Bucket Lists and F*ck It Lists
By Pamela Robinson
The internet has “disrupted” courting.
Couples sit side by side, not talking, computers or phones on their laps.
The events of courting, including breaking up, are delivered via text message.
Pornography in all forms is easy to access on the Internet.
How will relationships survive through the twenty-first century?
We’ve all heard of the bucket list. Mine has such items as travel to Machu Picchu, Greece, the Galapagos, Panama, Cuba. Have great grandchildren. Outlive my mother, who lived to be 98 taking only two regular prescription medicines. Experience a great and lasting love.
But lately I have overheard conversations that lead me to believe that many men have a different sort of list; I call it a f*ckit list.
Items on the f*ck it list
Items on the f*ck it list include elaborate blow jobs (plain oral sex is probably too mundane (the operative word is “swallows”), anal sex, group sex (threesomes, foursomes, all sorts), bondage, sex in public places, voyeuristic sex, and no doubt many other experiences.
Sometimes it’s combinations of things like watching someone else have sex with animals. Does that count as two items on the list?
The predominate feature of these sexual adventures seems to be that women are reduced to objects, degraded and depersonalized. Participants, perhaps, but being passive is not a negative outcome for these guys.
What we used to call making love, is now called casual sex, a f*ck.
When my first husband and I were dating, an old high school friend told us he had a girlfriend who belonged to the Sigma Kappa sorority. My ex was disgusted when someone inquired, “Are you getting any sticking off that SK?” I’m not sure what today’s young men would think about a question like that.
One of my friends said that young men don’t even talk to women anymore when they are in bed because in internet porn, women don’t talk.
Do these young men have a f*ckit list?
Two souls bonding
In the movie “Our Souls at Night” two senior citizens have a different sort of relationship. They sleep in the same bed together, share intimate thoughts, but don’t have sex. Louis (Robert Redford) meets with his men friends only to be teased and tormented about his “stamina” and “energy.” Even though they have all known Louis and Addie (Jane Fonda) for many years, they make assumptions about their relationship as if Louis had a f*ckit list.
Addie’s reputation is also in question. In the book, even Addie’s son makes that assumption and demands that his mother never see Louis again, threatening her with no contact with her beloved grandson if she doesn’t comply. When I read the book, I concluded that the author disliked women, especially strong women. I felt that a strong woman like Addie would not kowtow to her son’s unfair demands, yet she did. I was relieved that Jane Fonda or the screen writer chose to alter the ending of the movie, retaining Addie’s dignity and independence.
What is the significance of the f*ckit list?
Do men really see women as objects for sexual use and possibly abuse? President Trump is charged with sexual abuse by many women, but he is not damaged by this fact. Neither was Harvey Weinstein for many years. Even President Clinton didn’t show very good judgement, but is still widely admired.
Do the items on “the list” contribute to a relationship, or are they just proof of male dominance and power?
Perhaps some men would interpret the list as proof of a woman’s love and affection if they are extremely insecure. Perhaps they show a desperate need to find intimacy between the sexes yet a failure to do so.
Conquering and being conquered is not caring. Demeaning the opposite sex is not a sign of affection. And I cannot accept this list without knowing why. Why would men in good conscience check off these boxes?