#Metoo: My Story Of Recovery

By R.G.

Seven years ago I was sexually assaulted.

I don’t owe anyone a story and I still have difficulty assessing what happened.

My story is not sensational. It did not make headlines. But yes, it happened and it is important to share.

I was in an emotionally manipulative and sexually abusive relationship. I waited and waited for his affirmation of what happened in order to validate my experience, but it never seemed to come. 

When he did finally admit to it, it didn’t really change what he did or my experience of the abuse. I still struggled with suicidal thoughts, severe depression and PTSD. I was hyper-vigilant even with the “no contact” order that he didn’t seem to give a shit about.

I still victim-blamed myself. I thought I was wrong and didn’t share what happened to me with the people I loved most because I was so terrified and ashamed.

Seven years of healing, and still more work to do

It has now been seven years of healing from trauma.

My trauma has opened doors for healing my whole body, mind and soul. I discovered yoga and meditation and moved to Thailand to heal. I broke open and went through a depression/awakening as I delved into my childhood experiences.

I hit rock bottom multiple times.

metoo

#MeToo

I learned to put myself first.

I can now validate my own experience of violation in my body without needing to ask others whether it was abuse or not.

I also discovered an abundance of support and love in this world for me.

I learned that my empathetic and loving nature could be open and risk vulnerability again. I attracted a kind and loving man, someone who truly understands what it means to patient and supportive.

I am constantly relearning how to love myself, protect myself and be authentic and true to myself.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this journey, who has helped me to accept who I am, who has wiped tears from my face, held my hand through the journey or just messaged me to show their support. I love you all.

There are still days when I worry I might run into my abuser, and fear that he might harm me.

I still feel sad about what happened to me, but I am becoming stronger and more courageous.

Let us end rape culture, together.

This was written by a friend who agreed to let me lightly edit and post it on my blog, using her initials.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on December 11, 2017, in rape and sexual assault and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. I don’t think many people realize how wide spread sexual harassment and rape really is simply because people kept it hidden for years because of the feared consequences of speaking out. as for the subject of sexual harassment, it’s too broad a term because there are things that relate to harassment that are not even sexual in nature. it happens to men too but when it happens to men the statistics are much lower than with women and men aren’t the only sexual predators. there are some women out there that commit this aweful crime and we seem to focus soley on the male perpitrators with very little reporting on female perpitrators. I’m sorry but that’s just how I see it and that’s just how it is.

    • I’m glad that we are becoming more aware of sexual harassment.

      And whether the harassment is sexual or not — in which case I guess it would just be general bullying — I believe it’s important for our culture to become non-bullying and more loving.

  2. Sharing will hopefully encourage others to do so as well. And make the world a little bit safer.

  3. I’m sorry your friend went through this and is still suffering. The sad part is it’s all too common.

  4. I never understood this campaign completely.

    • I hope this will help you to understand.

      When the campaign started my husband said he’d had no idea how widespread the problems of sexual attacks, ranging from harassment to rape, are. Hopefully it will help men to see how the women they love have suffered.

      • Thanks for your reply.

        About our subject, I will explain. But I would like to say before, that once I was asked by a lady friend of mine to escort her after a lecture somewhere in our city center. I didn’t understand why. So I asked her. She answered that men whistle and bother her. It was a new discovery for me. I realised that I live in a different sphere and it was a cultural shock for me.

        My question is about the method and the aims of the campaign of #MeToo. Although I discovered that women suffer from certain behaviour it did not cause me yet to become a declerd feminist or act differently towards women.

        Moreover, I don’t yet believe in equality. And I believe that one of the ways for men to become successful is through having many women: A people think the are successful. B. The get ideas, connections and recommendations from the women they sleep with. And I believe that many men break the law in that subject, and the women as a crowd play along and not only the men.

        I stopped believing in justice, and started to believe in energy and energy relations. Always people will suffer, and my aim is to help my feelings/interests, and sometimes it convergences together with another human being for the benefit of both of us. Justice for me is what the powerful decide.

      • Why don’t you believe in equality? I know many women who are clearly superior to many men in terms of their intelligence, empathy, ability to survive… I know many women who are far more evolved than many men… And early cultures seem to have been gender-equal, in the time before patriarchy.

        Some people study personal and cultural evolution. The evolution of any culture is the average of the evolution of the persons within the society. Each person at higher stages has gone through all of the others. Here’s how it goes:

        Stages of evolution (a bit simplified here):

        Lowest is egocentric. I just care about me.

        Next is ethnocentric. I care about me and mine. The moral view at this stage is thought of as “might makes right.” So this seems to be the stage you are at. (Although you could still be grounded in egocentrism.)

        The next stage cares about me, mine, and others. It comes with the scientific worldview. (Maybe it comes with science because you move from a localized world-view to a universal world view: science/math work the same everywhere). Notice how the technological revolution brought with it a successful anti-slavery movement and woman’s movement. At this stage the “powers that be” have enough empathy to care about the suffering of others. So powerful white men who had evolved to this stage helped make sure women could vote and helped end slavery. The United Nations was created instead of constant war.

        Next is actually experiencing oneness with others. High empathy/expansive love. When others are hurt you feel hurt too. Desire good for everyone, and work for the good of all.

      • I don’t believe in equality because I was not yet convinced that there is a need for that or that I am obliged to this idea.

        Some people say that some women are smarter then men, so why should they not deserve equality? My humble opinion is: I do agree that many women are smarter then men. I actually have no problem with that. I like smart woman, at least I can speak with them, and the smarter, the better. I also agree that were societies that were more equal towards women. so?! It does not mean that I am an emotional slave to another culture…

        About the personal and cultural evolution, it’s seems to me that this model does not argue that people are not motivated from self interest. This psychology model works perfectly with my skeptic approach about equality. It wants to show that people have an interests in other people if they evolve.

      • Thanks for your thoughts. I’m taking a break from my blog until mid-January.

  5. Very moving. Thank you for sharing your story. In my country (PNG) and my culture, being raped is very common. We women of that country and the wider Melanesians are fighting this disease every day. This happens in random attacks and within relationships. I’ve been a policewoman and a journalist so I’m talking about facts. Many of my friends and family members have been raped. Your story reminded me of myself some 20 years ago. I never saw how it could be over, ever – he was always around the corner. One day my attacker dropped dead. That was shocking too. Now, when I look at that woman from 20 years ago, I see how strong and brave she was. You must believe in yourself. To get to where you are now, and tell your story, you have a lot of strength and power within you. You haven’t seen it yet, but it is coming. Love & hugs.

  6. She is strong enough to come out of the wrong relation, stand for herself and work through her depression and staying strong till date. Many women don’t do that and they continue to be in an abusive relationship that not only make their life difficult but even their kids life becomes so depressive and tough to survive.

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