Don’t Let Your Daughters Grow Up To Marry Gay Cowboys

Brokeback-Mountain-heath-ledger-299763_1024_768Mammas don’t let your daughters grow up to marry gay cowboys. That’s a new take on an old song.

I have friends who have married gay cowboys. Except for the cowboy part.

One of my friends married a man, only to come home early one day to find him in bed with another man.

Another gay Christian friend married a woman in hopes of turning straight and living a devout life.

They’re all now divorced.

And then there’s Brokeback Mountain.

Any surprise I became paranoid that a gay man would marry me, trying to pass, or not be gay, or something. I wished that gays could simply marry who they wanted so I wouldn’t have to deal with that.

And I was sure that gay men would rather marry someone who they were in love with and sexually attracted to, too.

We’d all be happier.

Now it looks like we all have that chance since days ago the Supreme Court ruled against DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, which had made gay marriage illegal on the federal level.

While the case was in court Justice Scalia fretted over the unknowns of gay marriage. But we do know that marriage between gays and straits doesn’t work. Gays marrying straights does not help the divorce rate.

Others insist that marriage is for procreation.

In that case, everyone from my birth family, except for my brother, would have to get divorced immediately. My father married a woman in her 40s and they never had children. My mother and her husband married in their 60’s. I’ve suffered from fertility problems, myself. My brother, who has sired three children, is the only one who’s safe from these folks.

Please, protect my marriage from these “marriage protection” types!

And besides, it looks like gay marriage is good for marriage.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych, women's psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State University. And I have blogged for Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos.

Posted on June 28, 2013, in feminism, LGBTQ and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. I’m totally celebrating the end of DOMA right along with you! However, I did come here to be somewhat of a downer and ask if you’d seen the Catholic Church’s recent announcement that they will *sanction gay men getting married… as long as they marry women: http://jezebel.com/catholic-church-rules-gay-men-can-get-married-to-les-514263060

    So. This concept isn’t as dead as we’d both like it to be.

    • Uuuuuhhhhhgggggg.

      Wonder how many straight women want to be married to gay men. And wonder how many gay men want to be married to straight women.

      The Catholic Church has probably been marrying gay men to women for years now. They just didn’t realize it. But if they want strong families and happy marriages, this doesn’t work too well.

      You’re right. Still much work to do!

  2. I’m a gay man who is also celebrating then end of DOMA with you ladies! Hopefully this will help other countries follow in the same pattern. Countries such as my own of Australia who doesn’t currently support gay marriage, although it has been the topic of debate in parliament.

    It is a very good point made in the article regarding gay men marrying straight women. I think it has been and unfortunately still is symptomatic of people in society with negative views towards gays. When growing up it used to be threatening to identify as being gay, resulting in subjection to degrading humiliation and even violent attacks. This made it a very fearful ordeal to be open about your true sexuality. I remember spending most of all my teenage years trying to fit into societies mold of heterosexual behaviour, even having a few girl friends. It wasn’t until with tears rolling down my cheeks, I finally said to my poor girlfriend when I was 19 that I was gay and couldn’t live this lie anymore. I felt so guilty for betraying
    her and would have understood if she angrily kicked me to the sidewalk. Instead her response was remarkable. Instead of being bitter, she could see how I was under societies
    pressure to conform. She became a source of strength for me in coming out as a gay man in a hostile world. That was 23 years ago and we have been close friends since. She is happily married with lovely children. Since then I have been true to myself living as a gay man and am currently in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. Thankfully I didn’t continue my masquerade and become a gay man married to a straight woman. Making gay marriage
    possible is sensible, reasonable and logical. But the most important thing is that it will make
    us gays be true to ourselves and save a lot of pain suffering both for us and for the straight women out there who have been subjected to or could be subjected to such dishonest behaviour, even if it’s a symptom of social fear.

    Also, in closing it would be so nice to finally call my boyfriend hubby :)

    Love Jay

    • That would be wonderful!

      I grew up in a very conservative religion and have found that one of the arguments that works best is to ask women how much they really want to marry gay men instead of hetero men who are in love with them and turned on by them. (Men, vice-versa: straight men + lesbians.)

      So glad you’ve been true to yourself!

  3. Haha, “please protect my marriage from these marriage protection types”

    I think that about sums the whole thing up!

    Rohan.

  4. Caroline Staudenraus

    In my opinion, if gay marriage was legal and also if gay relationships were accepted more, than these situations in which heterosexual marriages are broken by one of the spouses being gay would become even more rare if not extinct. If gay men and women didn’t feel like they had to hide their identities, they would not have to pretend for the sake of feeling ashamed. The post also begs the question of whether or not a straight person can even truly fall in love with a gay one. In my opinion, nature doesn’t work that way. A couple might think they are in love but really only enjoy a friendship. Or they could feel pressured into getting married to have children or for family pressures, so they just marry quickly but are not truly in love. However, that is just my opinion and I would be interested to see if there is any true evidence about whether or not couples like the one in the post truly loved each other.

  5. I have many older lesbian and gay friends who were married to the opposite gender for many years before they felt safe enough or were tired of living in the closet, that they came out. Half of the responses from their families were pretty horrible, while others came to be their biggest cheerleaders and supporters. I think it’s hard either way. It took me til 18 to come out, but I had dated guys throughout high school. At the end of the day, I thought about living a lie, and knowing I could/would potentially one day fall for a woman, I didn’t want to put anyone through that. But there weren’t many choices back in the 50’s – 70’s. Being out wasn’t really acceptable, so the idea of marriage equality was a novel concept to them. Most of those who I had mentioned before, are now married to their long-term partners and are much happier living openly and leaving behind their claustrophobic closet that they had lived in for much too long. I’m so glad to see so many states (17 so far!) and even some countries moving forward with marriage equality. But as we all know (*cough, Arizona, cough*), we have a long way to go.

  6. Mei Yan Anson Lui

    Personally, I am not against homosexually relationship, instead, I believe it is kind of human rights for people to choose their beloved one. Moreover, gay marriage is not a big deal to me as it is just a kind of marriage and they deserved to have such freedom. However, the problem is those homosexuality people should not marry the opposite sex as a way to turn straight. They are definitely selfish and unforgivable. It is because they are not empathetic and hurting others. Their “spouses” are like the participants in experiments. They make use of their “spouses” to test whether they can be straight again. However, divorce will usually be the result. It is like they are saying: “Thank you for participating in my experiment and the result is that I can turn straight and now you can leave.” I wish people can treat their sexuality and marriages seriously, otherwise, there will be more and more “victims” who are innocent.

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