How to Pleasure A Woman

2831721994_d2592433baMen get much of their sex ed from porn, which has little to do with pleasing actual women (porn stars are acting ecstatic, after all, and the focus is often on pleasing the man). So WebMD asked reputed sex educators, Tristan Taormino and Lou Paget, to talk about some common mistakes men make. Go here to see the full text. We’ll also look at research from Cindy Meston and David Buss, who researched and wrote, Why Women Have Sex.

Men imagine that women feel something parallel to what they feel, says Paget, leaving a “huge disconnect” about what feels good to women:

When a man has intercourse with a woman, and his penis goes into her body, that sensation is so off the charts for most men, they cannot imagine that it isn’t feeling the same way for her. It couldn’t be further from the truth.

The vagina is actually less sensitive than the clitoris and the surrounding parts for most women.

And a vibrator can help. So don’t be insulted, thinking something is wrong if that’s what she needs, say the authors. “Some women can’t have an orgasm with less than 3,000 rpm, so think of a vibrator as your assistant, not your substitute.”

But many men continue to believe that women should be able to reach orgasm from vaginal penetration. Taormino says:

I still get letters from people who say things like, my wife can’t [orgasm] from intercourse unless she has clitoral stimulation — please help. I want to write back and say, ‘OK, what’s the problem?’

And then there’s the myth that bigger is better. It all depends. Length is great for women who enjoy having their cervix stimulated, say Meston and Buss. But the same stimulation can be painful for other women. And if the penis is too long, “it feels like you’re getting punched in the stomach,” Paget explains. “It makes you feel nauseous.” Still others feel neither pleasure nor pain—and often not much of anything.

Generally speaking, width is more important than length. But depending on the woman, some prefer larger and some smaller.

And men should not assume they know what a woman wants based upon what other women have wanted. Taormino points out that:

You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person.

So open the lines of communication and ask what feels good. But consider: If you constantly ask her if she’s coming, do you really think she will? The badgering can move her from erotic to just feeling pressured. So don’t overdo it.

And finally, let her know how gorgeous and sexy she is. That’s one of the biggest turn-ons a woman can get.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on July 5, 2013, in feminism, men, pornography, psychology, relationships, sex, women and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. This especially: “You develop a repertoire as you mature sexually, but you should never assume that what worked for the last person is going to work for this person.”

    While men tend to be fairly similar when it comes to sexual pleasure and reaching climax women vary wildly! I’ve never had a lover who was the same as the last, and every time I’ve had to throw many of the “tricks” out the window and start again. Which I think is awesome! Exploring and finding out how your lover works is a beautiful experience. It’s also why I don’t like one night stands, how can you even begin to understand your lover and reach the peaks of pleasure with just one encounter?!

    Great post, totally agree.


  2. so, men bodies are made to get pleasure from sex(vaginal) but women bodies no?, is that?.

    • Women’s bodies were made to get pleasure from sexual behavior, but not from vaginal contact. Strange, huh?

      • pretty strange, if the great value of sex is the reproduction, then why evolution make women enjoy sex but no vaginal sex, because women get pregnant from vaginal sex.

        then when women begin to demand(matriarchy?) pleasure, bye bye babies?, bye bye humans?, so patriarchy is good and necessary??????

      • Feminists don’t want matriarchy. They want equality. When it comes to sex, that means pleasuring each other in the way that works. (Even in patriarchy plenty of men – even patriarchal ones – would like to know how to pleasure women.)

        I have no idea why the vagina isn’t as sexually sensitive as the penis is.

  3. “And men should not assume they know what a woman wants based upon what other women have wanted”.

    I agree with this because us guys today think that all women wants is the whole package(Big penis,etc) but in reality all woman have different taste in men as men have for woman.
    For example, One female may like big,tall men while the other female would have a thing for short, stocky men. Same situation relates to women liking big or small penis’s.

    Also for both sides to be pleased during sex it’s probably a good idea to ask what your particular partner is into like (vaginal penetration,anal,etc). That way while the guys feel good during intercourse they would be confident knowing what his partner wants and enjoys.

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