The Story of a Woman in Sexual Pleasure
A few years ago I was asked to participate in a storytelling show. The piece I read was called “My Vibrator Story.” I had written it in a workshop and test read the story at the end of class. The audience, made up of the other participants, was primarily women that day. My story, a personal tale about masturbation, ended up getting lots of laughs—so much so that I was invited to share it in front of a much larger, public audience.
But when the time came to read “My Vibrator Story” at this bigger event—no one had told me there would be over 100 people there—I bombed in my delivery of the piece. I indicated to the audience when I wanted them to laugh. I kept looking at them and smiling as I read as if to say, “This is one big joke, let’s not take me or my…
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Posted on February 11, 2015, in women. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.
BroadBlogs 
I want to add thought that women can feel dirty for expressing their sexuality in our culture, and mastutbation being one of them as some might for some reason think it’s not “lady like” activity. But specifically in regard to mastutbation I think the would be and is more negativity to men than women. You said how you felt nervous about talking about it but even though people were lukewarm about it, no one gave a negative response. I do believe a man talking about self pleasure and masturbation, unlike you or women or as bad as you’d think, I think a man would get a worse reaction and be seen as a creep. And I’ve internalized that too and even tho I’m a man I’d probably see a dude as a creep if had a speech , a serious one about him jerking off. To add to that flesh lights which are a sex toy for men, you know for sure a man would definitely be seen as such a sleeve ball creep if you add that
Sex negative culture + shaming men and women for different reasons
I personally feel uncomfortable thinking about the idea of master bating and using a vibrator. I guess its because of the way I was brought up, we as women are supposed to wait till marriage for sex and we aren’t supposed to want pleasure because its unheard of and wrong. My mother would always tell me that if we had sex before marriage we would devalue ourselves and men wouldn’t want us. But I think now shes wrong because as soon as a man finds out that you aren’t sexually active they only mostly want you for one thing , because they want ownership and only one man can take your virginity once it’s gone it’s gone. Even if its just having sex with you , you are just an object in their mind and another number to their list that they glorify themselves by. I think that is why she felt ashamed of reading the story because she is ashamed to say she loved and wanted pleasure. Because it’s wrong for a women to want to have sex .
What a wonderful piece! So much of what she said resonated deeply for me (as I’m sure you’ll understand). Thank you for reblogging!!
You are so welcome!
Thank you so much for the Reblog, Georgia!
You are so welcome. I felt it was a piece that needed to be shared.
I agree that the story teller was intimidated by the men in the audience because she felt either shame or embarrassment. That’s too bad… Female sexual pleasure should be celebrated for its own sake and not just as a by-product of male sexual pleasure.
The patriarchal focus on male sexual gratification at the expense of a woman’s pleasure may not be the reason for so much rape and aggression in society, but it sure says a lot about society’s priorities.
Maybe it’s time that society focused on the woman’s pleasure, at the expense of or at least as a compliment to, a man’s pleasure. Maybe the table needs to be turned around… If women were truly allowed to explore, expect and celebrate their own sexual pleasure and men were expected to focus on the woman’s needs and feelings (even at the expense of their own gratification); maybe, just maybe, there would be fewer divorces, better and more balanced relationships… At the very least, there would be a lot more happy women in this world!!!
Thank you for your thoughts.
“and men were expected to focus on the woman’s needs and feelings (even at the expense of their own gratification); maybe, just maybe, there would be fewer divorces, better and more balanced relationships… At the very least, there would be a lot more happy women in this world!!!”
Men do care and are focused on women;s pleasure. Maybe not when hooking up, but as far as relationships go and boyfriends, fiancees and husbands go. Many men try to please and want to please their SO as much as possible. If that wasn’t the case there wouldn’t be men ashamed of performance anxiety or who get it, because they are so focused on being good in bed. Or men ashamed of premature ejaculation, because they know they got off way too fast and couldn’t please his woman.
Because it’s hard to get a woman off or harder, the focus I usually see is how to please a woman and the focus to getting her off. The same can be said as far as few divorces on the male part too. I mean a common complaint seen here or demonstrated is how women’s desire for sex may wane in a relationship even if the man is doing chores and pleasing her and men frustrated. Or men having fantasies that they aren’t sure would be fulfilled or not judged by their SO, so it goes both ways.
Thanks!