Blog Archives

How to Deal with Repression

shame2Repression is not what you might think it is. I recently wrote:

A lot of us think it’s about working to suppress sexual desire. And while the early stages can be at least partly conscious, after a while you’re not actively blocking anything. You’ve simply lost sexual feelings and energy. Plus, plenty of punishing messages targeted at women’s desire get internalized. And sex is too often used as a weapon. Read the rest of this entry

Man as Object: Reversing the Gaze

Della Calfee. Ass Like That

Della Calfee. Ass Like That

Men act and women appear. Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at.

That’s what art critic John Berger famously observed.

But some feminist artists have turned the tables in the exhibit, Man as Object: Reversing the Gaze:

With a gallery filled with men stripped naked this body of work exposes women’s cheeky, provocative and sometimes shocking commentaries on the opposite sex (which) may make the viewer squirm a little. But that is precisely the point.

Read the rest of this entry

Repression: Not What You Think It Is

A culture of sexual repression

A culture of sexual repression

Misconceptions surround sexual repression. And both women and men can be confused.

Some women feel insulted if anyone suggests they might be repressed.

And conversations with guys have made me realize that plenty of them think that repression means, “I really want to have sex with you but I’m going to consciously repress the idea.”

Repression isn’t quite like that.  Read the rest of this entry

My Polyamory Journey

Polyamory 1By William Albert Baldwin

A few weeks ago, a woman invited me to her apartment, then proceeded to interview me for the role of her boyfriend/
lover/escort.

Since I write about polyamorous relationships and since I list myself as “in an open relationship” on Facebook, she figured I must be “available.”

Besides, I’m a guy; aren’t guys always ready for a willing woman?

In short: No. Read the rest of this entry

My Bumpy Trek: From Tomboy to Sex Object to Me

Bullying pretty girls

Bullying pretty girls

By KEG

As a little girl I wanted to be a boy. As a teen I wanted to be a Cosmo Girl.

I got punished either way.

Sometimes so badly that I stopped eating and started hiding and cutting.

Many scrapes and bruises later, I’m glad to be me. Read the rest of this entry

Guys and Dolls (Literally)

Guys will do anything for the dolls they love, declare Nicely and Benny in the musical, “Guys and Dolls.”

But the video below suggests guys may someday do anything TO the dolls they love. Literal, robotic ones.

I wonder how satisfying it will be. Read the rest of this entry

When Sex = Disempowerment 

Leaking selfies

Leaking selfies

Guys post stolen nude photos of famous celebs online, and it’s all about sex, right?

Men stare at women walking down the street. That’s all about sex, too.

Or, a woman is blamed for an attack because a guy can’t resist exposed cleavage — or a bit of hair that has fallen loose from a Saudi veil.

Actually, a lot of things that look like sex are really about power.  Read the rest of this entry

Once Was, Virgins Had A Lot of Sex 

Daddy-Daughter Purity Ball

Daddy-Daughter Purity Ball

In its original meaning, virginity had nothing to do with sex.

Virgins were women who took ownership of themselves.

They were autonomous, complete and holding status in their own right — not bound to any man. So virgins could have a lot of sex, if they wanted to.  Read the rest of this entry

Yes means Yes: Consent is Sexy

consent is sexySuppose someone you know slightly arrives at your home, baggage and all, and just barges in and stays overnight. When you protest, the response is, “Well, you didn’t say no.”

Or imagine that a man breaks into your home while you sleep off a night of drunken revelry, and robs you blind. Did your drinking imply consent?

No.

Yet a lot of people think it’s okay to enter a woman’s body when she hasn’t said she would like that.  Read the rest of this entry

Be… But Don’t Be… Pretty, Girly, Sexy

The sexual double-bind: damned if you do, damned if you don't.

The sexual double-bind: damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

By Caitie Adler

In my kindergarten mind girls were beautiful and boys were tough. And since girls were beautiful, I was beautiful.

By middle school things looked a lot more complicated.

I’d learned that girls should be pretty. And I tried to be. But there was a downside.  Read the rest of this entry

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