Category Archives: psychology

Empowered v Scripted Sex

Want pleasure? Intimacy? Fun? Empower yourself.

Want pleasure? Intimacy? Fun? Empower yourself.

You can’t be autonomous and empowered if you are being run by sexual scripts.

Whether the script says everyone should be pure or the script says everyone should hookup.

Plenty of women worry that they will be punished for being sexual, “You slut, ho, skank…”

Even after marriage, the negativity won’t magically disappear. No wonder nearly half of American women have experienced sexual dysfunction.

The only message our moms or grandmas got, premaritally, was “sex is bad.” Today, messages are mixed. But can still be disempowering. Read the rest of this entry

Dad Is King But I’m No Princess

king tutBy Yenge Nzuzi Mahungu

When I was a young girl living in Congo my parents fought constantly. But my mother lost every fight. One day I asked why and she said, “Because he is king.”

I understood, without her telling me, that in his kingdom she was not a queen, nor was I a princess.

But I never questioned the status quo. In my world men had authority and women served them. That life had seemed natural and normal to me. I guess, because it was all I knew, and all anyone seemed to know. Read the rest of this entry

“Sexy” Can Be Empowering or Disempowering

Miley Cyrus, twerking

Miley Cyrus, twerking

“Women dress sexy to gain power over men!” Or so I’ve heard guys complain.

Yet, some men sexualize women to disempower them.

Not so long ago the conservative Breitbart News placed Democratic House Leader, Nancy Pelosi’s face atop twerking Miley Cyrus’ body. Around the same time, a conservative super PAC registered themselves as “Boats ‘N Hoes.” Hoes being sexualized women who are demeaned. It’s all in the tradition of painting a nude mural of feminist leader, Gloria Steinem, on the front of a building in an attempt to discredit and disempower her.

So which is it? Does “sexy” empower or disempower women?  Read the rest of this entry

Men Using Sex To Gain Intimacy

Sex + Emotion

Sex + Emotion

By Jonathan Cadet

Women need intimacy to get to sex, they say. Well, it may be weak for a man to admit this, but we don’t have sex just for sex. A lot of us have sex because it’s one of the few ways we can express our emotions and gain intimacy.

I’d never thought about it until my women’s psych professor talked about how hard it is for men to express emotion.

But now I think it’s one reason why we seem to crave sex more than women do.  Read the rest of this entry

World Cup Fever Ups My Man-Quotient

I love soccer

I love soccer

By Alexander Medvedenko

American men haven’t said a word about soccer all year. And now we are all obsessed with the World Cup. FIFA “experts” have come out of the woodwork and Facebook posts are filled with tournament analysis. Guys have a favorite team, know the stats, and wear team jerseys — even if the team is not in the Cup.

When the World Cup ends it’ll be 11 months before you hear the word “soccer” again in the States.

It seems guys are basically lying to each other, talking it up even though few are really into the sport. Read the rest of this entry

Cat Calls: Harmless Flattery?

BroadBlogs:

Eyes straight ahead. Hands at your sides. Walk straight ahead. Don’t look up. Don’t smile. Just walk.

If you’re a girl or a woman, and have ever walked by yourself somewhere in a densely populated area through a group of boys or men, chances are, you’ve subconsciously repeated these steps to yourself in your head. Chances are, you’ve felt the blood rush to your cheeks and your vision become foggy as you count the seconds, maybe even minutes, until the whistles, names, and so-called “compliments” cease.

Excerpt from “We need to take street harassment seriously.” Read the rest here, (and vote on how you experience it):

Originally posted on I was a high-school feminist:

Today I am SUPER excited to feature a guest post from the brilliant Sarah, one of my most awesome former students and a kickass feminist.

Image

Sarah wrote this editorial for a New York Times contest, and as much as I’m a little bitter that she didn’t win, I’m glad that I can post it here for you. Click below for her article.

View original 536 more words

Early Sex = Less Sex, Short Relationships

Quick sex = quick relationships?

Quick sex = quick relationships?

Having sex early on is associated with short-term relationships. And less sex while in them.

That’s what sociologists, Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker, learned after researching young adults for their book, Premarital Sex in America.

When couples in their 20′s went to bed the first day or the first week of knowing someone, only 14% were still in a relationship a year later. If they waited a month or two, 26% remained together. After six months one-third were still a couple.  Read the rest of this entry

Strip Searches Strip Our Liberty

Liberty Lost

Liberty Lost

As the law stands, anyone can be strip-searched when arrested, for any offense, at any time.

Oddly, it was the more libertarian justices of the Supreme Court who declared it so — the ones who usually claim to value liberty over all.

Albert Florence had been stopped for a driving violation. Once taken into custody he was told to “turn around. Squat and cough. Spread your cheeks.” He felt humiliated, “It made me feel like less of a man,” he said.

Naomi Wolf points out the absurdity. Justice Kennedy suggested that a 9/11 bomber could have been stopped for speeding. And strip searching him would have prevented the attack? Plans to blow up the twin towers may have been concealed in a body cavity?  Read the rest of this entry

I Didn’t Want To Be Pretty

The goth look

The goth look

By Victoria King

Man clothes, dark, heavy makeup, scarcely a trace of femininity: that was me in high school. I hated the notion that girls had to be pretty and were valued only for their looks. I wanted people to appreciate me for being fun, funny and a good debater.

I felt like women made themselves out to be pretty idiots because they were naturally shallow and stupid.

And envious. I hated the competition between females, so I looked as weird as possible hoping no one would see me as a threat.  Read the rest of this entry

How Not To Do Open Relationships

open

By Dr. NerdLove

Reddit apparently saw fit to provide me with a story about open relationships and dating that’s so perfectly crafted and ironic that it’s practically an O. Henry story.

In case you missed it, a gentleman posted the (now deleted) story of how he pressured his girlfriend into an open relationship to the site’s Relationship subreddit. This Reddit Romeo expected that life in an open relationship would be hot and cold running blowjobs for him while his girlfriend – a heavier woman, although he rushes to point out “she was like this when we started” – would be getting whatever crumbs of affection she could scrounge.

I’ll give you three guesses as to how that all turned out.  Read the rest of this entry

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