Best Not To Be Popular In High School
Ugly ducklings can become swans.
Good news for most of us – about 98% of us, anyway:
It’s best not to be popular in high school.
After following the lives of six outsiders and one self-proclaimed “popular bitch” cheerleader, that’s Alexandra Robbins verdict in her book, The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth.
Why?
Well, what is popularity?
Oddly, says Robbins,
What the kids call ‘mean popular’ and ‘nice popular’ are actually what psychologists are coming to call ‘perceived popular’ versus popular. The kids who are perceived popular—the kids who are considered the top of the social hierarchy—they’re actually not very well liked, but they’re viewed as being socially successful.
So part of the reason it’s best not to be popular is that people often don’t actually like you.
Maybe that’s partly why high school status is not necessarily aligned with happiness. Popular people might be happy and they might not. Also true of geeks. But in fact, Robbins insists the so-called popular kids are often a lot less happy than the other kids in school.
That makes sense. When “mean popular” kids are focusing on making others miserable, how could they be filled with happiness or joy?
But there’s more. Being popular requires fitting in. Cookie-cutter, mindless “groupthink” tuned toward conventional style. Lacking your own thoughts and opinions. Being pretty boring. Pretty and boring, that is.
Ugly duckling, Lady Gaga
Then there’s the focus on fashion and gossip. Fulfilling? I think not.
In an interview with The Washingtonian, Robbins declared,
Popular kids don’t necessarily know who they are because they’re so busy trying to conform. It’s the outcasts who are more attuned to who they are. They’re more self-aware, more real.
Adolescence is a struggle between individuality and inclusion. She adds,
Nonconformity is a wonderful trait, and it’s going to be valued in adulthood. If you’re different in school, that makes you an outsider. If you’re different as an adult, that makes you interesting, fun and often successful.
Original thought and expression will take you much further, ranging from more interesting friends and conversation to creative, enriching, and contributing work, whether in business, science, academia, media, or the arts.
Lady Gaga is Exhibit A. Always one to express herself, she did not fit in, was not popular in high school, and was once thrown in a trashcan. But look at her now!
Not-popular people of the world, unite, and be proud.
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Posted on November 25, 2015, in psychology and tagged high school, popularity, psychology, social psychology, The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth. Bookmark the permalink. 68 Comments.
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After reading this article i would like to disagree with what it is saying. Yes, you have some people that are popular in high school that was mean to others, and not cared about their feelings but those people was very rare. Growing up in High School i was very popular. Even though people looked at me as a God because my ability to play football, i still treated people with that same respect that they treated me with. i Feel like the students who looked down on others or talked about people wasnt popular themselves, they did that to others to get recognize by popular people or to show that they can fit in. My life was filled with joy, and often time i always had my own thoughts. I didnt abuse my popularity in High School, i kinda let the moments shape me and taught myself valuable things about treating others.
Yeah, I do know some popular kids who were actually decent human beings too. But this does pick up some interesting patterns.
I agree with this idea and I think being popular doesn’t mean that she/he is always happy because I’ve seen people who were popular in school but could not be who truly she/he was toward anyone. They were all trying to be who other people such as their friends and families would like and look up to. I think it’s very natural for everyone to have a desire to be popular and liked especially in adolescence. Yet, I saw most of those people who tried to maintain their popularity ended up being socially withdrawn or mentally tired out because of chronic pressures they had been suffering. After seeing them and this article, personally I think popularity should come from one’s personality characteristics such as being friendly or affectionate toward others. Being popular is not meant to be the one people are so eager and hungry for.
I absolutely agree! The popular kids were usually the ones who were obsessed with after school actives, like prom committee, rallies, dances, and mostly everything outside of school. I remember the most popular kids in my high school, wouldn’t attend a full week of school or get the best grades but were always posting pictures on Instagram about their weekend activities. I feel like if you don’t have that social pressure to fit in, and constantly care about your looks, you worry about other important things. The “nice popular” kids in my high school were the kids who were nice to everyone, did their work, but grew up with association with the “mean populars” in their academic life. (Elementary-middle-high school) Being true to yourself always leads you to the top!
Thanks for sharing your experience.
High school was definitely a time where you’re going through the faze of being a teenager and trying to find your right group of friends. I think that when people a making that transition from middle school to high school, they often choose a school where their closest friends are going. But sometimes you drift away from people you are the closest with. I found that to be something that I struggled with in high school. That when it came to high school and managing to keep up with your same friends from middle school, sometimes it didn’t always work out because each of us got into our own hobbies. I definitely would not call myself a popular person in high school, but I had a wide variety of friends. I found that if you always stayed true to yourself and was just the way you are, people will accept you for just being you.
I wasn’t a popular kid when I was in high school. However, I didn’t feel bad of being myself neither because I didn’t care about the popular kids. I tried to spend more time learn more about myself. Years after I graduated from high school, I know few kids from our high school got accepted into the famous institutions such as Stanford, Yale, Havard, and etc. and none of those kids were the popular kids in high school because they spent their time on studying. The popular kids were popular because they have spent their time and effort on keep the social image high.
There are way better ways to spend your time them focused on fitting in an how you look, aren’t there?
The so called “popular” kids in high school are so focused and intertwined within the materialistic and self absorbed aspect of society that they don’t understand, or even know, what makes them happy. Usually they’re so caught up trying to conform to society’s standards of “cool” and judging everyone who doesn’t follow these standards that they do nothing else. And this probably drains them of so much, having to constantly worry about what other people think and say of you. It definitely sounds like a really sad and empty life. I agree with Alexandra Robbin’s statement in that “Popular kids don’t necessarily know who they are because they’re so busy trying to conform. It’s the outcasts who are more attuned to who they are. They’re more self-aware, more real”. Although I think a lot of this continues on after high school and well into adulthood, I think it stems from high school and the culture that is created.
In the article “Best not to be popular in High School” we see a study based off of six teens in high school. The verdict that is taken away from the study is that popular kids are more often than not, less happy than the other kids in school. Being that “popular” kids are more likely to conform to group thinking in order to fit it. This is seen as a problem because it’s the beginning of the idea that it’s okay to not think for yourself, and just go along with what “the cool” thing is. Although you may think it’s not that big of a deal, which in high school may be true, but later in life that can begin to take a toll. Just going along with the flow of things doesn’t work in adult world. You can’t just agree with your peers, if you don’t have your own opinion you’re going to be boring and useless. The article goes further more in saying “non-popular” kids are outsiders. Thus developing their own views and ideas about how things work. These are the people that tend to do well after high school. Because unlike the “popular” kids, they were actually focusing on school and not what the new cool thing to do was. Being popular in high school doesn’t mean you’ll be that successful and popular later in life.
Thanks for your thoughts. By the way, I wasn’t clear and how I wrote it but the author looks at research beyond the six teens she interviewed.
So happy that you posted an article on this because a lot of kids these days think that being “popular” in high school is the end all, be all of life. I remember who the popular kids were when I was in high school and how put together and happy they seemed to be in their huge social circles. I look at them now on facebook or run into them in person, and see how depressed and insecure they have become. They lived off of this illusion that popularity would somehow lift them into success later in life but unfortunately for them, popularity points don’t count in the real world.
I’ve noticed the same thing. The popular kids haven’t necessarily been all that successful once they got out of high school.
I’ve been really behind on my reading and am currently catching up on your posts – true to form, your topics are as juicy as ever.
Popularity (at least when I was at school) seemed to stem from the social group labels: the nerds, the popular kids, the weirdos, the jocks, etc., where each group had a “leader” to some extent.
I read somewhere that the younger generations don’t do that so much any more, and that the idea of ‘labels’ within school is the mark of an old person. If I find it I’ll send it to you. I wonder what the knock-on effect is to today’s concept of popularity.
I hope you are right. I’ll have to ask my students about it. And I hope you can find the link.
i was very impressed with this post! Coming from my experience of high school, i was very grateful based on the fact that i had the opportunity to go to school with my own cousin of my same grade level and we had a close relationship since attending middle school together. Although my cousin and I participated in sports all throughout school, His presence always helped myself as a reminder to never get too caught up with the social life and so called any ” Drama” for the most part. This is because i was constantly being reminded by my own family member of the importance of staying humble and there was always this extra comfort zone between ourselves and the small group of friends that we would hang out with. I can almost explain it as this feeling of extra significance coming from someone who has grown up with me all my life.
Thanks for sharing about your experience with this.
Coming from a different angle, popular kids could have possibly been pushed in that direction by parents, if they were once the same way.
And the parents probably aren’t doing their kids as much good as they hope in that case. If it works it may help the kids confidence, But they may not be any happier, And they may end up being more cookie-cutter.
I find it interesting, from a foreign point of view. I have always seen movies about American high schools, but I never understood why is has to be there a popular group, when everybody else hated? In Venezuela is not exactly the same thing. We do have the populars, the nerds, and the troublemakers. But at the same time we support each other in the good or bad. For example, when we did crazy things together, if one got was in trouble we help him or her. When we discussed a problem, we did it as a family, we hated each other but at the same time we loved each other. Even if we were from different social classes.
I’m glad that not all schools are the same.
I was never popular in high school. I actually had a few friends and within the four years the number of friends would go down. I knew a lot of people. That was not a problem, but I never felt that I fit in with them. I am a very weird person and in the past I was not always proud of that. I wanted to be part of the popular kids because like you stated they seem to have it all because of the amount of people that were around them. However, looking back at it now I’m glad I never was one of the cool kids. I have embraced the fact that high school was not really a setting for what the real world is like. In college you don’t have groups of people in the quad having out when it’s lunchtime. Everyone is in their own world becoming their own person and that is better than conforming to one idea. Like the example of Lady Gaga, she is a great singer with so much success and no matter how weird or “uncool” she was, she has now built an empire for herself and can do anything she wants because she is who she is. When she first became big people still judge her over her over the top wardrobe and actions, but that is who she is and that is what makes her so awesome. It is okay not to be cool, as long as you know and love yourself at the end of the day life will be really great.
Wise words.
I completely agree with this, being popular is a lie because you’re never really happy. My cousin and I grew up going to all the same schools and she was always very popular, and I am a Harry Potter nerd who goes on tumblr too much. but she was never happy. She constantly confided in me about how she was never herself and how she always had to put on an act about who she was. None of her “friends” actually knew who she was. She just wanted to be accepted by the people she thought she needed. Now she’s in college and is making friends on her own and is finally happy.
Thanks for sharing your experience!
High school goes one of two ways for most people- it was either the best four years of your life, or four of the most miserable years of your life. Depending on what your focus and interests were, it often dictated the group of students you associated with. High school like most things in society, is extremely superficial, placing emphasis on exterior rather interior. You are considered a success, if you appear in the latest of high fashion. Priorities do not really exist in high school; except for those who understand it is a marathon, not a sprint. Meaning it is not important to be “popular” in high school- there is no substance in it, furthermore it does not lead to a successful career in any field. Correction, in our society it is becoming increasingly popular (no pun intended), to exploit your own body for profit; not always exploiting, but if you are attractive, that can be turned into a career. Balance is important. School should always be the main focus,everything else coming secondary.
You make some really good points.
I am the youngest of three older sisters all who were very popular in high School. I know for a fact people only knew I existed because I was related to so and so. I was the low key, kept to myself kind of person in high school and popularity was never anything I took seriously. It was a lot of hard work to be popular, keeping up with kids, boys, girls, teachers, drama, etc. After high school my sisters went on to college, they still had to keep up with everyone and it was like a switch really hard to turn off. People always were in their business, and making up rumors of them. They had to compete with others and spent a lot of time and energy competing just to be popular it seemed. I always told myself that being low key would find me just the same amount of friends, success later in life, just not with so much energy.
Good for you!
I found this blog post to be interesting and to be completely honest I don’t necessarily agree with it. I was not popular, although I always wanted to be. During high school I had headgear, unruly curly hair, and acne that covered my face. I wanted to fit in, more than anything, and often got myself into situations where I was acting up to get a little attention. I was made fun of often and there was a point in high school where I was bullied by a popular group of girls. I think that this feeling of rejection throughout high school has affected my confidence even after graduation. I think that the people who were popular in high school have more confidence because they were so accepted during their developing years. From my experience, the popular students in high school were not necessarily the ones that partied or did poorly in school, they were attractive, athletic, and smart. I don’t think that this gives them a disadvantage after graduating.
Confidence will always help you. The point is that popular people generally need to “Fit in.” And fitting in isn’t what’s going to help you later in life and make you a really interesting and unique and often successful person.
On the other hand, bullying can be very destructive and that’s a different issue. Hopefully, with time confidence can come back.
I tend to disagree with the the statement that its best not to be popular in high school for the simple fact that not all popular people are bad and you can’t just lump them all in the same bunch. When I was in high school I kind of became one the popular guys in school and I was just an average guy but I treated everyone with equal respect. I wasn’t “The Jock” but I played sports, I wasn’t a geek but I had classes with everyone they called a geek and I also played in the band. When you combine all of those things together you get someone who everybody knows and because of that, by default, I became one of the most popular guys in school and even today I’m still friends with people from all 3 of those categories that I mentioned above. it didn’t hurt that I was member of every club I could get into and that I would just do things that other students just would not do. I also spoke out when I felt that things where wrong are people were being treated unfairly and it didn’t matter to me which side of the cafeteria you sat on at lunch time. There are lots of people from my high school that I never knew personally but they knew my name and would speak to me like I have known them for years. So for me being popular was not a bad thing and It has allowed me to meet and make a lot of lifelong friends.
Sure, and I even knew people who were popular + well-liked. I’m sure we all do. But the title got your attention, didn’t it? Hopefully most people will get that the title is an exaggeration.
Popularity is something that everyone wanted at one point because it meant that everyone knew who you were, but the studied done does not surprise me. I have always thought that being popular took a lot of work and time because of the pressure of having all eyes and ears on you. To me that seems miserable because instead of focusing on other things, you have to focus on how you look because someone will always be talking about you. Those who are popular are not always the best people because they feel entitled and better than everyone else and that makes others not like them. I think those who are not popular are more happy because they do not have to be someone they are not. They are be themselves and find people who like them exactly for who they are and this only leads to friends who actually care about them rather than just liking them for their materials.
This post caught my eye pretty quickly and most importantly i was able to relate. Because in high school i was one of those non-popular kids. Im going to be honest I’m glad i wasn’t because many of those popular kids in high schools has all the riches and seemed to have it all based on what i see and were talked behind there backs most of the time because of how rude most of them were. But as mentioned in the post as well they were all almost very good in socializing and i on the other hand wasn’t much of a social type. But nevertheless, being popular isn’t the big picture in high school or middle school either way, just as long you are doing well in school is what should matter not your popularity status.
Lastly, i just wanted to comment that the following quote for the blog is very well put,
“Nonconformity is a wonderful trait, and it’s going to be valued in adulthood. If you’re different in school, that makes you an outsider. If you’re different as an adult, that makes you interesting, fun and often successful”.
Because as it says in the quote if your different in school your seen as something else we could say. However, when your going up into the adulthood things change a big if you consider yourself different because its a bit more valued and recognized by others how unique you truly are. Overall, i agree upon the quote because it truly states the reality that most of us has gone through.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
I agree that it is best not to be popular in high school because the popular kids are usually not happy. In high school I was “popular” in the sense a lot of people knew who I was, which was not a good thing. I was in a lot of clubs, played three varsity sports all four years, and even played club soccer and basketball outside of school with kids from other high school, and did a lot of outside activities. I just knew a lot of different people from everywhere in my district, which sounds cool but it wasn’t. I went to high school that wasn’t very diverse and I was one of maybe five girls that were blonde. I was tall, athletic, and I knew a lot of people. As a freshmen that already rubbed the upper classmen girls the wrong way. I was taking girls positions in sports and the senior guys were giving me attention. I was making more enemies than friends the first day I stepped on campus. This made me very self conscious cause already I knew people were not liking me. This made me try really hard for friends and made me want everyone to like me, which just made it worse. I ended up just being annoying and this also made me a target for a lot of rumors, and i mean A LOT. Theses rumors spread to all the high schools and everyone knew about everything, even though they weren’t true. My life was violated and I became very depressed. Yes a lot of people knew who I was, I was good at sports, but no one liked me. I wish i could have been under the radar all through high school, I wish no one knew who I was. High School was the worst four years of my life. Once I got to college things started to get better. I didn’t care about people liking me anymore, I didn’t try to hard to be friends with people and that made my life a lot easier and actually made me have more friends. So yes, being “popular” in high school isn’t the best and I agree that a lot of popular kids aren’t happy, cause they always have to be on their toes because a lot of the time they are topic of conversation or they are the first people that people decide to spread rumors about.
Thanks for sharing about the other side of this — the other side from what most of us experience.
Excellent piece. The price of being popular in high school is having to deal with ‘haters.’ A way to measure how cool or popular you are in high school is by how many haters you have. The more the better. However, people that hate you and spread rumors about you does more harm than good. Being popular in high school, has much to do with conforming to social norms to be accepted by as many peers as possible. When this happens we do lose our individuality. In high school many students get caught up in trying to fit in with the crowd and adjusting to society’s preferences and not their own.
Bullying in high school is also about appearing cool to your peers in high school. Appearing dominant, and aggressive behavior towards those who are different from the status quo is entertaining to school kids. Bullies often pick on other kids because they want to be accepted by others too.
When high school students become adults, they see how values are measured in different ways.
So true. Thanks.
Sorry, my intent was for them to be small and they start that way, but then I try to add a few things more. Before I know it, it is longer than meant to be or expected. Plus when writing it the paragaphs don’t look long, but then it’s difference once it’s actually posted. What I was saying is how it is true with the difference for men and wome with status. Like adele who is a tremendouse female singer, but you’d have a hot female actress or singer, not nearly as talented that men will lust for and adele’s status and fame not making much difference. She is not much lust worthy than a woman looking just like her without the talent whereas it makes a big difference for women with a guy who looks like gene simmons and IS gene simmons.
Here’s the irony. You are probably right that men are more likely to lust after her than women would be to lust after a similar man. Yet a woman who looks like Adel in real life is much more likely to feel bad about her body and to be distracted during sex compared to a guy who looks similar to her.
So it’s a mixed blessing/curse.
Maybe I’ll write on this sometime. Thanks.
The urge to feel accepted by others and to be the center of attention is very common among our teens. A fundamental human need is the need to feel accepted. Naturally we are social creatures, we are linked to each other from birth to death. Although the need to fit in and be popular can sometimes become an obsession. Popularity may not always be as fulfilling as it may seem. Popular students usually have to create a certain personality that is very different from their own and they must continue this charade in order to maintain popularity. This can be usually seen as the popular football player or the perky cheerleader. During the process of becoming popular, some end up hurting themselves or others. Naturally, people can and do survive without being connected to others. In reality “unpopular” students are the healthiest because those friends that they might have are people that are interested in them for who they really are and not for what they have or how they look. Unfortunately, only with age is that we realize that it is better to be accepted for who you are, rather than to pretend to be something you are not. Happiness does not come from being well known, good looking or funny. Being who you are and accepting yourself is true happiness, only those that realize how great you are, are the people that truly matter.
Wise words.
I agree that it’s best not to be popular in high school. The popular students are more likely to conform to the popular behaviors, whereas the outsiders tend to stay true to themselves and be themselves. Speaking from my personal experiences, I went to a privileged private high school in a conservative Southern town. And I wasn’t popular because my socioeconomic background was different from most of my classmates’, and I had different perspectives from theirs. As an outsider, I made friends with the students who weren’t considered the top of social hierarchy. And it turned out that I benefited a lot from my friendships. Because they were more diverse and open-minded than the popular ones, and their experiences and values influenced me in many positive ways. During Thanksgiving break, I’ve been able to reunite with some old friends. And we’re proud of being the outsiders because we were able to be our true selves and see the world in a more rational and open-minded way.
Yay you!
It’s kind of funny that I was just talking about tim tebow, because this just came up on my newsfeed for facebook. I guess he still is a virgin. I thought the dude was married and he’s had dates, but I guess they haven’t lasted because of his abstinence. It’s interesting how the script flips for some women. Women, especially hot women are used to men wanting sex with them so bad and women holding out and like this control and power over men. I wonder why tebow got with her when he knew he wasn’t having sex until being married. Unless he did so, hoping she’d be the one and told her before that he’s serious about abstinence and she said she was fine. But she probably had it in the back of her mind that she could cause him to change is mind or she would be the “exception”, seems like an ego thing, like she’s doing something other beautiful women couldn’t do. Which would make her an ultimate seductress and hotter and sexier than the rest. Like an ego game.
http://nesn.com/2015/11/report-olivia-culpo-dumped-tim-tebow-because-he-wont-have-sex-with-her-photos/
Poor tebow he was liking her it seems. But she didn’t wait long at all when she couldn’t get him to have sex, only a month ha. She must’ve been really frustrated with her ego or really physically attracted to him and wanted him bad and it bothered her that she couldn’t get him to do her unlike other guys or all combined.
“Tebow is a devout Christian and has made it no secret that he is remaining chaste until marriage. Reports claimed the couple started dating early last month. “He was really into her,” Confidenti@l was told by a source close to the model. “He was sending her love letters and cute notes and professing his love for her. “She had to break up with him because she just couldn’t handle it. He still hits her up, but she just can’t deal with the sex thing. He’s pretty adamant about it, I guess.””
Thanks for the link. But you really need to keep your comments shorter if you want me to approve them in the future. Just because I don’t have a lot of time to read a lot of really long comments.
I have never thought that this issue was finally discussed because everyone wants to be popular that they try so much to get attention from other people. For instance, girls try to be pretty in front of the opposite sex. Boys do the same that most of them go to the gym in order to look attractive. In my opinion, the desire to be popular is not a bad idea because we live among each other and we cannot survive alone. However, popularity has both advantages and disadvantages. In fact, it is not easy to get famous that everyone knows our name. When a person is popular, the possibility that others get jealous of that person is very high. This article mentions about popularity in high school. A high school kid can be popular for their good appearance, their good performance in studies or sports, etc. Every student tries to compete each other to prove their talents. In this way, it is such a challenge to be a dominant individual within a group because we have to meet others’ high expectations, deal with their jealousy and perhaps drama. I remember when I was in high school, some of my friends were popular kids. They had to deal with a lot of hatred from other unpopular ones. High school drama then occurred and it affected not only my friends, but also me. I found it very uncomfortable because those popular people were my friends, which I had to deal with the gossips as well. In my opinion, high school is an environment which prepares an adolescent to be a decent adult. Therefore, we have to be aware of every influence that affects our behaviors and perspectives toward the real world.
Considering the fact that I wasn’t the most popular kid in high school makes this post really enjoyable. Luckily my high school never really had those “mean popular” kids though. The mean kids were never seen as popular. And the so-called popular kids were only popular because of their involvement with the school. I would say I’m very lucky because the high school I went to was very accepting of the odd ones and the diversity. I like that this post makes an observation that it’s better to be the odd one out because they have a better sense of their identity. It’s so obvious that if you’re “normal” you are conformed which means that you’re not really being yourself. You may not even know what the real you is like. But obviously the people who don’t fit in know who they are because they don’t fit in. I think Lady Gaga is a good example but not necessarily the best for this case. She’s mostly famous and successful because of her amazing talented voice. Yes she never fit in and was always an outcast who became successful. But there are many people who are like that but their personality and idea of their self won’t necessarily get them their success. I believe it will be a great asset though.
I’m glad that your school goes against the grain with kids being popular because of their involvement in school, and being accepting of diversity. Lady Gaga is actually a good example because a lot of her popularity comes from being not just a good singer but really, really different — unique.
I think it’s in middle school as in 6-8th grade where you seen more “mean popular kids”. I noticed that atleast for me, but when I was in highschool, people had their own group of friends and cliques, but they didn’t really bully or bother each other. Like me, I was friends and got along with people of different groups from the jocks to more “nerdier kids”. I wasn’t popular though, but just someone who got along with different groups. Anyway I don’t know if it’s best to be not popular, as there are plenty of popular students who were fine or nice. The way I see it, is while a popular student might have their issues, and that might be true for a girl.
As a man I still see how being popular was more beneficial for a guy than the other way, especially the starting qb or star athlete on the sports team whether basketball or just that group. Well what I know, umm, popular guys like I said, they seemed to have it pretty good right? All of the biggest, top parties, you name it socially or event being a part of and then obviously the girls. Pretty much the hot girls in high school going after and being with them, whereas the socially akward guys you see, not dating or hooking up with any or just a few. It’s even more different, because during that period girls will be distracted by the popular guy and ignore and not bother with the other guys, whereas outside of highschool that phase goes away more so. Well except for college in the sense of “big man on campus”. As in the star qb for the top sports program. This is particulalry true for a university and the premier sport of that university, especially if it’s one they are good at. But other than that, there is less of a popular thing in college than in highschool, except for a high status thing that a star or star athletes and attention they would get of a sport for the university. But popular guys in high school yeah they had it good atleast of that brief period. I know it’s just a movie, but think of varsity blues and all those highschool football movies and the top jock/popular guy having hot girl attention.
But like I said with college, Like the university near me, I didn’t go to it as I couldn’t afford it and went to a state college. But the University is better at basketball, the football team sucks, but we’ve had some nba players come out and the team has consistently been ranked high in basketball and made it to the big tournament almost every year. So you know those top players on the team must’ve had girls all over them from the university left and right. Think the university of Alabama and how it’s a huge football town and very successful team. You know that star qb is the man on campus and must have girls constantly all over him. I have to admire Tim Tebow, not because of I believe what he does, but how he stuck with his convictions. His will power is amazing. I don’t know if you know who he is, not successful in nfl, but star qb for Florida. I am secure in myself that I can say he’s a good looking guy and he’s very phsyically gift, plus others said a good guy. But he’s religious so he was a virgin in college, not because he cou;dn’t getg girls, but because of his belief, he didn’t want to have sex before marriage and it was very important to him That’s why I said the will power with the drop dead gorgeous girls he had to have come on to him and try to get in his pants, but he didn’t.
Well it may affect women less than men in one situation: Women are not less likely to get sex. Research has shown no correlation between how attractive or popular woman is and how much sex she gets, at least not in terms of more attractive women and more popular women getting more sex.
What I’m talking about here has more to do with core self-esteem. Which is part of the reason that you don’t find the correlation I’m talking about above. Some women who aren’t attractive or popular have sex as a way to feel attractive or popular, Even though it doesn’t really work — I’ve published articles from three of them on my blog. Some men do the same thing. It can actually help men when they brag to guys. But it tends to backfire on girls because of our double standard.
It does seem like this would be more of a problem for girls than boys. Not that it’s perfect for boys, but seems like being popular is more beneficial for boys. And yeah it doesn’t make much of a difference of a girl’s populariy as far as her getting sex. The reason there isn;t a difference based on a girls looks and how much sex she is having vs average girls, is more due to the desire not differing much between average and hot girls. Meaning there may be more guys lined up who want the hot girls vs average one’s but it means nothing if the hot girls are not as interested in having sex with said guys or not anymore than the average looking girls.
The numbers then will be similar as a result. I do believe though that the hot girls will probably have on average “hot guys” or more good looking guy’s and higher status guys targeting them compared to the average looking girls. But yet it does make a difference for boys with popularity and status. They are more likely to have girls take initiative toward them if they are seen as a the big man on campus compared to a regular non popular dude. And guy’s are more likely to be tempted and easier tempted to have fun with it than girls are, because of how society treats men who are promiscuous vs girls. As well as how visual men are and more strongtly affected by lust toward girls bodies than vice versa.
But yes it does make a difference for status with guys and not much for women and a good example is actresses and musicians. For example, if gene simmon was not a rock legend and just some regular guy with his looks. He’d definitely not have women throw themselves at him and he’d probably have to really work and shine as far as personality and charm to make up for it if he didn’t have a musical talent. But you can have actually a guy like him with status and talent get women throwing themselves at him and have a good looking regular guy and no girls throwing themselves at him. But for women it’s in reverse. Sure even regular women will still have men wanting sex from them, but look at the difference. Gene simmons music talent and status made a difference, but yet look at say an incredible talent and singer Adele. How many guys are lusting for her despite her immense talent? The guys who are the same probably even if she wasn’t a singer and it’s not a difference. In fact you’ll see guys wanting and actress who is not as talented, because she’s hot. Status doesn’t change much for men’s attraction to women, because it’s a lot on looks and body; Men will more likely lust for a non talented, regular woman, but who is hot on say a reality tv show vs a talented singer like adele. You don’t see that as much for women. Sure women swoong for Hemsworth and Evans and movie hunks who are good looking and well built, but then the same token throw themselves after gene simmons and a fat black rapper like Rick Ross. You don’t see men throwing themselves at missy elliot when she was heavy.
Social hierarchy plays a significant role with popularity in our schools/colleges. Kids with a lot of money have some fan-following who don’t actually like them but prefer to hang around for some stuff. Nerds are made fun of but at the same they are revered.
Thanks for the perspective from India!
have a happy thanksgiving
You too!
I love it. I was always a social, awkward, outcast all throughout the years. I can see it all clearly now, though. I had such strong friendships and I knew who I was more than ever back then, as anxious as I felt about not fitting in.
Sometimes the things that keep us from being popular are the best qualities!
That is so true, Georgia… there are many popular peeps these days, many of them famous who were not popular at all during their High School times… I believe Lady Gaga would be the most eloquent example in this sense… Her song Born this way speaks out loud… `My mama told me when I was young/ We are all born superstars´… well, she was born that way, wasn’t she…
Either way, It still amazed me how many american films portrait the dichotomy Nerd/Popular, with the Graduation king and Queen Parade and stuff like ugly, fat teenagers struggling against their own circumstances, which included failure and bullying… I guess that culturally it might keeps on showing a pattern somehow…
Great post… Sending best wishes. Aquileana 🐉☀️
Since you are not from the US, I’m realizing that different cultures might not have this particular hierarchy. So now I’m curious about what goes on in Europe and other places.
Hi again,
First of all… Sorry for my mistake above… I should have wrote I guess that culturally it might keep on showing a pattern somehow…an s had slipped over there
As to your implicit question… I think that things are pretty much alike, no matter where we are…
Any membership has its privileges, and any privilege, as you well know, implies segregations, whether they are justified or not… And even more when they pretend to be so, using as a yardsticks, questionable criteria, such as appealing physical appearance, developed sexual life… or sports skills…
Anyhow, I still believe that many american films tend to deepen into the popular stereotype, and here in Latin America we can always feel the cultural influence from the States, especially and daily through movies and music.
Still… Life as an adult is pretty much more than that, right?… reality someday knocks at your door and that´s when you need more than a pretty face or body…
Best wishes. Aquileana ⭐ .-
Thanks. I was curious, so thanks for filling me in.
I remember quite a few mean popular people. The meanies happened to be the best looking with the most money, at least from how I saw it. They had their own social circle of the same types of people who liked them, but most other people didn’t like them very much. I suppose there were a few nice ones in the group, but they didn’t like the associate too much with the “normies.” Haha, it all sounds so silly now.
Sounds familiar. For a lot of them their best years were high school.
I love this post! I was always unpopular and boring at school because we didn’t have a TV. I love being different and have loads more confidence in adulthood than the so-called popular girls at school have now…
Yeah, turns out that what it takes to be popular in high school isn’t what makes a really great person!