You’re not going out dressed like that!
With those words, parents seek to protect their daughters from objectification: being seen as one-dimensional “things” that exist to titillate men.
But the attitude could help to create objectification.
I’m in a relationship with a long-term partner who wants a threesome — he says it would just be fun and wouldn’t mean anything. I laughed it off and said I wasn’t into it because I’m a monogamous person.
But we went camping and all I heard about were the hot bodies around us — and joking about getting into someone else’s pants while I’m at work, just to see if fantasy lives up to reality.
I don’t know what to do. Honestly, I’ve never found anyone else attractive. Plus, the true love bit [insert violin music here].
I’m getting worried that he doesn’t love me anymore and wants something better. This worries me because although I may not be the one for him he is definitely the one for me… Its like my soul loves him as much as my heart does.
I don’t know what to do.
Some guys think girls flaunt skin to gain power and superiority over men.
But most do it because “hotness” so often measures a woman’s worth. And a girl likes to feel good about herself.
So plenty of young women feel pressed to put on the act, even if it feels awkward and overexposed.
I’ve created a string of thoughts that come from my women students, Colbie Caillat’s “Try” and Ashley Judd’s response to chiding over her “puffy” face:
* * *
An old boyfriend told me that I wasn’t as attractive as other girls. I asked him why he didn’t think so. He said,
I don’t know. You’re always all covered up. Maybe you’d look more attractive in a cocktail dress. You don’t open your clothes and let men in.
How similar are men and women’s sex fantasies when it comes to sexual domination?
I’ve already looked at gendered similarities and differences in romantic fantasies, sex with strangers and multiple partners. But what about fantasy when it comes to dominance and submission?
Every quarter I ask my women students if any of them had been tomboys when they were little. Many hands enthusiastically shoot into the air. The women often have fond memories of their time climbing trees and digging in the dirt.
Then I ask the men students if any of them had been sissies. The class bursts out laughing. One hand might sheepishly creep up.
One man claimed the question was unfair since the word “sissy” is stigmatized but “tomboy” is not.
Actually, there isn’t a non-stigmatizing word for a boy who acts like a girl. And there’s a reason for that. Read the rest of this entry
A lot of guys have come to expect P.S.E. [the “Porn-Star Experience”] … and plenty of women are more than happy to oblige. A few might enjoy it, but for most it’s harrowing. I think there’s a fear that if they can’t make it happen, their boyfriend will retreat online.
• Piece of tail
• Piece of ass
• Piece of “that”
That’s how a sexually attractive woman might be described.
Well, “attractive woman” is an overstatement. Attractive body part, maybe.
The whole woman isn’t wanted. Just a piece of her. Read the rest of this entry
Sexy women don’t want attention from me. They only care about attractive men.
Guys sometimes complain about that on my blog.
To the extent that this may be true, the sexy woman and the unsexy man are actually just two sides of the same coin.
She may only care about sexy men.
But he probably only cares about sexy women. Read the rest of this entry
Meanwhile, we do a very good job of dismissing relationships as unimportant in American culture, even though most guys value them very much. These expressions below need to go the way of the dodo. And yes, some of these could be applied directly to men by women or have easy parallels. Those expressions need to go away too. Read the rest of this entry
Looking at other women has become a big problem for me.
I want to learn how to stop. I mean no harm, but it upsets my wife and hurts her. She says I lose touch with reality and become a different person — and don’t even notice her.
That’s from a 42-year-old man whose been married 16 years. He’s totally satisfied with his wife, he says, and has no interest in anyone else.
But he feels he has no control over his ogling. Read the rest of this entry