Did You Score Last Week? 

couple in bedHow many times did you have sex last week?

If you are a 20-something American, the longer your relationship the more times you probably “did it.”

Sociologists, Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker studied young US adults for their book, Premarital Sex in America. Among other things, they wondered how often couples had sex.

Check out these numbers: 63% of couples who had been together at least four months got it on at least twice a week. That number bumped up to 72% if they’d been together seven months. After a year, 80% got laid at least once a week. 

And, couples having sex at least five times per week were the same ones who’d been together for over a year.

Meanwhile, young marrieds made love about 100 times over the course of a year. But 20-something single women came in at 40 times while their male counterparts did the deed about 30 times (after subtracting a few “outliers” who reported having tons of sex).

Romantic relationships are also more sexually active than casual friends with benefits, and such.

Mind you, twenty-somethings don’t typically have terribly long romantic relationships. For them, longish is about 1-3 years. But why are these relationships more sex-filled?

Maybe because the guys were pretty much always interested, so the amount of action depended on the girl. And women typically need more emotional connection to enjoy sex. That’s likely because of culture, not biology, since you don’t find that phenomenon everywhere.

When people start having sex right away there is seldom emotional connection. And even less communication. So women may be less likely to say what they want — or what they don’t want. That’s another reason they might enjoy it less, and want it less.

We seem to have the idea that after a couple has been together for a while sexual activity dies down. That’s not the case with young adults.

It often isn’t the case at other ages, either.

A study of British women found that women over age 35 had sex more often than they did in their twenties. And they thought it was better, too. That’s probably why they were having more.

In fact, a slew of studies say that sex gets better over time. And quantity often follows quality.

Most of us want passion and enduring attachments. Looks like maybe we can have it all.

Related Posts on BroadBlogs
Wanting “X” from Sex, but Doing “Y”
Being Sexual vs Looking Sexual
Sex Gets Better With Age?

About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on May 7, 2014, in men, psychology, relationships, sex, women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 28 Comments.

  1. I scored with my FwB last night. It was a quickie, but still a “goodie”, if that’s even a word. :)

    Due to our conflicting schedules, we tend to have sex about 1-2 times a week, though that jumps to 3 (or, in really lucky weeks, 4!) times in the summer months. I think it makes a lot of sense that people in relationships have more frequent sex. If you’re with the same person over a long period, you learn what each other likes the best, and feel safer trying out new things.

  2. I’ve never believed in the idea that sex lessens as you get older or when you get married. It’s just like saying all couples end up hating each other after being married for so long. That just doesn’t make sense. Especially these days, no one is strapped down by marriage. If things aren’t working out, I think most people would opt for a divorce. Especially if the alternative was living in close quarters with a person who hates you.

  3. I definitely think both together- passion and commitment can make the best, fullest combo – although sometimes life-exhaustion, stress, etc. can get in the way. Good to know that frequency and fulfillment definitely do not have to wane with time and age!

  4. Nope !! Not this week or any week. Maybe I should find a woman first. That might help !! :) <3

  5. How many times? Well, there was, and then…ohhhhh, you mean with another person in the room. Just having my little fun here. Apparently I irritated Cupid some time back, because any ladies near my age around here are taken, crazy, money-hungry, or, worst of all, dreadfully boring. So I have no idea if it gets better with time or not. I know of a LOT of couples who sleep in separate beds; don’t know if they get together on a regular basis or not.

  6. Totally …. the older the better the sex is. Very true. There is more passion, more excitement and not just quickies anymore. It is great getting older!

  7. I found it actually quite interesting that 20-something women were found to have more sex (on average) than men, but I think that’s because most men just proclaim that they have a lot of sex and lie about it for pride and egotistical reasons. I do agree with the statement that with age and maturity, sex quality probably improves down the stretch. I feel like young couples take sex for granted. They do it so often and so intensively that they burn through the excitement and the appeal too quickly and get bored and tired of it. Young couples need to treat sex as a special event they can share together, not a daily activity that needs to be done to keep each other attracted.

    • And the lack of emotional connection seems to play a role in the plummeting of interest.

      Girls probably have sex more because they’re having sex with older guys.

  8. I think sex has definitely become better as I have gotten older and I’m glad to hear that pattern looks like continuing, also good to hear that for many many people sex doesn’t just fizzle out after several years together .

  9. I believe that it is true that sex becomes more frequent and high quality with increasing duration of being in the relationship. I used to believe that sex life dies down with age and time until I personally experienced a romantic relationship.

    I theorize that the couples whose sex life diminishes in excitement are just a vocal minority. They are unhappy with their unfulfilled relationship and complain. Most people that have a healthy sex life don’t find the need to report it to others, while those that are dissatisfied tend to let the problem be known in hope of a solution. That leads to a disproportionate representation of the sex life of long term romantic partners.

    • Yeah, I think it depends on the quality of the relationship. If it’s good then sex seems to get better and more frequent. If it’s not good, Things go downhill. So that resonates with your thoughts.

  10. I somewhat agree with the statement that people in their 20′s have more sex the longer they have been together. People in a relationship in their 20′s are definitely having more sex than someone who is not in a relationship though. I am 20 years old and have have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. My boyfriend and I seemed to have more sex in the beginning of our relationship due to excitement. Don’t get me wrong we still do have sex, quite often and it is much better, but I think since we are more comfortable with each other now we don’t need to always have sex to show affection. So, I don’t think that all couples in their 20′s have more sex after being together longer. I certainly would have less sex that is amazing than more sex that is just so and so.

  11. Pierre.O_FhWS5

    “When people start having sex right away there is seldom emotional connection. And even less communication. So women may be less likely to say what they want — or what they don’t want. That’s another reason they might enjoy it less, and want it less.”

    In my opinion, a relationship is mostly supported by love, trust and sex. Having sex right away doesn’t mean there is seldom emotional connection. In fact, it increases the emotional connection because having sex it’s not just about the act but also building different emotional aspects of the relationship like confidence. Indeed, you want to have sex with someone who share the same feelings as you and who you feel comfortable with. As a fact, when you feel strongly emotional towards somebody its easier to let your gard down and embrace the pleasure of having sex. Moreover, I think women are more likely to say what they want because as a matter of fact it’s easier for men to maximize their sexual pleasure comparing to women so to make it even more enjoyable, men tend increase the communication and ask more questions about how can it be improved what gives the opportunity to women to say what they want or what they don’t want. Thus, they will enjoy it more and want it more because a sexual relationship for a couple is like a garden just accessible to both of them what simply make them stronger about what they feel and what they are about.

    • Well, it might work the way you suggested does some of the time, but survey suggests that most of the time it doesn’t. I’ll write more later on why that is.

  12. Trevor Scott

    That was actually surprising to read. The numbers made it a lot more believable as well. I was a little confused when it said single women have sex 40 times a year and men are 30 times a year. I don’t know maybe I’m doing something wrong or reading it wrong but is this saying with 30 different partners? Or with one? I’d be surprised if word didn’t get around town about a girl having 40 different partners in a year. Anyway! It makes a lot of sense and I never thought about how “friends with benefits” really works for females considering they do need more emotional connections. I guess no connection works as well. From my experience I’m usually the more emotional one and think to much so maybe I’ll give it a try.

    • Yeah the number is about how many times you have sex, Not how many partners you’ve had. And women have probably had more sex because they are more likely to be having sex with older guys.

  13. There are definitely correlations between sex and cultural or social expectations. This number might be high in the US because sex has become normal and acceptable in the society that we live in. However, if you conduct the same result in developing countries, I am sure that the number would be so much lower because their mindset has not been influenced with such idea.

    This finding that the longer you are in the relationship the more sex you will have, is actually not astonishing. I mean it is kind of logical that as you get more comfortable with your partner, the more pleasure you will get in having sex with your partner.

  14. Very interesting article. I’ve always thought that after years of being together, sexual activity eventually just dies down to maybe once or twice a week. So, it’s interesting to learn that the longer the relationship, the more the sexual intercourse, especially for a 20-something American. I’ve also learned that sex gets better over time, whether you’re in relationship or marriage. A study by Phillips Sensual Massagers shows that couples enjoy the best sex four years and two months into their relationship. Also, according to an article I read, “couples often enjoy the best sex overtime when they are more confident with their bodies and are not afraid to suggest new things”.

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