How to Find Love After Divorce [9 Tips]

Finding love

By Christian Denmon

Ending a marriage is the most difficult period in an individual’s life. Finding love again for the second time can be more complex than the first time. Just like death, divorce requires grieving the loss of a loved one, before we begin dating again. Skipping this crucial process may bring complications when a divorced couple tries to get back into the dating scene again.

It’s important to find some quiet time in solitude to comprehend the breakup regardless of who initiated it. Perfect activities to keep the mind off the loss cycle include:

  • Therapy
  • Yoga
  • Reading
  • Bowling
  • Biking
  • Community work

All these activities provide a new way of perceiving the new life ahead. Whichever healing methods estranged couples pick, they should reconnect with their inner spirit and feel good from the inside before they begin to search for new love.

Tips to Finding A Good Partner After Divorce

It is important to release the personal heartbreak or consider going for marriage counselling before delving into a new relationship. Below is a compilation of useful suggestion and ideas to adopt before we move into a new relationship.

1. Love is Timeless

Divorce experts concur that once a couple separates, there’s no particular time granted to heal and move on to the next relationship. They should not try to find a middle ground or prescribe to “healing goals, or time frames.” It does not work that way. Understanding this will help them in coping with divorce.

Divorced men and women should not rush into temporary rebounds to fill their loneliness. Getting ready to date depends on the attachment to the previous relationship.

If they feel empty and ready to date again, that’s awesome, if not, they should hold back and address those feelings first.

Some folks believe that after a divorce, it is hard to commit to a second marriage based on their experiences. This weak mentality should not prevent them from moving on into happy, fulfilling relationships. True love and happiness is a choice. Give it time; it does not matter how long.

2. Maintaining a Healthy Relationship with an Ex-Partner

In most cases, divorce often affects children involved in the just concluded marriage. Separation legal tussles may take a toll on everyone involved if not handled properly.

What is important here is that they should show some sense of respect to their children, since both still participate in their lives in the new separation environment.

Make it easy for the children by keeping the relationship cordial and pleasant for the sake of the kids. Let the kids know that they can rely on either parent without disagreements and constant verbal fights.

3. Online Dating Works

Nowadays online dating is no longer a place for young singles to mingle and have fun. Many people have found admirable partners through online dating. When we find a soul mate, distance does not matter.

Divorcees don’t have to worry about opening up in the initial stages of getting to know one another.

The dating platforms have a pool of thousands of eligible partners looking for love and companionship. It provides an excellent opportunity for introverts, skeptical people to try their chances without the tedious physical meet and greet, and dinner dates.

Busy individuals can chat right in the middle of their tight schedules and take off from where they left off, without feeling guilty. Serious online dating gives us a wider scope to “fish” for as long as we like until the perfect person comes along.

4. Find Love through Hobbies

Another excellent way to find suitable potential partners to fill the void in our lives is through hobbies. Pick activities that involve the outdoors or that require meeting other people. Attend concerts, visit art galleries or join a local fun karaoke club.

Do anything we love within the community that will have us mingle with potential singles. It’s easier for people to meet and attract those that they share common interests.

5. Trust Friends Who Mean Well

Our friends understand best what we go through in the middle of our storms. A few trusted friends will try to hook us up with potential friends and family members just to cheer us and help us move on after divorce. Don’t try to fight it or keep off matchmakers.

A blind date organized by someone close to us provides a great distraction to experience new friendships that may develop into something deeper when given time to blossom.

6. Stop Looking at the Past

Digging through the past doesn’t help at all. It hurts and delays progress, making us feel trapped in a place that we would rather not stay. After a breakup, try to get rid of anything that reminds us of the past relationship. It will not be easy but gather up the courage to get rid of things such as:

  • Old photos
  • Facebook accounts
  • Twitter/Instagram Accounts
  • Old clothes and personal items
  • Anything else shared with an ex-partner
  • Lie low for a while if necessary, choose the future, accept it, and embrace it.

7. Rejection Hurts

Fear of rejection among divorced couples prevents them from moving on. There is always the feeling of what if it doesn’t work? Every opportunity to meet someone is a risk in itself. Stop trying to fill in the gaps with mindless perceptions.

If it’s meant to be it will work, if not, we have another chance to try again, but this time to date consciously, more carefully since we don’t want to repeat the same mistakes.

8. Define What Works and What Doesn’t In the Next Relationship

Finding love from a divorced angle provides a perfect chance to see through potential complications since we are aware of what we don’t want this time round.

If we find a man or woman with the same traits, for example, they drink too much, or work late into the night, we already know it is a red flag, and it will not work. Set boundaries and define what is acceptable and what is not.

9. Be Open to Experience New Love

Some people find it tedious to balance parenthood and to find new love. It can only happen if we let it be. Schedule dates and get involved, allow the moment to settle in the bones and begin to date again. Dating is fun and happiness.

If someone makes us happy in the middle of our next to impossible lives, go for it and don’t hold back. Avoid high expectations though, keep up with the current hustles of kids (if any) and work.

Let love find us at our most peaceful place, a place of enjoyment and fulfillment. Experience love by allowing dating moments the time it deserves.

It’s Okay to Start Dating After Divorce

Divorced singles, may not find it easy getting back into the dating game because of the baggage they may carry long after the divorce conclusion. Sometimes work, and parenting takes precedence of all other activities, and that’s normal.

However, it’s possible to find love again if we know where to look, and stay committed to a new life of dating once more. We must also learn to embrace our mistakes, forgive, and have the courage to start dating again.

Remarriage may seem a long shot off our radar after a painful divorce. However, remember, we have to remain positive and realize that we will meet far better people than our ex-partners. We have a chance to find love and happiness again and do it right this time.

Christian Denmon is the Founding Partner of Denmon & Denmon, A Personal Injury, Divorce, and Criminal Defense Law Firm.

chris@denmonlaw.com | http://denmon.lawyer

You might be interested in the Coping With Divorce Guide 

Related Posts

About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on January 8, 2018, in reproductive rights and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. i felt that this very truthful in many aspects and if i were married and had a divorce. I probably use these steps to actually healing from my divorce. I feel like one of the other comments, i know what i need to heal and its process, but in the end we all want to happy in relationship. And if you end up in divorce, maybe you love will be different, but i feel that it could be better , because you have taken more time to find out what you want. Again great discussion,

  2. That was a great read. I’ve never been married but I can’t even imagine how hard it might be to deal with the divorce especially for the person with kids.

    Divorce seems to be a bigger thing that just stopping the relationships. It seems to me that it’s more about having the feeling that you failed in love; it’s also about losing shared memories and losing a hope in a great future and happiness together.

    Even if the divorce(or breakup) was a mutual decision, it’s still hard, but sometimes the divorce can be pretty ugly.

    No matter whether it’s the mutual decision or it was initiated by one side, the person can feel stressed and even depressed.
    I know how it feels – I broke up with my ex after being in a relationship for a year and although it was my decision, it took me more then a year to heal. While I knew for sure that he clearly was not the right person for me, and I were not the right person for him, I felt miserable for a significant amount of time.

    I agree that it’s important to do some work on ourselves before starting the new relationships. We should not try to fill in our loneliness with the new relationships when we are still emotionally not available. It’s not fair to our new partner, and it won’t make up happy anyway.

    We need to be in peace with ourselves first – the rest, including love, will come.

  3. For me, divorce was a war. Both sides were victims, including our child. So I chose to stay away from my home country with my daughter to start a new life in Bay Area. Two years passed, my friends and family all want me to find a new lover. At first, I said no. I told my friends that I have a child and I have a kid with a house and a car and enough money to support my life, I don’t need a man. in fact, I was tired and I don’t want any war.Time is the best medicine, I think maybe it ‘s time to try it again since I have seen a lot of people so happy in their second marriage. This article provided great advice to find love after divorce, these tips are very important and nice to me, it is very useful. For me, I don’t want to marry again because I fear rejection hurts. However, like the author said that every opportunity to meet someone is a risk in itself. Stop trying to fill in the gaps with mindless perceptions. And I know it will be more complex than my first love. But like my friends said that I have a long life and I need someone who can love me and compare with me. My kid will grow up and leave me to have her life someday. Yes, I have a chance to find love and happiness again.

  4. I thought that this article provided great advice to finding love after divorce. However, I am only 22 years old and have not gone through a divorce. Regardless, I think that this advice can be helpful to young people who have recently gone through a break-up. All of these points are healthy pointers as to how to move on when facing the loss of someone important in your life, regardless if you were married to the person or not. I especially appreciated the pointer of not dwelling on the past. If a relationship has ended I do believe that it is extremely important to let that relationship go in order to start the grieving process. I also believe that it’s important to remain active and to not remain in an anti-social bubble for too long. The sooner one gets over the loss the sooner they can get started on finding a new partner or the sooner they can get started living a happy independent lifestyle.

  5. Sara A Warrington

    I thought that this article had a lot of great advice for people who are coming out of a divorce, or just someone wanting to navigate the dating scene in a principled manor. Entering any relationship with a strong sense of ones self is a great start. I recently read Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and a large portion of the book focused on online dating. It seems that it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. I thought this relevant to the article because online dating can provide a clean platform for putting yourself out there with a little bit of ones story, so that you can make your requirements known. It can be a non threatening way of meeting singles who want to take dating, or building a relationship to the same level as who ever’s looking.

  6. Even under the best of circumstances, divorce is emotionally painful; not only for the couple, but for the children too. I know this because my parents divorced when I was just starting high school and my world, as I knew, seemed to completely fall apart. My mom fell into a deep depression and never fully recovered. She did go on to find love with another man, and they married a few years later. I would like to think that she was happy – and I’m sure on some level she was – however mourning the loss of her ‘family’ was what seemed to be so devastating. I see this same thing has happened with my sister who divorced her husband (the father of her two children). She has also remarried and found love with another man – however he is not the father of her children. She continues to look back (twenty years), and wonder if she made the right choice to leave her first husband. It’s never easy to end a relationship with someone – and finding love again is definitely possible – but looking back and wondering ‘what if …’ may be the hardest part.

  7. Such good advice, especially about the fact that there is no particular time to “bounce back” from such an occurrence. Everyone has their own timeline for healing after any sort of loss or breakup.

  8. I met my 8-year-olds father two months after I turned eighteen, it was a blind date set up by one of my best friends. We went out, had a good time and a month later he asked me to move in with him. He is 9 years older than I am, he had his own house, car, good job and was stable. In my eyes everything was perfect, an eighteen-year-old would think that and not do her research. Young and in love I guess. I soon found out that he was married and was in the process of getting a divorce, has three children with his then soon to be ex-wife, the house wasn’t his own, and she was taking everything from him. On top of all of that, I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant.

    Fast forward a few months, he began going out and hiding things from me. I would get calls from friends, telling me they would see him at nightclubs with his friends and other women. The night before I went into labor I picked him up from our doorstep and carried him inside because he was drunk. When he fell into the bed, a bracelet fell out his pocket, that is when my heart broke and I knew I couldn’t take it anymore.

    We broke it off when my daughter was 2 weeks old. I was hurt for a very long time, I couldn’t recognize myself. Before I met him I was this young happy strong and confident person. He broke every piece of that person I once was. A year later, and after many many drunk and regretful nights. I met my on and off bf, now 7 years later father to my 8month old son, and stepfather to my daughter. It took a while for me to get over all the hurt and betrayal but I am very blessed to have been given such a patient and loving person. It is very true that love after divorce is possible, it just requires you to embrace love again, love yourself, and be willing to love in return.

  9. In my opinion, I believe marriage can be a beautiful thing, but some couples are unable to maintain their relationship, because they choose divorce as a solution to cope with the problems between husband and wife. Furthermore, divorce is definitely on a rise. The effects of divorce can be detrimental to a family, but the causes of divorce can be just as bad. For me this blog post is interesting because it shows another point of the positive aspects of divorce. But for me divorce is still not a solution, especially for children. The most common cause that affects a child with divorced parents is that the child may have a more stressful life. The child may have to change schools with any move that may result from the divorce. Also, if the child is not old enough to take care of himself or herself and the now single parent works, the child would probably have to start attending a child care program. A child could have to alternate between parents in different houses which is also very hard on a child. The adjustments to different settings and what days he or she is at which house can be confusing and stressful. 

  10. My parents have been divorced since I was about five years old. I do not have any memories of us being a family under one roof. I always say that I can’t even imagine them being together because they are just too different. I actually am thankful that my parents made the decision to divorce while my siblings and I were still young, because I think it saved us from the trauma we may have gone through had we been older.

    According to my parents there were several issues in their marriage. One major issue was the fact that my father was a gay man and the other, my mother had an addiction to spending money any way she could. Growing up, my siblings and I never knew my father was gay, I think he shielded us from it because he wanted to protect us in a way. I still don’t know if he ever found love after my mother. He has always been such a private person. We have never seen anyone he has ever dated. I admire the way he kept his personal life private, his only focus was on raising us to be great people. My mother was the complete opposite; she couldn’t stand to be alone. While I was still living at home, I can say with confidence that she had about seven boyfriends and they always ended up moving in with us for some period of time. Unlike my father, she never put our best interest in front of her relationships. Luckily, for the last 8 years she has been in a stable, positive relationship with who I now call my step-father. I always tell him jokingly that he’s the stepfather I never wanted.

  11. I married my high school sweetheart and got married and had a child. I waited 9 years to marry him and I knew after the fact that there was a reason I waited so long, it wasn’t meant to be. My mom had been married multiple times (6 or so, lost count along the way; I’ve convinced my self that she was a romantic and that’s why she kept getting married and divorced) and that is what I told myself is the reason why I waited so long, I didn’t want to ever get divorced. When we did finally separate after being married for 9 years, I did the online dating like in the blog post. It was hard and a challenge with a 5 almost 6 year old and I just wasn’t ready for it. I instead met someone the old fashioned way at a friends bbq and we hit it off instantly. Dating is hard after divorce and I really identified with this post and the struggles of finding love after the hurt and betrayal from the divorce but love is possible, and I am a romantic after all.

  12. I’ve never been divorced, but my parents have. Seeing how it was for them, I could tell it was difficult. So I am writing my response based on what I witnessed my parents went through. From what I saw and still see till this day, my parents still share a genuine love for each other. It wasn’t that they stopped loving each other, it was more like life and work got in the way and they never had time to just stop and enjoy each other’s presence. Seeing their work split them up was absolutely heartbreaking because I knew that they worked so hard so that they CAN enjoy life together, eventually. Fast forward 4 years later, and they still love each other, but they’ve both moved on. My mom definitely takes advantage of online dating, and my dad does too, just not as much. There’s always that thought that divorce is never an option for someone, but there is only so much you can do until the relationship becomes unbearable. So for those people who never saw their divorce coming, this blog will definitely help the healing process not be as painful.

  13. Great article!
    Ending a marriage must be very difficult and not to mention the emotional damage that it can also cause on children, if any. Maintaining a cordial and healthy relationship with your ex I think is of most importance, this shows that are you are a mature person. And yes, don’t hold a grudge, do forgive because this will do you more good to the forgiver than the one being forgiven. Learn from your mistakes…???—but what if you feel that it wasn’t your fault? No one wants to recognize that they were wrong (specially me!) but this is something that needs to be worked on to prevent from bringing it into the next relationship.

  14. And don’t heap your baggage from your ex onto the new guy. Let him make his own mistakes. 😉

  15. I suspect the divorce experience is different for everyone depending upon the circumstances, but I believe it best to look at it as an opportunity. Oh, and “always” hire your own lawyer. For those of you who believe you are going to have a friendly divorce, I believe the best you can hope for is a civilized divorce. And for you ladies, I leave with the words of Zaza Gabor, who said she was a very good house keeper. Every time she divorced a man, she kept his house 🙂

  16. That is all very true, there is life and love after divorce. First we don’t believe it and then it comes and as divorcees we know more what we want, and what we don’t want, which makes is easier.

Thoughts? (Comments will appear after moderation)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: