How To Make Yourself Irresistibly Attractive To Others!

About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on June 29, 2015, in women. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. Authenticity is a definite aphrodisiac! Wish this was taught to us from a young age onward.

  2. It’s good to feel you’re attractive and confident. And yes, being happy is a big part and his view is that confidence is a big part of it. But what I think is key and left out is that it’s not always from people thinking they are unattractive or insecure that brings them down and makes them unattractive or atleast not irresistible to others. Like you’ve said how so many women feel bad about their bodies and that self consciousness deterring women from being and feeling sexy and irresistible and how these women don’t realize that confidence is a big thing for their sexiness. They may not be thin like a model or have some extra lbs but it’s much more from the self conscious vibe they give out nit picking their body that makes a woman not sexy than her actual body. Like many guys have said, a woman that carries herself well, and exudes that confidence is sexy and therefore her body and everything is sexy.

    So while this is true. There are exceptions. I think a person can feel good or proud of themselves and not think bad of themselves and feel they are attractive, but things not go like the author says and it’s because of one big thing. Not confidence, but “faith” “hope” optimism and positive thinking. That’s key and huge. Trust me you can feel strongly about your attractivness and everything, but not exactly be happy, because frustration and failures blind you. Not because you don’t think you are not attractive or skilled, etc, but negative thinking of past frustrations and the “here we go again” when something seems to go wrong again. I wish I could just brush things off, but part of this seems easier for people like it’s a personality thing too. A personality like I am, well they not to sweat the small stuff, but that’s a thing I do a lot, so people who are impatient, proud and get frustrated easily. They can get unhinged easily or easier so this “things will be ok and good, etc” doesn’t come right out and a person who is more analytical, a personality, proud, etc is eventually more likely to have guarded optimism to not be let down again. It’s a “I have to see things fruition first, before I get too happy and excited” As it pisses me off to be excited and thinking things will change and be good and then something come out of knowhere or change and things go back to how they were and so next time, guarded as a result.

    People with the “take things in stride” personality, they seem to handle frustrations better, failures etc, because maybe more humility, positive attitude, and patience. I think those are key and not simply confidence and loving yourself. You kind of have to have self confidence but humility too. Because humility is what kind of calms the flames to to speak when things go wrong or struggles on what you normally would accomplish. Humility allows a person to not fret things because they are grounded. That’s why it’s hard to me, and others. You have to temper that feeling about yourself. It’s easy if your not competitive. It’s tougher if you’re a person who wants to be better than everyone else and loves to stroke your own ego and is not satisfied with being “average” and have a high standard for yourself. The high standard creates high expectatiions, thus if those results or expecations not met of what you think you should accomplish especially if its something easy or usually routine and becomes a struggle it can be humiliatng and frustrating and to get really, really angry from that ego bruising and pride shooting out. The humble person is less likely to take themselves as serious. But it’s like something that people who aren’t that way really have to work at, even if they don’t lack belief in themselves and do think they are attractive, etc.

  3. I especially like this one:

    “Suddenly it’s no longer up to you to prove yourself to a person of interest, it’s up to them to prove why you should bother coming out of happy single life to engage with them.”

    But what if the other person shares the same attitude? Then nobody bothers to interrupt their happy single life to engage, right?

    • You make a good point. Some food for thought there.

    • And it’s easy feeling that way if you’re doing decent or some success in your single life. It’s kind of hard to have that feeling or that feeling only goes so far, until you keep struggling. Basically it’s hard to keep up that feeling when you aren’t getting dates and not happy about it. Plus, this works maybe for women, but not so much men. Men usually have to “prove” themselves to women in some way for her to date them. Only a few extremely good looking guys or high status, wealthy men have women throwing themselves or fighting for their attention. Most men have to get women’s attention and attract women.

      • I’m not really aware of this among the women I know: Men usually have to “prove” themselves to women in some way for her to date them.

        And, most men do eventually marry. Even guys who shop at Walmart — look around and you will see plenty of married men there.

      • >Plus, this works maybe for women, but not so much men.

        The same goes for “relationship will happen when you least expect/want them”. Yeah, for women the may happen, bot for men nothing happen unless you take concrete actions.

        > Even guys who shop at Walmart — look around and you will see plenty of married men there.

        Sorry, but is it irony? 🙂

  4. “I’m not really aware of this among the women I know: Men usually have to “prove” themselves to women in some way for her to date them.”

    Yes, that’s my point and what I wrote…I’m confused, are you agreeing? You’re not really aware of the women you know? As in what?. Yes it’s more of a burden on men, because like I said, men have to prove themselves to women and not so often women proving themselves to men, except for the very few exceptions of men like I listed. So sitting back and having the other prove themselves to you doesn’t really work if you’re a man, because men are the pursuers and have to prove themselves and charm the women they meet and talk to, women don’t have to usually.

    And, most men do eventually marry. Even guys who shop at Walmart — look around and you will see plenty of married men there.

    • I’m not aware of any women I know feeling like men need to prove themselves for the women to date them.

      • When a man sees a girl whether at the bar, club, talking to at school, party, etc. He has to approach her and when doing so most often it’s the guy who has to strike up the conversation with her when approaching her. He then tries to find something funny or witty to talk about and charm her. And if things carry on, then buy her a drink. He has to keep it up, because women can be flakey or lose interest easier than guys. Some guys have to play the game of not being too much about her but still interested. If she’ talking to him, but he’s too all about her, it will make him look desperate and clingy if he can’t walk away and talk to his friends again at the bar and her with hers and that space. and for her to come back to him later or him come back to her late. If it’s not at a bar and say set up through friends.

        He’s paying for the dinner. It’s more on the guy to make it be a good night and fun time, and his job asked. There is just more criteria needed to be met for a girl generally to want to date or have sex with a man. So in that sense he kind of has to prove himself. Because if he didn’t he wouldn’t have to do all that stuff. I feel I’m pretty damn awesome, but apparently girls don’t see that or I have to prove it to them by approachign them, trying to find interesting funny things to talk about when I’m at a boring place where there isn’t much stuff too talk about and she isn’t trying the same. There’s more onus on guys to have “game” and show they are attractive. Girls just have to be nice and pretty and don’t have to be pretty but average is fine too. You don’t like how more isn’t valued as much for women, which it is and isn’t. Men value more than looks when it comes to serious relationships, but men can separate for casual stuff different. But the same thing men have and valued more for that you wish women are. It’s the same thing that causes men to have a more difficult time attracting women and more pressure as some men feel they have to have and be all these things to check in all the boxes women have, like taking a test ha. I’m glad I’m valued for more. But honestly, sometimes, I

        wish all I had to do was look decent and be nice for a cute girl to want to bang me or date me. I’d be less stressful and easier and I’m sure many men would feel the same way. There;s so much stuff guys can fret about and do and overthink just because they know women like and desire various things. It’s good and bad. It’s good if an unattractive man is confident and funny and has a strong personality. It’s not good if a man is average looking, but also lacks confidence, even if he does, he’s shy or say not funny or more serious. Maybe geeky, socially awkward, well he’s going to struggle.

      • Sounds tough. I’ve written a little bit about this but you fill things out a lot more here. Have you read this?
        It’s Not Easy Being A Man
        https://broadblogs.com/2012/06/18/its-not-easy-being-a-man/

  5. I completely agree that women these days are focusing on all the wrong things in order to attract men, such as wearing a full face of makeup or showing a lot more skin or getting a full makeover before a big date. In my opinion, this attracts the kind of men who are attracted to girl based on her outer appearances and someone who doesn’t value a thoughtful and beautiful girl inside and out. From what I’ve heard from my male friends, there’s nothing sexier than a woman who’s confident, intelligent, and truly happy with her life. Instead of the outer appearances that many women seem to be focused on these days, perhaps they should focus more on loving themselves and that confidence will automatically attract men.

    I personally am still working on this aspect of myself because society does everything it can through media and the internet to show women that they need to be skinny but still have curves or that they need to look exactly like all those perfect and photoshopped women in all the magazines. Women are constantly judged based on their appearances, perhaps much more than men, which is what makes it so difficult to be a confident and strong-minded woman in the society that we live in today.

  6. I definitely agree with this article, but for someone like me who feels more confident when I wear make up, it is hard for me to feel happy and confident when I am not wearing make up. Maybe it is because I am so used to wearing makeup and feeling beautiful that I can no longer walk out of the house without makeup and feel confident. I guess it is not that I do not feel beautiful, but when I do put on makeup I feel that extra confidence in me that makes me able to act like myself than have to worry that people might think I look more tired than usual. Society is also surrounded by advertisements of beautiful people that it is hard not to feel a little insecure about themselves. My point is that it doesn’t hurt to want to put on something that makes you look good and boost your confidence sometimes.

    • While the author of the article thinks women shouldn’t wear makeup. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Make up can be self-expressive and celebrate femininity. And it can just be fun. And if it gives you some extra confidence, makes sense to use it.

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