“Cock” vs “Down There”
When I ask students what they call a penis and a vagina in everyday words, two responses stand out: “cock” and “down there.”
The difference is telling. Cock: Cocky, proud, boastful, swaggering, self-satisfied. Image of a strutting cock, er, rooster.
But “down there”? Unspeakable. Embarrassing. Shameful.
Male sexuality is something to brag about, while female sexuality is something to hide.
The difference is reflected in Zestra’s difficulty getting ads on TV for a product that arouses women’s sexuality – while songs of “Viva Viagra” fill the airwaves.
The New York Times reports that TV networks, national cable stations, radio stations, and Web sites like Facebook and WebMD have all resisted airing ads for Zestra. Some agreed to broadcast ads in the early morning when most people are asleep. Others wanted disclaimers: “Not for people under 18.” Most felt that no amount of tweaking could make the ad suitable.
Many stations want to remove the words sex and arousal. Yet “An erection lasting more than four hours” is O.K.?
The manufacturer believes the resistance comes from our culture’s discomfort with women’s sexuality.
Meanwhile, normal processes of the vagina are shrouded in secrecy. Ads for one brand of sanitary napkins simply said, “Modess … Because.” Ok, that was the 70s. But even today women are embarrassed when tampons fall from their purses. Ever hear anyone say they had a “visit from Aunt Flow” when their period started?
Because female sexuality is deemed dirtier, more evil and more unspeakable, insulting slang for the vagina packs a bigger punch than slang for a penis.
Call a man a dick, and you’ve called him an idiot. Dictionary definition of dork: a whale’s penis. So a dork is a giant penis – an even bigger idiot.
But a cunt cuts deeper, moving into deeper disgrace.
Whether “down there” or “cunt,” it’s just degrees of shame.
We think that women will enjoy sex as much as men? In this atmosphere? It’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Georgia Platts
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A version of this article was originally posted on Sept. 30, 2010
Posted on March 28, 2011, in body image, feminism, gender, men, psychology, sex, sexism, women and tagged cock, culture, feminism, gender, language, men, Modess...Because, sex, sexism, slang for penis, slang for vagina, Viagra, women, Zestra. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.
I find this topic entertaining, because honestly- compared to my own female part- I find the male body part to be somewhat shocking. Sometimes it reminds me of “alien” popping out of a ribcage. I am attracted to men, but I can’t stop imagining a scene of gunfire and speilburg’s famous alien prop from coming into vision.
In truth, both can be “shocking” for their differences- depending on your exposure or preference to either parts. It only makes sense it would frighten or spur either gender if they were firstly exposed to the other’s part, with being comfortable with their own part first because it’s attached to them, and well, if you look in the mirror- it’s probably what you’re used to. Seeing a penis or vagina is like comparing totally different looking aliens here.
But speaking about mainstream society- I’d have to agree that there’s a strange and often demeaning comparison of sex parts. I’ve heard females sex organs, called “stank” and… other parts treated like… well, like parts. Not like part of a whole or of a person. This is less than an object. Very very demeaning.
I think there should be more developed sex-ed classes centered around being more comfortable about sex, sexuality, and sex parts. Not being exposed to it earlier in my life made it “not normal”, shocking even, when I became older. It should be “normal”; it’s the way we reproduce… and even connect with someone else. I mean, I wish I had a class like that during Highschool or College- because there was definitely lack of it. Instead we had a system telling boys and girls just to stay ‘abstinent’ and then you’d have to worry less. If I’m in a sex-ed class in the first place, I’d like to learn about sex too, not just how to prevent it and STD’s. Although obviously, learning about STD’s is a huge part of sex.
You have great points that you’re citing here.
I mean, naturally, men have a wicked sex drive- the need for having sex is great when men produce so much sperm and testosterone. I think those polls are very accurate- somewhat because of wrinkles emitting character- but also for a primal need to spread the seed’ you know. It’s very strong when you’ve got a body designed to do it, and sex on the brain. Which is why I’m so thankful for birth control and condoms, it’s definitely changed human lifestyle- the playing fields are more open.
Thanks for your support!
I have never realized this until you said it but now I see it. Penises are seen as good things but when you think of a vagina you automatically think ew. You hear people say the word dick all over but you rarely hear somebody say vagina. Also just comparing words for private parts of men vs women you can see how condescending the names for vaginas are. For example, names for vaginas include beaver, banana basket, black hole, cock pit, cum dumpster, fish taco, grand canyon, fur burger, mud flaps, pink eye, sausage eater, poon, stench trench, etc. Words for penises include anaconda, big fella, chew toy, clit commander, happy pole, hooded warrior, light saber, man’s best friend, package, python of pleasure, pussy tamer, throbbing manhood, etc. The names for a vagina are mostly derogatory towards women but the names for a penis are not only positive towards men but also negative towards women such as cunt crammer.
I find this topic quite interesting, mostly because of how true it is! Girls are always taught to be embarrassed and ashamed about their sexuality, and that it’s not lady-like to speak about it so openly, hence terms like “down-there”. Boys on the other hand have always found this topic a very open one, that they can discuss freely, and even be proud and boastful about. Boys are always very vocal about matters pertaining to sexuality and in my experience, it is mostly males that use the terms listed above, both the ones referring to males and females, and I find it very interesting that a lot of the time it is not seen as “proper” for females to use some of these words, while men often have no restrictions on the subject.
I can relate to this article because growing up I was always taught to be a lady, sit with your legs crossed, don’t share details about your period or your sexuality. Those were just things that you kept to yourself. But I always thought that’s how it was for men and women, that those were things you just kept private between you and your partner, or just kept to yourself. But once I got into college I realized that men are very proud about how many women they’ve slept with, or how long their erection could last. While women just keep quiet. I’m generally a private person, so I usually tend to keep things to myself but I don’t think I should be ashamed if I wanted to share things. I understand that women have always been put under men, but you would think in this day in age that we would be so far ahead that things like talking about your sex life whether you are a man or a woman wouldn’t matter. I have friends that are men and they can sit there and talk about penis’s but a comment about a vagina could be made and they freak out. This is how society is, which is crazy considering we are supposed to be living in a society that is constantly changing supposedly for the better.