#Metoo: My Story Of Recovery
Seven years ago I was sexually assaulted.
I don’t owe anyone a story and I still have difficulty assessing what happened.
My story is not sensational. It did not make headlines. But yes, it happened and it is important to share.
I was in an emotionally manipulative and sexually abusive relationship. I waited and waited for his affirmation of what happened in order to validate my experience, but it never seemed to come.
When he did finally admit to it, it didn’t really change what he did or my experience of the abuse. I still struggled with suicidal thoughts, severe depression and PTSD. I was hyper-vigilant even with the “no contact” order that he didn’t seem to give a shit about.
I still victim-blamed myself. I thought I was wrong and didn’t share what happened to me with the people I loved most because I was so terrified and ashamed.
Seven years of healing, and still more work to do
It has now been seven years of healing from trauma.
My trauma has opened doors for healing my whole body, mind and soul. I discovered yoga and meditation and moved to Thailand to heal. I broke open and went through a depression/awakening as I delved into my childhood experiences.
I hit rock bottom multiple times.
I learned to put myself first.
I can now validate my own experience of violation in my body without needing to ask others whether it was abuse or not.
I also discovered an abundance of support and love in this world for me.
I learned that my empathetic and loving nature could be open and risk vulnerability again. I attracted a kind and loving man, someone who truly understands what it means to patient and supportive.
I am constantly relearning how to love myself, protect myself and be authentic and true to myself.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this journey, who has helped me to accept who I am, who has wiped tears from my face, held my hand through the journey or just messaged me to show their support. I love you all.
There are still days when I worry I might run into my abuser, and fear that he might harm me.
I still feel sad about what happened to me, but I am becoming stronger and more courageous.
Let us end rape culture, together.
This was written by a friend who agreed to let me lightly edit and post it on my blog, using her initials.