How Sex Gets Better With Age

oldcouplelargeSex often improves with age, say a number of recent studies. But why?


Maturing sex-lovers were typically raised in a pretty sex-negative world — especially if they’re female. But most spent years doing the marital sex thing. And since everyone thinks that’s okay, negative messages fade.

But an increasingly sex-positive society must help. Many chalked up their newfound pleasure to sexual liberation and The Pill.

And while you might think women would grow bored with the same guy all the time, women in long-term relationships are the most sexually satisfied of all. Why? 

Safety and relaxation aid orgasm, and long-term relationships can boost both.

And as blogger, Diahann Reyes points out, “I also think that the older we get the more we understand how our bodies work and what gives us pleasure. And we aren’t as afraid to ask for it, or give it.

Researchers at the University of Texas, Austin also say that women’s sexuality is more often linked to love, emotional bonding and connection, which are potentially strongest in long-term relationships.

In fact, older women whose sex drive has waned often have sex to emotionally connect with loved partners — and it ends in bliss.

Even mere touching and caressing can bring great satisfaction says Dr. Susan Trompeter, who adds, “Emotional and physical closeness to the partner may be more important than experiencing orgasm.”

But it’s not just the ladies. Surprisingly, the emotional bonding that comes from hugging and kissing can be more important to men’s happiness than sex. And, one of my students said he was sexually unsatisfied because his wife couldn’t emotionally connect with him. So emotional bonding can help men, too.

Why is touch so important? Psychologist, Aline Zoldbrod, explains,

Touch from a person you love and trust is a major emotional resource and a way that people can regulate their emotions when they are upset. Couples who use touch to comfort, to compliment, and yes, to seduce and arouse, are bound to be happier.

In turn, men who yearned for touch had more sexually satisfied partners, too. Blogger, TK echoes the thought:

I’ve seen men lose interest in foreplay the longer they are in a committed relationship. Maybe there’s something to be said for how exciting the experience is. I mean, if all a guy wants to do after 10+ years is do the deed and watch Netflix I’d become uninterested in the act. It’s not that I wouldn’t still love the person, I would just need more.

Caring men put more into a relationship both emotionally and physically. And that includes concern for his partner’s sexual satisfaction — which  comes back to reward him. Kinsey researchers say, “a man’s happiness rose 17% with each additional point he rated the importance of his partner’s orgasm.”

And of course unhappy couples, or couples unhappy in their sex lives, are more likely to separate. Surely that’s a big reason why staying together longer correlates with better sex.

Related Posts on BroadBlogs
Sex Gets Better With Age?
Wanting “X” from Sex, but Doing “Y”
How to Pleasure A Woman

About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych, women's psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State University. And I have blogged for Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos.

Posted on December 9, 2013, in men, psychology, relationships, sex, women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Aw, you mentioned me. I’m honored! I always love the topics you choose to discuss here and I can’t say enough how flattered I am that you found my viewpoint worthy of notice.

    Also, may I agree with satisfaction being linked to a feeling of safety for women. I know it’s true for me, but it also makes sense if you think about the messages women receive about our bodies. When we’re told that drinking puts us at risk. Dressing to show off our curves puts us at risk. Laying in bed puts us at risk (“why by the cow when you can get the milk for free”). There’s a lot to be afraid of surrounding sex. Whatever can diminish those feelings (the comfort of a long-term relationship, for example) can only aid in increasing satisfaction.

    • Yes. Thanks for expounding on that safety aspect. Now I want to quote you all over again.

      I’m also recalling that about 80% of women have body image issues, and that can also be a distraction with a new guy. In a long-term relationship you may be more likely to feel safe and secure enough not to be distracted by body image –- and more able to enjoy the experience of sexuality.

  2. Sex is an integral part of any long term relationship. I agree fully with this research because in my personal experience with my girlfriend I have noticed that the better sex we have and the more emotionally connected you are to the sex than the better it is. Emotional connection with you partner is hugely important. In my opinion jnthink you can see how important emotional connection is in any relationship not even just with your partner. Its good to know that the better connection you have with touch than the happier both ends of the couple end up being. Definitely a lot of take home advice in this posting.

  3. I agree that intimacy definitely makes sex better. I also think that the older we get the more we understand how our bodies work and what gives us pleasure and we aren’t as afraid to ask for /give it.

  4. I agree that as we get older sex gets better, we become wiser we tend to experience more. I do not mean physically but emotionally. After people tend to learn how to care for another at the end it doesn’t not really matter how long the male partner can last or how many positions can the female partner do, the connection between the two makes it more while. Intimacy gives a sensation feeling that one cannot ignore but embrace. I can honestly say this blog just makes everything just make sense.

  5. I would agree that sex gets better as we get older; there is more experience to learn from as we age. As long both partners know how to communicate with each other getting to know what would make them feel happy with who they’re with in a passionate, emotional, and physical way. Giving hugs, cuddling, and kisses would show that you care for your partner even giving them small gifts or food and drinks. Doing whatever that makes both sides of the relationship would tie them together. This blog has a lot of good advise.

  1. Pingback: Anti-Rape Ads Enrage My Inner Feminist | Chapter TK

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