Stealthily Removing Condoms
“Stealthing” happens when men covertly remove their condoms during sex.
Alexandra Brodsky is a Yale Law graduate who heard from dozens of victims after publishing her article on the practice in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law.
People told her things like,
I felt terribly betrayed, but I didn’t know what to call it, so I didn’t know I was right to be angry, right to be hurt.
Others are taking their case to court.
Victims say stealthing violates their trust and autonomy and brings health risks.
Why do it? And should it be legally prosecuted?
Sexual objectification: he matters, she doesn’t
Brodsky checked an online group of “stealthers” to see what they were thinking. Different men had different motives, but each was related to supremacy issues…
…like sexual objectification: She exists to please him. Who cares about her?
Some men removed condoms because they lessened pleasure. And after all, men have a “natural male instinct, a natural male right” to unlimited pleasure, don’t they?
Others enjoyed the sadistic thrill of degradation.
And hey, if it’s more fun for him, who cares about her?
Maybe she gets pregnant. Maybe she gets an abortion. Maybe she gets HIV-AIDS or a less deadly sexually transmitted infection.
Maybe she feels disempowered and demeaned and violated. Maybe it feels violent. Maybe it’s a deep betrayal of trust.
He’s playing with life and death. Health and emotions.
No matter. Only he matters.
Abuse: Get her pregnant and (hopefully) dependent
Others are trying to force a pregnancy in an act of reproductive coercion.
These men hope to make their partners dependent on them by getting them pregnant. Then hopefully his partner will stay with him — regardless of how abusive he is to her.
He matters. She doesn’t.
Hostility, dominance, control
This disrespectful and even violent sexual practice is tantamount to rape, says Ms. Brodsky.
A woman may have consented to sex. But she didn’t consent to greatly increase her risk of getting pregnant, getting an abortion, or getting an STI, including the most deadly one, HIV-AIDS.
Rapists are hostile to their victims and enjoy controlling them, dominating them, humiliating them, and hurting them.
Much as these men do.
He matters. She doesn’t.
Should stealthing be a crime?
When it has so much in common with the motive and experience of rape? When it forces unwanted life and death issues?
Yes, it should.
Posted on June 5, 2017, in men, objectification, rape and sexual assault and tagged should Stealthing be illegal, Stealthing, Why do some men covertly remove condoms?. Bookmark the permalink. 63 Comments.