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I Can’t Stop Staring At Other Women

He's all eyes.

He’s all eyes.

Looking at other women has become a big problem for me.

I want to learn how to stop. I mean no harm, but it upsets my wife and hurts her. She says I lose touch with reality and become a different person — and don’t even notice her.

That’s from a 42-year-old man whose been married 16 years. He’s totally satisfied with his wife, he says, and has no interest in anyone else.

But he feels he has no control over his ogling. Read the rest of this entry

Objectifying Women Objectifies Men

Norah Vincent transforms into a man ("Ned") for 18 months.

Norah Vincent transforms into a man (“Ned”) for 18 months.

The four Fs. That’s all you need to know about women. Find ‘em. Feel ‘em. F- ‘em. Forget ‘em.

The only time 12-year-old Phil had a man-to-man chat with his dad, he got that advice. By the time he was a married 39-year-old professional with two daughters, he seemed to have absorbed the lesson: Read the rest of this entry

When Porn Makes Your Decisions

Hooked on porn

Hooked on porn

Pornographic images seem to activate a man’s visual system in a manner that goes beyond just looking at trees or even people. It’s almost like a high-definition signal compared with a standard signal.

That’s from William Struthers, Ph.D., a biopsychologist who wrote Wired for Intimacy.

He says the signal feels a lot like a drug. Some men call porn a “drug” and say it gives them a “rush” and makes them “high.” One man called it, “More mind altering than alcohol or any drug I’ve used.” Read the rest of this entry

Sex Is Best When She Likes It

When Sally faked it

When Sally faked it

By “Sex Ain’t No Game

It’s hard to have a sexual relationship with someone who won’t accept the concept of mutual pleasure.

Here’s an anecdote containing way too much information:

Considering the tools my current girlfriend and I have, and how fit we are, sex should be easy for both of us to enjoy. And when we began the sexual part of our relationship — both of us being fairly new to it — we learned what the other liked fast.

But it changed a few months back.

It seems she’s done research in pornography, and for the past couple of months she does things she thinks girls do all the time during sex. Like incredibly loud moaning from the second we start making out. It starts abruptly, so it doesn’t seem like a natural progression.

Long story short, she ignores her own desire and focuses on mine.  Read the rest of this entry

Nude Men Seem Less Intelligent

Justin Timberlake, showing some skin

Justin Timberlake, showing some skin

The more skin women reveal, the less men see them as intelligent or empowered.

Instead, nudity promotes the notion that women are sensitive, “feeling” creatures.

Turns out the perception runs both ways with women seeing men as less intelligent and less competent when they show skin, too. In fact, simply “taking off a sweater — or otherwise revealing flesh — can significantly change the way a mind is perceived” say researchers.

And as psychologist, Kurt Gray of the University of Maryland observed: Read the rest of this entry

Want “X” From Sex? So Why Do “Y”?

Most want pleasure, closeness from sex

Most want pleasure, closeness from sex

What do people want from sex? Most want pleasure and closeness. But they don’t act like it.

Instead, they’re preoccupied with how they look, what their partner is thinking, how they’re performing, and what is “normal.”

That’s what Dr. Marty Klein, a certified sex therapist and sociologist, says in his book, Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex and How to Get ItRead the rest of this entry

Elliott Roger Blames Women For Patriarchy’s Problems

Elliot Roger

Elliot Roger

Women have control over which men get sex and which men don’t. Feminism is evil.

And so Elliot Roger blames women for his own problems — and for problems created by patriarchy — as he justifies his sad, horrifying, screwed up human hunting spree.

But then, if everyone else weren’t to blame, he would have to feel bad about himself.

Ironically, patriarchy — and not feminism — is the source of the particular problem he cites above.  Read the rest of this entry

Porn: Making Men Want What Women Don’t 


Did the porn industry figure out that by creating male yearnings for things women don’t like, they could make more money?

Sometimes it seems like it.

It would make sense: If porn is the only place guys can get a lot of what they want, you keep ‘em coming back for more.

Sure, some women are up for pornified sex, whether enthusiastically or not. But an awful lot aren’t.

Dr. Robert Jensen, a University of Texas professor and feminist who lectures on pornography says women constantly ask him what they should do when their partners want things they find upsetting.

And I’ve given my students surveys to compare women’s and men’s sexual preferences. Here’s a small sampling of what I’ve found (more later!):  Read the rest of this entry

Guys: Romantic? Or Just Want One Thing?

130815_DX_HookingUp.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-largeSome reports say guys are getting more romantic. Others say they just want one thing, preferably from celluloid porn stars.

Which is it?

On the one hand guys are getting sexually addicted to their computer screens. Davy Rothbart explains that the “fireworks and whiz-bangs” of extreme porn is to real women what an Imax 3-D movie is to a flipbook. (Though he thinks it’s a problem.)

And after a tour of college campuses, Naomi Wolf concluded that far from turbocharging women’s objectification and turning men into wild, raping beasts, Internet porn is turning men off real women.

But others have found young men becoming more romantic than their older brothers and fathers. Ninety-five percent of whom would prefer to have sex with someone they love over sex with a “hot” woman. Over half only want sex with someone they love.

What’s with the conflicting data?

Read the rest of this entry

Does Porn Objectify? Experts Disagree

Playboy_Bunnies_2011[1]When men view porn do they see women as mindless objects? Psychologist, Kurt Gray and his colleagues wanted to know.

Humans have needs, goals, emotions, the ability to act, and hopes and dreams for the future. Mere objects don’t.

So the researchers showed men pictures of women in various states of dress and undress and asked how much “agency” they had, meaning self control and the ability to plan and act. They also asked about their ability to feel fear, desire and pleasure.

The study focused on these two areas because research on the mind shows that that’s how we categorize humans.

Turns out, the more skin women reveal, the less they seem agentic, but the more they are thought to feel.

Read the rest of this entry

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