Blog Archives

Men Using Sex To Gain Intimacy

Sex + Emotion

Sex + Emotion

By Jonathan Cadet

Women need intimacy to get to sex, they say. Well, it may be weak for a man to admit this, but we don’t have sex just for sex. A lot of us have sex because it’s one of the few ways we can express our emotions and gain intimacy.

I’d never thought about it until my women’s psych professor talked about how hard it is for men to express emotion.

But now I think it’s one reason why we seem to crave sex more than women do.  Read the rest of this entry

World Cup Fever Ups My Man-Quotient

I love soccer

I love soccer

By Alexander Medvedenko

American men haven’t said a word about soccer all year. And now we are all obsessed with the World Cup. FIFA “experts” have come out of the woodwork and Facebook posts are filled with tournament analysis. Guys have a favorite team, know the stats, and wear team jerseys — even if the team is not in the Cup.

When the World Cup ends it’ll be 11 months before you hear the word “soccer” again in the States.

It seems guys are basically lying to each other, talking it up even though few are really into the sport. Read the rest of this entry

How Not To Do Open Relationships

open

By Dr. NerdLove

Reddit apparently saw fit to provide me with a story about open relationships and dating that’s so perfectly crafted and ironic that it’s practically an O. Henry story.

In case you missed it, a gentleman posted the (now deleted) story of how he pressured his girlfriend into an open relationship to the site’s Relationship subreddit. This Reddit Romeo expected that life in an open relationship would be hot and cold running blowjobs for him while his girlfriend – a heavier woman, although he rushes to point out “she was like this when we started” – would be getting whatever crumbs of affection she could scrounge.

I’ll give you three guesses as to how that all turned out.  Read the rest of this entry

Want “X” From Sex? So Why Do “Y”?

Most want pleasure, closeness from sex

Most want pleasure, closeness from sex

What do people want from sex? Most want pleasure and closeness. But they don’t act like it.

Instead, they’re preoccupied with how they look, what their partner is thinking, how they’re performing, and what is “normal.”

That’s what Dr. Marty Klein, a certified sex therapist and sociologist, says in his book, Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex and How to Get ItRead the rest of this entry

Natural Bodies Are Hard Work

muscle manby Lisa Wade, PhD @ Sociological Images

We commonly hear claims that men are naturally more muscular and physically intimidating than women.  “It’s a biological fact,” someone might say.  If that were true, though, we wouldn’t have to work so incredibly hard to make it so.

@IllMakeItMyself sent in this great example of the way in which we are pushed to force our bodies into a gender binary that we pretend is natural.  On the upper right part of the Men’s Health cover, it reads: “Add 15lb of muscle” and, right next door on the Women’s Health cover, it reads “5 ways to lose 15 lbs.”  Read the rest of this entry

Cross-Dressing Pleasure and Pain

Miss Rose Beauty Pageant

Miss Rose Beauty Pageant

Musing on the enchantments of the cross-dressing “Miss Rose Beauty Pageant,” artist and transvestite, Grayson Perry opines,

That’s when the fantasies take flight… (but also) I thought: ooh, there’s a lot of pain in this room…They were doing their best to meet their own very emotional needs…

I slightly cringe when people say “Oh, it’s just a bit of fun,” because these guys are risking often their marriages, their careers, their relationship with their children and their neighbors — not to mention their bank balance sometimes, with the size of their wardrobes.

Read the rest of this entry

Elliott Roger Blames Women For Patriarchy’s Problems

Elliot Roger

Elliot Roger

Women have control over which men get sex and which men don’t. Feminism is evil.

And so Elliot Roger blames women for his own problems — and for problems created by patriarchy — as he justifies his sad, horrifying, screwed up human hunting spree.

But then, if everyone else weren’t to blame, he would have to feel bad about himself.

Ironically, patriarchy — and not feminism — is the source of the particular problem he cites above.  Read the rest of this entry

Porn: Making Men Want What Women Don’t 

movie-director

Did the porn industry figure out that by creating male yearnings for things women don’t like, they could make more money?

Sometimes it seems like it.

It would make sense: If porn is the only place guys can get a lot of what they want, you keep ‘em coming back for more.

Sure, some women are up for pornified sex, whether enthusiastically or not. But an awful lot aren’t.

Dr. Robert Jensen, a University of Texas professor and feminist who lectures on pornography says women constantly ask him what they should do when their partners want things they find upsetting.

And I’ve given my students surveys to compare women’s and men’s sexual preferences. Here’s a small sampling of what I’ve found (more later!):  Read the rest of this entry

Fantasizing About New Men

Walk a mile in her shoes

Walk a mile in her shoes

by  @ Ms Magazine

Dear Men:

Here is a new kind of fantasy. It is about a new kind of man.

These men are born on the campus of an Ivy League college in New England. Or at a West Coast university. Or maybe at a football-happy school on the Great Plains.

These men talk to each other. They order pizza, play fantasy football, share their feelings and do not make fun of each other for this. Mostly, they talk about the men who behave badly, who rape the women on campus, who threaten the women in online blog posts by creating a “rape guide” instructing other men how to rape specific women.

These New Men are, quite frankly, appalled. When the women activists on campus are shouting, demanding justice, they stand among them. They shout. They, too, demand justice.  Read the rest of this entry

Why Guys Think They Almost Got Laid

A man with Marian, the librarian

A man with Marian, the librarian

You walk into the library and there is an attractive woman behind the counter. You check out books or get a library card and you dare to “connect” with the librarian by chatting a bit about something other than books.

Ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, in this scenario, the guy might think that he just almost had sex. He thinks that he not only could have her but that he almost did. That isn’t, of course, how the librarian probably views it. She is just doing her job.

That’s Male Sexuality Myth # 3 as Jerry Stocking described it at The Good Men Project. Jerry’s a spirituality author and blogger who helps people eliminate fear, stress and worry. He thinks Myth #3 distracts from reality and real relationships.  Read the rest of this entry

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