Who Falls In Love Faster? Men or Women?

Who falls in love faster? Men or women?

Who is more likely to fall in love at first sight?

Who is more likely to believe that love lasts forever?

Who is more likely to feel there is one perfect love?

Who is less likely to marry without love?

When I ask my students these questions, most guess that women are more likely to do all of the above. Yet it turns out that the right answer is “men.”

I should note that the gap has been closing over time. And these days, the gap is quite small.

But everyone’s surprised, probably because women have grown up on Disney princesses and are stereotyped to want romance and relationship while men supposedly just want sex.

So why doesn’t reality match expectation?

The reasons men appear to be the more romantic sex are largely tied to three factors: looks, jobs, and physical strength.

How could any of that be linked to believing in love at first sight?

Men are more likely to place greater emphasis on looks — and only looks — as the signal for “she’s the one,” leaving them falling more quickly in love, or even falling in love at first sight.

Women can be very focused on looks, too. But they put greater emphasis on a wider number of factors.

Because they’re more likely to expect they’ll stay home with kids at some point, they’re more concerned with whether a man’s job can support a family. Even among career women, wives are more likely to follow husbands around in their jobs than vice-versa. So what sort of a job does he have?

Also, “his” job has more impact on “her” status than the reverse. So a waitress who marries a dentist is likely to see her prestige rise to his level. Not so much for the waiter who marries an attorney.

And because men are usually bigger and stronger, women will suffer greater injuries if there is abuse, so they’re more likely to be concerned with a man’s mental health and stability.

Men are also more rumored to stray (may be less true today) so women may want to take more time to discern character.

All this discovery takes time.

But actually, women are more likely to be concerned with a plethora of factors even when they are engaged in simple sex fantasy. For fantasy men usually turn to two-minute porn clips that focus on body parts. But women favor long romance novels. As I’ve written before, referring to cognitive neuroscientist, Ogi Ogas:

Men’s interest is simple, uncomplicated. But women more likely want character-driven stories that reveal the lover’s nature…

The female cortex is highly developed and skillfully scrutinizes all available evidence – social, emotional and physical, somewhat consciously but largely not. All this leads to a general feeling of favorability or suspicion: Is he committed and kind? Is he a rouge? A player? Only if the detective work leads to a stamp of approval will physical and  psychological arousal unite.

Women are also more likely to marry for reasons other than love, like, “He’s a good stable man with a good stable income.” That leaves women less romantic, on average, and less supposing that there is one perfect love that lasts forever.

The good news, as I said, is that the gap is closing and women are more likely to marry for love now that they have greater opportunity and are less dependent on men. And that’s a lot better for marriage.

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About BroadBlogs

I have a Ph.D. from UCLA in sociology (emphasis: gender, social psych). I currently teach sociology and women's studies at Foothill College in Los Altos Hills, CA. I have also lectured at San Jose State. And I have blogged for Feminispire, Ms. Magazine, The Good Men Project and Daily Kos. Also been picked up by The Alternet.

Posted on October 17, 2011, in gender, men, psychology, relationships, women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 257 Comments.

  1. It is really biass to me that this blog states men fall in love faster then women. when it really comes down to it, i would like to think that how you think of a relationship is how you were raised when you were a child. if you got the affection as a child you will be affectionate towards others. i even believe that the way men treat their mother is the way they treat their partner. it is the type of person you are and your nature that shows weather you fall in love fast, or not. if i had to pick between who loves the easiest, men or women. i would definetly have to pick women. i say this because women are more vulnerable. they dream of the perfect relationship, they dream of the perfect husband, future while men are more simple. they are not so much about the future but the present. women also are very emotional then men, which makes women fall faster. words can touch her heart way faster then it could touch a man. although women love faster. i believe that love and being in love are different. when it comes to being in love i strongly feel that men know if they are in love or not. i feel that men know when their in love or not because they perceive things different from women. they dont only think about the heart of the relationship but the connection between each other. such as if they connect in a relationship/friend level or even how she reacts to his family. loving and being in love are two different stories.

  2. Wow. This is really interesting. I must say, that as I was reading the questions I was assuming it was all women. I suppose I think that because many people have told me that it’s true. Perhaps men want to cover up the fact that they fall in love so easily, maybe they think it makes them look bad. I feel like (maybe this is just my experience) both men and women are working very hard to hide the fact that they love at all. It makes us too vulnerable, and we open up to the possibility that the people we love don’t love us back, and therefore with the potential to be hurt looming over us- we don’t talk about love as much anymore. But then again, it could just be me and my experience.

    This subject is definitely something I’d like to look into more.

  3. Very interesting but I have to say that in my experiences with both my guy and girlfriends it seems that either one would fall in love first. Surprisingly my guy friends were very willing and wanting a long term relations as well as a family just as much as the girls did. I think there are many aspect to look at this, like weather or not they came from a broken home, never had parents, had parents,were wealthy or not ……all those could have a great deal of an effect on why one or both are so willing and wanting to fall in love. Some people I have noticed growing up never had any affection growing up and parents were in and out of their lives and so that person would grow up wanting a long committed relationship with a possible future of marriage and kids. Now, I have also notice that both women and men wanting to fall in love or be in a relationship so bad that it SEEMS they just date whom ever is available. Having a sense of security, a sense of someone being there seems like it plays a bigger role than LOVE itself. I think both men and women want that fairytale love, that unconditional love you see in movies but what happens instead is people dont like being alone, so they let those feeling take over instead of just waiting to find that special someone, their soul-mate, if there is such thing. Interesting topic!!!

    • Sure, all the factors you mention could play a role, and likely affect both genders. But in surveying men, women, men were more likely to fall in love quicker. And since there is no longer such a big gap, you’ll find plenty of women falling in love quicker than her man.

  4. This does not really surprise me that much. In fact I think in a way it is men who are targeted by the images of how romance should be in Disney films and other media outlets. Men see that women are supposed to be looking for romance and stability and this starts to dictate how men view women and perceive how women might think. This may give men false confidence on how well they know or understand their female counter-parts and could lead to conflicts that directly affects two peoples’ relationship; such as unmatched expectations of where a relationship is going.

  5. MY personal opinion is that men fall in love first in relationships or at least the two relationships that I’ve been in have been that way. We have the vulnerable/sensitive woman that fall in love with any man that gives them a little attention vs the woman that have been hurt and cant love nor trust a male and I’m sure it goes the same for the male gender. As far as love at fist sight goes, i don’t believe in it but then again it could be because i wasn’t that girl watching the fairy tale movies with the happy endings. Men and women show affection in different ways so how could you fall in love with the way some one looks? that sounds like it could lead into fatal attraction and thats another topic that i feel we should discuss in class if it’s ever brought up.

  6. Gladys Knowles-Price

    I totally agree with taylormarie808. As I was reading the questions to myself, I answered women to all of them. Even though research has found that men fall in love faster, I still believe it is the woman who fall’s in love faster. It would be good to know the percentage of men who were asked. In the past twenty years I have seen dozens of relationships go bad due to infidelity, cheating and lies in the relationship by the man. I can say at least two of the relationship ruined, were by the woman cheating and lying. I believe that a women will forgive and try and move on with the relationship while most men will walk out and move on to another relationship. I’ve seen more women cry over a men than men cry over women. I don’t have any facts but I have witnessed it.

    • As I said, pretty much everyone thinks women fall in love faster.

      But several studies have found the opposite.

      And read the piece more carefully. You’re making an argument for different findings. Just because a man falls in love “at first sight” doesn’t mean he won’t cheat later.

      The study I refer to is recent, but a review of academic literature by psychologists Letitia Peplau and Steven Gordon uncovered the same findings repeatedly, and for the reasons I cite in my post. See: Women and Men in Love: Gender differences in close heterosexual relationshipo. In Virginia E. O’Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger & Barbara Strudler Wallson (Eds.), Women, gender, and social psychology. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. 1985.

  7. I found this very interesting, by reading the questions I assumed that men would have been more likely to fall in love at first sight, and men would be less likely to marry without love. I think the reason why I felt women would be more likely to feel like there is a perfect love and believe that love lasts forever is because of my generation all my girlfriends including me felt like this is a perfect love and it will last forever, we grew up with movies that made us believe such a thing. But now that I am older and more experienced I know that a relationship takes a lot of work to make it work and a lot of factors play into having a good relationship that last. It also took me a while to figure out no one is perfect and since no is perfect how can there be such a thing as a perfect love.

  8. It is very interesting to find that men actually fall in love faster and believe that there is only one perfect love. However, I was not surprised to find that men are less likely to marry without love. First of all, I’ve always felt like women were more vulnerable and more likely to settle down, therefore being the ones to fall in love faster. Growing up watching and reading about fairytale endings, it always seemed to me like women are always searching for their prince and trying to fall in love to have their happy ending. But after reading this article, it made sense to me that men tend to fall in love faster. I guess now a days, women have become far more independent which means that most of them feel that they don’t need a man to complete them. As for men; they explore until they find the one and when something sparks about that someone, the men fall in love instantly. Now when it comes to marrying without love- it is true that women tend to marry for reasons other than love. They often marry for looks, status, stability, etc. Men on the other hand are known to be less open to settling down. For this reason, when a man finally decides to settle down it is sure that he is in love.

  9. This can be bias. I know that traditionally women tends to fall in love before the guys does. Routinely, men find that one they are head over hills for instantly. It is usually rare and it comes a dime a dozen. I feel like beauty is the number one aspect men look for in a women . They look for someone to treat them h ow they know a man is to be treated depending on whether or not you were raised with affectionate relationships or more distant relationships. Respect, masculinity, romance, and love all comes wit stability. whether its the men or the women who fall in love the fastest. Now and days women are more independent and less dependent on men to complete love, or a romantic feel of things.

    • re: I know that traditionally women tends to fall in love before the guys does.

      And how do you know this? Social science research often discovers that the things we think are true actually aren’t.

      Seriously, think about it the reasons why women might be more cautious. Those don’t make sense to you? Whereas men just see beauty and think they’re in love because they have fewer of the other concerns?

      It’s research that’s been repeated repeatedly, w/same results. Are all the studies biased?

  10. This actually doesn’t surprise me either. I guess that the reason being to why men are more prone to falling in love faster is due to the fact that men think that they have less to care about while women have a lot more reasons to make the choice; whether that be his versatility in physical and mental strength, tying into how well he portrays that as his social status and his income.
    For my personal experience, whenever I think of the girl I’ve wanted to be w/ for so many years, I constantly imagine being w/ her & I get a constant array of images that ‘we would look so good together.’ Or, ‘I really want to impress her.’ She has days where she looks ugly, but I’m still the one thinking about her every night before I sleep. Why? Cause’ I don’t care. I know that she’ll have days where she’ll look mighty fine.

    But I’ve still had girl-friends that have told me countless times of how much they admire their significant other; but they always come up with something negative to say. ‘He’s such a great guy, but I always get the feeling that he doesn’t want to be with me,’ ‘I don’t know if I want to be with him in the long run,’ or ‘I’m just not feeling it anymore.’
    Whereas, if a man were ‘in love,’ the only things that are constantly in an array of his mind before he’s with the woman is, ‘This is who I’ll settle for. This is who I’ll make my way up for.’

  11. I found this blog very intriguing. As I read the first few questions, I found myself automatically thinking of women until I reached the last question: “Who is less likely to marry without love?” I immediately thought of men in this case. Of course, consideration of culture must be examined. For the purpose of my response I only took into account the westernized culture of the United States and did not incorporate religious beliefs. For the most part, I have had many male friends with a very bleak outlook on marriage and see it more as a sentence than a privilege or right. Marriage requires commitment and time; many men fear this kind of bond and do not tend to rush into the decision lightly. Women, however, tend to be more willing to participate in a marriage with fewer requirements such as love. A struggling mother of four may be willing to agree to a marriage to a man she knows can provide for her family. I am by no means saying that this is the only reason women get married or that they do not want to be in love before marriage; I am just stating the fact that women in the past have tended to lean more toward their well-being than a romantic arrangement. As a woman, I want to be loved and find “the one” but this man has qualifications that I have drawn up to ensure not only my well-being but the well-being of my future children as well. According to Women’s Realities, Women’s Choices: An Introduction to Women’s Studies, “…people marry largely within certain socially acceptable boundaries. That is, they are likely to choose somebody within a similar social class, race, caste, religion, and ethnicity…” (WRWC 203) This may be true but it also goes on to read that in our society marriage is becoming more of a “romantic commitment” rather than a “pragmatic arrangement” (WRWC 205). I absolutely agree with you that the “gap is closing” and woman are bringing about a more romantic appeal to partnership and I also believe it to be attributed to an increase in independence.

  12. I cannot agree with the conclusion that women’s and men’s views towards love and sex are getting similar over years. It is not surprising to know that sometimes women tend to marry men for reasons other than love. When I lived in Hong Kong, it is very common for famous models, singers, movie stars to marry rich men. In that way, they can ensure that their future will be secured with resources for the growth of children and family. However, I think that it is not unusual that men would marry women with their own reasons too. As in the example I mentioned above, rich men wish to have beautiful offsprings. Also, they want celebrities to be their wives, in order to maintain their prestige and to show off in the higher-reaches of society.

  13. It is so easy to assume that women are the ones who obsess over their one true love and shocking that men could possibly fall in love quicker than women. In a patriarchal society, falling in love is not something a man would boast about to his peers to prove what a big mean testosterone driven machine he is. As a man, being in love can be seen as weak and vulnerable because they are expressing emotions (gasp!). Society has embedded into our minds to label women as the inferior element in every aspect of our daily lives. There is a saying: “Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears.” The speed of light is faster than the speed of sound. When choosing a mate, men are able to select their partner quickly by SEEING a women who is attractive to them. However, women need to be courted, wined and dined. They want to KNOW their potential mate intellectually, physically, financially, etc. before selecting their partner.

  14. I would have to say I do agree that men would fall faster and love at first sight than women because men do always look with what they see that would arouse them and women decide if they want to date a guy by what kind of job they have. I would say that some men believe that love lasts forever and some women believe love lasts forever, it really depends on the person. Women are more likely to believe in one perfect love and marry without love because women want the perfect man in their life to take care of them for the rest of there lives. Yes there are many stereotypes about Disney princesses and romance because it’s a fantasy. You can’t always have what you want. Looks and physical strength can be linked to love at first sight because it’s what you see, like how the person dresses and if they have muscles. Also jobs might have to do with love at first sight because they might see how they dress and if they dress really nice then that person might have a really good job or if the other person dresses in rags then that person might not have a job.

    • re:I would say that some men believe that love lasts forever and some women believe love lasts forever, it really depends on the person.

      Exactly. This is just on average, and women are nearly as likely as men to say this today.

  15. I would have to say it goes both ways with woman falling in love right away and men because woman always have had this fantasy since they were small about the perfect guy like the fairy tale stories waiting for prince charming. On the other hand men are always falling in love maybe they fall in love more often than woman do and men are more attracted on physical attributes than woman I feel woman are not falling in love as easy as men do because what I have said before they are just waiting for that perfect guy. So I defiantly agree that men are the the ones that fall in love Faster. I grew up with mostly guys so i have experience there love life and they all fall in love right away.

  16. I would have to disagree with this particular blog post. Like we are reading in our women’s studies books, everyone places everything into male or female categories. This is a prime example of one gender being what the other is not. If men are quick to fall in love then women are not, if women are quick to fall in love then men are not. Can it not be both? Can it not be based on a singular person? Why do these things always have to be gender based? I think if you survey 20 men and 20 women on this very topic and then survey a separate set of 20 men and 20 women you would get completely different results each time. I believe sometimes the results would say men fall in love more quickly and sometimes the results would fair towards the women. I hold nothing against a consensus however, how can people claim results to be conclusive when the percentages are not 100 percent? Is that not what conclusive implies, that it is without a doubt? I think us women take a step back and look at all the guys we have ever been involved with we could not put them all into one category of either they fell first or we fell first.

    • I’m repeating myself a lot in responses, but here goes.

      It’s not like all men fall in love quickly and no women do. the gap is narrowing and there’s a lot of overlap. But looking at the social pattern, men are more likely to fall quickly, and because they are less likely to feel they have other (non-beauty) factors to concern themselves with.

  17. Since I read the title I knew that men are the first to fall in love, because women are more careful about being in love. Men don’t care where she come from, men are more focused in the way that women look, their physical, usually men first fall in love, and after they start asking about your culture, preferences and goals. However most women try to scrutinize the man’s life to make sure that this may be the one with whom she can spend the rest of her life. But all of this is depending on each of their situations, In fact, sometimes women get marry for reasons other than love, but those woman who decide to do this is because they are not fall in love, they are looking for being covered in all their needs, and after a short period of time they give up. And this is the same technique that men are use to do when a man find an attractive women, and they think that she is the perfect one, but after a short term, this man find another woman more attractive, and beautiful, so he simply change one look for another. But I am not saying that all of men do the same or that all women act in the same way, I can say that there could be diversity of results due to the way that we have been raised, or the situation what we are leaving.

  18. When I first read the title of this Blog right off the top of my head I thought duh women do! Why did I think this ? Becuase men just don’t show feelings, most of my guy friends act like they don’t even care about there girlfriends. It almost seems like its just not in there nature to show love, but not in all cases. There are some really sentimental men out there!! But those men who are sentimental are just consider wips, and I know I’m not speaking for myself but women we like a manly man. I definetly think women fall inlove faster.I feel like most women we can just talk to a guy and like our brains tell us something we just let our imagination take control and speak for the person and somehow find a way to relate to that person you just met last week although you know nothing about him. And after a women has an intimate relationship with a man there is always some sort of feeling there, she might try to play it off. But if she happends to see that guy in a bar or something I know she’s goin to be eye balling him. We ladies are just weak like that. We let our hearts take control over our body. But the situation can very form time to time but its very rare for a man to fall inlove with a girl, although it can happen. Men always see what they have and start comparing women in there life, but we don’t have comparisons. Maybe we don’t love you but we love who you have become or what you do. Men are just not that blunt. But of course thats just my opinion.

  19. I was really suprised as i was reading this. I do know a lot of women that fall in love with the first guy that starts talking nice to them. Many girl friends that I had in the past fell in love really fast that the guys were the ones that werent ready for commitment but like you said this is changing as time passes. Now most of my good girl friends are waiting for the right guy to come along. Their priority is to look for a guy that has a good job, looks good, and personality. I know a lot of men that could fall in love easy if they find the right girl. Most of my guy friends are looking for the perfect girl to settle down with. As for me, it took me a while to find the right guy, My fiance was the first one to tell me how much he cared about me. According to him it was love at first sight. He said he would do anything in his power to make me his wife and so he is. I believe that once a man knows who he wants to be with and is ready to settle down he will. It all depends on how they see things. If they just want to mess around with any girl then they wont catch feelings but if they’re ready to settle down then it be really easy for them to find someone.

  20. Nina says…
    This topic is very interesting and at the same time I feel that it is very difficult to judge both genders. I personally think that it depends on one’s personality and how much positive experience they have had in the past with both genders. Each of us has our own perception to look at other people behaviors, characters and willing to except as it is. I was under impression that women fall in love faster than the men but after I had long thought I agree that men do fall in love faster than women because most of the men know what they are looking and make their decision quicker than women. In other hand women kind of take longer time to think whether she made a right choice or not and is that men will provide security, filling the emptiness and going be with her in hard times when she needed a shoulder to cry on. I think Women generally take lot of consideration and pro and cons before the final decision to choose their life partner.
    I don’t agree with the question that says love last forever!!! The reason why I disagree that if the both men and women really have true love than there will be no divorces in the world and children don’t have to suffer for many things and losing one of their parents or make such a hard decision in their young lives who they belongs and the why question which will remain silent in their mind.

    • Yes, there are plenty of indiv differences. And plenty of women fall in love faster than men This is just a general pattern that emerges when asked questions like, “When you met your wife/husband, how soon was it before you knew you were in love?”

  21. So this shines are whole new light of the “Gold Digger” label thrown about in Hip Hop culture. I would have argued that women do all those things first but looking at the argument closely stating that men go for looks while women take time to discerne character. It totally makes sense. A woman that is labelled a Gold Digger is simply looking for a man to give her and her children security. She is actually looking long term and taking care of her future welfare. She probably has been raised to play the ultra feminine role and has now valued it to some sort of price hence the search for a man of means.

  22. Michelle Samis (Brumley

    In answer to the question, “Who Falls In Love Faster? Men or Women?”, at first I would say woman. After reading the article in Men’s Health, September 2, 2011, by Kiera Aaron. I have revised my answer. In the article she quotes Helen Fisher, PH. D, “Men are visual.

    I agree that men are more visual. The tend to look at the outer appearance of the women first. They tend to fall in love with the image without really knowing what is underneath. On the other hand women also take looks in to consideration. They also need to know the man at a deeper level. They want to know what type of spouse, father, or worker they could be. They tend to place importance on long term security, and would be more apt to marry for without love. So, I say it would be the man that falls in love faster.

  23. As I read the questions being asked at the beginning of this blog, I silently whispered “women” as my response. I couldn’t believe that I was actually wrong. Never had I imagined that men would “fall in love faster”, “fall in love at first sight”, “believe that love lasts forever”, etc. Though, I don’t totally really agree with those sayings because I believe that either gender can fall into those categories. Even as I grew up, I was taught that those sayings were how women were stereotyped and I believed that that’s how a fairy tale goes. However, I was also raised to be an independent person. That the only person I can truly rely on is myself. I also don’t agree that women are more likely to be stay-at-home wives. What if the person with the better career is the woman? Would that make the man more likely for follow the woman around in their jobs? Would men more likely stay-at-home husbands if the situations were turned around?

    • 1) There’s plenty of overlap, with plenty of women falling in love first.

      2) re: I also don’t agree that women are more likely to be stay-at-home wives.
      Of course not. I meant as compared to men being stay-at-home dads. A very small percentage of men are stay-at-home dads, the percentage is much higher for women. Check census data.

  24. It actually didn’t surprise me that studies show that men fall in love faster than women, but an interesting thought popped into my head when I was reading this article, “Sure, they can THINK they’re in love, but are they really?” I will admit that this thought was highlu influenced by personal experiences, but I sometimes question the validity of what people claim. I don’t mean to say that the people who participated in these studies didn’t actually know what their true feelings were, but I wonder if the idea of love and falling IN love was defined at all in these studies because I don’t believe we all define “falling in love” in the same way or can agree on a universal definition of what it means and how it should feel. So ultimately what I’m trying to say is that maybe a difference in what men and women consider “falling in love” and “being in love” correlates to more men reporting that they fall in love faster than women. Other than physical attraction, I wonder if their feelings that men attribute to being in love more than women would and vice versa. Personally, I’d be more concerned in the thoughts and feelings involved if someone claimed they were in love with me, not so much in the time that it took to get there.

    • Peter Pagrefor

      A man can tell when it’s love and when it’s lust.

      When it’s lust, the testosterone will take charge and the guy will come like a “raging bull”

      When it’s “love at first sight” the guy seems like a tamed animal,
      he will be so awkward, that the woman will consider him to be a shy guy at best, and a weirdo creep at worst. Anyway she will loose her interest in him.

      That’s why ‘players’ who can control their emotions are so succeesful with women, they have been disensetised from “the love at first sight”

  25. The blog post was very interesting and pointed out many factors of women and men, and their perspective on love. In some of the cases I agree that women do in fact take more thoughts into consideration when it comes to love and marriage; women seem to want to depend on their husbands, than when living on their own, which they can very well do. The status of how the girl’s boyfriend makes her look is a factor a girl also looks for, the saying “He’s a good stable man with a good stable income”, in most cases especially where I’m from a lot of girls these seem to be more interested in looking for a man instead of hitting the books. They rely on their future to be happily married with kids instead making it on their and then to start a family, with a husband who can live equally financed as you. Women need to give themselves more credit, and stop settling for less.

    • While plenty of women are independent, some do still want to depend on men, it’s true. And others simply believe that mothers should be home with children. So we still find a lot of so-called traditional arrangements out there, even as women as a whole have come a long way in terms of opportunities and choices.

  26. I found this article very interesting. I have to kind of agree with it, although there could be other factors which are not exactly what this article states. If you ask a girl what she’s looking for in her significant other, or many of my girlfriends they will say good job, education, nice, funny, good looking. Many of them have a range of things what they are looking for in a guy. What I found interesting was that the article says that a man falls in love more quickly than a woman. I just always thought that a girl would fall in love faster. Maybe because of our society and how we portray women, as in fairy tales and movies.

  27. I agree with you when she says that the reason we may think women fall in love faster than men do is because of Disney movies, and not only that, but also movies in general, or shows. This message is portrayed in the media everyday, which is why I thought women fell in love with men faster as well. Now looking at everything you have stated, I would have to agree because I’ve experienced it first hand. In the relationship I am in right now, after a month and a half of having been going out with my boyfriend, he was the first one to tell me he loved me. We’ve been together for almost a year now and he has told me a few times now that he knows I am the one for him and the one he wants to be with. I have realized he has already decided that he is ready to settle down with me because he also talks about our futures together, but I find that to be too big of a commitment right now. I do not know if I am ready to settle down, or even if it will be him because we’re both still young and in college. I am waiting to see what happens in our futures to decide on something big and important like that.

  28. This was very surprising to me. It open my eyes up to a different view. I never thought about it that way before. I think it depends on the relationship between the to. It seem like sometimes the guy and the girl could even be in love at different times. I think guys may and may not judge it on looks. It on depends on the person. And how they view love and where they even want to be in love. Things are so diverse it’s hard to tell whether you love the person or in love with the person.

  29. This is an interesting topic, and i have to say i disagree with the reasoning but the answers were men; in fact my answers were: Men, Men, Men, Women, Men. Now i choose women to be the ones to think there’s some one thats perfect for them, like it’s destiny they have to be together and live life till theres no more. The factor to that could in fact be to the female upbringing of princess love fantasies, but i thought it was because they failed the test on the other questions. It is true men fall in love at first sight because a lot of men are ooglers. Every female to a man is registered in his mind and automatically he knows whether he likes or not, and all he has to do is see the object. Being given the higher ability of love at first sight, makes it faster for guys to fall in love. This is not to say women cant fall in love at first sight or fall in love fast, it would just not register automatically unless its that perfect one and only guy. Of course there are occasions when a person can grow to another persons liking. Men are more likely to think love lasts forever because in most popular sitcoms ‘desperate housewives’ the woman cheats on the man meaning that love is gone or withering. Men wouldn’t marry who they dont love, but that’s not to say people don’t change. A man would have to have seen the girl before marriage, if he doesn’t like she wouldn’t be at the alter.

  30. Love this. Personally i would usually say that girls love harder or more than guys do. But lately that tables have turned. Ive met a few guys that are more vulnerable, sensative and even possesive over their girls than usual. Women are very passionate and fantasize about what they wish they could have. Guys on the other hand i would say just worry about what they want right now.

    Love at first sight can happen to anyone, and women do get their fantasy love life from Disney movies, but hey, were supposed to be princesses. So we kinf od grow up thinking we should have that perfect person and the man thinks he should have that perfect girl that stays home and takes care of the kids.

    But overall i would say that both love just as hard and the other. It doesnt depend on the sex of the person it depends on who the person is and how the person is with their emotions.

  31. Who falls in love faster, men or women? The ideal idea of it would be that women fall in love faster. The stereotype that women are more emotional and that woman are more sensitive and irrational shares parallel to the idea of love. In the fact according to this article it is actually the male gender that has a tendency to fall in love faster, which is quite a surprise. Growing up little girls all over the world fell in the love with one story or another of a princess who lived happily ever after; well we can assume now that fairy-tales are not necessarily true anymore.

  32. I find this post interesting because i completely agree with it. I can evaluate both me and my partner and i know that the answers to those questions would all be yes from my part. The last thing on my mind when i met my girlfriend was if she could support me because thats typically what i have to do as a man when i grow up. So i can see where finding a partner for a man would be a lot less complicated because we do not have to think of so many other things like, what is she, does she have a job, does she have the potential to be wealthy, and all these other factors. We could focus mainly on looks and personality. For example when i met my girlfriend most questions revolved around what she liked to do and her favorite foods and what not and some of her questions were what school do you go to before they got to questions regarding my personality. Its interesting to have figured out why i like this post.

  33. I think I partially agree with this article. I think it really depends on the man or woman. If the person has a lot going for them (successful, attractive, popular, etc.) then of course they understand they have more options and therefore will not fall in love as quickly. Bottom line, it has to do with confidence. I do not believe an individual needs to possess any of the qualities of attractiveness, etc. in order to be confident, but I do believe that those factors are what make many people feel confident. Confident people will naturally be more discerning when it comes to choosing the right man or woman to fall in love with because they would know that they have options and would want to make the best one. Now, if there is an average looking woman with an ok job who is dating a gorgeous, successful, socialable man, then I can definitely see how he can have the upper hand in the relationship since he might have more women chassing after him. Therefore, I think that the person who is less confident in the relationship, whether it be the male or woman, will fall in love more easily.

  34. This article raises a lot of good thoughts. I sort of already thought that men fall in love faster and at first sight because women now a days are taught to have a guard up. They are taught men will hurt you and to not fall in love quickly or you’re a fool. I also already thought that some women have felt the need to stay with someone or marry someone not for love but for security. Their thought process is he is nice to me, he is stable, and has a well paying job. My life will be ok or average or satisfactory. Well this really should not be the case. I feel that the institution of marriage should be based on true and intense love for each other. Men do fall in love faster and for different reasons than women. I think this is because women have been taught that the fantasies and princess movies dont exist. They arent real and to not expect them. Women have had only the fantasy of a fairy tale love and leave it at that. That idea is an escape of what seems to be reality and what they should be looking for. Men feel in love maybe because they feel they can be open with that person and dont need to have the tough guise, which society expects them to have, all the time with that person. They feel comfortable with that person. On the other hand, women have many questions and factors in their mind about whether or not they are in love. Women may even be over thinking love. If its there, great. If its not, better luck next time. The idea of love can become so complex and confusing. I think men have down a little better than women at this point. Although they are more vulnerable to getting hurt by falling so easily… maybe its worth it.

  35. I answered that women fall in love faster but men are more likely to fall in love at first sight. Does that
    Make any sense? The reason why is answered that way is because women’s bodies release chemicals that make their emotions more intense and give them a sense of having a stronger connection with their partners than they may actually have. And men have been proven to be more visual.

  36. Well, there are studies that show that ‘love at first sight’ is nothing more but a hormone response. I can believe that men fall in love (or believe themselves to be in love) easier then women, because women second-guess such emotions more. And also, as the article pointed out, women have more to lose by listening to such instincts. However, hormone-driven feelings fade after a few months (up to a year), and what then? I disagree with the author’s opinion that women acting more on their emotions and less on reason is a good thing. Perhaps, instead, it is the reason for the increased rate in divorces. I think a marriage based on love alone is much more likely to fail than a marriage based on common interests and compatibility.

    • True, no one checked to see if these folks were in love or lust. The survey is based on common notions of what “love at first sight” means to most people. None-the-less, most people are surprised that men “fall in love” quicker (or at least used to before women could support themselves financially).

      Also true that divorce rates are higher when people are more focused on love than practicality.

      On the positive side, love marriages have the potential to create amazing experiences of union. I’ll write more on that later, but some who study the matter say that humans had no idea of the amazing bonding potential for marriage until love-based marriages came along.

      Also, women are now more often happier married than single, and that came (in part) with a shift toward marrying for love instead of practicality.

      • Peter Pagrefor

        [None-the-less, most people are surprised that men “fall in love” quicker ]

        that’s not accurate. You should have said that
        [...women are surprised that men "fall in love quicker"]

        And a man can tell if it’s lust of love at first sight.
        If it’s lust then the testosterone will pump him up and make him approach her.
        In that case it may or it may not evolve into love later on.

        If it’s love at first sight, then he will get so nervous he will have a hard time approaching her.
        But women have no idea what “approach anxiety” is, simply because they don’t have to approach.
        So when you see guy looking at you and quickly looking away or trying to speak to you and can’t begin to say, there is good chance that he has already fallen in love with you.

        Now, try and beat this and fall in love faster than that.

        To my surprise, I thought that women had more empathy and always knew that man fall in quicker because they fall in “love at first sight”

        NO WOMAN falls in “love at first sight”. EVER.
        Because when that guy [she is supposedly in love with] makes a move she will reply “not before we get to know each other”

        and she claims that she had “love at first sight”. Yeah right.
        The guys who DO have fallen with “love at first sight” are already in love, with no questions asked and waiting to “get to know each other better”

        Sadly, I have never get to be with a girl that I jave experienced “love at first sight”.
        the “approach anxiety” in that case is always overwhelming and it’s not the fear of rejection.
        So I have to approach girls that I like and hoping that it evolves into love later on. In this case there may be the fear of rejection, but that’s not a big of deal.
        The fear of rejection is not a major issue.
        The feeling of “love at first” is what cripples guys and they can’t find the nerve to speak to a girl.

        I do hope one day, I may find the courage to speak to a girl that I have experienced “love at first sight”

        Sorry for the length, and please don’t misunderstand my tone, it’s hard enough for guys with the “approach anxiety” at least you should aknowledge that,
        some guys are already in love when the try to speak you and most of the times they don’t find the nerve to do it, give us a break.

      • Ok.

        But on this:
        NO WOMAN falls in “love at first sight”. EVER.
        Because when that guy [she is supposedly in love with] makes a move she will reply “not before we get to know each other”

        It could be possible that she does fall in love with him but for societal reasons (worries over slut-shaming) she might tell him she wants to get to know him first before getting too intimate.

      • Peter Pagrefor

        I really thought that and from my personal I think I have experienced that.
        Her being too nervous to say anything to me and me too nervous to say anything to her.
        But still you might know, that men’s and women’s brain are working differentely.

        Men’s brain is more compartmentized. His one hemishpere is enough to make him fall in love.

        Women’s brain has both hemishperes more linked.
        She may really really like if she sees someone, but she needs to hear him speaking before she falls in love with him.
        Both hempisheres must “agree” before she falls in love.
        A girlfriend told me that if you want to make to a woman to stop talking, a guy must kiss her, the whole brain goes down.

      • Peter Pagrefor

        So you know better than me that the female and male brain work somehow differentely.

        So I guess that a girl can really really like a guy at first sight [but not love HIM at first fight]
        but what really happens is that she “falls in love in love at first sight” with THE IDEA that he may be the prince charming from the fairy tales.

        Do you disagree on that?

        the guy “falls in love at first sight” with the girl herself

        the girl “falls in love at sight” with the idea that he may be the prince she’s been waiting all her life.

      • You may be right. Don’t know on this one.

  37. Initially, glancing at the title of this blog post, I thought the answer to the question would be obvious. However I found a lot of merit in the content of the article and by the end fully agreed with the argument.

    I find difficulty in stating generalizations frankly due to lack of sufficient knowledge. Therefore, I simply wish to speak from personal experience as a female. Love is something that seems to have a completely subjective definition. Furthermore, some people distinguish “loving” and “being in love” as I believe this article does. I would actually say that I love people very easily, and to me that translates into finding attractive qualities in different people and feeling overwhelming desire and passion to be around them, to make them smile and laugh, to reach for a deeper connection. Love doesn’t even always have to be romantic! Sometimes I just love people I meet for who they are and the enigmatic power they have to change my life in some way. However, regarding being “in love”, that is something I have yet to find. And to be clear, if I am ever lucky enough to use that term, I would be willing to spend the rest of my life with the individual it is directed towards. Just as quickly as I find the good qualities in people, I start to analyze flaws. If I am not completely happy or satisfied in any relationship, I don’t want to settle or lead a false illusion and I am quick to move on. Most importantly, I trust my own instinct and finally I have noticed that fate always has a way to suddenly make life interesting. New people and experiences will always come along. Do not be discouraged and stay true to yourself in pursuit of your own happiness – that is key.

    • Thanks. Yes, it’s not meant so much to be a generalization as unveiling a surprising social pattern. Individual men and women will vary away from the pattern. And with equality, women and men are converging on this point.

  38. I honesty feel that women tend to fall first because we tend to imagine things and jump the gun. I often find this common with girls in my family and the few girl friends that I have. They always tend to come running to me with their men problems and all of them are either overdramatic or just seeking attention. This clearly illustrates their lust for attention rather than just simply getting to know a guy first. It may have to do with the lack of father-daughter relationship they have at home. I know that this is true for me. Ever since I have hit puberty, my father and I seemed to have a disconnect. At first, I thought it was me but then I realized it has somewhat to do with my culture. Being Tongan, we grew up with constraints and rules that kept the interaction between the male and female family members to a scarce minimum. I notice that in my generation a lot of young Polynesian girls feel the need to have to get pregnant and married in order to move out and on with life. With this, I feel like a lot of girls my age, my ethnicity and in my community seek for a male companionship that they did not see much of at home. In other words, being thirsty for love and advancing on any relationship, that they feel is worth while.

    • Many women do fall in love first. And these days, are about as likely to fall quickly as men are.

      But I’m wondering what you think about the reasons why men seem more often to fall first?

  39. I happen to agree with this blog because of personal experience. The whole reason I’m in my going on four year relationship right now is because my boyfriend built up the courage to talk to me. He told me that it was “love at first sight” for him and that he knew I was the one. That was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me and I have never personally experienced “love at first sight” which is commonly portrayed in movies, books, etc. Since I had never had a serious relationship I thought that saying was bogus and didn’t think it could really happen. I do believe that guys are much more focused on girls looks and they can think a girl is sexually attractive but they can also see deeper than that and value her for more. As the blog reads, women tend to value other aspects of men like if they’re stable and can provide a happy and healthy life. Women may fall into deeper love with men who aren’t as interested, but it makes sense that men can have a quick attachment and love for a woman.

  40. Seems like we could all use a lesson in statistics.

  41. This actually really surprised me when we talked about it in class last week..I always had it stuck into my mind that women fall in love faster with a man than the opposite. You always figure it to be the other way around because women are so much more emotional than men and are often seeking to have boyfriends more than you think men are looking to have girlfriends. But when you explained it in class that for women to fall in love with a man they need more time to get to know them and see if they fit the picture of what they are looking for. While men on the other hand are more triggered into looks so if they found a girl that was attractive to them they would already have visions of “oh she could be the one” etc. So after analyzing this in class I have a diffrent response for the the question I always atutomatically would answer with women fall in love faster than men.

  42. I was not surprised by the article to find that in fact men are the answer to all those questions. Growing up, there was always the stereotype that women are looking for someone to take care of them and that there may be love at first site. It’s hard to really say whom can truly be the answer to those questions without a study being done. I can only draw from examples in my life; I have seen a change in women vs. men. A longtime friend of mine was always known as a player; not focused on anything but himself and his “needs”. He’s always been handsome and knew he was able to use it to his advantage. As time went by and his friends have gotten; engaged (I am currently engaged to my high school sweetheart), married and had children. Did I see a change in his style of dating. He became more about holding onto a relationship and wanting it to grow into something more. I do believe that both men and women are closing that gap over time. It just seems to occur at different times in both men and women’s lives.

  43. I find these facts very interesting and even more surprising. Like most of society, I would imagine women to fall in love faster and easier than men due to stereotypes and how the media portray women. However, that is not the case. In addition, with such reasons I can see why men are in fact the ones to fall in love faster. There are many things to always consider when falling in love with a person and clearly, men have more to consider. It is not surprising though that as times are changing, so are the gaps between the two genders.

  44. I found this post really interesting and enjoyed it. I would always complain about my opinion on how I think women always tend to fall harder in love. I still think they do. I personally think women will fall more deep in love than men, even if men fall in love first. Since I usually see men fall faster but not as much in love, they move on faster to someone else if they aren’t with that person anymore. Maybe because they move on so fast, it gives the effect as if they didn’t really fall in love in the first place. Women will be heartbroken longer because they believe they fell harder for that person. Sorry if I make how I feel sound confusing, I don’t know how to put it any other way!

  45. I don’t have much to ask, because it makes sense, but like a lot of other people I would believe women were more likely to be the love at first sight type, and I thought that I was just a weirdo. This is good to know:) Now I just need an awesome good paying job with an amazing personality.

  46. In my opinion i believe that men can fall in love just as fast as a women can but men just have that tendency to not show it like women do. Women i believe have the tendency to fall in love really quick because we watch too many romantic movies that we want it too be real and wish that love at first sight just like it happens in movies can happen to us in real life. But i also do think that men hide there feelings when they fall in love because there embarrass of being made fun of just because there guys and guys aren’t suppose to show or express there feelings in public but deep down they just want to shout it out loud so the whole world can here them. But i go with both genders can fall in love fast but women will always show it more then men would.

  47. I strongly agree with the statement “Women can be very focused on looks, but they consider more factors. They’re more concerned with whether a man’s job can support a family”. It is absolutely true that money does encourage people to tie the knot. Of course when it comes to marriage, money matters. According to the research, fully 2/3 of women and 1/2 of the men said they are very or extremely willing to marry for money (gold-digging impulse). In my opinion, I believe marrying someone rich can become more comfortable and stay economically stable. It is because money is a necessary and useful thing. Some people say they would rather marry poor men and be happy and loved. But in reality, it is a hard thing to do. Think about the men who are financially stable but divorced and have intention to remarry. It is common to see women, singles or divorcees, find them attractive and some are desperate to marry one of them. In our society, marrying for money isn’t a bad idea.

  48. There are some women who express being in love sooner than some men. When a woman enters a relationship, they automatically ask themselves if they think they can see themselves with the person in the future and see them having children with them also. If they feel they are with the right person, they will do everything they can to make sure they still end up with the person. But then there are some men that fall in love faster than other women. Sometimes right when a man sees a woman he thinks he is in love because of the way they look.

  49. This is a really inspiring post because I have never thought men are more likely to fall in love at first sight, more likely to believe love lasts forever. Since all love stories are for girls when we are children, it is normal to think that females have more fantasies on love than males. However, after reading your post, I see that males actually are more “romantic”. They usually look for good-looking women, who they are willing to take care of. They are told to earn money for the family, so that they do not have to worry if they can depend on their partners. However, as you mentioned, “the gap is closing and women are more likely to marry for love now.” Since nowadays, job opportunities are available for women so that they can also earn money themselves, they can be less concerned for the ability of the males; therefore, I think that women are more “romantic” then before.

  50. Who Falls In Love Faster? Men or Women?
    I personally think this is a good topic and something I would like to elaborate on because I have always asked myself the same question. I have always seen the females get all googally over guys but I have never physically see a guy look the same way at the same time. I do agree that most men look at girls looks and style more so her heart and personality. Being a girl I really look at someone’s personality because I don’t want someone “sexy” and “mean”. I want someone that will respect me for me and will love me for who I am inside first.

  51. This is a question that I often ask my self, who loves first? or who loves the most? And as I get older I tend to have a different opinion abut the subject.
    When I was on my late 20′s falling in love so quickly but at the same time falling out of love quickly too. What I wanted then from a relationship was attention and time with my partner. Some didn’t give me the time so I got out of the relationship and many did but I got bored. Now on my late 30′s my expectations are more define looks are not as important but stability on a man are. I first look more for emotional and spiritual stability and second financial stability. I do my own thing so now I do required my “me” time. So I think it depends on age on who falls in love first or faster younger people fall in love faster but falls out of love faster too then older people.

  52. Myles Blackwell

    I thought this was incredibly interesting. It really made me think about the questions being asked more critically. I think that the word love is thrown around a little bit too much, though. Since “love” is more intangible and defined so broadly, I was thinking more along the lines of who gets committed faster. As for marrying without love, I am disheartened hearing that this does happen and that marriages can be more business relations. I’m sure feelings of love develop over time in some cases, but I hope this should never be my situation. Also, I am a man and apparently we do that less and I’m still young and naive. :)

  53. It makes me glad that all of the stereotypes about women being more likely to fall in love fast turned out to be not true. It’s always interesting when facts turn our expectations upside-down. What I hope for in the future is that these facts won’t be associated with men, nor with women. Women of today are less dependent on men, but we still have a long way to go before marriage is equal. With more women at work, and more men taking care of children and house keeping, hopefully not only the ”fall in love”-part will be equal (because women and men could have the same expectations on what comes after the “fall in love”), but also how society views the institution of marriage. In the meantime, we can only hope for gay marriage to be legalized in the U.S. soon, so that ALL people who want can marry for love.

  54. I found this article very interesting, I agree with the fact that man tends to love more easily compared to woman, although I’m not saying that it is easy for a man to love a woman. The gap between man and woman in term of which gender falls in love more easily is differentiated by the expectation from woman towards man, and vice versa. As the article says, there are a lot of things that women should consider when they are deciding their future couple : job, look, prospect, it is much more complicated for women when it comes to their expectation. On the other side, I completely agree that the main factor that men really consider when they are looking for women are their looks.

  55. Elizabeth Wright

    If I were to have read this blog a few years ago, I too would have been surprised. Growing up watching American sitcoms, films, and princess cartoons, I used to believe that women (for the most part) would fall in love faster than men. In the media, women are usually portrayed as being extra sensitive, worrying about saying “I love you” too soon, and being the romantic one in a relationship.
    It wasn’t until I met my fiance that I found out that a man can be the first one to fall in love. I was shocked and confused when he first told me. Going by what I had been told by others, I had not planned on having to deal with that particular situation. Not long after, I realized I wasn’t the only one. A few of my close female friends told me the same thing happened to them. After taking a few Sociology classes, I found out that this was common: men are more likely to “fall in love” quickly while women usually take numerous factors into consideration before uttering the words to their partner. In our society, it makes sense. Men don’t have much to lose by falling in love quickly, whereas women have to think about whether or not they want to have children with this other person, or whether or not they will be able to provide a home and stable income. A woman can definitely make it on her own financially, it is just that women (on average) get paid less than men and take a harder hit if they were to get divorced.
    It seems like women potentially have more to lose from falling in love.

  56. Demetrius Love Jr.

    This wasn’t too surprising to me, considering the fact that I am the exact same way. I am a man and I seem to fall for girls pretty quickly. I might just be confusing love with simply being infatuated. Friends of mine, both male and female but mostly male, ask me why I fall so fast? The only answer I can give them is that that’s just the way I am. This could be because I am young, but I think it’s simply because of how I was raised as a child. Also being a child of a failed marriage I think I just want to be apart of a loving relationship and seeing it work. I agree that men really fall in love mainly based on looks. I think this is because of how women are so sexualized in society. Just like the statement I made about myself I think they are confusing being in love with being infatuated. I think this changes though when they really get to know that person.

  57. Wow interesting! When I first read the title I had already started thinking that it might be equal, because of my experience. As I started reading more into it. Your blog started to change my point of view and I have to agree with most of this. I agree how men think it is love at first site just because the women is beautiful. They have no idea how her personality is and that has a lot to do with being in love. Because when they see her beauty their mind is probably going toward sex. I also agree with how women have to know the person before they fall in love and want to connect.
    It does suck how some women see men as basically money bags and supporting her. I don’t feel that way. I have actually never went into a relationship thinking one day will my partner support me. I always seen myself as equal or maybe supporting my partner. I just might have a new way of thinking, but it sucks for women that feel that way.

  58. I disagree with this article about how men fall in love faster then women, even on average. I think that to fall in love it depends on one-self’s personality, other than gender. Even if most men pay more attention to looks, a women’s outlook does not change the fact that men also do mature later then women, therefore a lot of men might not be able to settle down until they hit that certain age and maturity level. I think that men could maybe get more attached at first with the female because of her looks though because it is sometimes hard to differ attachment from love.

    • If you ask men and women when they first fell in love with their partner men are more likely to say something like, “The minute I saw her.” And since she is his partner, I assume that he actually does love her.

      I’m wondering why you think that all of the considerations women tend to make (that men don’t) wouldn’t make them take longer to allow themselves to fall in love? You think they would have no effect?

      Regardless, this is a social pattern that you do find that varies by gender. Do you also think that social patterns are not real? If so, I don’t get that. Please explain.

  59. I love reading on topics like this that help give me, as well as others, insight on topics that I had not stopped to contemplate. The findings of the studies at first did surprise me, but as I read on, it made sense. My husband said he liked me since the first day he saw me, I didn’t like him until months later. He fell in love with me two months after dating and well, it took me a couple of months more to be able to say that I loved him more. Looking at my past relationships, the research actually does hold true.
    I don’t know if men necessarily fall in love as much as they are infatuated. However, I can see why men would “fall in love” much quicker than women based on looks and first impressions. I agree that they generally have less to worry about when it comes to a relationship because in a patriarchal society such as ours, men tend to be more independent and women more dependent in a relationship. Therefore, women have to take more precautions when deciding whether to enter a relationship with a man that they are initially attracted to.

  60. This post is really interesting! It is very true on the status of men in their jobs and life status I’ve always believed that men do fall in love faster due to the fact they are mostly always the money makers so they go out and look for the most attractive women more than going out on a search to find the right one that fits all of his needs other than just looks. The only thing is that they can not come out and tell the world that they do fall in love faster because in our society the women are supposed to be the ones who are that way and the men are superior. They should make more articles, books and post about this subject that way it can make people see things through a different perspective which is not by word of mouth only but by stats and re search.

  61. Peter Pagrefor

    It’s unbelievable that almost no woman get this. No wonder there is so much frustatrion in relationships.

    A man may have fallen in love with you at first and you will never know because he will never has the courage to speak to you.

    If he happens to find the courage to speak to you, he will be so awkward that the woman will immediately loose her interest.

    And if he does find the courage and confess his feelings towards you at the very first time you speak to each, the woman will always reply “we have to get to know each other better”

    Have you ever seen a romantic movie where the actress says “we have to get to know each other netter” ?

    Never.

    Why?

    Because women fall in love at first sight only in the movies.

    I am sorry about my tone but “falling in love at first sight” is a curse.

    there is this line from a song
    “he tries to speak and can’t begin to say”

  62. Peter Pagrefor

    Seriously there is a woman that can say that has “fallen in love at first sight” ?

    Literally “love at first sight”

    that means just by looking at guy, without talking to him, knowing his name, where he is from, what does he do for a living, is he single, is he a good guy, is he a serial killer, no questions asked,
    loved him just by taking a look at him.

    only in the movies.

    in real life a woman will never love a complete stranger.
    No way nowadays, how could he let herself love and trust a complete stranger?
    there are many perverts around

  63. As one of the women who don’t believe in falling in love at first sight, I strongly agree that people who are likely to fall in love at first sight are primarily concerned with others’ looks. I don’t understand it because you don’t know anything else except that he or she is attractive. He or she might be a criminal, abusive or mentally unhealthy. So, for me, it’s too risky to approach the person you just saw only because you like how he looks. That’s why men, who are physically stronger than women, are more likely to fall in love at first sight. It’s like falling for a movie star. You like how attractive he is but when you hear news about his bad behavior, you are disappointed and fall for another handsome movie star. It’s difficult to love and understand a stranger whatever he does.

  64. Manisha Joshi

    Very interesting indeed; I had always assumed that women fell in love faster than men mainly because women are considered more emotional and sensitive – at least this is what they are portrayed to be. But I tend to agree with the author. The article certainly gives a good basis of why women consider a variety of factors before choosing a man – job stability, potential to be wealthy and to be able to support her, mental stability etc; and thus women tend to think about both the present and the future. However, a man mostly focuses on the present and his choice is simple – he is not worried about if the woman will be able to support him or not etc. Having said that, one should also note that the behavior pattern also depends on the individual and certain factors such as parental/family history, financial stability etc – for example if the individual belongs to divorced parents will it affect how fast he/she will fall in love? But overall the article seems to be on logical grounds; although I would like to see more studies and surveys which will validate this social pattern.

    • 1) A lot of studies have been done on this, finding a narrowing of the gap over time
      2) It always depends. This is a social pattern of men “more likely” not saying all men vs all women.

  65. I was surprised when i read the statement at the beginning of your article, where it say that men fall in love faster than women and thats because of very diffeferent reasons than the ones had on my mind. I was thinking that women would fall in love faster because they think of family and they grew up watching princess movies and wishing on the typical fairytale wedding with prince chamring. turns out it is the other way around. that men fall in love first because of the looks and then the love starts to grow. I believe that some women marry men but not because they are in love. I think some of them marry them because they have a stable job and they van support a family if they decide to have one in the future. I believe that women who do that are not in love but are looking for what is best for them. and the love starts to grow through out the marriage.

  66. I found this article very entertaining and interesting. I definitely thought the answer would be women. After reading however it makes more sense that men is the correct answer. I knew that men were easily turned on with physical attributes, where as women are also about physical attributes, but also much more. Women take the whole character, job, personality, the way he treats other people, into consideration. It also makes sense because men like to watch porn and women would rather read romantic/erotic novels, hence the whole “50 Shades” obsession. Women used to also be more dependent on men for their money so they would worry more about their careers and income. Since that is less important now it makes sense that the gap between women and men falling in love faster would be closing.

  67. Naadia Wilson

    In my opinion, I believe either man or woman could fall in love first. It’s true that many women will marry for every other reason except love, but men do quickly fall in love with the appearance of a women. The way I look at it, women fall in love faster because they look at everything that comes with falling in love such as: family, marriage, hot date nights. Men are more likely to take it slow and see the outcome of the relationship. Which is perfectly fine. Anybody is capable of falling in love. I don’t think it should be a race.

  68. I think although at first, this might seem like a somewhat surprising revelation, it makes sense. Empirically, at least to me it does, through my own personal experience. I know that there have been guys that I’ve dated that I really liked at first because they were extremely attractive, but as time went on, it became more and more clear that they were lacking something of critical importance to me, a deal breaker, so to speak, and I simply couldn’t continue the relationship. Any romantic feeling totally dissipated. However, many of my guy friends have been head over heels for a really pretty girl who just ended up walking all over them, or just being really, really uninteresting. But they sort of tended to romanticize these girls based on nothing but looks. When the relationship finally ends, in retrospect, they finally realize that there wasn’t much substance to their affections, but it’s a dragged out process.

  69. I love this post because the more I think about it the more it makes sense. In Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, we see that when Romeo first fell in love with Juliet because of her looks he was engaged to someone else. He jumped really fast into this relationship and I’ve been thinking to myself why. I think the reason why women are assumed to be the answer to the questions asked above is because in movies you always see women as the ones falling in love and everyone internalizes this. Some may not see a man as masculine if they thought that he fell in love first or believed in one love.

  70. I used to always believe that women were the ones that fall in love with men first because all the movies that you see growing up. Like love at first site and things like that. One experience that changed this opinion was when I was in high school and one of my good friend was going out with a girl that he really like he bought her everything and took her to eat at expensive places. I mean he fell hard for this girl he thought she was in love with him like he was with her. But then one day she tells him I lost all feeling for you and broke up with him to get back with her ex boyfriend. My friend was heart broken it took him almost a year to get over this break up. She was only interested in his money not the love he was willing to offer. And this isn’t the first time this kind of thing happens. In modern day music you see the women only with the guys because they buy them expensive things. As far as apperance goes I had a experience with that just last weekend at work. I don’t really remember what I said to my manager and she said your lucky your good looking. I ask her why and she told me because if you weren’t god looking we wouldn’t have hired you, because when young girls come in the store they will more likely buy more things from a good looking guy then she would from a not so good looking guy or girl. So thats when I found out that some women are just attracted to you because if your looks and not your personality.

  71. i know that the relationships that i have been in the guys falls in love waaaaay before i do. more people think that women fall in love faster but i agree with the article that men fall in love faster. most are just good at hiding it.

  72. I don’t know if I exactly agree where you said, “Men’s interest is simple, uncomplicated.” However, as much as I would like to deny it now because of that, I did fall in love very fast. The moment I laid eyes on the person I am in a relationship with now my life was never the same. It was at a party and we spent the time laughing and having a good time, we left the party holding hands and spent the entire night talking until we fell asleep. We talked every day since then and in two weeks we made it official and have been in a relationship ever since. While I do admit I fell in love very fast, I don’t feel like I was the only one and I don’t think my girlfriend went into a relationship with me because she saw a potential rise of status. I didn’t have a job and didn’t go to school so it seems fair to say that probably wasn’t one of the reasons, but maybe we’re just the oddity of the greater population.

    • Because women can have their own careers these days they’re less likely to choose a man just because he has status and the potential for a good job. The gap between men and women has been closing and is pretty narrow at this point.

      Your girlfriend probably chose you because she was in love with you.

      That said, women are *more likely* than men to worry about things like battering because men on average bigger and stronger than they are, or they are more likely to worry whether a husband can support the family because women are more likely to stay home with kids.

  73. I really enjoyed reading these comments and the article itself. It was very interesting, but i do believe that girls are more likely to fall in love, I think they are more emotional then men, but it can also depend. I have seem in some relationship that guys fall inlove and want settle down, but the girl doesn’t want to. but i think that is not all the time it happens but not as much as it happens to girls, where they are more likely to get attach to someone and love them.

  74. Falling in love at “first sight” is about looking at a person and subconsioulsy realizing that that person is the “one” or that person is a very good match. Love at first sight is legit, it’s a natural biological response but it’s rare and that’s why many people don’t believe it exists.
    They simply haven’t experienced it yet. And please don’t confuse “lust” with “love at first sight” – a man always can tell when it’s “lust” (that’s more common) and when it’s “love at first sight” (that’s rare).
    When it’s lust he gets horny and he is trying to get her but when it’s “love at first sight” the man doesn’t have in mind how to get her in bed, in matter of fact he doesn’t think anything at all, he goes completely numb.

    But if women do fall in love faster than men, doesn’t that contradicts with the fact that men and women see women as sexier than men ?
    Or the fact that men ogle at women but women rarely ogle at men?

    I have known cases where the woman fell in love at first sight with a man or cases where a woman was ogling a man the same way men are ogling women, but still those cases are less than when a man ogles and/or falls in love at first with a woman.

    this is the logic

    Men see women more sexy than women see men
    Men ogle women more than women ogle men
    hence men fall in “love at first sight” with women faster than women do with men.

    Interestingly there are more women that don’t believe in “love at first sight” than men.
    These women have not experienced it so they don’t believe that it exists.

    • People who disbelieve “love at first sight” don’t doubt the feelings of people who claim to experience it. They just define love differently.

      I know some people experience what you call love at first sight. I have even been on the receiving end of it one time. But I reject the idea that it’s love.

      “Interestingly there are more women that don’t believe in “love at first sight” than men.
      These women have not experienced it so they don’t believe that it exists.”

      It has nothing to do with whether or not you’ve experienced it. I experience plenty of feelings that feel larger than life but because I’m a human being with a rational brain and a lot of self awareness, I can step back and objectively analyze my feelings. I may experience the feeling of “love at first sight” one day but consciously I will not put much, if any, stock in it.

  75. Ladies believe and trust faster…

  76. Judging from which gender writes the most love songs I’d say men, but judging by my ex-wife I’d say women. She fell in love with at least 5 other guys during the time I was married to her. lol – Oh no, wait… I needs to ponder this longer :P

  77. http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2010/06/its-in-the-genes-why-guys-inst.html

    “In a recent Daily Mail story, University of Amsterdam scientists explain that men who go gaga for gorgeous gals within “milliseconds” of spotting them aren’t being shallow—they’re actually following their “ancient genetic preferences.”
    The scientists go on to explain that for men, physical attraction, particularly a beautiful face “is a sign of fertility and the survival instinct draws them to women who can carry on their line”

    So men falling for a beautiful woman isn’t shallow, it’s instict.

  78. While reading this something came to mind. If men fall in love faster does that mean when they fall out of love does it takes longer for them to fall in love again? When my current boyfriend was dumped by his ex I saw in his actions, words and body language that he was crushed. Her on the other hand, had moved on within a couple of days. So I agree with the article that men do, sometimes, fall in love faster than girls. But when I was dumped it tools me months to even attempt to move on. So even though studies show that men fall in love faster is it true that they’re recovery time is longer or shorter?

    • Is men’s recovery time faster or shorter?

      Typically it takes men longer to recover. They are less likely to have friends to talk to and they are less likely to see a psychologist to help them through it. Divorce also tends to be harder on men in part because they are often taken by surprise. That’s because they haven’t been listening to their partner. (That may be true of men who aren’t married, too, I don’t know.)

      Men tend not to leave a partner until they have found someone else. Women are more likely to leave a man whether or not they have found another partner.

  79. Samantha Morales

    I can definitely relate. I have recently been talking to an old friend and we have been dating. He has already told me he is in love with me. I could not say it back to him yet because I felt like I didn’t know him well enough to know if I could love him. I didn’t think it was possible for a man to confess his love so soon. I wonder if falling in love so quickly is a bad thing? Not knowing a person well enough to know if you actually love them can be dangerous. What if he realizes that he doesn’t love me? Is it just a short phase for men?

  80. Tonya van de G

    I found the topic of ‘who falls in love faster? Men or Women- very interesting with very surprising study results. I honestly never gave much thought to it before, but after spending over an hour reading the different opinions and thoughts, it really opened my mind to the possibilities that my outlook on how men and women perceive relationships in the infancy stage was grossly off-step.

    To hear from men that they have experience ‘love at first sight’ was an eye opener for me. My perception of men’s feelings/anxieties were different as night and day, and looking back, I believe that society played a large role in my “previous” opinion. My generation, I always felt that women had to drag out what/how men felt and then the sense of ‘relationship entrapment’ soon followed. I never knew, as a whole, that it was women who were more interested in the ‘benefit packages’ than actual being in love. To me, it is an unfair expectation placed on men to be all of these things on an unrealistic personal ‘must have’ list.

    In all honesty, I personally feel that both men and women have very similar anxieties and fear of rejection from a potential mate (for a lack of better words) and previous relationships results and their outcomes play a large factor in those anxieties.

    As mentioned in a previous posting, in your twenties, we all experienced falling in and out of love rather quickly. Now into my 5th year of marriage, even now I find that my previous thoughts on love have changed, even towards my partner. Now in my late 30’s, financial stability is not a priority of what I look for in a partner. Mental stability and sociability are important.

    For me personally, I never idolized “Disney Princesses/Princes. It was not until Mulan was released that a Princess saved the Prince. Previously, it was always the Princess being saved from an evil something or another. This goes back to Cognitive-Developmental Theory, where at a young age, our first segregation task is separating boys from girls, and the stereotype roles that goes with each.

    In my honest opinion, if I was interested in someone romantically, and if he were to confess that it was love at first sight, I know my knee would buckle in an instance. To me, that is the truest form of romance that even Hollywood could not touch.

  81. Chaylin Guillory

    I feel like it’s more of a physical attraction not love at first sight for a man. A man may call it love but I believe it takes a lot more to love than just meeting a person. That could just be because I am a girl though. I agree with the fact that a woman puts more thought into a relationship before she is in love. Not necessarily money wise but just overall who the person is and if you can see yourself marrying that person. If he is a person who will be able to protect you and your family. A man will fall in love if you cook for him and he can see you raising his kids. In both ways it takes more than just meeting someone

  82. I thought this post about “Who falls in love faster, Men or Women” ultimately very interesting. I honestly felt like woman fell in love way faster than men when I read the title but when I got deeper to the details it started convincing me because I do believe that men show more emotions towards women that are really good looking as in almost falling in love at first sight. But then it makes me think that do men really fall in love just by a woman’s looks. Since I’ve always had more guy friends than girl friends I completely understand how this study shows that men usually are the ones that fall in love faster than women. And also how women tend to think more deeper than just looks, for example if the man is financially stable, they also focus on specific characteristics they’re attracted to. Women always tend to always think in the future, if that person is beneficial for them etc. To also think about how it depends on what a mans job is what women think of and also try to better themselves because they want to be at their level or somewhat close to it. In addition, I like the fact that women are not getting married just based on the mans income now days it has lowered now, and now women are getting married based on being in love with that person. Makes me happy :) lol

  83. Yes, I believe that men fall in love faster than women because men fall in love with women for their looks. Gorgeous good looks, hot body, beautiful face, luscious hair it’s all about physical appearance. But women care about more than physical attraction. So, if a guy asks a woman out and she’s not at all physically attracted to him, but he’s very nice, or funny or ambitious etc., then she will give him a chance for a first date. If that goes well, she will continue to date him and, overtime, will develop emotions for him. So I think that men are visual. The best advice I got when I was a teenager was to remember that men fall in love with what they see and we fall in love with what we hear. So sometimes we have to remember to plug our ears and look at what a man is doing. That will show us how he feels.

  84. What confuses me about this is that it seems to be confusing infatuation and/or lust for love. If you consider initial, instant attraction “love,” then sure, men fall in love faster. But that makes no sense. Such feelings will not necessarily lead to feelings of love. A man could beg this beautiful woman he just met to go out with him, but hold off on saying or thinking “I love you” for a long time. They’re not the same thing.

    • You could be right. The data is based on “when did you fall in love with your spouse?”

      I just saw an interview with Billy Crystal. He fell in love with his wife when he first saw her. They’re still married. He seems to love her.

  85. I have asked around also and was shocked at the response myself that when I asked who falls in love faster? Men or Women? a lot have answered MEN. At first I have to confess that I thought that it would be women just because I am a female and we are way more caring and fragile than men but that was not the case. I have also asked who is more likely to fall in love at first sight and as stated it would be men because men are mostly attracted to the physical appearance than anything else. That is like their gateway to love. I have been told and believe that women are most likely to believe that love lasts forever because we all want that kind of storybook love that fairytale ending where the couple lives happily ever after and never fails. Not all women believe that but the majority of women do. But that also goes for men, I mean the majority of men does not believe in an everlasting love but some of them do hope for it just as much as the majority of the women that do. I believe that it is equal when it comes to believing in one soul mate. I mean both men and women have a certain belief of some kind of hope that there is one person out there in this world that you belong too and that person belongs to you. Just because in society women do not have as much say as men do, that women are most likely to marry without love just to get by sometimes. And it is not really their fault men give out that sense that they need to take care of they women and some just abuse it. I do not know if this all makes sense but it is what I believe and what I heard.

  86. Wow. Interesting, if I were to be asked who falls in love faster women or men i would definetly say women. I can totally see why men can fall faster than a woman. Reason why is because they seem to “fall n love” with a woman by her appearance/ what they see. Her physical. Therefore he becomes attracted and believes he is in love, yet within time and getting to actually know her personality might change his whole idea of “being in love” and cause him to move on… I believe men could also fall faster if they see the girl is into the same type of things he is. For example, sports, certain attractions, video games whatever the case is. I see that it might take a little longer for women to fall in love just because we don’t always have this whole idea of just looks. We tend to look into “the future and ask ourselves is it worth being and falling in love with the man. Is he family oriented, has a good future ahead of him, etc. I guess we are more cautious of falling in love than men are.

  87. I am extremely surprised that men fall in love faster. Reading this blog it actually makes a lot of sense because women have a lot more factors that they look at then men. I agree that most men can take one look and know that he needs to be with that woman. I feel like my relationship actually confirms with this post. I’ve asked my boyfriend before, why he decided to talk to me. His answer was that he thought that I was pretty and that he just knew that he had to talk to me. It did take me a longer time to decide if I even wanted a relationship with him. I fell in love with his personality but knowing he was stable definitely played a factor.

  88. After reading this article I ran through all the reasons why I’m in love with my boyfriend. I’ve never been one to fall in love or over think relationships but this one, yeah he was different. He definitely fell for me first, in the beginning I resisted I found every reason on why I didn’t like him. He wasn’t tall enough, he wasn’t faithful, and he wouldn’t be good for a family, were all thoughts going through my head when I would hang out with him. He did of a phenomenal job of proving everyone one of those wrong. It took time and effort to get him to be faithful but he’s the perfect guy for me. After looking at my own situation I completely understand how and why guys fall before women do.

  89. How the blog says that men fall in love faster than women really caught my attention. It is true that many people believe that women would fall in love faster. But overall, I do not agree with the blog. I still believe that women fall in love faster than men. Men and women see love differently. Women are more of the hopeless romantic type and personality over powers looks. Women, like to see what a man can do for them and how he treats them. In my opinion, women are more into making sure they are being treated the right way. When women talk we talk about what he did, what he said, how he complimented you, etc. For men, its looks and they are more towards “love at first sight”. Men are more physical. They talk about body parts, and their favorite body part of a girl they are into etc. Women and men have their own interests and have different meanings of what love means to them.

    • Funny, sounds like you just argued for why men fall in love faster. All they have to do is look. Women have to get to know his personality and all sorts of other things before she falls in love.

  90. Typically I think it is assumed that women are the more sentimental sex, the believers in true love, and the believers of in love at first sight. After all, we are raised on stories of Disney princess’s, chick flicks, and novels that all depict love as the most prevailing aspect of relationships and an ultimate goal in life. At first my answer to all the questions asked at the beginning would have been: women. However, this posting has a point that as women grow mature and gain experience their fairytale ideas of men fade. Women, perhaps as a side effect of evolution have other things besides love to consider before choosing a man. Many women first consider looks, social status, and wealth before deciding to give their hearts. Although it may seems shallow, this is a method of making sure that IF they decide to fall in love, that man is capable of taking care of them and a future household. The surprising part for me is that men don’t take these precautions to the same extent as women.

    • It’s because men affect women’s lives more than vice-versa. E.g., womens status has les effect on her spouse’s status, and in abusive situations, men typically do more harm, being bigger, stronger on average.

  91. I searched the internet for questions like this one.
    It’s interesting that most, if not all the women responded things like “there is no such thing as love at first sight” “you can’t fall in love with someone if you don’t know that person” “it’s just lust”.
    I don’t know if it’s sad or is it better that someone can not experience “love at first sight”, and in matter of fact it’s something that women can’t even comprehend.

    Well ladies, love at first sight DOES exist and almost every man (probably ALL men) have experienced it at least once in their life time and it’s a wonderful feeling and experience, it’s mind “crippling” and “breath taking”, something you remember for the rest of your life. And it’s not lust. There is a big difference when it’s lust, when that’s the case men get “aggressive” and proactive and the chase the woman, when it’s love at first sight, men get numb and “passive”.
    So if a man is looking at you and is very nervous at approaching, then he really really likes you in a good way, and he is not just interested in getting you to bed.

    So remember this.
    If a man gives you signs that he is interested in you but he is nervous at approaching you,
    he most likely have good intentions, he is genuinely interested in you but he is nervous because he has already romantic feelings for you, you may not think that’s possible but yes the nervous man is most likely into you big time.
    If a man that shows interest in you and he is approaching you cool and bold, most likely he is after one thing and/or he had so much experience that it’s nothing to him to approach women.

  92. i personally think the women does at first and then the male, later on male stops showing it while he does more and women don’t usually get and when relationship is over the female gets over while the male still can’t.

    • Well, almost every time the male is first interested in a female and he is trying to “convince” her that she should be with him and then the female is judging him and deciding if she should choose him, rarely it’s the other way around.

      It’s like men acting on impulse and love at first sight whereas women are “calculating” the man’s “value” to decide if he is good enough.
      Men’s interest in women is based more on emotions whereas women’s interest in men is more mental, they take in account all the factors and then they reach to a decision if he is a suitable match.

  93. Georgia, what’s your personal experience with “love at first sight”?
    Have you ever experienced it?

      • Well, even though you haven’t experienced it, you wrote a very good post about it.

      • If I may ask something else.
        Whenever you were interested in a man it was someone you already knew?
        meaning you knew someone well and THEN consider the possibility that he could be a suitable dating partner?

        did you ever see someone you didn’t know (but you could get to meet him – in class, work, having mutual friends – not a stranger in the street) that you liked him enough to try and get to know him?
        thinking something like “he looks good, let’s see what he has to say”

      • All the time. I just wasn’t in love with him at first sight.

        Btw, I went back to respond more fully to something you asked about objectifying men — had to run and meant to get back — but now I can’t find it. Hope I didn’t accidentally hit spam. I get so much spam that it’s impossible to find later. Feel free to comment again. If I spammed you, you may need a different name — Jean Luc or something.

      • in “the Female Brain” at chapter three, there is a description of a kind of “falling in love at first sight” from the perspective of a woman.

      • Women can do it, even though I haven’t. They’re just less likely to.

      • Page 65

        As a result of this extra cautiousness, the typical female brain isn’t as ready to admit to being overwhelmed by infatuation or the sheer excitement of sexual behavior as is the male. Women do reach the same or a higher romantic end point, but they’re often slower to confess to being in love and more careful than males in the beginning weeks and months of a relationship. Male brains have a different neurological love wiring. Brain-imaging studies of women in love show more activity in many more areas, especially gut feelings, attention, and memory circuits, while men in love show more activity in highlevel visual processing areas. These heightened visual connections
        may also explain why men tend to fall in love “at first sight” more easily than women.

  94. Looking at the title of this topic, I would’ve thought women fall in love faster than men. But it does make sense because many women used to have the kind of mentality that if they are to be in a relationship, the man they are with has to be able to financially support them and their future family. Although women in relationships today may still want that, I feel that nowadays some are more inclined towards getting a degree and higher level of education with greater chances of having a better job than their significant other, which may be a reason as to why the gap is closing. It is very understandable that men believe in love at first sight, because they’d look at the woman’s body, face, and think “that’s the one” rather than standing there thinking, “Woah, she’s hot, but what does she do for a living? I wonder if she makes enough money?” Not all men have the love at first sight mentality, but I believe it’s understandable if they do.

  95. Hmmmm. I was almost wishing I hadn’t read this blog. I feel as though it feeds into the dogma that women are almost “gold diggers” and that men are “sex addicts”. I say this because of the reasons denoted why a man falls in love in this blog vs why a woman would fall in love. A man to fall in love so quickly based on the exterior of a woman only makes me feel as though his love is almost invalid and temporary- thus signaling as to why men tend to stray in marriage (also mentioned in blog). The reason why women fall in love is beyond looks, more so his stability as an adult. All sound more like arrangements made inside of each individual which is why I believe people want to get married later and later as the stigmas surrounding the foundation of marriage seem so shaky. I read the other day that marriage is a 76 BILLION dollar A YEAR industry. But, I did appreciate the study that the gap between the differences is closing. Reading the first few sentences I went in with my original thought that women do always fall in love faster, but that could just be me speaking from experience. :)

    • I’ve noticed that people often “overread” this post. They take it to mean more than it says.

      The post says that women are only slightly less likely to experience love at first sight these days. And that’s because women are more able to make a living these days. In the past women were not allowed to make a living and they had to depend on their husbands. That’s not gold digging, there simply wasn’t much choice. But even today when women are more concerned with her husband income it’s because women are more likely to give up their careers to stay home with children, so that it becomes a concern. Again, that’s still isn’t gold digging.

      I also think it’s important to see how culture creates psychology. So when you grow up in a culture with gender roles, of course it’s going to affect women psychology– re-creating the pattern in some way.

      I’ve also noticed that a lot of people don’t want to hear actual data if it’s not politically correct. I’m not always thrilled with it either, but I’m more interested in the truth.

      Thanks for offering your perspective.

  96. This is an unanswerable question. As young girls, women are taught to not trust men because they will break there hearts. And this is why women try not to open up too much, thinking that guys only want to sleep with them.

    I think women falls in love first, but men falls in lust first. Men are probably the ones who fall in love at first sight. I think women falls in love first, but men falls in lust first.

    However stereotypically speaking, women falls in love quicker. But nowadays who knows who falls in love first. People are more in love with the idea of love then actually being in love with their partner.

  97. The fact that men are more interested in women’s looks could have something to do with women being more “attractive” than men or could it be vice versa,
    because women are more valued on looks, they considered to be more attractive than men,
    if a woman is beautiful it’s all she needs to be valued, but if a man is beautiful that does not mean much

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-how-and-why-sex-differences/201105/men-are-rated-less-facially-attractive-women

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/201101/women-are-more-beautiful-men

    • Well, there are a lot of things you could look at here. For one thing, Women care about looks these days almost as much as men do. But women are also more likely to be concerned with other factors as well. But as the one article says, Women also have make up options and more options for hairstyles that are flattering. Plus, the society teaches us to think of women as being more attractive. So it’s hard to know whether women are actually more attractive or whether they just seem so.

  98. That was a very interesting blog. When I first started reading the questions in the beginning, in my mind, I answered “women” to every single question. Before reading, I thought that women are most likely to fall in love because they’re very emotional and they just want someone to be there to listen to all their problems. However, after reading the blog, I guess it is true that men look for “the one,” depending on women’s looks and compatibility they have towards each other. I feel that all males out there “know” that they’re the ones who’s suppose to work more and to support the family because that’s how society tells us. There are rarely any families where the mom works while the dad stays home and watches over the kid. As for women, I feel that all women would like to be a stay home mom after she gets married. My mom would always joke around when I was little and say, “Oh, when you’re older, just marry a wealthy guy and then you’ll have a happy life.” So women do focus more on looks and jobs when they’re searching for their man. I feel that women are also very picky, like if a guy has some sort of flaw, they just skip him and look for another guy, without really giving that guy a chance. It’s good that many people aren’t like this a lot anymore. I heard that couples get married later now, as in, instead of getting married in their early 20′s, they wait a couple of years and then get married during their late 20′s. (ages 25 to 30) Which is super good.

  99. I think men also fall in love easier because most men are looking for that love and care giving a mother gives after they get to old to go back to mommy. All the hiding your emotional side gets exausting after a while so the first woman to make a man feel that warmth he will fall in love with.

  100. It’s funny though that women it is considered to be more romantic than men still they don’t believe in love at first sight. When you think “I don’t know him well enough to like him” isn’t much different than considering a job or a business partnership offer “can I trust him and go in business with him, what are the pros and cons”. I am not saying that everyone should or could fall in love at first sight because the whole point is you can’t force it and also you can’t prevent it from happening. “Love at first sight” or “love” for that matter, is a feeling, you can not rationalize a feeling. You can’t think analytically and consider all the pros and cons and “decide” to love somebody. Sure thinking thoroughly can give you comfort, safety, companionship but love is a feeling, you can not think it through.Someone could argue that “love at first sight” doesn’t exist because it’s irrational – that’s the whole point, “love at first sight” is INDEED irrational so there is no point in trying to rationalize and conclude that it doesn’t exist with logical arguments. In matter of fact all emotions are irrationals. They are located at different parts of the brain than rational thought. That’s why when people are in a highly emotional state (fear, happiness, stress, sorrow, etc) can not think rationally.That also explains why sometimes when (young) people are in love can do irrational things, or they can eat and sleep less – because being in love alters the hormonal balance of the brain and the body.

    But someone would expect that women should believe in love at first sight, after all they were the ones that grew up with fairy tales. When the princess saw prince charming did she tell him “we should talk casually for a couple of months first then start dating slowly and see where it goes” – now that wouldn’t be much of a fairy tale, right? How about literature or poetry? Romeo and Juliet could be considered as a case of “love at first sight”. That wasn’t real? well, art imitates life and Shakespeare as all great artists was very receptive and highly aware of what’s going on in real life.
    It seems that some can experience love at first sight and some can not. I am not sure who are the lucky ones.

    • It is funny. And that’s why so many people are surprised.

      That said, now that women can make their own money and don’t have to think of marrying men in terms of “How much money does he have” women are more likely to marry for love and are also more likely to fall in love at first sight. In fact the gap between women and men is quite narrow now. I mentioned that my post but people seem to miss it.

  101. the fact the gap is quite narrow is based on statistics or surveys?
    is there a source about that?

    another thing, the whole discussion is about who “falls in love faster” or “love at first sight”, and as you said and I agree it’s men.
    But in the beginning of your post you also asked
    Who is more likely to believe that love lasts forever?
    Who is more likely to feel there is one perfect love?

    you said that it’s men again but I think that in that case it’s women
    these questions are about something entirely different than “love at first sight” of “who falls in love faster” and I think that could be why many people, in particular women, still believe that women falls in love faster – it’s because they confuse the question “who falls in love faster” with the two above questions.

    So I believe that men could fall in love “faster” but women could love “more” in the long run. Women value intimacy more than men later on.
    These of course don’t apply to everyone but it’s more likely to happen.

    • All this love research is based on survey data, which is to say statistics based on surveys. So both.

      The reason men have historically been more likely to believe that there is a perfect love and that love lasts forever is because men have historically been more likely to marry for love than for financial stability. That’s because historically men were able to make a good living, and women were not. So women had to be concerned about that sort of thing. Women didn’t have money to offer, particularly. All they had to offer was their looks, their ability to make a man fall in love. Women are still more likely than men to be concerned with a potential partner’s financial stability/security, likely because women are more likely to expect to give up a career to raise a family. So she needs a man who can support a family. But because women can now make their own money all of these gaps are narrowing, and by quite a bit. Not a lot of difference between women and men these days.

      Here are some studies that were done on which this post is based:

      Hatfield and Sprecher 1986. Measuring passionate love in intimate relationships. Journal of Adolescence

      TL Huston and Ashmore, 1986. Women and men in personal relationships. In “the social psychology of female-male relations”

      Rubin, Peplau and Hill 1981. Loving and leaving: sex differences in romantic attachments. Sex roles.

      • Another thing that perhaps we should in consideration is the difference between lust and love at first sight and it’s interesting that men can experience both more than women, especially lust.
        Lust appears when the men focus on body parts, and with exposure of female bodies through magazines, tv and porn, men learned to lust female body parts.
        But love at first sight comes when a man pays attention to the face of a woman. No man is going to spend his time watching porn for the faces of the women. When we were kids and we were reading a porn magazine, someone made a comment about the beautiful face of a porn star, everybody laughed at him.
        The faces can reveal and tell us subconsciously a lot about that person’s genes -if it’s a suitable match or not- and attraction and sex after all are all hardwired to our brains.
        But body parts can not tell us many things about that person’s genes, it just causes lust because it’s social constructed, just like Pavlov’s dog.

        Men spend equal(?) time between lusting over body parts and falling in love with faces.
        Women are closing the gap but only in gazing male faces, they are still way behind in lusting male bodies.
        So that could mean that in the near future women will value the faces of men more than men value the faces of women? I don’t know if it makes sense the way I write this.

      • Men don’t only learn about women’s genes by looking at their faces, They learn a lot about women’s personality, mood, confidence, all sorts of things… by looking at their expressions. I saw one study that found that slightly more men were interested in women’s faces than breasts (see below). Maybe they don’t always admit that to other guys. Some do! And another study that came out before I was blogging–- But I should probably write on it anyway–– Showed that for a one night stand men cared more about women’s bodies but for long-term relationships men cared more about a woman’s face.

        Men Prefer Great Hair Over Big Breasts?

        http://broadblogs.com/2011/04/06/men-prefer-great-hair-over-big-breasts/

        If you want women to lust after men’s bodies as much as men lust after women’s then the culture will have to change to be less patriarchal and more egalitarian in who is portrayed as the sex object. But I can assure you that being portrayed as the sex object has a huge downside. I would prefer that we have a more egalitarian culture with neither men nor women portrayed as sex objects:

        Keep Your Boobs, Get Better Guys

        http://broadblogs.com/2011/07/13/keep-your-boobs-get-better-guys/

  102. “I saw one study that found that slightly more men were interested in women’s faces than breasts ”

    This is a common subject of discussion among men “what do you notice first and the most, face or body” and it is done in a serious tone, not like immature high school kids.
    And I concur, that it’s almost equal, half men prefer face over body.

    I think that it would be almost impossible for women to learn to lust over men’s bodies at that same degree that men do over women’s bodies.
    Even if (and that’s a big “if”) the media focused on men’s bodies, the chest of a man has been unsensualized (is that correct word?) for almost a century now and it’s not considered any more to be a body part that could induce lust just like women’s breasts. I can’t imagine that men’s chest could possibly be considered to be near as sexy as women’s breasts ever again. What’s more likely is that women’s breasts could also loose the “sexiness” through over exposure, but even that is highly unlikely.

  103. “The study was done by David Buss of the University of Michigan who asked a large sample
    of American students to rank the qualities they most preferred in a mate: He found that men preferred kindness, intelligence, beauty, and youth, while women preferred kindness, intelligence, wealth, and status: He was told that this may be the case in America, but it is not a universal facet of human nature. So he repeated the study in thirty-seven different samples
    from thirty-three countries, asking over one thousand people, and found exactly the same result: Men pay more attention to youth and beauty, women to wealth and status: To which came this answer: Of course women pay more attention to wealth because men control it: If women controlled wealth, they would not seek it in their spouses. Buss looked again and found that American women who make more money than the average American woman
    pay more attention than average to the wealth of potential spouses, not less:” High-earning women value the earning capacity of their husbands more, not less, than low-earning women: Even a survey of fifteen powerful leaders of the feminist movement revealed that
    they wanted still more powerful men. As Buss ‘s colleague Bruce Ellis put it, “Women’s sexual tastes become more, rather than less, discriminatory as their wealth, power, and social status increase.”

    • 1) it makes sense that women who are so concerned with wealth that they go out of their way to become wealthy would also be concerned that men they mate with hold a lot of wealth. What you’re looking at here has to do with values, not gender.

      2) it’s hard to find cultural differences these days because Western, patriarchal values have spread so widely. He should look at historical literature of matriarchal or egalitarian peoples, like American Indians.

  104. The popular notion is that men care about women’s looks and women care about men’s personality. If that’s the case then a woman should most likely accept all offers from guys and go on 5-6 dates per day.
    How else she could get to know someone well enough and see if she likes his personality. What if she rejected that most amazing guy before she get to know him well?
    So why girls decline date offers from guys BEFORE they get to know them well?
    And how she could possibly decides if she likes his personality or not before she goes out on a few dates with him and get to know him?
    it doesn’t make sense.

    Guys on the other hand, when they see a girl they like, that will motivate them to get to know her. They won’t decide that they want to date her simply because of her good looks (at least most of the times) but her good looks will give them a motive to ask her out on a date and see if they like her personality as well.

    So why women reject guys’ offers BEFORE they get to know them well enough?
    Could women be visual as well and reject guy’s offers based on their looks on a subconscious level?

    • Research shows that when choosing who to date Women are nearly as likely as meant to care about looks.

      They’re less visual when it comes to the fetish. And that may be because the male body isn’t fetishized and homophobia represses the fetish when it’s a directed at women.

      • “And that may be because the male body isn’t fetishized and homophobia represses the fetish when it’s a directed at women.”

        I don’t understand this.
        Homophobia is why women aren’t visual with the male body?
        Wouldn’t that be heterophobia?

      • No. Homophobia is why women repress the fetish when it’s related to breasts.

  105. I believe that women fall in love faster. In fact, there is a stereotype about men suggesting that all strong, cute, rich, and romantic guys are perfect. But, that is not true, and most of the time they are the worst men. So, when we meet a guy like that, she will just think that he’s the best, and that he has everything: He is cute, so she will have beautiful children; he is rich, so you and your children will have everything you want etc. This makes us fall in love faster than men because for men more factors matter in this process of love. Indeed, men care a lot about your background as a woman while we, as women, care less about men’s background. For example, a men will try to know if you are virgin or if you like to have sex everywhere with anybody (how many times you had sex? with whom?) which is part of their pride as men. If you had sex with a lot of people, they will less likely fall in love with you because they will be like “I am not going to be with that frivolous girl”. Also, if you had sex with someone that he personally or that someone in his group of friends knows, he will also less likely fall in love with you in order to avoid being compare or judge by his friends or the person who had sex with you. Moreover, men look at your body before falling in love with you implying that if you do not have what they are looking for in the right proportions, they will again less likely look at you or even pay attention to you. Some other factors might be education, whether you had kids or not with a previous man (if so, how many?), and your group of friends.

    In conclusion, it might be different in the US, but that is how it is in my country (CI). Women are underestimated in relationships because they are considered to be more fragile, vulnerable, and dependent on their partners which makes it seems like they are the ones falling in love faster and believing in perpetual love, kids, and marriage.

  106. I believe that women have been programmed to fall in love faster. Boys are raised never to cry and be tough, and they never are supposed to talk about their feelings. While women are thought to be sweet, kind and full of emotions. So of course when a man a women get into a relationship they both want to different things at first. At first attraction might be the only reason they link up but I believe that changes for women much more quickly than for men. Mostly because they were raised differently, men to be tough and women to be emotional. So maybe we are all victim to the way society has depicted man and woman. Ultimately I believe that things dont have to be like this, there can be change

  107. It is really a fascinating article. Before I read this article, I always used to think that women are the ones who will fall in love and believe in love more easily as women are always consider to be more vulnerable and emotional. It made me feel like women are more romantic so it is more likely for them to think that there is a perfect one for them. However, after reading this article, I realize that my perspective is somehow stereotyped and biased. I never thought that women will be more concern on the outside factors of their partners and that is so true. I totally agree with the example that, “a waitress who marries a dentist is likely to see her prestige rise to his level” and that is why we sometimes can see young unsophisticated women marrying rich old men, do you think their marriage is base on true love? I really doubt that.

  108. I admit men are likely to fall in love at first sight, as same amount as women do. My friends often shout like “Oh look at that girl! She’s so hot,… just looks perfect, huh?” and I’m just “yeah, she looks good, so what??” Unlikely to those friends, I don’t have an experience of falling in love at first sight, and one time when I told them about this, they said I was cold as ice and not romantic. To me, it doesn’t matter which of men or women fall in love faster, but what I like about this article is that it addresses the gap is getting narrow and narrow due to more independence of women, which motivates both men and women being respectful and loving each other in marriage.

  109. Wow. This is quite interesting. In my opinion I believe the media has a lot to do with the way we all respond to the opposite sex. With that point in mind, it comes to no shock how men could “fall in love” sooner solely by looks. I do however feel that we shouldn’t refer to it as love. I think infatuation would be more appropriate.

    I mean, we can all find someone physically attractive but that attraction goes away once you get to know each other (at least in my experience). And if that were the case then it wouldn’t be categorized as love.

  110. Elellta Tesfaye

    I am in shock right now! am sure a lot of people found this very surprising. I don’t know why but I always thought that it was rare to have a man completely fall in love with a woman. I used to believed that since men are less emotional, it takes a lot for them to actually be in love. I must say this gave me a lot of hope haha :) Nice to know that we are in the same boat! I don’t know if its true, but i heard that men fall in love once in their life time?? (i know it sounds stupid) but its the number of people that told me the same thing that made me really wonder…Most likely men will have this experience in high school or college, and if it ends up not working out with the girl they fell in love with its over. they might eventually find another person, even get married and love them too but not quite close to the ‘one that got away”. I would love to hear your take on this.

    • Interestingly, men are also unlikely to leave women unless they already have another girl lined up.

      One of my male students was talking about this and said that the only time men can open up and be emotional is in relationships, and it’s such a relief. This seems to be part of the reason that men may need women even more than women need men.

      I saw a study which said that both women and men feel they only fall in love one (on average) time in their lives. Now, memories fade and a grown man or woman might consider an early romance mere puppy love.

  111. This blog was really interesting because I definitely thought that all the answers to those questions would be women. As I read the blog more, all the information that was provided definitely changed my thinking on the subject and I started agreeing that the answer to the questions would be men. Is it more likely that women can fall in love more than once in their lifetimes than men? I have to say that I definitely look at more factors than just a man’s looks in order to put them in my line of thinking that they are boyfriend material. I definitely couldn’t just be with a man for his money. I need to feel like they want me around and to be my best friend as well as my lover. I think that I’m like that because I plan to be self-sufficient and not need a man for their financial support. So it makes life pointed towards finding a partner and not a supporter.

  112. I believe that this is true. Guys mostly care about looks and women care more for personality. It takes longer to get to know someone than to look at them. I mean sure some girls seem to fall fast but men fall faster. They care more about having a trophy wife than a happy love life. I personality take a while to even like a guy. I find all the things I do not like about the man before I think about the things I do like. I guess I am cautious when it comes to falling in love. However, men take a first glace at woman and make their move. Its funny to think that we think women are the ones that fall in love faster when in reality it is men.

  113. “Perhaps we humans inherited this phenomenon—because love at first sight is common to men and women. In a recent survey of one hundred American couples, 11 percent of these men and women had fallen in love the moment they set their eyes on their partner; and in a survey of 679 men and women done in the 1960s, some 30 percent of respondents reported they had fallen in love at an initial glance.”

    “Love at first sight is nature‘s work.”

    Why We Love (2004) by Helen Fisher PhD

    Excellent book describing how all people all through human history regardless gender, race, age, etc., experience the same romantic feelings.
    Perhaps we aren’t so different after all.

  114. I have never looked at falling in love this way and now it makes a lot of sense to why a majority of men fall in love first. I think society has also affected the way men and women fall in love. Unlike traditional relationships, divorces are more likely to happen than before. The was women have become more independent has also impacted the mentality of love. I personally look for many things in a man in order for me to like him. Just like it was described in the blog post, I look for characteristics and the type of things he does that show potential. As women I think we want to fall in love safe and secure while a man desires a woman who can make jaws drop.

  115. I believe men in the present time are looking for the same qualities as women were looking for centuries ago, a stable mate to provide for. Of course, having handsome features can play a significant role in courting, so can enjoying each other’s company, but attraction is key. Indeed, having a stable income is more important now days, considering mortgage rates and health insurance costs, I wouldn’t be surprised if Match.com had this listed on some of the qualities for potential dates. Yet, It’s easy to agree that ‘economic, educational, and job opportunities have relieved many women from the dependent wifely role’ (p.225, WRWC). Meaning, yes these are strong qualities women are attracted to, but it is also a good contribution for women to have them as well. Men might be looking for the perfect mate, but women are putting marriage off to pursue careers more so than ever, finding the perfect husband is a bonus.

  116. “In our sample, men tended to show more activity than women in brain regions associated with visual processing, particularly of the face.
    Could this have evolved to enhance men‘s ability to fall in love when they saw a woman who was young, symmetrical, and a good reproductive bet? Maybe. This brain activity could also help explain why men generally fall in love faster than women. When the time is right and a man sees an attractive woman, he is anatomically equipped to rapidly associate attractive visual features with feelings of romantic passion. What an effective courtship device.”

    Why We Love (2004) by Helen Fisher PhD

    • Maybe. But I don’t know why women wouldn’t be just as picky. Could be that men are taught to value looks more than women are, because women are the sex and beauty objects in our world.

      Culture overrides evolution much of the time, too. So Victoria’s Secret models, who are unhealthy are thought to be very attractive in our culture. In parts of West Africa obese women are preferred.

      And then there is this from new York Times columnist, David Brooks last week. He suggests that we can develop wisdom that overrides evolution:

      the strictly evolutionary view of human nature sells humanity short. It leaves the impression that we are just slightly higher animals — thousands of years of evolutionary processes capped by a thin layer of rationality. It lops off entire regions of human possibility.

      In fact, while we are animals, we have much higher opportunities. While we start with and are influenced by evolutionary forces, people also have the chance to make themselves deep in a way not explicable in strictly evolutionary terms.

      So much of what we call depth is built through freely chosen suffering. People make commitments — to a nation, faith, calling or loved ones — and endure the sacrifices those commitments demand. Often this depth is built by fighting against natural evolutionary predispositions.

      http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/14/opinion/brooks-the-deepest-self.html?src=me&module=Ribbon&version=context&region=Header&action=click&contentCollection=Most%20Emailed&pgtype=article&_r=0

      • I have read that the commitments that some people make to a nation, faith, calling or loved ones are “predefined” by our genes. That’s why there are people who although they grew up in the same environment with the same cultural upbringing still they may have completely different beliefs

      • Who we are is a mix of the personality we are generically born with, Plus the culture we grow up in, plus the social interactions we go up with.

        That’s why you find broad social patterns that vary from culture to culture plus individual outliers whose genetic personality is so strong in a particular area that culture doesn’t affect them much.

  117. I do believe men fall in love faster, men simply don’t do it as OFTEN as women. Men are typically more guarded and pragmatic about love, women are far more open and natural about it. Falling in love usually happens in stages for women, as the man of her choice continue to prove himself to her. A man will only fall in love once he is convinced that a woman is unique and irreplaceable. Once that happens the woman doesn’t really need to “prove herself” in any way, he has already made his decision.

  118. It actually makes sense. The most important characteristic that men are looking for is beauty. So once a girl is beautiful, it’s faster for a man to fall in love with her.
    Women on the other hand, want to look at your job, monthly income, house, car, personality, way of life, before falling in love so it’s just normal that it takes more time for them to fall in love.

  119. This makes perfect sense. Women are more cautious when it comes to falling in love which is why we look for good characteristics in men. This may also have to do with the amount of time it takes for each gender to mature. And to women falling in love is more complicated than it seems because we are more emotional; we have to make sure that who we fall in love with is more than just a pretty face. Although who we fall in love with is not under our control, most women use their mind and most men use their heart when they fall in love.

  120. I’ve read some studies that say that men fall in love faster, and it was interesting to read further to find out on what grounds they base this on. It is also very understandable that women focus more on the career, while men focus on the looks. I do believe the findings and position of this stance, but it is hard for me truly accept it as relevant anymore. The tendency for men to fall in love quicker is more widely known that people might think, but in my eyes it is just a phase. The one question I have is how one defines “love”? Falling in love after seeing someone who has “that look” is rare and even when it does happen, you would be hard pressed to find someone to agree that that is true love. Personality was also completely left out of this. I know that wasn’t their subject of focus, but I’m sure that even with a highly attractive women who had an extreme temper, or one who acted incredibly repulsively would not land any lover.

    However, I do find it much more common for women to be more selective and attentive when searching for the right partner. Men, from experience, often will only search for those two or three things they want that can exist in any women, and think they can go from there. Though that holds some truth, these ways are changing. More men are becoming aware of what women want, and they act for the better, and teach the younger generations as such. We aren’t changing who we are, but we try to be better overall for both examples to our kin as well as potential partners for anyone. The same goes for women as well. Independence in women is more attractive than ever this day in age, and looks are becoming just the wrapper to what can be a special package.

    Love has many definitions, but I wouldn’t use it to explain what happens when people base their relationships off careers or looks.

  121. This is really an interesting topic. When I first saw the title, I immediately thought that the answer to the question is “women.” Because as you have mentioned, I thought we, women, tends to like romantic things mostly based on movie, novels and TV shows. However, all the factors shown in the article make sense to me. I probably fall in love with a guy’s looks, perhaps I focus more onto a guy’s personality as well as how much we have something in common. So I usually take time and approach to a guy step by step. Only because I believe in long term relationship. Thus as you said that women are more likely to focus on the future marriage life, I probably unconsciously imagine my future with a guy I like.
    However these days there are less belief that “things have to be this way,” and the boundaries are going away, so I guess this is one of the factor that the gap is closing over time.

  122. Veronica Perez

    Wow this is a surprise always thought women were the ones that fell in love faster. Especially since I was raised by a mother and grandmother who told me to be careful with guys, because they only talk nice and a girl believes them everything. It gave me the impression that women were very vulnerable and susceptible to falling for the wrong guy. I would always respond to my mother and grandmother to leave me alone because I was not stupid. But this article makes perfect sense, men tend to be attracted to looks and that is what later gives birth to a serious relationship. On the other hand as a women we look for someone who is serious and someone we will depend on. Someone with a good income and family oriented.

  123. When reading the questions I automatically assumed the answer to be women, and while I was a little surprised, after I read the entire article it makes a lot of sense to me. I think women are just more likely to be very cautious and picky with who they want to be with.This is a tricky question to answer though because everyone has their own definition of what love is, but I guess the point isn’t whether they’re really in love or not, but that men think they’ve fallen in love. It’s definitely nice to know that the gap is closing though.

  124. Who falls in love faster? Men or Women?
    Honestly, I think it all depends on the situation between the man and the woman. But it is mostly the men falling in love first. I do think that some of the comments above are correct, that women tend to look for more than just looks in a man before they actually fall in love. But in some situations a man will look and see how a woman presents herself toward him. For example, does she seem to be innocent, looking for a stead relationship or just someone to full around with, but not serious. And as far as women, they seem to look for a lot more. Like if the guy is a gentlemen, respects the woman, has a decent job, his and his families background. So in my opinion, I do think that it is the man that falls in love first.

  125. When I first read this blog- right after the first question, I had already had an answer in my head. And you’re right, it was definitely women who falls in love faster.

    But after reading through your article, I couldn’t help but agree more. Men has a certain “image” of what their future wife will be like and can almost alter every pet peeve to fit with the person they are “in love” with. I suppose women could do the same, but I have so many friends who have these dream girls that they talk about- and acts incredibly ridiculous the minute they score a date.

    At some point, they start to think like women. The future comes into play, what the next date will be like and how to keep her interested.

    I have had many women in my life tell me that “it’s not about looks” and how I should really look for somebody who is willing to support me and look after my family. I, myself, think about those qualities. Although I am in no position to get married any time soon, I think you just can’t help but wonder sometimes.

  126. This post was really surprising to me because I genuinely thought it would be women who fall in love faster than men. Women tend to fall in love with the thought of being in love. I am quite young, only 18 but girls my age “fall in love” so fast with just any guy then they find out who they fell in love with isn’t what they expected. In many cases though women have standards to what they want their men to be like and they follow them, it’s not just looks that matter but also education, and the fact that they need to see this person to be able to help support them and if it’s a good idea to have kids with them or not. I do now see why men fall in love faster than women because from what I’ve seen men do go for looks over everything. as long as a women is pretty then she’s the one for him. Im still just a little confused as to if its true men only want sex or majority of the time sex and sex appeal is what attracts them.

  127. Before even reading this article, I had assumed that women fall in love more quickly than men do. Women fantasize perfect relationships by watching romance movies, reading romance novels, and by simply talking about it with friends. I thought it was inaccurate how the article stated that men fall in love faster than women. After finishing it, however, I now see that women may not even realize that they’re waiting to see if the guy they like is good enough for them and is exactly what they want, even though they show how important love is to them. They don’t fall in love quickly at all; they make a list in their head of what’s good and what’s bad in a guy. Men can simply fall in love with a woman just by looking and seeing how beautiful she is. It’s uncommon for men to consider the same characteristics that women do. Overall, very interesting article.

  128. I would of never guessed that men were more susceptible to love. I always believed that men only wanted one thing, and according to this blog I was incorrect. After reading I do understand why it is that way, because men do mostly go off looks when women look into other things. My boyfriend admits to me that we would not have met if he did not find me attractive, that is what caused him to introduce himself. I am not sure if that refers to the love at first sight saying, but I guess it is close enough. As of right now I am not concerned with how wealthy he may end up being, but I have noticed a lot of stay at home moms are married to wealthy men. So in the end it all does match up, and I did not realize that until reading this article; very cool.

  129. Melissa Mejia

    I found this article to be fairly interesting and it also brought up some really good points. However, i think at the end of the day instead of asking questions based on sex everyone should be asking themselves is what is love? And more importantly how can you be sure? How long does it take to love someone? I for example do not believe in love at first sight. I think love at first sight should be referred to as lust or simply checking someone out. In order to truly love someone you have to know pretty much everything there is to know about them and not run away screaming. As Sally and cliche as this might sound, true love takes time and it takes a lot of hard work. There are days when you don’t know what you would do with out each other and there are days when you want to kill each other. I think the world we live in has become to superficial and fast laced that the true definition of love has been completely altered.

  130. Bryan Santoyo

    “Men’s interest is simple, uncomplicated. But women more likely want character-driven stories that reveal the lover’s nature…” I can agree to this, it seems that men in general like things to be straight-forward, whereas women because of romantic movies, and novels, expect a lot more effort to see the love in a man. I never thought about this topic, but it seems very true. I also believe that women fall in love at a slower rate than men because they don’t want to be lied to and left out of the blue. It’s like women need to put a shield to protect them from being too vulnerable, because even if they might be hearing all the perfect lines that romantic movies show us to do, women still need men to prove themselves to them. Especially in today’s society…

  131. I believe that women fall in love faster than men. Women, like your article states, are looking for stability, a man with a good job and love. Women tend to be more romantic than men but I have noticed lately that men are changing. I was always attracted to the “bad boys”, the ones that ride Harleys, drink, and have just like to have a good time. That was my husband when I met him. We were together for 13 years before we got married, and after we got married, I wanted more stability. I wanted to make sure we had good jobs so we could move forward and purchase a home for our family. But as far as falling in love, it took my husband some time to come around with the whole “romantic” part. Since he wasn’t raised like that, it was hard for him to change. But he finally is getting the hang of it after 16 years together!

  132. interesting to me because these seem like questions all mentioned towards women you just wouldn’t really think of men thinking of these questions but they probably do. i think most women fall in love faster because intimacy gets us emotionally somewhat attached and its just in us ladies and women want to have a connection and not feel as used . men and women can both fall in love at both sight , but its a definitely a yes for men because men are very visual and are very fascinated with look what they look at …( women too! but not as much we can look a lil passed that)! i think women are more likely to think true love last forever, and i think its nice to think that men think love last forever

    • I don’t really understand the disagreement — the belief that women fall in love faster despite surveys that show that men do.

      Men are just more likely to say that they have fallen in love with at first sight. Although that gap is increasingly narrowing. And actually, women do have more reasons to be cautious, since men do tend to have a bigger effect on women’s lives and vice versa. Women tend to be more affected by men’s jobs and by men being bigger and stronger on average — presenting more worries about abuse, for instance.

  133. This is surprising i am one of those people who think that women are the ones to fall in love faster and that believe at love at first sight. After reading this it really does make sense because women to tend to want to get to know the person first figure out there personality and then fall in love. I like the part were it mentions that the girl well usually check if the guy is socially economically stable etc. cause many people think that because a girl is looking for that , that automatically makes her a gold digger and it shows people that a lot of girls are like that.

  134. Thank goodness the gap is closing. I can’t imagine getting married based on looks, or on status. Of course, these two are nice to consider, but as a romantic, to think about spending the rest of my life with someone I don’t love is…unthinkable.

    In regards to the discrepancy between what is believed and what is reality, I think it’s great men are the ones to exhibit “romantic” traits to a greater extent. I think it’s too often believed that men are emotionless. While love at first sight may be nothing more than lust, there’s still emotion involved. In fact, there’s some commitment that men often are not given credit for. I mean women can be disloyal, but it would be more surprising to society than if a man were to be.

    • I guess women are seen as being more into schmaltzy romantic things like flowers, sweet talk, ballads including corny boy bands. It seems the man had to make an effort to emotionally woo a woman, while women don’t seem to romance a man as much. It’s a simplification of course, but I actually wish things were a bit more equal sometimes.

  135. Before reading this article my guess was that men fall in love faster. This may just because of the person that I am but I feel like it takes me a long time to fall in love. I take saying “I love you” very seriously as well. I also that believe guys are a lot my sentimental and loving than they are seen to be. Men have the stereotype of being strong and showing no emotion. I think this is why it takes guys a while to be able to say “I love you.” Men don’t want to seem like they are softies by saying “I love you” too soon. I think that is is sweet that guys tend to fall in love fast it reassures women about the fact that men are sentimental. Its also reassuring to know that when a girl feels like she is in love and feels like it is too fast and the guy doesn’t feel the same way that in fact the man probably does. In terms of marriage, it actually frustrates me that looks and money play such a huge factor. Compatibility is the most important thing in love not the materialistic factors.

  136. i believe man is the first to fall in love as to compare to our first parent in the bible
    Adam& Eve ……..Eve didnt love Adam and stop believing the snake because she want more she feels its not enough with what God provide them and she bite it and what happen Adam saw what Eve has done was wrong but because he love Eve so he also took a bite ……and thats inherit man to be inlove first….

  137. Interesting but at the same time, I think, a lot of what these articles miss out is the fact no one person is the same. Sure you can generalize a little bit and get a very small idea on a small level but to go so far to say, this is something. I don’t agree. Generalisation is very much an overused not so helpful thing. I am male but because of the life I have led could I fall in love from looks alone? Could I really fall in love that quickly? Of course not. It all comes down to the individual. Never base an entire idea off generalizations.

    • Well I always say that something is more typical of one gender or the other. I never say that all men are one way and all women are another way.

      I’m a sociologist, and what sociologists do is study social patterns. Social patterns are always generalizations. And different cultures have different social patterns that vary by gender.

      Sociologists also study the source of the social patterns. If you want to change things you need to get at the source of the pattern.

      • “I’m a sociologist, and what sociologists do is study social patterns. Social patterns are always generalizations”

        I would like to ask if the “social pattern” of high school girls and college girls experimenting with each other and pretending to be bisexual is as true as the media are implying to be.
        Do straight girls really behave bisexually just because the pop culture has made female bisexuality to be a fad and they are influenced by these ideas?

      • It’s not much of a social pattern given that only 14% of Women say they have had sex with another woman, and some of those women are lesbian or bisexual.

        I wouldn’t be surprised if pop-culture has influenced some of the others.

        I’ve finally gotten around to reading Daniel Bergner’s book, “what women want”–well I’m about a third of the way through it. But I noticed one who says she is heterosexual but wants to have sex with a woman with big boobs– Which reminded me of your question about how a woman could see herself as straight and yet want to have sex with A woman. Here’s my thought:

        When breasts become a fetish they are simply a sex toy and are detached from the woman. And remember, men in all cultures don’t find breasts sexual. But for hetero men who have learned the fetish, the breasts would actually be connected to a whole person that he was sexually drawn to. So it would seem to him that the breast fetish reflected his heterosexual interest — when in actuality, he would be interested in his mate even without any arousal from her breasts — as tribal men, and many married men, and older men with older mates, are. And, little boys get crushes on little girls who don’t have any breasts at all.

        This is just a guess on my part, but it does reflect my own experience with a fetish that has largely faded for me, by the way. But I do have a memory of finding them more arousing than I do now. But even back then it never occurred to me to want to have sex or a relationship with a woman. The thought never occurred to me. I was always just interested sexually/romantically in guys.

  138. One of the major differences between men and women is that men usually get attracted by a woman’s looks and then they are attracted to her personality
    but women fall first for a man’s personality and then they get physically attracted to him,
    of course there are exceptions but that’s how it usually works.
    I wonder how much of this is natural and how much it is socially learned.

    I bet though that many women would notice a good looking man even though women aren’t supposedly visual when it comes to men.

    • Actually, women and men are very similar in terms of initial attraction. The main thing that both men and women are initially attracted to is looks. But women are a bit more cautious about falling in love for the reasons described in the post.

      Most people who read this seem to overlook the point that the gap is narrowing — actually becoming quite narrow now. And that narrowing follows greater equality between women and men. So these days women are less financially dependent on men, and men are less likely to abuse women, for instance.

      Just because women don’t experience a fetish with regard to men doesn’t mean that women aren’t attracted by looks. And actually, plenty of men are attracted to women in ways that may not include a fetish. Look at all the men who are attracted to Mila Kunis, Kiera Knightley, Olivia Wilde, Kate Hudson, Debra Messing, Paris Hilton… despite their having very little in the way of breasts… I bring this up because past comments of yours seem to assume that if women aren’t experiencing a fetish, they can’t be physically attracted to men.

  139. “Our study suggests that increases in gender equality in the society around us can also change the way we think about the opposite sex. Men can relax about having to build up wealth but may benefit from looking after their looks a little more”

    http://archive.indianexpress.com/news/modern-men-prefer-brains-over-beauty-in-women-study/1000524/

  140. Why Do Women Find Handsome Men So Forgettable?

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-murder-and-the-meaning-life/201005/mental-disjunctions-why-do-women-find-handsome-men-so-fo

    Could it be biological that women are less visual about men?

    • It would help to do a grand experiment in which the male body is treated the way the female is in our society, and see what happens.

      Without evidence like that, who’s to say? But I doubt that women are biologically less visual about men.

      In the link you sent, I wonder if the women were more memorable because there is more variation in things like hairstyle and makeup? They didn’t comment on whether they put everyone’s hair in a ponytail and no makeup.

      • I think there is misunderstanding in being attracted visually vs attracted by personality.
        It’s not an “either or” kind of thing. It’s more likely a contimplentary. Imagine a man walking to a class or a bar or at work with women he doesn’t know. There are 20 new women and he wants to meet someone. He can’t possibly go and talk to all 20 women at the same time. He can only talk and ask a woman out at a time. So how does he set his priorities? by their personalities? He won’t know their personalities unless he talk to them and he won’t talk to them unless he knows their personalities? This is a “catch 22″. Should he talk to them in alphabetical order? that makes no sense. So he decides to approach a woman that he finds visually attractive. If they have compatible personalities, that’s great, if not, he moves on. That’s why men are “trained” to value women visually, to save valuable time. Men can’t try to date all the women they meet, so they go after those who find visually attractive.

        Now imagine conducting a social experiment. Setting a controlled environment, a bar-like setting with 20 men and 20 women, perfect strangers. Men are told to sit around waiting, and women are told to make the first move and approach the men and talk to them. So a given woman, has 20 men as option to approach. Whom she approaches first? She knows nothing about them, so he can’t approach them because of their personalities or their occupation or social status. The only way that she can evaluate stranger men and approach them is their physical appearance.
        If that was the norm then we would have the notion “women are more visual than men are”

        But women aren’t supposed to approach men and make the first move so women learned not to value men on their physical appearance.

      • Well, in some ways women are just as visual as men and in some ways they aren’t.

        Women care about looks nearly as much as men do, When it comes to people they don’t know very well (Same for men)

        Women are able to learn the breast fetish, so they clearly have the potential to be visual. But most women have probably repressed it, or get distracted by comparing how they look compared to other women, both of which make it go away. Still, A lot of women admit to experiencing it, and entertainment in places like Las Vegas reflect that both women and men learn it.

        The main reason women don’t experience the male body in a fetishized way is because the society doesn’t fetishize the male body.

      • I wasn’t talking about fetishizing bodies but about actually finding people visually attractive in real life.
        If women had to make the first move and approach men, how would they decide whether or not to approach a man they don’t know?
        What would their criteria be?
        But in the western society, women have learned not to approach men, they have learned to wait and be approached by men. Then women can value men on how they approach them and how they behave and how much of “doer” he is.
        Women are valued on “being” and men are valued on “doing”

      • But women care about looks nearly as much as men do, If you subtract the fetishized aspect.

  141. In speed dating events, women remain seated and men stand up and move to the next table.
    Some psychologists were studying the human sexuality -including notions such as why men are supposed to be lusting women and willing to say ‘yes’ whereas women are more picky and not that eager to say ‘yes’.

    They wondered what if the rules of speed dating were reversed, men remained seated and women rotated. So they set up fifteen speed-dating events with a total of three hundred and fifty women and men. At half of the gatherings, the men carried out the approaches. At the rest, when the bell sounded, the women took this part; in just this one momentary way, repeatedly over the course of an hour, traditional romantic roles were upended.
    The researchers asked the participants not only to check yes or no after each four-minute meeting but to rate their sexual feelings for every partner. The results were straightforward. Social structure—and maybe something imbedded physically in the act of initiating—altered perceptions, decisions, eros. Improbably, yet unmistakably, the shift took hold right away. The numbers were plain. When the women were the ones who moved near, they said yes as often, as indiscriminately, as the men. When the women were the ones who crisscrossed the room and closed in, their ratings of desire became just as lustful.
    So it’s biological because of testosterone levels but it seems to be social constructed.
    Men have to approach and women have to be passive.
    In some tribal societies it’s the women who make the approach and choose the man they desire.

    • Interesting dynamic. Something to think about.

      • The theory says that men have higher testosterone levels and that’s why they are more assertive and they approach women whereas women have lower testosterone levels so they are passive and they *can’t* approach men.
        But researches have found that in rhesus (a species of monkey) the females even though they have lower levels of testosterone, they are the ones who are responsible for every step of mating. The males, even though they have higher level of testosterone, they just sit around, posing and waiting. The females make the approach and they initiate the mating.
        So the theory of high and low levels of testosterone doesn’t sound to very accurate. It’s more likely social conditioned.
        After all in some tribal societies, women choose and pick the man they desire.

      • Yes, you’re right.

        Men can have high testosterone levels and not be aggressive, too.

        Testosterone also damages social skills and verbal skills. And yet we have Bill Clinton and Shakespeare.

        People often make too much of biological differences.

  142. As far the notion that men are more attracted to women than women are attracted to men and that men have higher sexual drives than women I don’t think that’s entirely true.
    I used to believe that but then I read some things that made me wonder.
    Let’s assume that men are very sexually attracted to women and enjoy having sex with women whereas women aren’t that much sexually attracted to men and they don’t enjoy having sex with men.
    But a man having sex with a woman isn’t that one that has to risk an unwanted pregnancy. So a man can take the good of having sex without risking much. It’s all pleasure with no cost.
    But a woman having sex with a man, she is risking 9 months of pregnancy and sticking with a baby. So having sex means that the pleasure must worth taking that risk otherwise women would never have sex with men.

    I have no idea how “being sexually attracted to a man” feels to women but I guess it has to be a really strong feeling to make women want to have sex with men.

    In Greek mythology, Tiresias was a blind prophet, who was transformed into a woman for seven years.
    He was drawn into an argument between Hera and her husband Zeus, on the theme of who has more pleasure in sex: the man, as Hera claimed; or, as Zeus claimed, the woman, as Tiresias had experienced both. Tiresias replied, “Of ten parts a man enjoys one only.”

    • “As far the notion that men are more attracted to women than women are attracted to men and that men have higher sexual drives than women I don’t think that’s entirely true.”

      I don’t think it is either.

      First, just because the male body isn’t fetishized doesn’t mean that women aren’t extremely attracted to men. Doesn’t mean that we can’t stop thinking about them, can’t eat, can’t sleep. And in some cultures the female body isn’t fetishized, So that experience would be similar for both men and women. Actually after a guy has seen a women naked a few times, so that the fetish has worn off with regard to her body, he can still be madly in love and can’t stop thinking about her, Can’t eat, can sleep… That’s how women experience attraction to men — or one way.

      I don’t know that there is any biological reason why women would have a lower sex drive. On the one hand, men have more testosterone, and twice as much of their brain is taken up with thoughts of sex, And those thoughts are triggered more quickly. On the other hand, Women have a greater capacity for multiple orgasm. And in sex-positive societies, where women’s bodies aren’t fetishized, the sexual interest of women and men, And sex drive, seem to be very similar.

      But in the United States and the Western world women’s sexuality is repressed more than men’s, and so it takes more to get women’s sex drive going.

  143. I found this post to be very interesting because when I first started reading, I caught myself answered women for most of the questions above. Simply because like you stated up there, most girls are often in love with the idea of “being in love” due to the affect of those Disney movies or the stereotype portray all over the media. But as I read more, I found that surprisingly studies show that men are more likely to be in love, fall in love at first sight, etc… and it occurred to me that it might be true due to men are more focusing on the appearance, but in my opinion, it might not love. What they feel could just be lust. Of course that doesn’t apply to all the men out there and yes I know this might sound bias but the same can goes for women. In our generation today, it is easy for people to fall in and out of love because we tend to focus more on the appearance, wealthiness, etc…
    Overall, I’m glad to know that these studies show a different side to our everyday stereotype about men and women. According to our social expectations today, men are supposed to be more heartless and unemotional while women are the opposite. I believe that social influences are what shaped our gender today.

  144. Jasmine Lopez Torres

    I found this post to be extremely surprising considering the disposition I had towards the questions that were asked in the beginning of the post.While I was asking the questions in my head, I immediately thought that the questions were going to be targeted towards women’s feelings and that every woman falls in love first and is also more prone to “falling in love at first sight”. It just goes to show how more and more expressive women act throughout time and I actually liked the details on how this post emphasized how less oppressed women are in our culture in comparison to some countries and how strong the are portrayed. This post made me question some of my beliefs as well and where I would stand if any of my beliefs were antagonizing of the facts in the post or were in line with the questions in the post.It kind of made me go deeper into what I value. The women that would be the epitome of the questions seem like they would be the type of women who are less experienced with relationships so I think the post was aimed towards men who are more sensitive and women who have tasted the poison of love and are looking for a better partner or a compatible partner to live the rest of their lives with even if they’re not in love. I think that younger girls are the type of humans who belief in true love lasting forever and such, most pre-teens and teens fall captive to the illusions of love. I think this is where the stereotypes of the questions stemmed from.Nonetheless, the post was very informative and amusing. This made me appreciate just how much and deep I love because according to the post, not a lot of people can find it. And it really got me thinking about my first love. My first love was really some insignificant boy when it should’ve been myself. All in all, may love abound.

  145. I can see how women are perceived as picky and men just have a few “do’s and don’ts” when it comes to falling in love. I actually see it all the time with my friends. I don’t know, maybe I have really wimpy guy friends or they’re just hopeless romantics. But this is post relationship, so it’s after the break-up, thats when I notice the change in the attitude of men. I figure their change in attitude(being an asshole) is caused by the pain of the break-up because they were very much in love. I also see it as a defense mechanism to defend themselves from that pain again. While women just moves on to more stable men. So as time passes by more heart breaks for the male ruins their view of love and loveless relationships for the female causes her unhappiness. I believe this is where the stereotype of the female being the damage soul shed become has now learned that she needs love and the male who has been disappointed by love has turned his back on it. So my point is, an unexperienced man is likely to fall in love faster and a woman with no experience in a relationship is likely to search for a stable man BUT a man with experience is likely to play around with no strings attach while the woman with experience is likely to look for love. Thinking about my relationship now with my boyfriend I’d say “the gap” is closing. I feel ashamed when he pays for our food or when he buys me clothes because I want to show him that I don’t care for his money I just love spending time with him. I also don’t want to be dependent on man because of my experiences with them, I learned that most of them aren’t dependable and that I should learn to stand on my own for my sake.

  146. I mainly answered men for all the questions. Why? I’ve noticed that many girls I talk to look for something special in a guy. While most of the guys go for looks and someone to have fun with. Most men don’t think of the future they only thing of the present while most women think of their future and who they want by their side. Women tend to look for guys who seemed to have a secure and stable life, especially if they want children in the future. Some women aren’t looking for someone to have fun with they want someone they can rely on when they need it the most.

  147. I read a comment by a female user on the internet which made a lot of sense.
    It was something like this
    “if women weren’t visually attracted to men, then there wouldn’t be so many good looking male movie stars”

    • Of course women are visually attracted to men. Another example is the descriptions given of men in romance novels. They’re always very attractive.

      There just isn’t anything fetishy about them. So women rarely masturbate to images of nude men — which is why there’s so much visual pornography out there for men, while Playgirl went bankrupt.

      • Fetishes, porn and fantasies are one thing but real life attraction is another thing.
        Women “supposedly” don’t approach men or they don’t initiate contact with an attractive man. That’s probably not because there isn’t anything fetishy about men but because of “gender roles”. Women learned not to talk to men otherwise they might look desperate or sluttish.
        But should we assume that in real life a good looking man catches women’s eyes just like a good looking woman catches men’s eyes?

      • 1) Women definitely don’t approach men very often because of gender roles
        2) A good-looking man will catch a woman’s eye
        3) the male body has not been fetishized, and women rarely if ever have a fetishized response to the male body. That’s why Playgirl went bankrupt while porn directed at men proliferates — and why Women don’t tend to favor two-minute porn clips.

  148. The idea that men fall in love faster than women really fascinated me. The reasoning behind it made absolute sense. Men are more and normally only concerned on the woman’s looks, hence the statement love at first sight. It’s interesting to think that while a male has a already fallen for you and has become more committed to a relationship, that the woman is merely testing things out to determine if there is more than just a physical attraction to the male. Men I have dated normally become more emotionally connected to the relationship a lot sooner than I do. When he is showing interest in me meeting his friends and family and spending a decent amount of time together, I feel like I fall under that category of woman considering other outside factors to his personality. I tend to take everything into consideration. I don’t have a unique “type”, I can honestly say while having good looks would be nice, they are the least of my concern as long is the individual has a great personality.

  149. I don’t know for sure if men falls in love faster than women. I believe it can go both ways depending on that person. I can say this as a woman. There’s no way in the world I can fall in love at first sight. Maybe lust. Can one really say its love at first sight? I remember meeting this very attractive man and not a doubt cross my mind that he wasn’t the man of my dreams. After dating him a few months all the time we spent together was perfect until the first time he told me he loved me. I was shocked and scared. I ask him how could you say you love me and we have been only dating a short time. He than became angry and said “I know what my heart feels” since that discussion things had changed between us. He became mentally abusive, really mean to me, and not wanting me to go anywhere without him. I realized he was the worst person I have ever been met. I believe love grows overtime and not in one day.

  150. When I read the opening questions, I thought some of them applied to women falling in love faster than men. The phrase “falling in love” was probably why I went in the opposite direction from the answers, because it is a frequent connotation of women who stereotypically become infatuated with a partner too fast for their wits. Since I’m against that stereotype, I agree that men fall in love faster then women. Men are generally more visual than women, therefore the “love at first sight” is more applicable to them, as well as their hope that it will last. If female cortexes are highly developed and male cortexes are not, then the parts of the male brain that control emotion must be more powerful. Therefore, an attractive woman a man sees and hears will trigger a faster, more direct emotional response from his brain that involves his sexuality.

    As a side note, I would like to add that maybe the better term for a man’s “love” should sometimes be replaced with “lust.” A man can interpret “love” as real connections or sex fantasies. I wonder if all men and women in the study have similar definitions of “love,” because if they don’t then the study would not be entirely accurate, wouldn’t it?

  151. Men who fall in love at first sight are most likely filled with a rush of lust that will most likely run out sooner than later. Relationships based on this type of meeting are most likely to burn out in the long run but some might turn from lust to love. I believe that both men and women are looking for love but it all depends in the place someone is in life and what beliefs have been instilled into them by their parents. Women weeding out the unwanted men as partners might seem harsh and shallow but it is progress for women in a way. While men might eliminate certain women due to their physical appearance, women can now do the same but with other categories in the mix. In the past women might have been stuck with an unwanted partner because of financial need or a certain dependency. Now a day’s women have the ability to take care of themselves and live without the rescue of prince charming.

  152. I am glad to know that the gap is closing. I never realized just how much I have internalized the notion that women should marry for stability rather than love. All too often I will hear a girl say “I want to grow up and marry a rich man”. There is no one saying “I want to grow up and support myself” or “My duty is to financially support my husband and kids”. These thoughts enforce the idea that women are lesser than men. Men are the go getters. Men are the ones who can choose their partner for love. In a way it seems like marrying someone for love is more like a privilege than a choice.

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