men look disgusted, similar to a woman’s expression when she is facing the experience. It perfectly depicts what a woman feels, and accurately shows the woman’s expression. This video should be shown as a method of sexual harassment awareness because it places the men in an uncomfortable position, perfectly targeting their low level of control in the situation. Men would hate being placed in the position, and being seen as a prey would definitely trigger them in a negative way. Maybe next time they hop into a bar and decide to lower an innocent girl’s motor skills, they’ll remember how grimy what they’re doing is.

  15. It does seem sillier when the roles are swapped, which is sad, especially since it can feel a little scary in real life. I feel like I’ve met those guys too many times.

    I don’t like to be referred to as a girl (since I was about 9) and so object to terms like “girly” whole-heartedly, especially when compared to “manly” – the language itself is on unequal footing, never mind what they mean.

  16. I guess as long as we’re stuck with gender stereotypes, we might as well try to use them to increase empathy and putting oneself in another’s experience. And I think the volume of “This is how I would do it” thoughts it triggers are part of the benefit. Great post as usual.

  17. This is incredible! This video shows exactly how men behave when they have a little alcohol and how women are treated in a bar setting. Though, this could also be shown in a nightclub setting because a few things would make a little more sense. Overall this was an incredible depiction of the gender roles in a public setting like this. The article hits on the main points already but men tend to be so intrusive and extremely rude about how they approach someone. Not to mention the sexual harassment that does happen when men get too carried away. They start inappropriately touching or inserting themselves into private parties. The catcalling is also an unnecessary and extremely rude thing because it almost promotes rape culture. These stereotypes of men don’t apply to all men and bars are usually a place people go to socialize.

  18. If men and women were to actually switch roles at bars, this is how they would act. Some men go to bars with their friends to have fun and get to know some people, but after a few shots your attitude seems to change a little bit. Men think they have more power than women do, wrong. Women have power to do what they want when they want. If a men wants to have sex with you and you don’t want to say no. Men think they have the power to assert themselves while women need to ask if they can have sex. No, women have just as much power as men do, it is equal.

  19. There’s a rather repellent individual out there by the name of Roosh V (you may have heard of him – he’s become quite notorious), who started out as a skeevy pick-up artist, before reinventing himself as an ultrareactionary (one who regularly rails against the “degeneracy” of Western society despite being a self-confessed sex offender himself). Anyway, nearly a decade ago now, this character had something of a “stopped clock” moment when he wrote a piece entitled “I Was a Hot Chick” (or words to that effect). Basically, he dressed up as Jesus Christ one Halloween night (and pulled off the look amazingly well – it probably didn’t hurt that he’s originally from the Middle East himself), and was so overwhelmed by the (generally positive) attention he got from random strangers everywhere that he realized he’d gotten a taste of what the average attractive young woman must go through every weekend. He said that while he found all the attention he received flattering at first, it quickly got tiring, and he also observed that while a lot of people wanted to strike up conversations with him, those conversations tended to be very superficial. All in all, the aforementioned piece was quite insightful and funny, which makes it quite depressing that the lessons its author learned during that Halloween night didn’t make him a better person in the long run. What a shame!

  20. There should had been a socially awkward woman who was afraid to approach a man she liked, sipped her drink for the whole evening, then went home depressed.

  21. None of this has anything to do with real guys. Real guys don’t even go to places like that. Actually, most don’t even live anywhere near places like that. Total fantasy.

    • You think? Sure it’s not all guys and all girls, maybe not even the majority. And yet this all looks so oddly familiar. This shows how both genders are hurt. Something that can seem invisible until you switch genders.

    • If you portray all men as hyperaggressive sexual predators, it may seriously hurt people who do not fall under this stereotype but somehow take these allegations too close to their heart. There are notable examples.

  22. Make-up, flirting, bling outfits. But this beauty contest has a twist – the men dress up, the women pick the winners.

    And the prize? Each judge chooses her champion and may take him as her lover – even if both already have partners.

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-12215138

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