Comment Policy

I generally find comment policies annoying, but since I’ve been asked about them, here it is, annoying or not.

Comments I don’t post:

  1. Rude, mean, cranky, whiny, misogynistic, racist, ridiculous, cynical, unintelligible, creepy… A waste of time, so I stop reading and hit “delete” before I learn that you may have a nugget that’s interesting enough to post after editing out the crap. You can disagree, but you must be polite
  2. Hurtful, whether intended or not
  3. Having little or nothing to do with the post
  4. Nonsense, gibberish. Unless it is widely believed nonsense or gibberish
  5. You seem only interested in arguing, and not listening and considering other sides
  6. Telling me: “You said x but you don’t say y.” If y is substantive enough to need its own post, of course I didn’t (because the point would need its own post) and your comment comes across as just trying to find something to criticize. If that’s the best critique you can come up with I’ll take it as a compliment and move on. If you would like me to write more about something, let me know without the whining
  7. So long that people need their own blogs… I don’t have the patience to get through them. And no manifestos, or anything resembling them.
  8. Long, but if I skimmed enough to find something interesting, I’ll post that part
  9. Repetitive. But if you have one new substantive thing to say (and I get to it before I stop reading), I’ll edit my last response to you cover that point
  10. Commenter is taking too much of my time
  11. Trolls. But if the comment reflects widespread (mis)understandings I will address it – perhaps with editing
  12. Can’t figure out that a sentence or title like, “the world is flat” doesn’t literally mean that
  13. Comment is snarky, know-it-all smarty-pants who scolds/talks down to others. You can make your point without the attitude. But if I manage to read enough before deleting and feel you make a substantial point or that it reflects a widespread misunderstanding or a perspective I feel needs to be presented, then I will edit out the offending part and answer the question
  14. Someone who is trying to sound “so smart” when they are actually—deliberately or not–misreading or sloppily reading. For example, comments that make distinctions in definition that are irrelevant. Or comments suggesting I’ve said something that I haven’t. For example: “feminists aren’t a monolith so I disagree,” yet the post/research said nothing of the sort. The research talked about “averages,” not “everyone”
  15. Comments that don’t make sense. I can’t follow the line of argument.
  16. Otherwise, I rarely approve comments the second they come in. Approval may take 24 hours or more if it’s the weekend or I’m on vacation or very busy
  1. I can’t stop commenting
    I’m so sorry! Haha. But I feel like I struck gold finding your blog. I won’t comment much more but I can’t help it! Love it. Thank you
    :)

  2. In case I have not mentioned it before, terrific blog.

  3. I just wanted to tell you I really like your blog. :)

    Although the stories upset me greatly, I find great hope in your writing. It’s rare to see such insightful (at the same time heartfelt) thoughts being expressed.

    Please keep up the wonderful work!

    • Thanks so much. But I do try to make the blog fun some of the time, too, by writing on things like sexuality and gendered hairstyles, for instance.

      • Yes, those are quite fun to read !

        Just out of concern, how many hateful/inflammatory responses do you receive for your work? How many people genuinely empathize with your cause?

        What is your source of inspiration and hope in running this blog ? :)

      • Since it’s a feminist blog I’ve been surprised at how little hate I get. I thought I’d get a lot more and on a regular basis. And it’s rarely personal. I’ve been doing my blog for about five years and I can only think of a handful of comments that were hateful toward me personally — weird, I know. Maybe people don’t waste their time writing stuff that won’t get published? Sometimes men will complain about women, generally (as opposed to me personally), and I usually won’t post that either unless it is relevant to “Men who hate pretty women” — because some people don’t believe that men actually feel that way — so I post the comments and then thank the guys for doing their part to make my point. I do make a few exceptions on other posts when men say something that is widely believed and I would like to address it.

        My view is that I cannot change people’s minds. I can only offer a perspective that will allow people to see things from a different perspective and allow them to consider changing their minds. And I hope to help women and men understand each other better.

        So I end up posting just about everything I get. You can take a look at the comments and judge for yourself the level of empathy. I would say they’re generally empathetic.

        There are some people who write in and disagree with me at first, But many come to see things from a new perspective overtime. Others just give up and quit commenting. And a few register their disagreement from time to time. You can take a look at the comments and see this for yourself.

        You’ll notice that I don’t write only on political issues. I also write a lot on sex and relationships — usually from a feminist perspective. But when you have a blog title like “should women give men the porn star experience?” You get an audience beyond feminists — which is important to me because I don’t want to just preach to the choir. Although I do also want to preach to the choir because a lot of feminists aren’t sure how to articulate their perspective, And I do want to help spread the word.

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