Blog Archives

Empowered v Scripted Sex

Want pleasure? Intimacy? Fun? Empower yourself.

Want pleasure? Intimacy? Fun? Empower yourself.

You can’t be autonomous and empowered if you are being run by sexual scripts.

Whether the script says everyone should be pure or the script says everyone should hookup.

Plenty of women worry that they will be punished for being sexual, “You slut, ho, skank…”

Even after marriage, the negativity won’t magically disappear. No wonder nearly half of American women have experienced sexual dysfunction.

The only message our moms or grandmas got, premaritally, was “sex is bad.” Today, messages are mixed. But can still be disempowering. Read the rest of this entry

Dad Is King But I’m No Princess

king tutBy Yenge Nzuzi Mahungu

When I was a young girl living in Congo my parents fought constantly. But my mother lost every fight. One day I asked why and she said, “Because he is king.”

I understood, without her telling me, that in his kingdom she was not a queen, nor was I a princess.

But I never questioned the status quo. In my world men had authority and women served them. That life had seemed natural and normal to me. I guess, because it was all I knew, and all anyone seemed to know. Read the rest of this entry

“Sexy” Can Be Empowering or Disempowering

Miley Cyrus, twerking

Miley Cyrus, twerking

“Women dress sexy to gain power over men!” Or so I’ve heard guys complain.

Yet, some men sexualize women to disempower them.

Not so long ago the conservative Breitbart News placed Democratic House Leader, Nancy Pelosi’s face atop twerking Miley Cyrus’ body. Around the same time, a conservative super PAC registered themselves as “Boats ‘N Hoes.” Hoes being sexualized women who are demeaned. It’s all in the tradition of painting a nude mural of feminist leader, Gloria Steinem, on the front of a building in an attempt to discredit and disempower her.

So which is it? Does “sexy” empower or disempower women?  Read the rest of this entry

Cat Calls: Harmless Flattery?

BroadBlogs:

Eyes straight ahead. Hands at your sides. Walk straight ahead. Don’t look up. Don’t smile. Just walk.

If you’re a girl or a woman, and have ever walked by yourself somewhere in a densely populated area through a group of boys or men, chances are, you’ve subconsciously repeated these steps to yourself in your head. Chances are, you’ve felt the blood rush to your cheeks and your vision become foggy as you count the seconds, maybe even minutes, until the whistles, names, and so-called “compliments” cease.

Excerpt from “We need to take street harassment seriously.” Read the rest here, (and vote on how you experience it):

Originally posted on I was a high-school feminist:

Today I am SUPER excited to feature a guest post from the brilliant Sarah, one of my most awesome former students and a kickass feminist.

Image

Sarah wrote this editorial for a New York Times contest, and as much as I’m a little bitter that she didn’t win, I’m glad that I can post it here for you. Click below for her article.

View original 536 more words

I Didn’t Want To Be Pretty

The goth look

The goth look

By Victoria King

Man clothes, dark, heavy makeup, scarcely a trace of femininity: that was me in high school. I hated the notion that girls had to be pretty and were valued only for their looks. I wanted people to appreciate me for being fun, funny and a good debater.

I felt like women made themselves out to be pretty idiots because they were naturally shallow and stupid.

And envious. I hated the competition between females, so I looked as weird as possible hoping no one would see me as a threat.  Read the rest of this entry

How Not To Do Open Relationships

open

By Dr. NerdLove

Reddit apparently saw fit to provide me with a story about open relationships and dating that’s so perfectly crafted and ironic that it’s practically an O. Henry story.

In case you missed it, a gentleman posted the (now deleted) story of how he pressured his girlfriend into an open relationship to the site’s Relationship subreddit. This Reddit Romeo expected that life in an open relationship would be hot and cold running blowjobs for him while his girlfriend – a heavier woman, although he rushes to point out “she was like this when we started” – would be getting whatever crumbs of affection she could scrounge.

I’ll give you three guesses as to how that all turned out.  Read the rest of this entry

Who’s Ugly Rush Limbaugh?

Hunky Rush

Hunky Rush

Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.

Bunch of cows!

That’s what Rush Limbaugh wants everyone to think, anyway.

I watched him voice those words as I joined my class in watching Jackson Katz’s classic film, Tough Guise.

I could only wonder, “Who’s ugly? Who’s a cow?”

If I were Rush, I wouldn’t be inviting unflattering comparisons to yours truly.  Read the rest of this entry

Want “X” From Sex? So Why Do “Y”?

Most want pleasure, closeness from sex

Most want pleasure, closeness from sex

What do people want from sex? Most want pleasure and closeness. But they don’t act like it.

Instead, they’re preoccupied with how they look, what their partner is thinking, how they’re performing, and what is “normal.”

That’s what Dr. Marty Klein, a certified sex therapist and sociologist, says in his book, Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex and How to Get ItRead the rest of this entry

Punishing Girls for Pleasing Guys

Emma Stone, "Easy (scarlet letter) A"

Emma Stone, “Easy (scarlet letter) A”

Why are girls so often punished for pleasing guys?

Girls grow up to learn that both men and society like a sexy look. And then they comply and get slut-shamed.

They grow up to discover sex. They think it’s fun — or not: 43% of young American women have experienced sexual dysfunction. Yet they learn that guys want sex, and some feel pressured to be nice and give it to them. But if they do, they may be punished. And by the way, don’t expect to get pleasured, yourself.

That’s what San Jose Mercury News journalist, Sharon Noguchi, found in her investigation of Silicon Valley high school culture. All these years and the double standard remains alive and well, even in the progressive San Francisco Bay Area. As she put it: Read the rest of this entry

Will the Rights of Fictional “Persons” Trump Actual People?

reproductive-choice-button-0580Should the rights of a disembodied, fictional “person” trump the rights of someone whose actual body and well-being could be gravely affected by a court ruling?

That’s a question the Supreme Court will be answering later this month.

Through the magic of legal fiction corporations have gained personhood. And now the “person” that is Hobby Lobby Inc. argues (without evidence) that some forms of birth control may cause abortion, making the Affordable Care Act’s free contraceptive directive a threat to (his? her?) religious tenants.

That this judicial question is under consideration is remarkable. Arguments before the court had centered on whether corporations can hold religious views. But what if a woman’s beliefs — or lack thereof — allow for contraception? Why must she follow the dictates of her employer instead her own conscience?

Where there’s a conflict between the rights of fictional bodies and actual bodies, surely the latter should win out.  Read the rest of this entry

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