Blog Archives

Empowered v Scripted Sex

Want pleasure? Intimacy? Fun? Empower yourself.

Want pleasure? Intimacy? Fun? Empower yourself.

You can’t be autonomous and empowered if you are being run by sexual scripts.

Whether the script says everyone should be pure or the script says everyone should hookup.

Plenty of women worry that they will be punished for being sexual, “You slut, ho, skank…”

Even after marriage, the negativity won’t magically disappear. No wonder nearly half of American women have experienced sexual dysfunction.

The only message our moms or grandmas got, premaritally, was “sex is bad.” Today, messages are mixed. But can still be disempowering. Read the rest of this entry

Men Using Sex To Gain Intimacy

Sex + Emotion

Sex + Emotion

By Jonathan Cadet

Women need intimacy to get to sex, they say. Well, it may be weak for a man to admit this, but we don’t have sex just for sex. A lot of us have sex because it’s one of the few ways we can express our emotions and gain intimacy.

I’d never thought about it until my women’s psych professor talked about how hard it is for men to express emotion.

But now I think it’s one reason why we seem to crave sex more than women do.  Read the rest of this entry

Early Sex = Less Sex, Short Relationships

Quick sex = quick relationships?

Quick sex = quick relationships?

Having sex early on is associated with short-term relationships. And less sex while in them.

That’s what sociologists, Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker, learned after researching young adults for their book, Premarital Sex in America.

When couples in their 20′s went to bed the first day or the first week of knowing someone, only 14% were still in a relationship a year later. If they waited a month or two, 26% remained together. After six months one-third were still a couple.  Read the rest of this entry

How Not To Do Open Relationships

open

By Dr. NerdLove

Reddit apparently saw fit to provide me with a story about open relationships and dating that’s so perfectly crafted and ironic that it’s practically an O. Henry story.

In case you missed it, a gentleman posted the (now deleted) story of how he pressured his girlfriend into an open relationship to the site’s Relationship subreddit. This Reddit Romeo expected that life in an open relationship would be hot and cold running blowjobs for him while his girlfriend – a heavier woman, although he rushes to point out “she was like this when we started” – would be getting whatever crumbs of affection she could scrounge.

I’ll give you three guesses as to how that all turned out.  Read the rest of this entry

Want “X” From Sex? So Why Do “Y”?

Most want pleasure, closeness from sex

Most want pleasure, closeness from sex

What do people want from sex? Most want pleasure and closeness. But they don’t act like it.

Instead, they’re preoccupied with how they look, what their partner is thinking, how they’re performing, and what is “normal.”

That’s what Dr. Marty Klein, a certified sex therapist and sociologist, says in his book, Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex and How to Get ItRead the rest of this entry

Must I Give Sex To Get Love?

The Pink Lady

The Pink Lady

By The Pink Lady @ Scratch Paper

Let’s talk about sex.

In all honesty it’s never been a very comfortable subject for me, and it’s taken a long time to figure out why. It wasn’t until my women’s studies class in college that the pieces started coming together, and I really started to figure out why I relate to sexuality the way that I do.

Trigger Warning: May be triggering for victims of sexual assault.

When I was younger (early teens) I was assaulted a number of times on my middle school campus, at my church, on various church events, and even in my own home by people who until these acts were committed I was pretty convinced were interested in me as a person.  Read the rest of this entry

Profound Relationship vs Intense Sex

loversWhich would you choose: a loving and profound lifelong relationship? Or a series of short but intense romantic bonds?

Your answer may depend on which you value more, happiness or meaning, says University of Haifa philosophy professor, Aaron Ben-Zeév.

Oddly, we seem to be happiest when our lives are easy. But a sense of meaning comes from contending with obstacles and learning from them.  Read the rest of this entry

Porn: Making Men Want What Women Don’t 

movie-director

Did the porn industry figure out that by creating male yearnings for things women don’t like, they could make more money?

Sometimes it seems like it.

It would make sense: If porn is the only place guys can get a lot of what they want, you keep ‘em coming back for more.

Sure, some women are up for pornified sex, whether enthusiastically or not. But an awful lot aren’t.

Dr. Robert Jensen, a University of Texas professor and feminist who lectures on pornography says women constantly ask him what they should do when their partners want things they find upsetting.

And I’ve given my students surveys to compare women’s and men’s sexual preferences. Here’s a small sampling of what I’ve found (more later!):  Read the rest of this entry

Why Guys Think They Almost Got Laid

A man with Marian, the librarian

A man with Marian, the librarian

You walk into the library and there is an attractive woman behind the counter. You check out books or get a library card and you dare to “connect” with the librarian by chatting a bit about something other than books.

Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, in this scenario, the guy might think that he just almost had sex. He thinks that he not only could have her but that he almost did. That isn’t, of course, how the librarian probably views it. She is just doing her job.

That’s Male Sexuality Myth # 3 as Jerry Stocking described it at The Good Men Project. Jerry’s a spirituality author and blogger who helps people eliminate fear, stress and worry. He thinks Myth #3 distracts from reality and real relationships.  Read the rest of this entry

Did You Score Last Week? 

couple in bedHow many times did you have sex last week?

If you are a 20-something American, the longer your relationship the more times you probably “did it.”

Sociologists, Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker studied young US adults for their book, Premarital Sex in America. Among other things, they wondered how often couples had sex.

Check out these numbers: 63% of couples who had been together at least four months got it on at least twice a week. That number bumped up to 72% if they’d been together seven months. After a year, 80% got laid at least once a week.  Read the rest of this entry

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