Blog Archives

Cinderella: More Feminist Than You Think

Cinderella-2

Disney’s Cinderella

Disney’s new Cinderella is constantly labeled “unfeminist.”

I’m not so sure.

I haven’t seen the film, but based on reviews, it doesn’t sound terribly unfeminist to me.

Like this:

There is a message in this film — one that may disappoint anyone looking for a new feminist heroine to emerge from the cinders. It’s about kindness and forgiveness and sticking to your values no matter what confronts you.

That’s not feminist? Read the rest of this entry

Evolutionary Psych’s Double Standard

The double standard.

The double standard.

Evolutionary psychology says the sexual double standard dwells within our genes: men are naturally polygamous and women are naturally monogamous.

It can’t be helped.

Unfortunately, the theory harms women’s sexuality. And unnecessarily, because the theory has some problems. Read the rest of this entry

Pleasure + Wound vs Pleasure + Love

Painful relationshipsI’m in a relationship with a long-term partner who wants a threesome — he says it would just be fun and wouldn’t mean anything. I laughed it off and said I wasn’t into it because I’m a monogamous person.

But we went camping and all I heard about were the hot bodies around us — and joking about getting into someone else’s pants while I’m at work, just to see if fantasy lives up to reality.

I don’t know what to do. Honestly, I’ve never found anyone else attractive. Plus, the true love bit [insert violin music here].

I’m getting worried that he doesn’t love me anymore and wants something better. This worries me because although I may not be the one for him he is definitely the one for me… Its like my soul loves him as much as my heart does.

I don’t know what to do.

Read the rest of this entry

Should Women Give Men The Porn Star Experience?

The porn star experience?

The porn star experience?

A lot of guys have come to expect P.S.E. [the “Porn-Star Experience”] … and plenty of women are more than happy to oblige. A few might enjoy it, but for most it’s harrowing. I think there’s a fear that if they can’t make it happen, their boyfriend will retreat online.

Read the rest of this entry

What Abusers and “Pro-Family” Conservatives Have in Common

"The pill"

“The pill”

Birth control sabotage is a common form of partner abuse. In a report released by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 25 percent of women callers to the hot line, who voluntarily answered questions about birth control and pressure to get pregnant in their relationships, reported some form of reproductive coercion.

The callers said their partners hid birth control pills or flushed them down the toilet. Some refused to wear condoms or poked holes in them. One woman’s partner became furious when she got her period. Read the rest of this entry

Relationship Terms That Dehumanize Women

By  @ The Good Men Project

Like most American boys, I grew up knowing dozens of terms that objectify women’s bodies and diminish women by reducing them to just a single part. It wasn’t until my 20s that someone taught me, and I started to understand, just how dehumanizing and common all this was. Jean Kilbourne’s Killing Us Softly videos have been particularly eye-opening.

Meanwhile, we do a very good job of dismissing relationships as unimportant in American culture, even though most guys value them very much. These expressions below need to go the way of the dodo. And yes, some of these could be applied directly to men by women or have easy parallels. Those expressions need to go away too. Read the rest of this entry

I Can’t Stop Staring At Other Women

He's all eyes.

He’s all eyes.

Looking at other women has become a big problem for me.

I want to learn how to stop. I mean no harm, but it upsets my wife and hurts her. She says I lose touch with reality and become a different person — and don’t even notice her.

That’s from a 42-year-old man whose been married 16 years. He’s totally satisfied with his wife, he says, and has no interest in anyone else.

But he feels he has no control over his ogling. Read the rest of this entry

Handholding, Hand Jobs, and Intimacy

Hand holdingI recently admitted my surprise that some people find handholding more intimate than a hand job.

And I admitted that, for me, the “aloof intimacy” of non-emotional sex ranges from unappealing to disturbing.

And then I asked people who saw things differently — both on my blog and among my friends — to tell me how they felt.

Here’s what they said — plus a few more thoughts: Read the rest of this entry

When Porn Makes Your Decisions

Hooked on porn

Hooked on porn

Pornographic images seem to activate a man’s visual system in a manner that goes beyond just looking at trees or even people. It’s almost like a high-definition signal compared with a standard signal.

That’s from William Struthers, Ph.D., a biopsychologist who wrote Wired for Intimacy.

He says the signal feels a lot like a drug. Some men call porn a “drug” and say it gives them a “rush” and makes them “high.” One man called it, “More mind altering than alcohol or any drug I’ve used.” Read the rest of this entry

Hand-Holding: More Intimate Than Sex?

HandholdingWhich is more intimate? Handholding or a hand job?

A young woman attending a college workshop on sexual assault was shocked to hear men say they thought handholding was more intimate than sex.

After all, they held hands with women they cared about. They could get a hand job — or even intercourse — from any old hookup.

Well, I’m perplexed, too.  Read the rest of this entry

%d bloggers like this: