Category Archives: relationships

Handholding, Hand Jobs, and Intimacy

Hand holdingI recently admitted my surprise that some people find handholding more intimate than a hand job.

And I admitted that, for me, the “aloof intimacy” of non-emotional sex ranges from unappealing to disturbing.

And then I asked people who saw things differently — both on my blog and among my friends — to tell me how they felt.

Here’s what they said — plus a few more thoughts: Read the rest of this entry

When Porn Makes Your Decisions

Hooked on porn

Hooked on porn

Pornographic images seem to activate a man’s visual system in a manner that goes beyond just looking at trees or even people. It’s almost like a high-definition signal compared with a standard signal.

That’s from William Struthers, Ph.D., a biopsychologist who wrote Wired for Intimacy.

He says the signal feels a lot like a drug. Some men call porn a “drug” and say it gives them a “rush” and makes them “high.” One man called it, “More mind altering than alcohol or any drug I’ve used.” Read the rest of this entry

Hand-Holding: More Intimate Than Sex?

HandholdingWhich is more intimate? Handholding or a hand job?

A young woman attending a college workshop on sexual assault was shocked to hear men say they thought handholding was more intimate than sex.

After all, they held hands with women they cared about. They could get a hand job — or even intercourse — from any old hookup.

Well, I’m perplexed, too.  Read the rest of this entry

Nice Guys Are A Turnoff?

Feminist Ryan Gosling

Feminist Ryan Gosling

A lot of guys complain that being nice kills off the feminine libido.

But that doesn’t make sense to me because I’m only attracted to nice guys. So are my friends.

And plenty of women are attracted to these nice guys: Read the rest of this entry

Libido Killer: My Man Ogling Her

oglerYears ago I briefly dated a guy who ogled other women.

Ogle: To look at amorously, flirtatiously, or impertinently; to eye; look or stare at.

I “get” noticing and appreciating an attractive gal. But he dissolved into her. The many hers. While I faded away.

He thought I was weird: “Most girlfriends wouldn’t mind!”

But it was a huge turnoff. Read the rest of this entry

Introverts Are Good At Relationships

loversBy   (Reposted from The Good Men Project)

First of all, what is an introvert?

Introversion and extroversion are some of the least properly understood terms in psychology. People assume it means whether or not you like to be around people. This is overly simplistic and simply not true.

Here is the best way that I’ve heard introversion explained. Read the rest of this entry

Why Dating Resists Gender Equality

How to ask a girl out

How to ask a girl out

Gender equality has grown by leaps and bounds. We now have women CEOs, heads of state, religious leaders, media pros, doctors, lawyers and accountants…

But dating — at least the early stages — has remained resistant.

In the early stages of relationship, most men take the lead and most women passively wait. Read the rest of this entry

Does Living Together Prevent Divorce? 

Thinking about living together before marriage?

Thinking about living together before marriage?

Many young people want to live with their intended before marriage, in hopes of avoiding divorce.

Like Ben, a 22-year-old from Pennsylvania:

I think if you do end up marrying that person, you can understand their habits better. You can be more sure.

Read the rest of this entry

We Like People Who Like Us

What attracts?

What attracts?

Just knowing that someone likes us spurs attraction to them.

In one experiment a young woman acted interested in men via eye contact, leaning toward them, and listening attentively. Afterward, the men said they liked her very much.

In fact, “liking” — or not — can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you expect someone won’t like you, you probably won’t act like you like them. And then they won’t like you. This has been borne out in experiments, too.  Read the rest of this entry

Repression: Not What You Think It Is

A culture of sexual repression

A culture of sexual repression

Misconceptions surround sexual repression. And both women and men can be confused.

Some women feel insulted if anyone suggests they might be repressed.

And conversations with guys have made me realize that plenty of them think that repression means, “I really want to have sex with you but I’m going to consciously repress the idea.”

Repression isn’t quite like that.  Read the rest of this entry

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