Hating On Sex Ed & Gay Wedding Cakes

Gay wedding cake

Rainbows and roses wedding cake

Religious conservatives have fought gay weddings, trans bathrooms, civil rights, sex ed, contraception, a woman’s right to terminate a pregnancy, and even battered women’s shelters.

Some of this is recent. Some of this is in the past. Some feels like a bit of both.

But why?

“God” comes up a lot in arguments against all of these things.

But is the real motivation something else?

Like domination culture?


These folks don’t like equal rights for women, people of color, LGBTQ folk, or pretty much anyone who is not already privileged, like themselves. And they want to stay on top.

Yet a lot of them don’t feel too privileged. White males are indeed more likely to be offered jobs with more pay, and they get more promotions, but:

  1. When you are used to this system it just feels normal.
  2. Increasing equality makes the once-privileged feel like they are losing. And they are losing something: advantage.
  3. While most people “at the top” (presidents of nations, businesses, media and churches) are white males, most men aren’t at the top, and don’t feel too privileged.

So they hate on those who are taking what “theirs.” Women, Blacks, Latinos, Muslims.

Reproductive rights mess with domination culture

Women who control their reproductive lives are also empowered.

Birth control pillsWhen a woman understands her reproductive system and controls it, it’s easier to get an education and a job, and not be dependent.

If she is independent she is less likely to get trapped in abusive relationships.

So men who want to keep their privilege try to take away reproductive rights, too. (Some have even fought battered women’s shelters in the past.)

LGBTQ mess with domination culture

Gay rights also throw a wrench into domination culture.

You can’t have a male head in lesbian relationships. And if you have male heads in gay relationships then you get submissive men, too — and that’s just wrong, right?

Gay marriage harms families? Well, gay marriage harms patriarchal families.

Transgender people — along with stereotypes of lesbians and gays as “feminine” and “butch” — also blur sex lines. And weaken domination culture.

Why do conservatives hate on sex ed and gay wedding cakes?

They say it’s God. I’m guessing it’s domination culture — and seeking to maintain privilege.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on August 12, 2016, in LGBTQ+, race/ethnicity, sexism and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.

  1. Quite a bit to unpack in this post. I find it interesting that people are still religious bigots who use the name of God to support their agenda of hate and oppression. Hilarious and contradictory since Jesus and the bible both preach about forgiveness and not passing judgement on others. Also, it is very odd that these small minded people would continue to punish those who don’t conform to their strict standards, as many alternative persons have contributed to the world in significant ways. Stephen Sondheim, who recently passed, was a gay man who composed many popular musicals. Three women of color contributed to NASA’s space program as mathematicians, Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson, and helped send John Glenn beyond Earth. Feminists Susan B. Anthony and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, fiercely independent women, fought for women’s rights and against gender discrimination. Countless non-conformists, against patriarchal overtures and God fearing groups, helped shape the world we live in for the better. Seems to me that supporters of domination culture are afraid and biased without truly understanding why they hate. Ugly “domination culture” needs to stop if we are to progress further into the future, lest it destroy us physically and emotionally.

  2. The article itself talks about “domination culture” and how it still affects so many types of groups, even in the 21st century. I for one, are in big support for all humans, no matter what gender, religious background or what color you may be. We all deserve the same respect and dignity like the person next to us. It has been statistically proven that “white men” have always received more money than women, people of color or sexual orientation. Why is that? Domination culture has not only affected pay, as we have seen recently with the Women’s Soccer Cup. The women are making significantly less than the men in this sport. For white privileged men, this is threatening and by targeting these groups is a way of keeping them afloat at the top. They say “that it’s God”, but I think using that is an excuse to say what they really feel. Whether you are part of the LGBTQ community, a person of color or a female, the judgement shouldn’t be based off of God and what the bible says. The point is, that we were all created by some higher power and we were made the way we are.

  3. As said in this article, I also believe it’s absolutely a matter of maintaining and protecting privilege when it comes to conservatives hating the LGBTQ community. Just from personal experience, it’s clear that straight people become very angry when we gain or just try to create the same privileges they have. For example, I was describing to a friend why it was odd for her to enter a club for LGBTQ people and expect not to get hit on by other women, to which she got mad. She then said “What if we (straight people) made clubs only for us and gay people weren’t allowed in? That’s what you’re doing!” The problem is that these hypothetical clubs that exclude LGBTQ people are literally every other club. Regular clubs are not often spaces where LGBTQ people feel comfortable flirting with each other, so we made our own clubs to have a safe space, and it’s apparently enough to make straight people upset. They want to be included in activities and safe spaces created by those they excluded, and they then refuse to grant the simple privilege of comfort. It’s all about control and making sure those who don’t match their ideals of “tradition.”

  4. I think what these religious conservatives do is trying to bend things to suit their arguments. It is like they are cherry-picking stuff to suit what they want to say. For example, they use a certain part or quote from the bible to support their hatred of gays and lesbians. This appears to be the same way slaveholders use Christianity to justify racism. In my opinion, I have never believed that women rights should be taken away from them. I have never believed that because of their beliefs, they can be able to treat certain kind of people however they like. I also have nothing against homosexual as the gays that I know have never harmed anyone. Sex education can also be useful too. Some people just need some education in order to prevent making some mistakes and hopefully learn from others’ mistakes so that they do not have to suffer from it first hand.

  5. Most people will think this is a very touchy topic which i don’t think it is. I agree with you. The statements you made about it is just the privilege people that want more and want to feel they have all the control over others that are not like them. Its not only with straight men and gay men but with woman and different nationality you are. My uncle is a very wealthy African American businessman but when we go to a high class restaurant they look at us as if we are in the wrong place. When my ex-girlfriend and I will go out to a straight bar people look at us and make rude remarks.Now that it is a more open society and people are understanding that it doesn’t matter if you gay, straight, black , white are even a woman or man we should all be treated with equality. It should not even matter if you rich or poor we are humans and we all should be giving a chance to do want we feel is right for our life.
    I hate when they try and play the religious card. My family are hard core Christians and I grow up going to church ever Sunday, but guess what, I AM STILL BISEXUAL, and cant change how i feel about it.

  6. I hate how people are mistreated for their gender or sexuality before even knowing them. For example one of my really good friends is gay and he would tell me how some people would just look at him weird and treat him differently than anyone else before even getting to know him. This is where I feel like the saying don’t judge a book by it’s cover comes in to play big time.

  7. Regina Phillips

    Good point! Society comes up will all sorts of different reason as why not to accept people for who they are. Blaming God is the easy way out. The bible tells us in Matthew 7:1-2 “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judge: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” Who are we as a human race to judge anyone? Although some may not believe in the bible, the question of “who are we to judge” still remains. Many people who are privileged fall short of understanding the importance of ensuring equality is given to every race, gender and socioeconomic status.

    It is disturbing to see how people are treated because of their sex, gender identity and race. Women should have the ultimate decision on whether or not they want to have an abortion. At the end of the day, she will have to be the provider for that child and if she chooses not to provide for that child, he or she will become apart of this broken system that fails children daily. The privileged do not know what it is like to have to prove yourself in order to obtain equality. The privileged do not know what it is like to walk into a store and already be judged because of the color of your skin or your sexual orientation.

  8. I’ll chime in here as a more-or-less conservative evangelical (and if you’ve seen my other posts, you know that I’m also a crossdresser… it’s complicated.)

    First thing I would recommend is NEVER to assume you know what the other person is thinking. I tell that to my conservative friends and to my liberal friends; to my Christian friends and my atheist friends. It’s easy to condemn someone for thoughtcrime when you claim you know their real motives (“They say it’s because of God, but they REALLY just want to enslave us!” or “They say it’s about equal rights, but they REALLY just hate God and want to punish us for our faith”)

    There is *some* actual biblical support for *some* opposition to LGBTQWTF (no disrespect intended, I just get amused by unwieldy alphabet soup abbreviations). Deuteronomy 22:5, for example, is burned on my heart forever. 1 Corinthians 6 is another. Some folks try to explain away the troublesome verses (“Oh, that only applied to a particular group of people but not to ME” or “Oh, that word means something different in this context than it does in the 1000 other places it was used”) but after struggling for decades with Hebrew & Greek dictionaries going over the near-as-we-can-get original manuscripts that it’s very likely they mean exactly what they seem to mean: Crossdressing is a sin, homosexual *intercourse* is a sin, women speaking out of turn in church is a sin, etc.

    So I’m willing to accept that at least some portion of the people who cite God as the reason for their objection are honestly trying to do what they think God wants them to do.

    I also think they’re very wrong.

    The thing is, they are not giving equal weight to the other nearby instructions — mixing seed in the same vineyard, mixing different types of fiber in fabric… or better still adultery, which is a huge problem in the Christian church. Where is the outrage among Christians over Donald Trump’s numerous claimed conquests and multiple failed marriages? No, all we hear about is that God doesn’t want men marrying one another.

    My take on it is this:
    1. Christians can’t force our biblical law on non-Christians, except as it gets coded into secular law via the democratic process of passing bills in national or state Congress. You want to ban gay marriage or crossdressing? Good luck trying to get enough votes to pass that bill.

    2. I think both sides are pushing the other too hard. If a Christian-owned (or, theoretically, a Muslim-owned or Orthodox Jewish-owned) business truly believes that to provide services or materials that would enable someone to offend God, we should not force them to do so under threat of lawsuit or jail.

    3. That being said, a business who refuses to provide (for example) wedding cakes to a gay couple but knowingly provides wedding cakes for a second (or third, or sixth…) marriage is wallowing in hypocrisy and has lost the moral high ground. Jesus would chew you up and spit you out. Woe unto you, hypocrites.

    In my dream world, Christians would shut up about making it their personal mission to condemn sinners to hell and — here’s a crazy thought — maybe exercise a little Christlike compassion, and non-Christians would let them observe their opposition to whatever behavior they oppose. Live and let live, no?

    • I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian religion so I get what you’re saying here. To be more accurate my perspective is this (And I would be curious to hear your thoughts on it):

      If you look historically the desire to control women doesn’t arise until after patriarchy. Patriarchal religions want to control women (As all patriarchal segments of society do). People grow up in the religion and internalize it — internalize the patriarchy. These people don’t experience themselves as having an ulterior motive to hurt/Control women. They experience themselves as following God.

      So there are two possibilities. One is that controlling women came out of the patriarchal tradition, With the intent to control women, Which the followers overtime internalize — meaning that their motive is to follow God not to hurt women. The other possibility is that everything I just said is true for manny, maybe most of the followers, and some just want to Control women. Like the televangelist Pat Robertson who is against abortion, except in China. The only way that he is consistent is in controlling women. In the United States he wants to force women to bear a child. In China he wants to force women to have abortions.

  9. A correction on the origin of homosexuality. At this point in time, no gene has been found responsible. What has been discovered is that in eutero, specific chemicals are released, and when in abundance, homosexuality results.So when someone says it’s a chosen lifestyle you can tell them sure just like you choose your eye colour, whether you are right-handed or left-handed and you chose how tall you be! When you hear of people being sent to be converted, cringe because it can’t be reversed. And it is foolish to think otherwise.

    • If people could just choose their sexual orientation there would be a lot less bullying and suicide, or people undergoing painful “Conversion therapy” without any desired result. Yes, homosexuality appears to have a biological basis, and I’ve written about this a bit: Did You Choose To Be Straight? https://broadblogs.com/2015/11/13/did-you-choose-to-be-straight/

      But there does seem to be a continuum with some people having more flexibility (being more bisexual) than others. And that creates some confusion for people who think that anyone can just change at will.

  10. Well written and spot on, I think. Always fascinated by what you can learn about people from listening to them talk about God.

    • And so interesting when you realize that what they’re talking about doesn’t have much to do with God. Sometimes they take the exact opposite track of their spiritual leader!

  11. Roxana Mendoza

    i really like your blog and the psychology part that you have for everything 🙂

  12. whether somebody is gay lezbien or not it shouldn’t be up to us to judge harshly. they are people just like we are and if they treat us with respect never mind what they are like we shouldn’t be hating on them I learnt that homosexuality isn’t exactly a choice but genetic again it’s not for us to hate on or judge we’re all human after all.

    • Thanks so much for your comment.

      And the irony is that Jesus said, “Judge not that ye be not judged… Do onto others as you would have done unto you… Even as you do unto the least of these you do it unto me.” (And “the least of these” would be understood as LGBT by these so-called God-loving folks.)

  13. Regardless of what one believes about any of these issues in particular, invoking God as the basis for that belief is, in my opinion, a non-starter. For one thing, whose “God” are we talking about: yours, mine, the guy’s next door, the one in the burning bush, in the church in the Bible Belt or the mosque wherever? Morality based on religion can only be imposed in a theocracy. Is that what the God-invokers really want?

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