Women Want Emotionally Connected Sex. Why?
Not all women, all the time.
Both women and men have sex because they are physically attracted, for pleasure, because they are in love, or just because they’re horny… the list goes on. But most women want emotionally bonded sex.
Men prefer emotionally bonded sex, too, by the way. But women are less likely to want it any other way.
Men need to spread their seed, but women don’t?
Conventional wisdom looks to evolutionary psychology which says that women are genetically driven to be more monogamous so that fathers will stick around and provide resources, helping children to survive.
So women pass up casual sex with “whomever” in favor of connected sex that provides those good-for-baby resources.
Yet not all women are terribly monogamous. And women who belong to tightly-knit, interdependent tribal groups often have sex with many men, often outside their marriages or partnerships. In these places the entire tribe raises children so paternity is unimportant and women’s sexuality is not guarded. These cultures produce women who are highly orgasmic and who greatly enjoy sex.
But when these societies are destroyed (as with the Cherokee and Iroquois) women’s sexuality can turn around quick.
Avoid punishment; gain reward
Today sexually interested and active American woman are still slut-shamed. And since women are objectified, they often become focused on how they look (whether good or bad) instead of enjoying anything erotic.
But women are less punished in some circumstances. They are often taught that “sex is okay if you love him.” So in the arms of someone she loves she’s freed from worries over slut-shaming.
And if she is with someone who loves her, she’s less likely to worry over how she looks.
And if she has difficulty achieving orgasm, she can still revel in her man’s love-filled attentions.
And here’s one more reason why both women and men usually prefer bonded sex. Justin Garcia, an evolutionary biologist at Binghamton University, observes that,
Having deep relationship with someone can be really magical and people all over the world experience that… (it) can really change someone’s life.
Of course, women have varieties of social experiences and personalities, so despite the culture, some will certainly be up for trysts with anonymous others.
But for many, sex-for-fun may not be so fun.
I’m on vacation, this is a rerun.