She Doesn’t Want To “Do it”
They grumble after I’ve written something like this:
A woman explains, “A lot of guys have come to expect the ‘Porn-Star Experience’ … A few women might enjoy it, but for most it’s harrowing.”
Robert Jensen, a professor and feminist who speaks on pornography says women frequently ask whether they should fulfill their guys’ disturbing requests, whether, “ejaculating on her face, anal sex, a threesome, rough sex or role-playing that feels inauthentic to her. His response? Women are under no obligation to participate in any sexual activity that causes pain, discomfort or distress.
But no, say some guys. Women should agree to excruciating sex because love and loyalty are found on the other side.
If you “debase” yourself in the bedroom, you may well find yourself on a pedestal and treated like a princess out of the bedroom… Sorry girls, but if you don’t want to be treated like a walking vagina, you will probably have to, counter-intuitively, make yourself to be a walking vagina… You will destroy your relationship with your man unless you overcome (your revulsion).
That, from a man whose wife left him.
Another guy insists:
It freaks men out when you act like a porn star at the beginning and then slowly become more inhibited and prude… A woman that is willing to explore her sexual boundaries and becomes more sexually adventurous throughout the course of the relationship will never be abandoned on cheated on by a man. TRY IT! YOU WILL SEE.
Even a marriage counselor blogged that feminists ruin marriages by saying women shouldn’t have to do anything sexually that they don’t want to do.
I asked this guy why he didn’t help men to help their partners enjoy sex, instead of insisting women do things they find hurtful or repulsive. If everyone’s enjoying it, then everyone wins.
Other men take a different route and get far better results.
“Demon Ted,” one of my male students, wrote a post called, “Porn Fantasy Mistaken for Reality.” To paraphrase:
My girlfriend told me she’d do a threesome if I wanted. I told her to never suggest anything that makes her uncomfortable or unhappy. As we talked she blurted out a long list of things her ex had done, sexually, that she didn’t like. When she was finished I was upset that she had let someone treat her like trash. I was unhappy that she had come to believe she must do things she hated for a relationship to “work.”
Demon Ted took a very different approach and is very happy in his relationship.
In her research, Naomi Wolf learned that, physiologically, women must be relaxed and free from bad stress to get into sex. And they often need romance, and a strong feeling of connection. So bring your lady flowers, take her dancing, lie in each other’s arms and tell her she’s beautiful. Create emotional connection. That works way better than harping on never getting any. That’s all bad energy.
Yet some whine, “She expects flowers?”
Really? You want anal, but buying flowers is just too much trouble?
Truly, sex doesn’t have to be gross for one partner to be amazing for the other. And if it’s gross for her, it’s only a matter of time before she loses interest, entirely.
Therapist, Scott Williams, advises men: Forget your own orgasm and you’ll get amazing sex.
Why would that be?
Women’s sexuality is far more repressed then men’s in our society. So men typically have a higher sex drive and want it more. And whoever wants it more is going to have to make a bigger effort to get it. So if “he” focuses on “her” orgasm, they will both have a pretty great time. She will be more interested in sex. And she just might end up being more interested in experimenting, too.
The Good Men Project reposted this piece.
Posted on April 28, 2014, in feminism, men, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women and tagged "doing it", feminism, men, psychology, relationships, sex and sexuality, sexism, women. Bookmark the permalink. 53 Comments.