I found a lot of the advice in this post to be handy, even for people who have never been married, this post offers excellent suggestions. I know the healing process contains many stages but for those who are unfamiliar with the stages can undoubtedly follow the tips mentioned in this post. I completely agree with a person needing to grieve and heal first before they insert themselves into the dating scene again. Someone who has not found peace with what happened in their past is in no way, ready to move on. Another recommendation I found interesting was tip #5 “Trust Friends who Mean Well.” I believe a healthy mindset starts with who you choose to surround yourself with, having good people around you can contribute to your mental health positive way. The healing process is a difficult process, and it is something no one should have to do alone, so why not surround yourself with people have your best interest at heart. Another tip worth mentioning is to “stop looking at the past.” I have witnessed some nasty breakups in my time; the worst are the breakups that last longer than they should because one or both parties can’t seem to let it go. The most common thing I see among people who have recently split is the need to keep the breakup relevant. People who rant to everyone about the recent split often take longer to move on by holding onto the heartbreak, it’s just like reopening a scab, and it’s a painful way to heal if you ask me.

I loved this article. I am divorced and took some time after to work on me. I did go to therapy the year prior to when we split and a bit after the split to help with personal strength. I pretty much did all the things you talked about, which is why I love your article. It kind of makes me feel like I made the right decisions. I was going to school and working 50+ hours and raising three kids while we were getting divorced, so I didn’t have a lot of time to get into another relationship. I wasn’t looking either. I enjoyed the extra time with my family that I was made to feel guilty for wanting. Life was great. My ex struggled a bit, which still baffles me, because he was such a narcissistic ass, that it felt like he hated me the last couple years we were married. As time went on, things chilled and we both made our own lives. I ended up finding someone when I wasn’t looking. He is the complete opposite of my ex. He’s calm, patient, sweet and chivalrous. I think when getting out of a not so good marriage, counseling is a good idea, so you don’t bring the baggage into the new relationship.

After reading this, I personally have never been through a divorce, but I was in the middle of the divorce with my parents constantly fighting all the time. I think this very helpful for divorced couples who are going through a tough time of healing. These tips can help people get through it mentally and physically. I went through for about 4 years of my high school life, I can’t denied that it didn’t affect me emotionally because I would go to school with a smile on my face, where my friends did not know that I was going through that in my life unless I told them. No one in my family experienced a divorce until my parents went through, I wasn’t sad they were going to split because I knew personally growing up they not go along, they always fought on and off. I think reading through the tips can actually help someone or for me personally if I was going through it back then.

When I hear statistics about divorce these days, I often wonder why everyone takes it as a negative thing. I really don’t think that separating from someone for the better for both individuals is a bad thing. People are living much, much longer than a century ago, I’m not sure if we are “meant” to spend our entire lives with one person. This is especially true for people who meet someone at a young age such as high school or college. We grow as people so much in those years, how can we expect our partners to grow in the exact same direction or want the same things after 40 or 50 years? This is not to say long marriages don’t work; they do for some people. However, people who are unable to do so shouldn’t be shamed. In California, it’s even more than 50%, and we need to realize that the process is hard enough without the stigma from society. This is true for people who cohabit but aren’t married, too. It’s time we start changing with our ever-changing environment and accept that people are finding happiness in non-traditional ways, and that’s okay.

I have never been married before, nor close to it. I am only nineteen, but I found myself agreeing to this message after seeing my mother get a divorce.I really think this article provided great advice because ending a marriage with someone who has became your other half is difficult. Although my parents are divorced, they still show signs of loving each deeply. I like how you said parents should be cordial for the kids sake. I think this is important because when a kids see how their parents treat each other, it can make a good or bad influence on them. Many kids take divorce very hard so parents should try to be friends. No one ever wants to get a divorce, but when it is to a point where it is ruining your happiness and it is unbearable, you have to look out for yourself and put yourself first.

I have been through three/four divorces in my life right in the beginning of my life. When I was three months old my mom found out my dad was cheating on her, and they got a divorce. Then they both got remarried to new people by the time I was four years old. My dad married his mistress. My mom married a friend of a friend. Both marriages ended by the time I was ten, within a year of each other. My mom has now learned her lesson on marrying too soon and is currently engage to a friend from high school. They’ve been together for eight years, engaged for two. She is taking her time and making sure everything is right. My dad is still searching. They did a lot of the things you suggested like being cordial for the kids, being open to new things, and knowing that it takes time to find what you want.

I have never been married or divorced but I have been through a broken relationship. I do agree that you can find love after divorce. I have no yet myself but I did find that I have done some of the tips that were stated in this blog and it has helped. Also, through the tips of this blog I have learned that I could have done more to relieve my distress at the time. For example, I could have kept my friends closer as a good and healthy distraction. Individuals generally tend to isolate themselves after a divorce to mourn their loss which is acceptable. However as tip #6 states, “Lie low for a while if necessary, choose the future, accept it, and embrace it.” Therefore, it is acceptable but only for a temporary amount of time until you eventually have to accept it. I understand that it may be hard to find someone after divorce with the same interests as you, that’s why I agree with tip #4 (Find Love through Hobbies). Putting yourself out into the community and doing things that you enjoy with others may put you in parallel paths with a potential partner. Overall, I’m glad to hear that there is hope for divorcees.

i feel that can be love after divorce, but again each circumstances is different. i feel the options given reading, biking etc. are helpful. you need to get back out there and put yourself on the horse again. I feel like as women we tend to feel very emotional, so that tends to be weakness instead of putting on our party dress and getting the friends together and just have great night. one of the things i see now is people having a divorce parties. Its actually a thing, i was good for you. Because i can only imagine what that must feel like, but i have never experienced for myself.
But if i had divorce i would definitely do some of these things. And i would definitely have party and celebrate myself with friends.

This post by Christian Denmon resonates with me a lot. Although I have never married or divorced, my mother and my father separated when I was very young, when I was about 6 in 2002. For a very long time, my mom did not see anyone and did not pursue any relationships. In fact, she did not really trust many people due to what happened between her and my dad before they divorced. He would physically and emotionally abuse her, he used her social security number to commit fraud and gave it to his mistress for her to open up a credit card and max it. Although my mom would not find out about the fraud until about seven to nine years after they separated, what made my mom have a hard time trusting people was that my dad would lie a lot. He lied for just about everything and sometimes for no reason too. He was a pathological liar. He made empty promises and overall was not very trustworthy. He took a toll on my mom and for about twelve years after the separation, she finally found herself a relationship once more. This article has great advice for those seeking something of a survival guide post-divorce. I wish my mom had seen this because she kind of moved on a little too quickly with her new boyfriend, but nonetheless she is happy and I think that she definitely took time, and used her hobbies to find her love. She met her boyfriend through her politics and it went from there. She never held on to any grudges from the past of my dad, and still let him see us when he would visit, as seldom as it was. My mother, nor I, have not seen my dad in the past twelve years so I would not know how her reaction to him today would be, but I have a certain feeling it would not be with any resentment. Christian Denmon really outdid himself in this post and it was very a great read.

I found this article to be very interesting and extremely helpful. While I obviously cannot speak from personal experience, since I’m only nineteen, I can supply my opinion based on the knowledge I’ve obtained as an aspiring future clinical psychologist. I concur that these tips are extremely useful in the progress a healthy divorce should take. Taking time to process what has happened during, and after the divorce is important. In addition, how one is personally feeling is highly valuable. In my opinion, I believe that people need a period to reflect before one can move on to the next committed relationship. I also enjoyed the concept of taking time to enjoy one’s self with the hobbies or activities they enjoy most. In addition to this, looking for new friends or people to talk to within these groups can be beneficial. Communication becomes easier when both individuals know they already have one thing in common, a.e. the hobby or activity you perform with the group.
Another aspect that I enjoy from this paper is it mentions how to combat the unhealthy mindsets that can develop after a severe breakup or divorce. For example, they mention not to focus on the past, recognize that rejection hurts but moving past the pain, and constantly keeping yourself active so that you can heal and develop more as an individual from this experience. I hope that even people who haven’t experienced a divorce get the opportunity to read this Blog, because the advice given can be applicable to many other issues people might face during a difficult relationship.

I found this blog very interesting and then I wished that my mother would have had something like this when my parents divorced back in the 70’s. I really think the 9 steps shown would have helped her. It literally took my mom about 10 years to get past all of her hurts. My baby sister’s best friend from school would come over and her grandfather would come to pick her up. Well “grandpa” would sit and talk and visit with my mom. They became friends, when one day Bernie asked my mom out on a dinner date. At first, she said no, let just be friends, let’s not spoil our visits. This man was widowed and patient, a true caring gentleman, but he even reached his limit when he finally stated “I have asked you our repeatedly for several months now. – This will be the very last time I ask you so please say yes or this is goodbye and you will never see or hear from me again” Thankfully mon was smart enough to accept. It took a while but they eventually married, the friendship changed to love, they were together for 20 years when Bernie passed away.

Great post.. Love is definitely timeless and the amount of time it takes for one to move on can differ greatly from another. I have not been married myself, but after ending a 7 year relationship it took me a great deal of time to move forward and feel safe with another person. My parents divorced about 10 years ago and did not maintain a healthy relationship. As one of the children in this experience it was awful. Maintaining a healthy relationship should be a top priority if there are children involved because it has affected both myself and my brother quite negatively. Sometime after the 7 year relationship, I actually met my current girlfriend through a mutual hobby. None of us expected it to happen, but looking back it makes a lot of sense to get out to social events. I strongly agree with step 6 as well. I think we are all guilty of fining ourselves going through old pictures together or scrolling though social media accounts reminiscing and it generally doesn’t help us feel any better. Step 8 has been crucial for me and has actually made my current relationship stronger because we have talked about what we expect out of the relationship and that has helped us grow together. It’s awesome that you have laid these out for others to learn from and maybe I can pass this on to my mom D:

That was a great read. I’ve never been married but I can’t even imagine how hard it might be to deal with the divorce especially for the person with kids.

Divorce seems to be a bigger thing that just stopping the relationships. It seems to me that it’s more about having the feeling that you failed in love; it’s also about losing shared memories and losing a hope in a great future and happiness together.

Even if the divorce(or breakup) was a mutual decision, it’s still hard, but sometimes the divorce can be pretty ugly.

No matter whether it’s the mutual decision or it was initiated by one side, the person can feel stressed and even depressed.
I know how it feels – I broke up with my ex after being in a relationship for a year and although it was my decision, it took me more then a year to heal. While I knew for sure that he clearly was not the right person for me, and I were not the right person for him, I felt miserable for a significant amount of time.

I agree that it’s important to do some work on ourselves before starting the new relationships. We should not try to fill in our loneliness with the new relationships when we are still emotionally not available. It’s not fair to our new partner, and it won’t make up happy anyway.

We need to be in peace with ourselves first – the rest, including love, will come.

I thought that this article provided great advice to finding love after divorce. However, I am only 22 years old and have not gone through a divorce. Regardless, I think that this advice can be helpful to young people who have recently gone through a break-up. All of these points are healthy pointers as to how to move on when facing the loss of someone important in your life, regardless if you were married to the person or not. I especially appreciated the pointer of not dwelling on the past. If a relationship has ended I do believe that it is extremely important to let that relationship go in order to start the grieving process. I also believe that it’s important to remain active and to not remain in an anti-social bubble for too long. The sooner one gets over the loss the sooner they can get started on finding a new partner or the sooner they can get started living a happy independent lifestyle.

Even under the best of circumstances, divorce is emotionally painful; not only for the couple, but for the children too. I know this because my parents divorced when I was just starting high school and my world, as I knew, seemed to completely fall apart. My mom fell into a deep depression and never fully recovered. She did go on to find love with another man, and they married a few years later. I would like to think that she was happy – and I’m sure on some level she was – however mourning the loss of her ‘family’ was what seemed to be so devastating. I see this same thing has happened with my sister who divorced her husband (the father of her two children). She has also remarried and found love with another man – however he is not the father of her children. She continues to look back (twenty years), and wonder if she made the right choice to leave her first husband. It’s never easy to end a relationship with someone – and finding love again is definitely possible – but looking back and wondering ‘what if …’ may be the hardest part.

I met my 8-year-olds father two months after I turned eighteen, it was a blind date set up by one of my best friends. We went out, had a good time and a month later he asked me to move in with him. He is 9 years older than I am, he had his own house, car, good job and was stable. In my eyes everything was perfect, an eighteen-year-old would think that and not do her research. Young and in love I guess. I soon found out that he was married and was in the process of getting a divorce, has three children with his then soon to be ex-wife, the house wasn’t his own, and she was taking everything from him. On top of all of that, I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant.

Fast forward a few months, he began going out and hiding things from me. I would get calls from friends, telling me they would see him at nightclubs with his friends and other women. The night before I went into labor I picked him up from our doorstep and carried him inside because he was drunk. When he fell into the bed, a bracelet fell out his pocket, that is when my heart broke and I knew I couldn’t take it anymore.

We broke it off when my daughter was 2 weeks old. I was hurt for a very long time, I couldn’t recognize myself. Before I met him I was this young happy strong and confident person. He broke every piece of that person I once was. A year later, and after many many drunk and regretful nights. I met my on and off bf, now 7 years later father to my 8month old son, and stepfather to my daughter. It took a while for me to get over all the hurt and betrayal but I am very blessed to have been given such a patient and loving person. It is very true that love after divorce is possible, it just requires you to embrace love again, love yourself, and be willing to love in return.

My parents have been divorced since I was about five years old. I do not have any memories of us being a family under one roof. I always say that I can’t even imagine them being together because they are just too different. I actually am thankful that my parents made the decision to divorce while my siblings and I were still young, because I think it saved us from the trauma we may have gone through had we been older.

According to my parents there were several issues in their marriage. One major issue was the fact that my father was a gay man and the other, my mother had an addiction to spending money any way she could. Growing up, my siblings and I never knew my father was gay, I think he shielded us from it because he wanted to protect us in a way. I still don’t know if he ever found love after my mother. He has always been such a private person. We have never seen anyone he has ever dated. I admire the way he kept his personal life private, his only focus was on raising us to be great people. My mother was the complete opposite; she couldn’t stand to be alone. While I was still living at home, I can say with confidence that she had about seven boyfriends and they always ended up moving in with us for some period of time. Unlike my father, she never put our best interest in front of her relationships. Luckily, for the last 8 years she has been in a stable, positive relationship with who I now call my step-father. I always tell him jokingly that he’s the stepfather I never wanted.

I’ve never been divorced, but my parents have. Seeing how it was for them, I could tell it was difficult. So I am writing my response based on what I witnessed my parents went through. From what I saw and still see till this day, my parents still share a genuine love for each other. It wasn’t that they stopped loving each other, it was more like life and work got in the way and they never had time to just stop and enjoy each other’s presence. Seeing their work split them up was absolutely heartbreaking because I knew that they worked so hard so that they CAN enjoy life together, eventually. Fast forward 4 years later, and they still love each other, but they’ve both moved on. My mom definitely takes advantage of online dating, and my dad does too, just not as much. There’s always that thought that divorce is never an option for someone, but there is only so much you can do until the relationship becomes unbearable. So for those people who never saw their divorce coming, this blog will definitely help the healing process not be as painful.