As in most relationships, I believe everyone is different. But I enjoyed reading this article because I tend to get a lot of slack for being nonmonogamous. I am told that it is a thing only men do and by being nonmonogamous I am feeling into the patriarchy. I think in the end it comes down to each person and there preferences and culture. If I didn’t live in the US then I may have an easier time explaining why I am nonmonogamous and have little to no push back but that’s not the case. I do think there is a stigma for a woman though more then there is for man. I am called loose and slutty when in reality all my relationships are romantic no sex involved. I think we need to continue sharing stories and articles like this to reduce the stigma. I do wonder if there are any cultures where a woman can have multiple husbands as men can.

I think the question you poised is fascinating because it is something, I think, a lot of women are unsure of about themselves. They often feel guilt for having feelings for more than one person, while a man tends to blame his impulse, his lack of interest, or “needs” as factors regarding having multiple partners. I’m sure we are all familiar that a man is a “player” while a woman is a “whore.” However, the idea that monogamous relationships rest in biology is false. As we have seen, cultures throughout the world, some in Asia where an imbalance of sexes favoring the men have led to matriarchal societies where women have multiple husbands and control the majority of resources; in contrast to patriarchal societies these communities tend to be tribal and egalitarian. Another example is in Africa, where men normally have multiple wives and, if possible, father children with each– these societies tend to have a high level of patriarchy where men control almost all of the goods and resources. I guess the idea that monogamy is “right” is one of moral inquiry and not biological; the question would better be suited on the discipline of philosophy or sociology than anywhere else. I will argue on a philosophical basis; however, other complex factors that contribute to the culture and socially defined phenomenon contribute to our notions of ourselves and our place in the world take part in shaping ideas for women. There is this constant mental push and pull between women’s individual choices and the influence and makeup of our culture and society. Especially in western culture, dating back to religious doctrines and monarchies, there has been a purposeful intent to hold women inferior. I think the most daunting of the problems is not necessarily that women internalize much of this on to their character, we are all women and have felt an internal battle in some way or another. We are aware (to an extent) that we are not treated as equal, that the playing field is different for us and that we are held to standards our male counterparts are not. I think this idea runs through not only gender but race and class, as well. The biggest problem is that males have accepted, even the humblest among them, that their place in this world is guaranteed, or better yet– owed to them. However the case, men do not posit such thinking in a western democratic society where values are held on the basis all humans are equal. It is the male naïveté that drives the wedge between the sexes further into the future; it is the issue of white naïveté that drives issues of race into oblivion. Within this naïveté, there is no room for debate since one can argue he is on both sides, but what he fails to do is abstractly think about a situation different from his own. The bourgeoisie, especially the conservative right, tend to hold traditional values of absolute male superiority. In this absoluteness, everything else derives from it, it is an essence of the only possible standard. So the biggest gain in oppression is making the oppressor feel superior in everyway. Back to the question of monogamy, because of males absolute status, they are superior in their relationships, therefore their choices and impulses are superior. There is no question in a mans mind that monogamy is good but when he engages in polygamous relationships there is no question either. He is free. While women are seen to serve the ends of man, we can prove this principle throughout history in philosophy, religion, literature, and so forth. Therefore, women are serving the absolute male and whatever he may dictate as the “ideal” women. For example, throughout the 1950s-60s, the ideal housewife was raised as the “right-type of women” giving praise to the housewife who is so innocent, unaware, and obedient. The case against this, is that even though is the deepest roots of oppression, women can use their agency to denounce the destiny men has set forth for them because there is no good reason to believe the men who cannot even begin to fathom the scope of their privileges. The question of women is not a trivial one, just as race and class, and should not be treated as such. We possess autonomy and different sexual desires. I think today; there is a push toward a more sex-positive society; however, there will always be extreme resistance to any change in the social framework that has allowed such male privilege to dominate and shape society. We must not be fooled by such hollow words of praise toward the “good women” or damnation of the “whore.” There is no mystical entity enforcing these alterities among the sexes. The way forward is to push the standards an gain back our agency, not just a woman but as an individual. We should not allow the discussion to fall into the hands of destiny, because there is no such thing, although we tend to believe it.