Sex ‘s Us
The religion I grew up in has the highest level of sexual dysfunction in America. My parents and friends came out of that religion and I didn’t talk about sex with any of them. I did notice squirming when “things” came up. Sex ed at school was about contraception and disease. And nasty whispers spread about girls who got pregnant.
Maybe John Harvey Kellogg grew up the same way. He created Kellogg’s Cornflakes in hopes of weakening the sex drive.
By the time I had an orgasm I didn’t know what it was. But I was embarrassed and determined to never let that happen again, no matter how good it felt.
I sure could have used Rohan Healy’s book, SEX, Not as a Separate Subject, which could also be called, “Things I wish I’d learned in middle school – or at least college.”
Not a separate subject?
“We don’t become sexual. We are sexual,” says Healy.
Yes, sex is us.
Sex, which you must realize, is as banal, ordinary, functional and necessary as any other bodily process, be it eating, excreting, breathing, exercising and simply living! Could you imagine if the same approach was taken to the function of eating?
Speaking in hushed tones about the lovely pasta you made for yourself while everyone was out. Everyone sneaking off to always eat alone, and never, EVER, talking about food in polite conversation.
Yeah, actually I could, kind of. I developed both eating disorders and sexual dysfunction. Now I have to unlearn both.
Actually, Healy researched and wrote the book because it contains all the stuff he wishes he had known a whole lot earlier.
“SEX” gets into things that come up a lot in my blog comments, like overcoming sexual dysfunction, gaining confidence and losing the fear of rejection, finding great people, and learning how attraction works.
He gets into how we must love ourselves, and even learn to enjoy great sex with ourselves, if we want to enjoy great sex with others. I like how he relates fast food to fast sex.
I also appreciate his discussion of sex and rape as two different things, because I have been pushing this idea, myself.
And, so much for slut-shaming! He points to research that suggests the reason guys can orgasm within a few minutes, while women require extended foreplay and have multiple orgasms, is sperm competition. “Put simply,” he says, “it means a lot of guys having sex with a single woman and letting the sperm fight it out for the available egg.” And let the best sperm win!
It’s controversial, but it makes sense.
“SEX” overviews a broad range of subjects, including the effect of thought on our body, outercourse, erotic massage, Tantric sex, anal, oral, masturbation, increasing sexual energy and vitality, non-monogamy, BDSM, body image, and more.
And the story about the Kellogg’s Cornflake guy? That’s in there, too.
Posted on August 14, 2013, in men, psychology, relationships, sex, women and tagged men, psychology, relationships, Rohan Healy, sex, Sex Not as a Separate Subject, women. Bookmark the permalink. 29 Comments.